Sarai' Morgan
Five days. It's been five long days since I've last seen Jabri. To say the least, I was losing my damn mind. All my calls and texts were going unanswered and I was worried like hell. So, I had come to my last resort.
His mother.
Reem and Tez had told me that they hadn't spoken to or seen him either, and that was unusual. Whenever we had some sort of falling out, Jabri always kept in contact. But this time was different, which was unlike him.
"Hello?" His mother answered the phone. "Hi...Mama Nita. It's Sarai'." I greeted with a smile. "Hey baby, how are you?" I could hear the smile in her voice too. "I'm fine and yourself?" I returned. "Just old baby, what's up?" She laughed. "Uh...has Jabri been around?" My nerves were all over the place thinking about what could possibly be wrong.
"I haven't seen that boy since last week. What has he done now?" Her tone was already knowing which made me giggle. She knew her son was hardheaded as hell. "He's not returning any of my calls or texts." I told her. She sighed. "That boy is a mess. I knew that he would push you away." She sounded so disappointed.
Maybe calling this break wasn't the best thing to do right now.
I thought I was making the right decision at the time. But, seeing how things were playing out, I'm starting to think otherwise. It wasn't my intention to make him feel alone. I loved him and I would be there for him every step of the way. Honestly, I was just overwhelmed. Scared, even. The sudden change in his behavior gave me vibes similar to Q.
Although, Jah was nothing like him, under the influence, he wasn't himself either. I was used to him being slightly aggressive but that was only during sex. Even still, he never did too much to where I felt uncomfortable. I was just trying to prevent things from getting worse. "He can't be blamed for all of it. I should've just-" Before I could finish, she was hushing me up.
"Don't you blame yourself either, Sarai'. Jabri is grown and he makes his own decisions. Most times he doesn't listen to anyone and that's his problem. You can't love him if he doesn't allow you to baby." Her honestly brought tears to my eyes. I was saying the same thing to myself. "I love him...I truly do and I don't want him to think I'm giving up on him. Because I'm not." Even through tears I meant every word.
"Now that I do know," She giggled a little, making me smile. "Sometimes you have to pull back a little because if you give too much of yourself to others, what do you have left for you?" Those words made me think. "I've done it before and it's exhausting." I sniffled a little, wiping a tear.
"He never blatantly ignores me." I whined. "Me either. It's not like him to not come by or at least call me. I would be the first person he'd call when in trouble. But, something's changed." She sighed sadly. "He hasn't been himself for months." I kept quiet because I'm sure he didn't tell her what had happened. As far as I knew, only his dad and I knew about that.
"Whatever it is, I'm praying that God sees him through it. One thing I can assure you is that he loves you. His pride is just in the way, he'll realize soon." I needed that reassurance. "Thank you so much Mama Nita. If he does come by, can you tell him to at least let me know he's alive." I chuckled but I was serious. "I will baby. Don't let his ass stress you." We shared a laugh before saying our goodbyes. Just as I hung up, I got a notification that he had posted on Instagram.
EastsideJah: They ask whatchu do to numb pain? Get high 💨
Although he looked fine as hell, I was annoyed by his caption. That was his problem. From the looks of it, it didn't seem like he took anything I said into consideration. But then again, I wouldn't know because I hadn't seen or talked to him. Like always, I was drowning myself in work, barely getting any sleep. Not hearing from him was weighing heavy on my mind but I wanted to give him that space.
"Babygiiirlll." I was so deep in my thoughts that I didn't hear my parents come in. "What are you guys doing here?" I stood from the couch to help them in. "It's cold as shit out there." My father shook a bit, pulling his gloves off. "Mi God." My mother complained as she blew into her hands. "My birthday isn't until two days." I said. "Baby mi push yuh out, mi kno." Mommy laughed. "We came early because the snow might get worse and we've never missed a birthday." Daddy informed.
"I won't be here on my birthday." Jabri hadn't said anything about cancelling the trip, so we were still going. I didn't know where we were going, but we were going. Talking or not, this was for my birthday. "Weh yuh deh going?" Mom asked as she went over to wash her hands. It didn't take her long to get comfortable, she was already lighting the stove to make tea.
"Surprise trip...Jabri is taking me." I smiled. "You do know that if you come back pregnant, I'll have to shoot him." Daddy threatened with a straight face. "Kofi." Mommy warned in her infamous tone. "It's true." He shrugged off her stare. "Daddy, we are not even having sex." I lied straight through my teeth. Sex. Great damn sex that I had been deprived of for five days. I knew he was mad, but he couldn't be that mad.
He knew I needed to be on his face five days ago.
"Good. Keep it that way." Mommy and I stole glances at each other because she knew I was lying. She wouldn't give me up though. "Weh he?" Mommy asked, instantly making my somber mood come back. "He's not talking to me." I admitted. "What did you do?" Daddy emphasized. "Maybe I should just talk to mom about it." I bit my lip nervously.
"We're both here...you might need both sides." Daddy inquired smoothly. "What's wrong baby?" Mommy came over with a cup of tea for me. She sat beside my dad and put her feet in his lap, giving me her undivided attention. "I called a break and now I think I've pushed him away. I thought I was making the right decision but now he's not answering me." I was getting worked up again.
"What happened?" Daddy asked, making me swallow hard. I didn't want to reveal Jah's demons to him because then he might think I was in trouble. But I had to be honest to get the advice I was looking for. "Jabri is having a hard time facing his demons, so he's been using drugs; percs specifically, to cope. When I asked him about it, he lied to me twice. It's just been really hard to get him to open up. He feels that I'll judge him and leave, but I haven't. So, he pushes me away because he thinks he doesn't deserve me." I spoke all at once.
"Just like yuh fada." Mommy was the first to say something. "We never told you all this but your mother witnessed me end someone's life. I won't get into details but, just like you...she had a choice to stay or leave. Clearly, she chose to stay but she also changed the way I went about things." I knew my father had done some things but hearing him say it, brought chills to my body.
Why did Kofi Morgan have to be so honest?
"That's when I separated that life from the one I was building with your mother. The difference is, I feel no sympathy for people that do harm to family or business. So, dwelling on it isn't something I do. Sage catching me is what shook me the most. I was worried about her leaving me too because she had saw me in a rage. So, I get where he's coming from." Daddy explained in debt. "Us men have too much pride and ego. You can tell us one thing but we hear something else, that's just how we work." He shrugged, making me roll my eyes.
Men.
"Did you have to keep assuring him that you would stay? I can't recall you guys ever taking a break." I wondered as I looked to Mommy. She nodded. "Of course.
That's wah mek him wuk harda to kip it away." She giggled. "Yuh cya sey it all day but him ave to really feel dat. Fi him insecurities speaking louda dan yuh promise." Mommy said what I had been telling Jabri. His insecurities and fears are causing him to push me away.
"Why did you feel the need to call a break right now?" Daddy randomly asked. I shrugged, looking down at my hands in my lap. "I-I don't know. I just thought we needed it. He isn't himself and I'm overwhelmed by all that's going on. I am deeply in love with him and that scares me." I admitted to them.
I was scared.
Scared that he would began to put me before himself. Scared that he would do anything to keep me happy without focusing on his needs. I never wanted a man to love me more than he did himself because then that would cause even bigger problems. I was afraid that Jah would continue to use me as a distraction and continue to numb his pain. I just wanted him to have a clear mind and the motivation to get himself together for him not for me.
"Luv scary an it gets haad sometimes. Yuh calling dis break ongle proves dat youre doing di same. You're fraid fi let him luv yuh too." Mommy smiled at me. "Wh-what?" I stuttered. "Him didn't tell yuh him couldnt handle yuh an fi him demons at di same time. Yuh mek dat choice fi him." I frowned because I hadn't actually thought about it that way.
I was doing the same thing.
Pushing him away because I felt overwhelmed. I just assumed that it was the best move instead of giving him a chance to make that decision. Not only that, but I didn't feel that I was of any help right now. He didn't believe that I loved him and everything that came with him, so what else could I have offered?
"I'm not saying that calling a break was wrong but speaking from experience, I would feel alone. You didn't break it off with him but that's what he thinks. You both run when it gets a little too much and that's not helping either of you." Daddy paused to chuckle. "The lying I don't approve of but I understand why he did it. As men, we want to mask any pain and put on a front like we have it all together. You too Babygirl, just like your mother." He called me out.
"You know what I did when your mother tried to get a break from me?" He smiled a little as my mother looked over at him. "I got her pregnant and proposed." He laughed. "Mi did bamboozled." Mommy commented with a giggle, making me laugh. Jabri hadn't said anything about trapping me. We didn't use a condom the last time we had sex but that was only because we were feeling it and in the moment.
Besides, I took a plan B when I returned home.
"Wid two of yuh." Mommy scoffed playfully. "There was no way she could say no, right?" Daddy was getting a kick out of this. "I bought us a house and we lived happily ever after." He cheesed. "I don't do breaks. Breaks give other men a opportunity to slide in, which is what Jabri is thinking." I whined aloud.
"Daddy, stop it." He was making me sound like a horrible person. "I'm just being honest Babygirl, telling you from a man's point of view." He said. "So, he's going to start seeing someone else?!" The thought of that made me want to get dressed and pull up on him. I wish the fuck he would, then he would see the true island girl I was. "Baby he's hurt nuh stupid." Mommy cut in, making me feel a little better. Still, just the thought of another woman taking my place bothered me.
"Him loves yuh suh he'll si dat yuh did dis to help him nuh harm him." She advised. "But you two have to communicate without boundaries. Which means, that insecurities should be addressed. He has to know your angle on things just as well as you have to know his. You both can't just make hasty decisions because it then becomes tricky. A man's impulsiveness is completely different from a woman's, especially when drugs are involved." I stayed quiet, just taking in all the information they gave me.
I had a lot to think about...not to mention, discuss with Jabri. "Reactions are bound to be surprising when emotions are high. You cool off then come back together to sort it out, yeah? Maybe you both needed this time to get a new perspective." Daddy inquired with a shrug. "Maybe." I spoke lowly. That was another way I could look at it. My intentions were pure but maybe even a little selfish.
I didn't listen to Dub's advice at all.
"Ow wud dis trip work? Yuh even still going?" Mommy's face scrunched in confusion. "He better not cancel my trip." I sassed. "You're going to confuse that boy." Daddy laughed. "You broke up with him, remember ?" Daddy teased. "I did not." I argued. "He doesn't know that." I rolled my eyes at Daddy. "Mommy." I whined. "Kofi, stop it." She nudged him with her foot as he laughed.
"Don't listen to yuh fada." She told me. "No but really Babygirl, you guys need to figure it out from here. If this thing is going last, you guys have to change your methods. Healthy communication is key." I nodded, agreeing with him. He was right. We both had to love each other unconditionally and work on our communication skills.
"If you keep shutting each other out, how would you know if it's meant to be? Let it take its course." Those words cut deep. I never allowed anything to take its course because that meant that I didn't have control. But, I guess I no longer had a choice if I wanted us to work.
—
Jabri Hampton
"You still ignoring her man?" Reem asked as I declined another call from Rai'. "Fuck yeah. I'm mad." I grumbled. It had been almost a week since I seen Rai'. I was iggin' all her calls and messages cus' I felt like she just said fuck me. I wasn't even stalking her gram and I was famous for that shit. I just posted on my personal and business page and kept it moving.
A nigga was hurt.
"How she expect me to feel yo? A fucking break? What the fuck is a break? A break up, right? Right." I answered my own damn question. Reem laughed. "That's what you heard J, not what she said." He claimed. "Same shit. How the fuck you cut me off when you see what I'm going through?" I wasn't seeing how this break made sense. "You don't think this is hard to handle for her?" He asked. "Yeah but why we gotta break up? Fuck." I screwed my face up.
"I'm just saying man, look at it from her side. You can't blame her for getting on ya case. You were wrong for lying and acting outta character. What you expect her to do?" I sucked my teeth. "I expect her to stand by her man and help him get through the shit. Not let me go cus' she think that it's best for me." I shot back quickly.
"How? If you push her away when she try to be there for you? You told me yaself that she love you for who you are." He added. "Cus' man...we come from two different worlds. She can easily go get a suit and tie nigga, cus' she ain't gotta deal with the extra shit." I just felt that in my heart. It would be easy for her to walk away if she wanted to cus' I wasn't her type anyway.
Me already not being what she expected, followed by the bad shit I did, I knew I wasn't for her. Shit, she was too good for me too. But, I loved her and that shoulda been enough for her to stick with me. Revealing all the shit she thought she could handle only came back to bite me in my ass.
"You know you my bro, so I'ma keep it a hunnid with you. Those insecurities are showing J. You making up shit based off ya feelings, instead of listening to what she's telling you." I remained quiet, letting him speak. "You put it all out there and she ain't walk away yet. And somehow that's telling you that she still gone leave you? I'm confused." He laughed, making me tight.
Wasn't shit funny.
"Why was it so easy for her to call a break then? If it was that Q nigga, she woulda stuck by his ass!" I was tight now. He was worse than me in my eyes and she ain't give up on him. "That's something you gotta ask her, man. It could be a lot to deal with though J. And on top of that, you were lying and popping pills. You know you not the same when you high. You probably scared her." I licked over my lips and shook my head.
"Man, she know that. I told her that I would never hurt her. I can stop the pills man." I told him. "Then why haven't you?" He shot back. "Cus' they helping me." I know it didn't seem like it to everybody else but they were. I could sleep and the pain was nonexistent. "Clearly, it's hurting you more than helping. How can't you see that? You not even trying to do other shit to cope. What happened to therapy?" He wondered.
"Shit don't work." I shrugged. "And you know this after a half ass session? I would call a break from ya ass too if you not even trying to fix ya shit. All she asking is for you to get ya shit together and you can't even man up and do that." He shook his head at me, making me feel a way. "At least put in the effort. How you expect to take care of business when you high and missing appointments? Fucking up ya money and shit." He fussed at me.
"You can't be the man you need to be when you out of it J. That's how I know something ain't right. It's messing with ya money now." He was right. This 'break' ain't do shit but make me feel worse than I did before. I was high every hour of the day. I would be in the middle of sketching and doze right the fuck off. I wasn't keeping up with nothing, not even Corey. He left with Rai' that night and I ain't seen him since.
She had texted me and told me she got in contact with his people in Louisiana but I hadn't cared enough to make the call. He could stay wherever he was for now until I did so. "I feel like you backpedaling. You were even worse when Freaky passed. We don't need you back in that state. You gotta give it up and you don't gotta do that alone." He looked at me.
"I know." I replied. "Rai' wants what's best for you but you gotta want that too. You gone lose her for good if you don't compromise. Her still being with you after the shit you told her should tell you all you need to know. You shouldn't even be second guessing her decision. You cherish a woman like that. She will let ya ass go for cheating but not offing two niggas?! That's a different breed." He continued.
"You keep talking about two different worlds but she showing you that y'all can coexist in each other's." I never thought about it that way. I was trying so hard to keep the street shit away from her but she already knew the game. Still, I didn't wanna involve her on nothing close to it. "You not thinking man and it's because of the pills. You love her right?" He asked as I responded quickly. "Too much." I replied honestly. I actually felt somewhat depressed not being in her presence.
No female ever made me feel this crazy.
"That should be enough for you to get ya shit straight. If you love her then you gotta show her that. Own up to ya shit, he honest with yaself and her. This break was meant to help you, not hurt you. And if you keep looking at it from one side, you won't see it that way." His advice always stuck in my head but this conversation hit different. I still felt angry about this break but maybe I could use it to better myself.
"Shit ain't just gon' change over night man." I told him. "She knows that. We all do." He responded. "But, you gotta really try J. Not just say it but do it." I nodded as he stood. We dapped and shared a brotherly hug before he left my crib. I plopped back on the couch and grabbed my phone, scrolling through the contact list. My thumb hovered over Mrs. Teylor's name as I contemplated whether to call or not.
"Fuck it." I locked my phone and tossed it aside. Reaching in front of me, I grabbed my blunt and lighter, going back into my comfort zone. My mind had been in many places these last few days and I didn't know what my next move was. Hearing Pop's and Reem's side had me thinking that I actually was the problem. And maybe Rai' noticed that, that's why she cut me off.
I know they was tryna tell me that it was otherwise, but my mind wouldn't let me believe that. I truly think I fucked up this time and there was no coming back from it. Her birthday was in two days and we still wasn't on good terms, which left me feeling crazy. Was she still gon' go on the trip? Should I cancel it? I didn't know.
The only thing I did know was that I had to talk to her in order to find out. I still wanted her to enjoy herself cus' I planned this for her and I was excited about it. But if we weren't together, I didn't wanna take this trip with her forreal. I couldn't be around her knowing that we was on a break, or whatever the fuck this was. It was all or nothing now, and we both had to choose.
This was my last time putting it all on the table, even the shit I didn't wanna say. If it was meant to be, then it would work itself out. In my eyes, she had already threw in the towel. It wasn't that easy for me but if that's what she wanted, then she would have it.
🤷🏾♀️ this was hella dialogue but yeah.
we shall see what happens with Corey and JaRai' in the next chapter 😅. Y'all know I like leaving y'all hanging 😬😘
Hope you guys got a little more insight on why Rai' called the break. Be objective. Her feelings matter too, even if you don't agree with her decisions.
Starting the next chapter PRONTO!
Thanks for your patience 💙