For the next few weeks, San and Mr. Jung had gotten closer. So close to the point where Mr. Jung insisted that San call him Wooyoung, instead of by honorifics. Wooyoung often talked to San just as a friend, to build their relationship so that San would eventually be able to tell him why he was so lacking in confidence.
But while they were building the friendship, San was also starting to get very nervous about his next album drop, which was happening in a few weeks. The MV was about to start being shot and Hongjoong, San's producer, was trying to get him to relax.
"San, will you just listen to me for once?" Hongjoong spoke, grabbing the idol by his elbow as he was walking into the dance studio via the back door.
"Joongie, listen to me," San spoke, pulling his arm away, "Wooyoung-ssi is helping me. I'm...I feel more confident when he's around. There's no harm in asking him to teach me the choreo instead of the other teacher."
Hongjoong let out a sigh and took San's arm again, pulling him further away from the door.
"San, please. You don't know anything about him. Hell, he could be younger than you! Besides, how long has he even been teaching you? A few weeks? A month? Why would you ask him to teach you the choreo he doesn't know when you have a teacher that's perfectly good, who designed the dance, waiting for you back at the company?"
San shook his head and pulled his arm away again.
"You don't get it."
"No, you don't get it, San!" Hongjoong was at his wits' end. "Wooyoung, Mr. Jung, whatever you call him, isn't your choreographer and your teacher alone! He's got much better things to do than to go with some stupid idol to teach him the choreography for one song! You're taking things away from him, think about it, San!"
The idol went silent. He stared at his producer for a moment before asking, "How long have we known each other?"
Hongjoon rolled his eyes but chose to answer the question, "About ten years."
"You supported my dream as an idol before I debuted, didn't you?" San asked, "And I supported your dream as a songwriter and producer, didn't I?"
"What's your point?" the producer asked, annoyed.
The idol felt like he was going to start crying at any moment.
"Do you really think that I'm stupid?" he asked, his voice softening and his head hanging downwards, "Do you think I made a mistake being an idol? Do you think I'm not good enough for this?"
Hongjoong sighed and ran a hand through his hair.
"Sannie, you know that's not what I meant," he spoke, stepping closer to San only for the male to step backwards, "I just want you to know that your best shot at improving for your comeback is waiting in the company studio back at the company."
San shook his head and stepped back again.
"You don't know what's best for me..." San whispered, his hands grabbing the opposite forearms and he turned and headed inside the studio.
Hongjoong cursed himself silently and decided to let San rest for the moment, to calm down, before he went in there to talk some sense into him.
San, on the other hand, walked like a child that had been left out in the cold towards the private practice room only to find it locked and the light off. He went back to the large practice room, where a class was being taught, and peered in through the glass doors.
Wooyoung was teaching a room full of aspiring dancers his song.
Wooyoung was playing San's song and teaching the group how to dance along to it. But where San felt like he looked clumsy dancing on stage to the song, everyone in the room was so comfortable and happy learning the moves.
"And that's it. As you can see, the song's beat is basic and the moves are relatively easy to do, since they repeat themselves with only minor changes every verse and every chorus," Wooyoung spoke, "Plenty of wiggle room to do whatever you want with it."
San didn't realize how painful it was to hear how his song was "basic" and "easy" until it came out of Wooyoung's mouth.
He remembered all the hard work that had gone into that song, into his song. He had stayed in the practice room long after he was allowed to in order to get better at the dance because when he started, it was like he was a snail with two feet.
It was so uncomfortable for him to dance, he considered just singing the song instead.
He thought that was at least a stable part for him, right? He was strong in that regard, hell he'd been scouted because of his voice. But Wooyoung said the song's beat was basic.
That song was the first song that San had done without Hongjoong's help.
Tears threatened to spill at the sound of his heart tearing. He had worked so hard...
But he had been frozen to the spot, waiting for Wooyoung to notice him. Waiting for some confidence, any confidence to come back.
Wooyoung was laughing with some of his students when he slowly turned to see a painful face leaning against the wall outside, just barely still in his eyesight. He knew who it was and he felt a certain panic rise in his throat.
Coughing for a moment, Wooyoung told the class to practice San's song and that he would be back momentarily. He walked to the door and grabbed his keys on the way out, leaving his backpack and his water bottle on the floor by the door.
He closed the door to the practice room behind him and quickly turned to see if San was still here. His eyes found the idol walking towards the back exit, making his heart pound.
Wooyoung ran towards San and quickly pulled him into a tight back-hug when he got to him. He thought that the idol would welcome it, would turn around and cry into his arms whatever he had read or heard, whatever those bastards online said about him.
But San was struggling to get out of Wooyoung's arms. He kept trying to walk but the dancer's arms were linked in front of him tightly, so he would just drag Wooyoung with him whenever he wanted to step.
The tears were falling lightly onto his cheeks and San felt his strength crumple along with his legs, causing him to drop suddenly and force Wooyoung to hold him up.
"San, what's going on? What happened?" the teacher questioned, "I'm here for you, San."
"No you're not..."
"What?" Wooyoung couldn't believe his ears. He'd never once heard San retaliate against anyone, not once.
"You're not here for me," San spoke in a louder voice, although it was cracking under the lack of confidence, "You're hired to teach me how to dance, you're not my friend! And even if you were...you're paid to spend time with me. You're looking out for yourself!"
Wooyoung was confused. Where was any of this coming from? He liked being around San, despite his attitude when they first met, and he wanted to get to know the boy more. He wanted to help San improve not only as a dancer but as a person.
He thought that was clear to the idol.
"What are you talking about?" Wooyoung asked, his hand against San's beating heart in an effort to keep him standing.
"Don't think I didn't hear you!" San snapped bitterly, "Everything I do is basic, isn't it?"
The realization smacked Wooyoung in the face like a splash of cold water and he was desperate to do everything to make it warm again.
His voice became filled with anxiety and he started to talk quickly, "San, I didn't mean it like that. I was just teaching them how to dance, it's only that class's third lesson and--"
"Christ, San!"
Wooyoung looked to see Hongjoong jogging down the hallway towards San. The producer knew who Wooyoung was, they knew each other for a little while when Hongjoong was helping produce songs for underground rappers.
But at this moment in time, the only person that he needed to worry about was San.
Hongjoong threw his arm around the waist of the idol and pulled him into his chest, San lowering his head and letting his strength give up on him. The producer gasped and struggled with the help of Wooyoung to get San into his arms.
It wasn't that San was heavy, it was that San was not working in his favor whatsoever.
"Hongjoong, I--"
"Don't, Wooyoung," Hongjoong said, pulling the idol tight into his chest, "Now isn't the time. Help me get into the car in the alley, would you?"
Wooyoung closed his mouth and tried to reply but Hongjoong was already walking away.
"Wooyoung! Now please!"
The dancer hurried after Hongjoong and opened the back door, only for the producer to be staring at an empty alley.
No car.
"What...?"
"Where's the car?" Wooyoung questioned, looking around.
Hongjoong shrugged and replied, "I thought San's manager was supposed to stay with him wherever San went, for his safety. We don't have any bodyguards for him at the moment so his manager's supposed to protect him..."
Wooyoung was brought back to the conversation he had with San. Where San said he had to run away from fans because his manager wasn't there and he didn't have a bodyguard.
"I...do you want me to call a taxi or..."
A loud conversation coming from down the hall caught Hongjoong's attention and he turned back into the building.
"Looks like we're staying here for a little bit!"
Wooyoung took them to the personal loft that was above the studio, bought and furnished by the owners of the studio for the teachers who would often stay way later than everyone else to perfect moves. Hongjoong was thankful for Wooyoung's help but it was probably better that San was left alone, so he left San on the couch, his phone on the coffee table and a blanket covering him.
The producer and teacher then both left, Hongjoong staying on the stairs outside the loft while Wooyoung returned to his class.
And while he was teaching, Wooyoung felt a dull, throbbing ache surface.
San was right upstairs, in pain, and alone with his thoughts.
What a terrifying thing.
But that pain, everything that Wooyoung had worked to solve in San's life, had been torn down by the fact that he was so arrogant that he had accidentally bashed on his favorite student's own song.
How could he have been so careless?