based off i love you by billie eilish
tears stained her cheeks but were replaced with fresh ones, hitting the white fabric of the blanket she held onto. her body was crawled into a small ball, her chest rising and falling at an irregular pace. she was hiding in the bedroom, telling her self its gonna be okay-when it wasn't.
luke was downstairs, sitting at the piano bench, tears stinging his own eyes as he tried to collect himself. he had just blown up in front of her, scaring the girl didn't even cause any of the pain he lashed onto her. he felt horrible because he let his own anger get the best of him & hurt the one person he loved the most.
but this is always how it was. one person was always hurting the other. and the two knew they were toxic for each other but couldn't seem to face the truth of it all and try to continue to push through it all.
the curly haired boy rubbed his eyes before pulling from the piano, trailing up the stairs to the room. he could hear her soft sniffles as he got closer. when he pushed the door open, she was curled up, her back facing him, little body shaking.
"baby," he said softly, trailing over to her. she let out a throaty sob, hiding her face from him. "baby please."
"leave me alone luke." she croaked, turning her body to the other side, tears running down like bullets. he sighed, turning her back, sending him a look to stop. "get away from me. i dont want to talk to you right now." she spat.
he froze, a frown falling onto luke's lips. softly nodding, he grabbed his pillow and the throw blanket before going to the spare bedroom. it had felt like he heard her cry all night and he felt like shit for it. he couldnt sleep soundly, knowing that she were across the hallway, still curled up and crying for hours. it felt like he must've gotten only an hour of sleep by the time morning came, his eyes bloodshot and head thumping.
when luke climbed out of bed, feet padding across the concrete floor, he peaked inside the bedroom, see her asleep with just the sheet covering her, making him worried she'd get a cold. so he tip toed in, pulling the duvet over her before leaving as he entered. he didn't know how long of a time she needed away from him, but he decided to grab his backpack, throwing some clothes and his toothbrush before getting in his car and heading to ashtons.
-
when ashton opened the door early that morning, he didn't expect to see luke the mess he looked. he frowned, assuming that this time it was a big fight.
"can i stay here for a day or two?" luke asked softly, biting his lip nervously.
"yeah, of course, are you hungry?" ashton asked, letting him step in before closing the door. the blonde boy shook his head sighing.
"you have headache medicine?"
ashton quickly nodded, the boys walking over to the kitchen, luke sitting on one of the barstools as ashton grabbed a water bottle and the pills before giving them to his bandmate. "so what happened? if you mind i ask."
luke chugged the water with the medicine, everything coming back to him as he let his cheek rest in his hand. "i kinda just blew up in front of her when she wasn't the problem at all. and i think i really fucked up this time." luke groaned.
he knew ashton was gonna say some wise shit he really wasn't in the mood for, but he was gonna let him say it anyways. he didn't know what else to do or where to go at this point. "luke, you guys really need to work things out. shit like this can't keep happening-its not healthy at all for both of you."
"i know, i know. i just can't," he paused, tears making his vision go blurry before he wiped his wet eyes. "i cant leave her."
"all im gonna say is that sometimes you gotta do things that are gonna be shitty as fuck but its only for the better. but that's your choice." ashton sighed, patting lukes back before announcing he was gonna go shower, leaving luke with his thoughts.
when she woke up the next morning, her eyes were swollen as can be, body fragile and dehydrated. petunia was laying across from her, where luke normally slept, already awake and cried softly, crawling to her and licking her skin.
she hugged petunia, barring her face in her short white fur, planting a few kisses on her before pulling out of bed, the dog following behind as she went downstairs. there was no sign of luke earning a sigh of relief from her.
she forced herself to drink down a cup of water before eating some cereal, a permanent frown on her lips, feeling so lonely and empty in the house. the thing is, its not like she's been there without luke before. he's gone all the time but the feeling she felt was different. it was uneasy, it made her anxious and scared.
in order to fill that void in any way, she put music on, making it echo through the two story home. it relieved some of her anxieties but not all and it stayed like that for the next two days.
-
when luke finally came home, he heard his piano being played, but before he could peak, petunia came running to him.
"hi, hi, shush, petunia." he softly smiled, kneeling down, hugging the little piggy before dropping his bag and walking over to the sound. she was sitting on the bench, trying to play something but he wasn't quite sure. he sat beside her, watching the girl that almost looked grey, pressing single keys.
"hi." he said gently. you looked up at him, a frown on your lips. "i'm sorry."
"luke, whats wrong with us?" she asked, her voice so so soft but horse. "i'm tired of getting hurt."
"baby," he frowned.
"seriously luke, i cant live like this forever." she began to cry, looking down at the piano. "i love you so much but its hard to love someone when they can be the person that hurts you the most."
luke felt his heart break at her last words. he was crying now too and all he wanted was to take away all her pain that he's inflicted on the poor girl. "i'm gonna fix myself i promise, okay? i can't loose you." he cried, his hands holding her cheeks. "i'm so sorry what i did was horrible, that was just me trying to bottle my feelings up when i shouldn't have. i'll get professional help, we can get help, whatever i can, or we can, i want to do it."
she didn't say anything and that scared him. she just looked away from his eyes and cried. luke leaned down, thumbs wiping her tears as he kissed her cheeks, her forehead, her nose, her chin before pecking her lips. "baby, please say something." he begged, his breathing was hitched and he felt like he was gonna pass out if she didn't say anything soon.
her eyes slowly met his, tears falling as she blinked up at his dark blue ones. "i need a break."
part 2
it had been a month of the two apart from each other. luke wasn't doing so well, but wasn't gonna let anyone see that. she wasn't doing the best either. she had been staying with her parents, doing whatever freelance work she needed to get done but then running back to her room.
luke had went back home to australia for two weeks visiting his family to keep his mind off it all. of course, his parents asked where she was at but he just came up with an excuse that she wasn't feeling well to come. luckily they bought it and didn't ask again.
when he came back home, he missed her a ton. he had even thought about going to see her but, he kept his word and stayed away from her. all he would do stay home, he didn't go out unless he really needed to for the band or to go grocery shopping, stuff like that. it wasn't until calum and ashton had came over, forcing the boy to go out for at least for dinner.
"luke, c'mon, dinner won't kill you." calum sighed, luke sitting at his couch with guitar on his lap.
"im busy writing." luke answered. the boys looked over at luke's journal, seeing nothing but a blank page.
"what masterpiece. now let's get you dressed." the tan boy rolled eyes, grabbing the guitar as ashton took him upstairs. the two got luke dressed and out the door, taking him to a spot they all liked going to, luke pouting in the backseat.
he leaned his head against the glass, eyes closing as he tried to zone out ashton and calum's voice and just listen to the music. he wondered how she was doing. he hoped she was okay.
when the car pulled up, the boys climbed out of calums car, walking in and were seated. ashton ordered beers for all three of them but luke didn't touch his, continuing to drink his iced water.
"cheer up dude." ashton said. "how was australia anyways?"
luke shrugged. "it was fine. tilly definitely was bigger than when last i saw her."
the red haired boy nodded, a waitress coming up to ask what they wanted. calum, as he would, flirted a little with the girl, making jokes as she took their orders before leaving. luke just sighed, not even really hungry put he ordered pasta anyways.
ashton and calum did most of the talking, luke just listening to whatever they were chatting about. his eyes trailed to outside, watching the cars drive by, hoping time would move a little faster.
she was in her room, staring at the door and thinking. all she did was think when she in her room, and listen to a lot of ariana grande. but mostly thinking. she missed luke so much and she felt like she was ready to come back to him. she felt ready to face the boy and make things work.
of course she never really wanted to break things off with luke, she loved him too much to leave. she just needed some space to clear her head and look at the root of the problem.
her gut was telling her to just get up and go to him. but another part of her was saying to wait, she didn't know what to do but she decided to take a drive around as she thought about what decision she was gonna make.
grabbing her keys and slipping on her converse, she said bye to her parents, hopping into her car and drove around the neighborhood a few times. she pulled over on the curb after a while, the sun was hitting her face and she'd forgotten her sunglasses.
a groan left her lips, pulling down the sun shield, a mini instax film falling in her lap. when she picked it up, she couldnt help but smile a little. it was a picture the two took the night of her birthday a few months ago. she was smiling big, probably laughing as luke was kissing her cheek.
running her finger over him, a tear rolled down her cheek. she knew her decision now.
as they were eating, luke felt his phone buzz, so he pulled it out. when his lock screen lit up, he felt himself almost stop breathing.
baby ❤️: are you home? i stopped by but i guess you aren't there
luke: i'm getting dinner with ash & cal. just go into the house. ill be home soon.
he didn't get another reply, but now he really needed to get home. luke looked up at the two. "guys, i need to go home."
"we barley started eating." ashton answered, cutting into his steak.
"then ill uber home, here. thanks for dinner." luke said, throwing them a fifty before leaving the restaurant and ordering for a car to pick him up. about five minutes later, the car came and drove him home.
he was bouncing his leg furiously the whole ride home. luke was honestly scared but also happy to finally see his girl. he just wanted to hug her. the second the driver pulled up to the curb of the house, he thanked them, running to the door. shaking, luke unlocked the door, busting through. he saw her, the girl putting up her head, giving him a small smile.
"have you seen how messy this place is?" she asked. luke shutting the door before walking up to her. she dropped the bag she had in her hand, luke wrapping his arms around her delicate body, squeezing her. she felt smelt of her coconut shampoo, the feeling he felt in his chest he longed for. "i missed you."
"i missed you more." he breathed, pulling to look down at her with a stupid smile on his face. "are we okay?"
she bit down on her lip, nodding slowly. "yeah, but can we talk?" she asked.
"of course. here, i'll take this." he said picking up the trash bag and throwing it out before coming to join her on the couch. petunia laid right next to them at their feet as they sat across from each other. "so what do you wanna talk about?"
"i just want to apologize for any time that i ever hurt you. because as much as i play the victim, this relationship is between you and me and its my fault too as to why we're fucked up at times. i dont ever mean to hurt you, and i know you dont mean to either." she said softly, playing with luke's hand, looking up at his baby blue eyes. he felt his heart melt at her words.
"baby, you know i didn't yell at you because i was mad at you right? i've been trying to deal with my feelings better than i was before. i'm going to do all i can in order to be a better boyfriend to you because you deserve so much."
she chuckled, nodding. "you already are, luke." she smiled, cupping his cheeks before pecking his lips. luke smiled against her, kissing her a few times before pulling her in his lap.
"i missed you so much." he mumbled into her hair.
"well im here now." she replied, pulling and looking at him. she felt her heart flutter looking at luke, like when she first gained a crush on the boy. she felt refreshed, like they got a clean slate. "i love you, lu."
"i love you more princess. so so much."