23 weeks
Everything happens so fast.
Cal helps me dress myself as best as he can, since at this point, I'm in hysterics. He gets me situated in a pair of leggings and an oversized T-shirt before sliding my shoes on for me. He wastes no time after that, scooping me up and carrying me to the car.
We're silent, both terrified of what this could mean. I cry softly into his chest listening to his rapid heartbeat. He buckles me into the front seat before running around to the driver's side and jumping in. He pulls away from the curb with tires screeching.
"Cal..." I choke out.
"I know." He says his voice thick with emotion.
I want, no I need, him to tell me that everything is gonna be okay. When I look over to him though, he's staring straight ahead, his knuckles gripping the steering wheel to the point his knuckles are white. Sheer panic fills the air in the car as he drives recklessly down the highway towards the hospital.
He pulls into the bay for the emergency room racing inside leaving the car running with me in it. He returns moments later with a nurse, helping me down into the wheelchair she brings. She tells him where to find us once he moves the car before whisking me away.
With Calum out of my sight my anxiety becomes overwhelming. My breathing quickens, sweat covers my skin leaving me clammy, and my chest tightens. What if this is it? What if I'm losing our baby? What if it's all my fault?
I try to focus on breathing. In and out. Thinking about the things I am touching, hearing, smelling, anything to try and bring me down from my anxiety attack.
Cal reappears and a look of understanding crosses his face. He approaches the bed I've been put on slowly taking my hand and placing it to his chest.
"Breathe with me." He instructs with our eyes locked. I inhale and exhale in time with him and my chest finally begins to loosen. He relaxes as my torso rises and falls at a more natural rhythm and I drop my hand from its place against his heart. He closes his eyes and for the first time I notice the wetness beneath them. My heart is completely broken watching Calum cry, something he's never done in front of me.
I reach out with my hand, entangling our fingers as a doctor comes in to speak with us.
"Hi, folks. So I see here, Jessie, you are 23 weeks pregnant and your chief complaint is some bleeding, is that right?"
I nod, trying to control my sniffles. Cal squeezes my hand trying to offer some comfort. The doctor's voice softens.
"Bleeding doesn't always mean a miscarriage, okay?"
He offers quietly.
I'm trying so hard not to cry but I'm failing miserably. I squeeze my eyes shut and nod as my tears overwhelm me.
"I'm gonna get a nurse and a heart doppler and I'll be right back. Try to take some deep breaths, okay?"
The wait for his return seems absolutely endless but when he does finally return with the machine I wish for a little more time to prepare for whatever he's about to tell me.
I lay back on the exam table flipping my leggings waistband down and lifting my T-shirt allowing him access to my abdomen. He presses the doppler against my stomach and the room is silent, you could hear a pin drop. The seconds tic by as time seems to freeze. I hold my breath and pray that everything is okay.
The steady whooshing sound we've come to love fills the room and Cal and I both gasp in relief.
She's fine. She's still there.
"I'll give you guys a minute now, but I'd like to do an ultrasound and try to identify what the cause of the bleeding was okay?"
We both nod as he exits the small room. As soon as he's gone I sit up and wrap my arms around Cal. He holds me close stroking my hair.
"I've never been so fucking scared in my life." He mutters. "I know we didn't plan this or anything. But now...I want her so much. I don't know what I'd do if anything ever happened to her."
I don't know what to say to that, I feel exactly the same, so I just hold him close.
Our moment of relief is broken up by Calum's cellphone ringing from his back pocket. He looks at me as if asking if he should answer it, I nod.
"Hel" He starts before clearing his throat to rid his voice of the fear present. "Hello?"
"Hey man."
"Who is that?" I mouth since I can only hear one half of the conversation.
"Luke" he mouths back.
"We would but um..." his eyes meet mine and I nod that it's okay for him to tell Luke. They're like brothers and Cal's last few hours have been just as horrifying as mine, he needs him right now. "Mate we're at the hospital right now, we thought Jes was losing the baby."
"No. No. You don't need to get everyone down here, the baby is fine they're gonna do an ultrasound and try to find out why there was so much blood but we're good."
"We'll come by on the way home if it's not too late Okay?"
"Yeah, I'll tell her. Okay. Bye mate."
He slides the phone into his back pocket and returns his attention to me.
"Luke said he hopes everything checks out and he and Sierra would like us to come by on the way home if it's not too late."
"I dunno Cal all of this has been kind of a lot. I feel like when we leave I'm just gonna want to go home and crash. Maybe though."
"They're just worried. They want to make sure we're okay."
"I know. Are we though? Okay?"
He seems confused by my response. "She's okay, we're okay, everything's fine." He steps between where my legs rest hanging off the side of the exam table pulling me close and kissing my hair. "Everything is fine. Jes."
•
It's only 9:30 when we finally leave the hospital so I agree to stop by Luke's with Cal.
"Just for an hour or so, okay? Today really took a lot out of me."
"Yeah, babe. It's certainly been a rollercoaster."
In a twelve hour span we'd been ecstatic learning we were having a baby girl and devastated thinking we'd lost her then relieved knowing she'd be okay. It was certainly a ride I could do without repeating.
Cal takes my hand as we walk up Luke's driveway. He rings the doorbell and Sierra appears quickly.
"Hi guys!" She says embracing me in a tight hug before doing the same to Calum.
"How are you?" Her eyes searching my face for answers.
"We're okay, a bit exhausted from the day we've had but we're all good."
"I'm glad everything is okay." She says sincerely. "Luke's in the living room."
Cal leads me through the foyer into the living room. This is the first time I've been to Luke's home and I'm surprised by its sleek and modern style. It's well decorated and kept, surely thanks to Sierra since Cal had complained to me last tour about Luke's messiness.
"Hey, guys!" Luke says standing as we enter. He gives Cal a hug then turns to me and squeezes me to his side. "Glad you're all good, Jes."
I smile at him thankful for his kind gesture, he'd been the one of the boys most concerned when Cal and I announced the pregnancy. He had worried about what it would mean for the band and tour and everything else that came with their jobs. He'd expressed this to Cal and they'd talked everything through and now it was great to have him supporting us.
"So...what actually happened?" Luke asks once we've all sat down.
I look to Cal and ask him to explain, not trusting myself to do it.
"She took a shower when we got home from the gender reveal. When she got out and was drying off she just lost like a ton of blood. It was..." He trails off and just shakes his head his eyes becoming glassy.
"So we were thinking the worst but thank God the baby is fine. We literally lost it when we heard her heartbeat."
"So, did they say what actually happened?" Sierra questions
"The doctor said it's called a...a...what was it Jes?"
"Cervical Polyp." I tell him.
"Right, so it's just like a cyst that pops but everything else looks fine. Jes is fine. Baby Hood is fine. We're all fine." He says it like he's trying to convince himself and I can't blame him. After today, I have half a mind to coat myself in bubble wrap and not move the rest of this pregnancy.
Talking about it is just bringing up terrible thoughts of what if's. I look to Calum shooting him a "can we please go home" look. He nods subtly and I'm so appreciative of the way he can read my mind.
"It's been a long day for us. I think I best get my girls to bed. We'll see you guys later." He says standing and helping me to my feet. We offer our goodbyes and make our way back to Cal's car.
"Cal?"
"Yeah, babe?"
"Can we not bring this up anymore?"
He sighs, and just nods pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. Today was a lot on him too and that's not lost on me. I extend my hand taking his in mine. His touch was always calming to me and I only hoped mine would offer him the same comfort.
AN: Well? Was it what you expected? Happy? Sad? Let me know!
-Sav 🖤