3 months later...
I felt bad for going out with Alexander, always thinking what would he think. Would he hate me? Be proud that I try to move on? Calling me slut because I wanna move on? Or sad that I'm behind this guy's arms who destroyed me 7 years ago? What would he think...
I looked at Alexander while I was between his arms. It was so comfortable. He looked down at me with a smile and I sighted with happiness.
"What you're looking at?" he asked
"Someone who I wanna fuck but he don't want to go too fast..." I said unpleased
"Oh am I?" he said and looked into my eyes and became sad "You know why I don't want to rush things"
"Because of Jamie..." I sighted " But please forget her for one night. I'm here she's not" and then he took control..
..
We had 3 rounds after what he was tired. He fell asleep and I went on a balcony. I was unhappy. The sex was great but he called her name. Jamie's name. The old me.
I hugged my blanket closer and thought about it. Should I go on...
Jamie is everywhere. The old me he can't forget. I really was ready to let go of the revenge and try this relationship seriously but now... when he keeps reminding me , the old me.
I cried silently. If he had been this way in high school and when we were together back then, we wouldn't be here. I wouldn't have been broken to pieces attempting suicide again. But at the same time. I'm so glad I have my son with Jasper because he made me happy and was the one for me. The love of my life but at the same time. Maybe Jasper would still be alive and be happy...
I cried silently, trying not to wake my kids or Alexander up. I have to think...maybe it's better to go back to my revenge and broke his heart but maybe God has his own ways. I don't wanna play God like I have in my life.
I went down stairs and made myself and kids something to eat and read a book to get my mind off things. Maybe he'll forget the old me, soon enough...
It was now 5 am and I still couldn't sleep. I sighted and this book still couldn't get my mind off my life, my past, my kids, Alexander.
I gave food to my princess and prince and then went to my room and but food next to him and I was ready to leave but he woke up
" Where are you going?" he asked and I tried to think because honestly I myself even didn't know.
"I'm going to get myself a wrappe from starbucks " I said in a rush and left soon I find myself behind my neighbour's door . Luckily Melody was up and let me in
" I think I need to broke up with Alexander" I said sihting
"What? Why? You guys are so happy together..." Melody asked, worried
"I know but he keeps taking up the topic of Jamie. Couldn't he just let the old me go. I am not that girl anymore .." I sighted and didn't notice how I just confessed I am Jamie but for me it was more like was. I have changed..
"Anymore?" she asked but then let go because she thought it was just a mistake "Why should he'? He has finally found someone after almost a decade.."
"Yeah someone with who he likes to scream his ex's name while they are having sex" I said with sarcasm. Melody was stunned and seemed to understand. And I knew from that moment...
"I am breaking up with Alexander. For good..."