He is so cute, Si.
Charlie, please tell me that at least you've smiled at him.
I have I swear. He's my friend.
He is? wow, congratulations.
Ha ha. Are you here yet?
Yeah, just out of the car.
Charlie has been waiting for me to go to lunch for the past hour. I was stupid to think 20 minutes would be enough to get to her office. My hair is still a little puffy for all the humidity and I am starving. I barely park between the lines and I sprint to the elevator.
This building has two elevators, one from the parking lot to the lobby and one from the lobby to the rest of the floors. That means I have to get out the elevator and run like a crazy person to the next one. There are two elevators, but one is always on repair, so it takes forever to get back to the lobby.
When I get there, the elevator is almost closed.
"Please wait!" I scream as I'm reaching for it. I already think I'll have to wait, when the door opens again.
There's 4 other people on the elevator. An old business man talking on the phone about something I don't understand, a lady that looks like a secretary, a janitor and him.
He's tall, lean and wears a suit that fits like a second skin. His tie is green, just like his eyes.
He smiles at me as he pushes the door open.
I probably look horrible as I step in.
"Thank you" I manage to say between my heavy breathing and a smile.
"No problem"
I push the number 13 and the door closes again.
We drop the business man and the lady on the second level and the janitor on the fourth. After that, we were alone.
I am conscious about his tall presence beside me and I try to smooth down my hair a little. My phone buzzes as I get a text from Charlie.
I. Am. Starving. Where the hell are you?
Going up in the elevator.
As I hit send, the elevator shakes a little and then stops.
The guy and I share a concern look and then
BAM!
The elevator drops and I loose my balance and fall. The lights go out and an emergency one turns on.
He rushes to my side and helps me stand up.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
"Yeah, I'm sorry." I don't know why I apologize.
He laughs. I realize we're still holding hands and I let go.
There's an emergency button on the elevator, but it does nothing. I check my phone but I have no reception. I ask him if he's phone is working and he says no.
I sigh. This is not happening. This is not happening.
I'm trapped. In the elevator. I start to get anxious and walk in circles while the guy stares at me. What if we're stuck for days? What am I thinking, a couple of hours and I could die of starvation. I have some water in my purse so I pull it out and drink a little.
He's looking at me. I don't say anything but I offer him the bottle and he just smiles and shakes his head.
He likes to smile a lot.
"Do you think someone knows we're here?"
"I don't know" he says, "I hope so."
"How are you so calm?" His calmness is making me more anxious.
"I... Well, there's nothing I can do, so I might as well just wait."
"That's... true."
There's nothing I can do. I'm not sure that statement calms me or just stresses me out more. I need to do something. I need to call someone or maybe scream. Maybe if I scream someone will hear me and open the door. I don't scream, though. I don't want to look like a crazy person.
I try pushing other buttons but they don't work, they don't even light up. I keep pushing the open button but nothing happens. I can feel my chest moving faster as I start hiperventilating, pushing the button and breathing hard and pushing nonstop and now I can her my breathing and I think I might be having an anxiety attack and I need to get out of the elevator and -
He rests his hand on mine and I stop pushing the button. I'm so surprised by his gesture that even my breathing stops. He rests his other hand delicately on my back and slowly moves me away from the buttons.
"Hey, calm down, ok? I'm sure someone will find us and we'll get out of here." His eyes are so green and he is so close. I don't even notice when he helps me sit down.
I rest my head on the back of the elevator and hug my legs. I still feel panicky, but not as much and it's quickly going away.
I want to say thanks but I'm not sure I won't throw up if I open my mouth.
I would throw up nothing since the last thing my lips tasted was coffee.
On queue, my stomach cries and I feel my cheeks warm up. I hide my face in my hands. I'm ready to apologize again when he says
"Do you wan't half a sandwich?" I turn to him and he's offering half the sandwich he had on his hand to me. I didn't even notice he had it.
"You don't have to. It's fine." I say, even though I really want it.
He shrugs and puts the whole sandwich inside a paper bag and places it beside him on the floor.
"I'm sorry about that, I... " I don't know what to say. He's a complete stranger.
"Don't worry about it. I'm Aiden by the way."
"I'm Sierra."
We shake hands.
"I haven't seen you before, Sierra. You work here?"
"No." I say, tugging my hair behind my ear. "I'm just... visiting. "
"Well, as you can see, we have a wonderful elevator service. Top notch."
I laugh at this and he seems to be happy he made me smile.
I look at the time on my phone and he gasps loudly.
"You're a Marvel fan?" He asks visibly excited.
"Isn't everybody?" I say
"What's your favorite superhero?"
"Spiderman"
He looks at me funny. "why?"
"Because, his powers are awesome. Why, what's yours?"
"Batman"
"Batman is DC! That's cheating"
"You said favorite superhero, nor marvel superhero, so it's not cheating."
"Whatever. Batman is also my DC favorite."
"Well, Thor is my Marvel favorite."
"So, you pick the god on one side and the human on the other. What's your selection criteria?"
"How much they look like me"
We both laugh then, and I see something in his eyes.
We talk for what feels like hours.
After we stop laughing, he explains (in detail) why Batman is the best superhero, and I have to agree with him, but I still prefer Spiderman over any other.
"I know I said that I liked his superpowers, but what I actually like is how he's not afraid to be vulnerable. He's not afraid to be afraid."
"And you are?"
I don't answer.
We talk about movies and music. He likes one of my favorite bands too and we have an improvised karaoke contest.
I win, but that's just because he couldn't remember the whole song.
After a while, we sit cross legged face to face and I agree to eat half the sandwich as a karaoke prize.
It is the best sandwich I've had, but maybe that's because I am starving. We share my water, although we try to drink as little as possible. We can't afford the luxury of a bathroom right now.
He tells me about his family. His brother just married and he's a little sad he's out of the house. I tell him I don't know how that is, because my brother will probably leave the house in 10 years.
"He's a med student" I say, a little proud. It always makes me feel a little proud.
"Cool!" He says, but a shadow crosses his face. I decide not to ask.
I tell him about my panic attacks. How I used to have them as a teen, but they stopped after months of therapy. This is the first one I have in seven years.
"I've always been a little claustrophobic" I look him in the eyes before adding, "but, it's not so bad anymore".
He smiles.
It's the umptieth time he has smiled.
Since we're face to face, I notice little things about him.
His eyelashes, for example, are so long and curvy I'm jealous. He has a dimple on his chin that I want to touch (I'm surprised by this). His eyebrows are pointy at the top, like little roofs for doodle houses. They are perfect.
I also notice his smell. He smells like a man. I mean, I don't know how to describe it. It's musky and sweet at the same time, it's intoxicating to be this close to him.
I decide, I like him.
We're talking about the best way to drink coffee. I tell him that nothing beats black coffee. "It is the only sane way to drink it."
"Says the one with anxiety." I don't know how we got so comfortable around each other so fast, but we are. Enough to make jokes about my anxiety.
"Hey!" I say and I push his shoulder. A little out of anger, a little out of flirt, I discover. The touch sends sparks through my fingers.
"Kidding! Jeez. I still think a little milk doesn't hurt anybody".
"Its like tampering with evidence."
"It's like what fabric softener is for."
"So you're saying you need to soften your coffee, otherwise is too much for you?"
"No, I mean...well..."
I smile pleased, which makes him smile too.
Umptieth and one.
It's easy to talk to him. He makes me feel comfortable and calm. Even though I don't have panic attacks anymore, I still deal with a crazy amount of anxiety on a daily basis. Charlie knows this, and always keeps a tag on me. She makes sure I'm okay.
But Aiden is... different. He doesn't need to try to calm me down, I just do. He looks at me, smiles and suddenly I don't worry about the weather or work or life in general. All my troubles seem so small when he's looking at me. I wonder what would happen if we touched.
I feel like I can tell him anything and he won't judge me or look at me funny. I feel like I found something I didn't know I needed.
He takes in all about my anxiety as if I was describing the weather, asks some questions but mostly listens. That is new for me. Usually I'm the one who listens.
I tell him I'm a therapist and he's really impressed. I wait for the automatic response about me reading minds everyone says, but it doesn't come. Instead, he tells me he would've liked to study that too, maybe not to practice but to know about the human mind.
"Well, what do you want to know about the human mind?"
"I don't know, everything." He states. "I want to know how I know things, why I feel what I feel when I feel it. I want to know what the look on my boss' face means when I'm talking to him." He stays quiet for a while and then adds, looking at me, "I want to know why we fall in love."
My throat closes up. I know he probably means we as in the human race, but I can't help but imagine he meant us. I should say something, but I don't know what.
He shifts all his weight to the front, and stretches towards me.
Oh God.
"Well, I suppose I could answer some of those questions" I say, as I lean in.
I'm closing my eyes, waiting for his lips, when the elevator shifts and the lights turn on.
We're moving up. And the moment's gone.
He stands up and offers me his hand. I take it.
The elevator rises and we're still holding hands, looking at each other, unable to produce words.
"Listen, maybe I'm wrong about the coffee." he mumbles as he lowers his eyes and stares at out hands.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, maybe I just haven't tried the right one."
"Well," I say, trying to sound as flirty and calm at the same time as possible, "lucky for you, I think I know where they sell the right one."
"Yeah?"
I just nod. I can't speak anymore.
"So, maybe one of this days we could--"
"SIERRA!" I jump and drop his hand as Charlie wraps her arms around me and then pulls me out. We didn't even notice when the elevator opened. "Oh my God Si, are you okay? You were trapped there for three hours!"
Three hours? It felt like a lifetime.
Charlie lets go of me and hugs Aiden, which completely throws me off.
"Charlotte, don't be so dramatic" he says as they let go and turns towards me, "it wasn't that bad".
I'm flustered and I hide my face pretending to yawn, but I'm actually smiling.
"Well, I already ate, but I asked my boss for the afternoon so I could go with you. Are you hungry?"
"I'm starving." I say, which is true.
I'm about to ask Aiden if he wants to come with us, but his phone is now fully functional and someone called him.
He gestures an apology and walks a little further away from us.
Charlie turns to me abruptly and smiles as if she knew something I don't. She holds me by my arms with both hands and I stare at her eyes through her glasses a little scared.
"It's him." she whispers.
"It's him what?" But I haven't finish the question when it hits me.
Aiden is the one she likes.
Aiden. The Aiden who was about to ask me out on a date. The guy I almost kissed not five minutes ago.
I feel a sharp pain in my chest as I try to clear the shock from my face and smile.
"Oh." I say. I can't say more.
I look at him over Charlie's shoulder and he's already looking at me. He begs me with his eyes to wait for the call to end. But I'm already moving towards the elevator again.
"Come on, let's go to lunch".
Charlie and I get in the elevator and I watch as Aiden walks towards it, still trapped on a phone call.
He asks me to stay with his eyes, and I smile at him. Trying to show how I feel in that smile. Trying to say I'm sorry and I really like you at the same time.
When he reaches the door it's too late.
We're already gone.