"I'm So Tired I Can't Sleep. I'm A Liar And A Thief"
Present
"Ricky what's up?" The metal door to my small studio slammed behind me as I clipped my car keys to one of my belt loops. "You sounded like you were- Holy shit..."
I was left speechless as six men, along with my assistant, pause their conversation to look up at me. "You said to only interrupt your week off if it was important..." Ricky's gelled hair was messier than usual, telling me just how nerve wracked he was to have such a large band in the studio with him. "This seemed pretty important."
"You would be correct." My praise was enough to set the younger man at ease. He was still new, trying to learn the ins and outs of working with me. It's understandable that he would be nervous to contact his boss when she specifically instructed him not to. "What are you boys in need of?"
The lead singer, whom I easily recognized, stepped forward to shake my hand. "Rick Rubin recommended we work with you. Apparently, you've made quite the impression on the him."
"You don't say..." I couldn't help but snicker at the memory of me out drinking the older man with the Chili Peppers in 2005 after spending the whole day perfecting Dani California. "Glad to know I don't have to make a trip down to LA anytime soon."
Throughout the early 2000's I was an intern turned co-producer for him before finally splitting off to start my own studio. His trust and guidance have given me numerous opportunities to get my name out there, while also working with so many talented artists.
"I'm-"
I couldn't help but cut him off, "Chester Bennington. I'm Rosemary Pierce, big fan of Meteora."
"We were wondering if you could squeeze us in for a session while we're in town?" The brunette man shot me a kind smile as Ricky continued talking with the rest of Linkin Park.
"For you guys, always."
---
After spending god only knows how many hours locked away in my studio, we completed the track. The guys giving thanks for all of my help while I promised to get the final mixes of Burn It Down back to them by the end of the month.
I was ready for a warm meal and a shower, but life apparently had more important things in store for my evening. "It fucking took you long enough!" Casey's voice was panicked as she jumped over the back of my couch, a magazine clutched tightly in her hands. "We've been waiting here for hours."
"Sorry an important guest came in and needed my assistance for a track," I nonchalantly hang my keys on a rack near the door before dropping my purse on the table under it. "We lost track of time while recording."
Nothing more was said from the blonde girl in front of me, instead she chose to shove the newspaper into my hands. Her eyes displaying worry and sorrow, causing a wave of confusion to wash over me until I caught sight of the headliner.
'The Nirvana Scandal No One Knew' was printed in bold across the top of the US Weekly article along with several photographs from throughout the years.
No... oh god no...
The first photograph that caught my attention is obviously a screen shot from the Smells Like Teen Spirit music video, an arrow pointing at where I stood in the ridiculous uniform next to one of the strippers. How they knew it was me, I have no clue.
I wonder if Frances has seen this yet...
The last two visible photographs were aged from years of wear and tear, scanned on a printer in order to be used. A blurry picture of Dave and I walking next to one another in '97 and a group photograph from Halloween in '93. "With the recent discovery of Rosemary Pierce's love triangle within Nirvana, our sources have done some digging into the woman who quite possibly ruined the band... I didn't fucking ruin Nirvana asshole."
"There's more," Casey sighs. She pulls the tabloid magazine from my hands, flipping through the pages before finding what she was looking for. A rather large photograph of Dave and I cuddled up on a couch backstage took up the page along with an interview column. "We've been waiting for you to get back so we could watch the full interview together."
'One of our sources had an opportunity to speak with Grohl about the incident, asking numerous questions the public has been dying to know since word came out earlier this month.' Without reading, I knew Dave brushed off most of the questions. He's been as asshole recently with the release of Wasting Light, but he still respects my privacy enough not to obliterate me within a gossip magazine.
'So, the world has been blowing up recently about a woman named Rosemary Pierce. Name sound familiar to you?' My eyes skipped over the editor's comments before finding Dave's response. 'Look, I'm here to talk about the album and the band. Not my past.'
I slam the magazine shut, tossing it over my shoulder and onto the floor before crossing the room to squeeze between Jack and Amy on the couch. "Let's get this over with."
At first, the video was disorganized. Compiled of various clips from the back hallways of some venue before finally stopping at a dressing room door that had 'FOO FIGHTERS' printed and taped to it.
My heart skipped a beat when Dave's familiar face popped out from behind the door, his award-winning smile in focus as he ushered the man inside. He was obviously older, sporting a beard and new tattoos that I didn't recognize. His upper body having finally filled out after all these years, giving him a more rugged appearance.
Had we passed one another on the streets, I probably wouldn't have recognized him. Over the years, I have avoided anything having to do with him and the numerous bands he's been a part of.
Being that I am no longer a part of his life, I didn't feel the need to watch his interviews or documentaries anymore. I knew he was doing well for himself, hearing snippets of Foo Fighters related discussion when bands came in to work with Rick in the early 2000's. It's even where I learned about him getting remarried and having his daughters.
Both of us have accomplished more than we ever thought possible, but we needed to be a part in order to do so. Our relationship was too addictive and filled with too many lies. We grew to love hurting each other; it's why I ran for the hills in '98.
Here I am though, sinking back to stage one of recovery where I admit to having a problem. I couldn't deny that I thought he looked good in the interview. Deep down I missed seeing his smiling face every morning when I wake up and I wouldn't admit it to anyone, but I still reach for his side of the bed when the harsh Toronto winters get to be too much.
"Thank you so much for sitting down with me today," The interviewer leans forward to shake Dave's hand before both of them take a seat on the couch. Taylor's blond head of hair in the background catches my attention, but when he realizes he's in the shot he immediately relocations to another part of the room.
The usual questions are blown through, Dave answering each of them at a speed that would make you believe they were rehearsed. As the interview winds down, his knee starts bouncing up and down, signaling that he was obviously nervous about something.
"So," The young interviewer leans forward a bit, "These questions aren't unexpected with all the rumors circulating at the moment. Rosemary Pierce..."
A sour expression crosses Dave's face at the mention of my name, "I'd rather not."
"After Courtney Love's confession, you really aren't going to be able to avoid these questions forever." Dave's closed off attitude was obviously getting on the young interviewers' nerves, "So if you'd be so kind as to explain that would be greatly appreciated."
He scoffs, "I don't have to 'explain' anything. It's my private life and on top of that, Rosemary's as well. We hurt one another over the years, sure, but even then, I wouldn't sit here and expose every dirty secret the two of us have for the world to see. That would crush her and it's just wrong."
"Have you had any contact with her since your falling out in 1994?" It was a trick question; I knew that from the photo on the front of the article. When the rocker responded with a simple 'no', the grainy photograph of the two of us in 1997 was placed in his hands. "You want to keep lying?"
Everything moved so fast after those words that I could hardly keep up; Dave had risen to his feet. A threatening glare on his face as his fist was clenched at his side. "Will you just hang it up already? I have a family, two little girls and a loving wife, back home just trying to make sense of everything in the media right now. I don't need some interviewer coming through in hopes of digging up some dirt. Rosemary is my past, I wish her all the best with everything she's doing now, but what happened is over and done with."
With those final words, the brunette man I so dearly missed walked off the screen. Slamming the door to the dressing room shut on his way out.
Casey leans forward, closing the screen to her laptop, before falling back into the couch cushion. "He's..."
"A literal god." Amy finished and I couldn't help but scoff at the comment.
Casey scolded her before I could step in, "Amelia!"
"You can't blame me!" Amy shrieked while motioning towards the closed laptop in front of us, "Just look at the man!"
I abruptly stood up, but the kind smile on my face signaled that everything was fine. "If you wanted to see something godly, you should have seen Dave's abs back when he was in Nirvana." Amy fell into a fit of laughter while Casey smiles, obviously noticing my progress as well. "I'm going to shower and head to bed guys."
---
It wasn't until three hours later that my head finally hit the soft pillow at the head of my bed. I had taken a longer shower than usual, hoping the warm water would relieve some of the tension that slowly rebuilt itself in my shoulders.
What started out as such a great day turned into a nightmare of google searches for my name as my friends slept in the other room. Article after article displayed different photographs of Dave and I, making me wonder who their source was because some of them I had never seen before.
Dave's words from the interview continuously ran through my head, making my stomach feel queasy. I wish her all the best with everything she's doing now. They solidified what Bean told me, but it doesn't mean I'm not still pissed at him.
Had he not opened his big mouth in the first place, everything would still be buried six feet under with Kurt and Eva. Slowly becoming a distant memory until the two of us wonder if our relationship even happened in the first place.
I lock my phone, placing it on the bedside table face down before flipping onto my back to stare up at the ceiling. So much time passed by as I laid there lost in my thoughts, trying to piece together what I am going to do if the paparazzi figure out where I currently live.
A freezing hand gripped mine, catching me off guard. "You're brooding Blossom." All color drained from my face when I locked eyes with familiar blue ones.
"K-Kurt?" It's official, I've completely lost my mind. Casey's going to refer me to the psych ward if I tell her I'm seeing dead people now. "What?"
He shot me one of his goofy boyish smiles that I've missed over the years, "Everything's going to work out in the end, don't sweat it. Oh, and please get some sleep, you look like shit."
I laid there, staring at the familiar blond man in confusion until my eyelids finally became too heavy to keep open. Letting a dreamless state take over me.
Weirdly enough, this is probably my favorite chapter so far...