'Let go of the illusion that it could have been different.' ~ Unknown.
Valentinia:
Past (1 year and 10 months ago).
"Valentin. He knows."
My heart fluttered, like blackened butterfly's wings flickering along the inside of your arm. As if they were clawing to break out; suffocating.
I glanced down to peer at my arm, I could have swore that I saw their wings indented into the crevice of my arm. Pushing up hard against it.
However, I am sleep-deprived and anxious, therefore I shake it off. Telling myself I'm imaging it.
The frenzied actions of the wings slowly diluted, scraping almost painfully at my insides, until I felt them pool in the bottom of my myocardium.
My breaths were shallow and spluttered out my nail-biting question.
"How long?"
The pause was silently arduous.
"L'inizio," Elias mumbled, his eyes trailing the floor.
"Pardon?" I asked him to repeat. Bemusement dancing around my head.
"L'inzio." He repeated, his words now bold, but stoic.
I furrowed my eyebrows in confusion, not quite understanding what he was saying.
"I don't understand." I replied, shaking my head from side to side in perplexity.
Composing myself, I closed the short distance between Elia and I. Taking ahold of his hands and twining them within my own.
"Elia. Please can you translate that, I'm not quite sure what you are saying?" I push softly, whilst brushing my thumb gently back and forth in a soothing manner on his palm.
His head lifted and when his eyes met mine, I stood horrified. Teardrops were flushing down his once cheerful face. They held a poignancy that pleaded for mercy.
A modern feeling filled my body, a terror I had never experienced to this intensity prior.
Witnessing Elia in this state, frightened me to the core. His face was white and blank. An expression I had never detected on his face before.
"What's wrong Elia?" I pressed, desperation lacing my words.
My hands became clammy and I felt them slowly begin to slip away from Elia's. Losing grasp of him.
However, it didn't just feel as though our hands were losing grip. But, that it was symbolising a deeper, more dreadful meaning.
My hands gripped his until they turned white in discolouration. Until my nails seeped into his flesh. But, it still felt as though they were slipping away.
It felt as though we were standing atop of a steep, sharp cliff. That I was holding onto him for dear life, but nothing was working.
He was still sliding. He was leaving me. And there was nothing I could do about it.
"The beginning." His curt words snapped me out of my trance, making me jump.
Our eyes just gazed into one another's, as if we had been compelled to do so.
His held pain and I'm sure mine did too.
"The beginning Valentinia. He's known since L'inzio." He stated, still looking me dead in the eye.
We just stood there. Staring at one another. In a state of entrancement.
Not once blinking. Moving. I'm not even sure we were breathing.
"Valentinia. We need to go." I heard Katy's quiet voice in the background.
"How?" I asked Elia.
His eyes left mine and dropped to the floor, almost as if he had committed a sinful act.
"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." He muttered, shame tangled within his words.
And that's when I let my hands slip from within his own. It was him now, trying to hold onto my own. But, I let them fall to my sides limply.
"It was you. All this time. All this time I thought it was Enzo. But, no. It was you." I stated, betrayal could be easily distinguished within my words.
Why? Do I have pathetically written across my body? I asked myself.
I felt a hand skim my shoulder, but I calmly brushed it off.
Looking at Elia, I see that he is sobbing. His chest hyperventilating in what appears to be utter agony.
Taking a shaky breath, I say.
"I-It's okay."
His head snaps up to my own, shock moulding into his heartbreaking facial expression.
"W-What?" He spluttered.
His voice sounded as though his mouth was filled with his tears and he was drowning in them. Gurgling them at the back of his throat. Desperate to catch a breath.
"It's...okay." I repeated.
He looked at me again. Rapidly searching my eyes for any signs of doubt.
Before he threw himself in my arms and broke down into another series of sobs. My heart ached.
I was exhausted. Sleep-deprived. I couldn't find it in myself to hate anybody else. I don't think I have any hate on me to give.
And most of all. How could I hate somebody like Elia? I just couldn't find it within myself to hate him. He's done so much for me. Been so kind. Given me a shoulder to cry when I was weak-
You still are weak. An inner voice taunted in my ear.
He must have done this for a reason. He must have.
Why would somebody give me an apartment, a job and protect me if they didn't some-what have good intentions?
Because it was all apart of his game. It has been all along. At the end of the day. Everybody in your life and that comes into your life is a chess piece and he is just waiting for the prize. And do you want to know what that prize is? Yes, you. My subconscious continued to tantalise.
No. I refuse to believe that he didn't do it without a reason. Everybody does what they do for a reason.
Whether it is a good deed or a bad deed.
Cradling Elia in my arms, we both sunk to the floor. Taking ahold of his swollen face, I brush the tendrils of hair that were clinging to his sodden profile to one side.
My fingers find there way into his knotted mane, quietly combing through soothingly.
He nuzzles his head further into my hands, urgent to find contentment.
My heart pounds erratically against my chest, I could feel the violent thump begin to hurt.
We sat there for a while, Katy and Delilah are absent. Leaving Elia and me alone.
I can't recall the amount of time we lay in silence. It reminded me of the nights we spent alongside one another, laying beneath the majestic astronomical world.
His breathing had evened out into a now calm rise and fall of his chest. Anybody would think he was asleep, however I knew that he was awake.
We need to talk. We had too. Just like I knew I had to leave. I needed too.
"Elia, sweetheart. You need to tell me." I pestered, still stroking his head.
He moved, so his head was resting against my chest and he was situated between my legs.
He paused silence for a minute longer, before he began to tell his tale.
"That day. When I found you, in the parking lot of the motel. I knew who you were. Valentinia Morelli. The wife of the notorious monster Valentin Morelli.
I went into the assignment thinking that it would be easy. All I had to do was befriend you, charm you and make to feel comfortable enough in me to trust me.
I assumed I hated you, just as much as I hated Valentin because why would anybody marry him if they weren't as nefarious as him himself.
But, that all changed when you were about to leave in your car, and I saw the amount of anguish reveal itself from behind the mask of your eyes.
The look in your eyes, caused me to step back in fright. In which, caused me to see the words of his name viciously embedded in your skin.
My heart bled for you and when I grabbed you and saw the other scars littering your skin. I knew then and there that you weren't with him by choice.
Revulsion consumed me. I was disgusted. With myself, forever thinking anybody would want to be with that heinous man.
I agreed to be the one to watch you for him because I was so vengeful, angry. I wanted to hurt you as much as he hurt my sister. I wanted him to suffer.
But, you didn't deserve that, and I knew that it was wrong deep down before I even met you. However, I couldn't stop the feeling, it was eating away at me.
Like a voice inside my head that had another personality, one that wanted somebody to suffer in honour of my sister.
However, I saw you and all I wanted to do was shield you and protect you from his hands. I knew that would be near to impossible as he was watching your every move.
I tried so hard to try and make you feel comfortable and secure, by getting you an apartment and a job.
That's how I came up with the plan to get Katy over here and have her take you back to England. I knew it was the only way that could give you a chance at happiness and to resume your life.
I left it a year because it gave me enough time to plan everything thoroughly, for it to work.
I just want you to know Vei, I never intended to hurt or betray you. I didn't tell you sooner because I didn't want you to be reckless and run off and get yourself hurt.
You were in a state where you were not only physically, but mentally injured and you needed to settle that. To accept that this is now your life and holding onto your suffering will bring you nothing more than pain.
There are a lot of people after you, not you Valentin. His enemies became yours the second you had that ring put on your finger.
So, to make sure you trusted me, I sat with you and I comforted you when you needed it but didn't want it. The nights we talked and lay in tranquillity under the darkened sky weren't fake.
I cherished every second I spent with you, because I admired your strength and determination to carry on. You were adamant that you were beyond repair.
But, you weren't even brokenVei, I don't think you realise how strong you and I didn't realise it until recently. You are so brave. So, so courageous.
The adoration that I have for you is unable tobe expressed through any words or actions. I love you Vei and I will always honour that.
I'm not asking for your forgiveness, because I know what I did was unforgivable. I was deceitful and I will admit that. I am no coward.
I wish that times were different and that we met in life that you were happy. But, unfortunately, we live in a world that is unfair and cruel.
I just want you to know that I am deeply sorry for any additional pain I have caused you Vei. You have changed my life in such a positive way and I will always be thankful for that."
Elia's words were genuine. So pure. Pure. A word that has not had any meaning, nor no relevance in my life for nearly two years.
The definition of 'pure' was completely extracted from my life. But, I could truly witness and conclude that Elia wasn't a bad person.
He wasn't trying to intentionally hurt me or betray me. Yes, he may have been deceitful.
Do I blame him? No. No, I do not.
Why? You may ask. Well, because if I was in the same situation where a loved one of mine was brutally conjured, manipulated, abused and murmured. I would have felt the same way as Elia.
Angry. Vengeful. And I'm sure anybody else would feel the same way.
His honesty earned my respect and attention. He admitted what he did wrong and what he could- should have done better.
I can say that I respect him a lot more than I did before. Which I thought was impossible. It turns out it is not.
His head still lay firmly on my lap, my back leant against the wall. We sat in silence. It was peaceful. Therapeutic almost.
I wonder, thinking back to Elia's words, what would have it been like if we met at a different time? In different circumstances. An alternate universe?
Would things have been the same; platonically friends? Or would have things been different between us?
Would have I been able to love him romantically? I don't know. I can't answer that.
I guess I'll never find out. It was meant to be this way. Isn't it? Everything is just so confusing.
His words have opened up a completely advanced pathway in my life. I never thought of us meeting in contrasting times in our lives.
My life is so divergent now to what it was previously.
It was astonishing how much could happen within a minuscule timeframe, that can have a tremendous impacting change in your life.
Honestly, I can't even think what I am going to do when I get back home; England.
I'm so used to how things are now. Constantly looking over my shoulder, being cautious.
However, I can take this as a positive experience in my life. It made me stronger, I can now defend my self and understand people's true intention by observation.
I'm no longer a weak, helpless and ignorant girl. I'm mature. Independent. And I can say that I am no longer ashamed of who I am, but proud of the person I have exchanged into.
"Elia...." I trailed, in deep thought.
"Yes, Vei?" He replied, curiously.
"I understand." I answered.
"Huh?" He replied, his tone imitating confusion.
"I forgive you." I said softly.
He shot up quickly until his eyes aligned with my own.
"Really?" His eyes lit up with hope but brimmed with what appeared to be tears.
I nodded in response.
He threw himself back into the comfort of my arms, engulfing me in his embrace. Before burying his head into the crook of my neck.
"Thank you...thank you so much." He quietly sobbed into my neck.
A sharp-like pain echoed throughout my chest, at the thought of Elia being upset.
Therefore, I gently stroked the length of his back, reassuringly. Desperate to halt his tears.
He cried for a while. I soothed him for a while.
"Vei?" He asked, his deep voice vibrating through my collar.
"Hmm?" I hummed.
"Please can you promise me something, I know I don't deserve it. But-"
"What is it, Elia? Don't you dare ever say you don't deserve it? After everything. Everything you've done for me over the past ten months, I owe the world to you. Because I can confidently say this; I would not be here today if it wasn't for you. Alive. So, I owe you everything I have left." I cut him off, before lecturing him in a stern voice.
"Promise me. P-Promise me, you'll never forget me. Please? It's already killing me enough to let you go. I can't completely lose the last thing I have of you. Your memory. So, please don't lose the memories of what we have together.
The nights we spent together, laying beneath the stars. Are the moments that I will forever cherish and never forget. They were the most important times of my life. So, please don't forget me. That's all I ask of you." He pleaded, his hands tightening around my waist.
My heart dropped. The reality kicking in that I'm no longer going to see him. The sinking feeling of abandonment, loss.
"I promise Elia, you didn't even need to ask me that. How could I ever forget you? You're the most thoughtful, selfless individual I have ever met. I am so thankful to of ever had you in my life.
I could never, ever forget you. Ever." I promised him, close to letting my barrier fall and show how I'm truly feeling.
"Nia?" I heard a faint voice call out my name.
"Nia, we must go now." Katy walked into the room, breaking mine and Elia's final time apart.
I stood still, as did He. We didn't want this moment to be real. My heartbeat a loud, thumping noise against my chest.
I could feel Elia's erratic heartbeat from our embrace.
"Vei? Did you hear me?" Katy pressed, slightly frustrated.
She doesn't understand. These people have become my family, it's not easy to just up and go and be prepared to never see them again.
It's so hard letting go of the people you love the most. The strength an individual must have baffles me.
Sniffing, I bring my hand up to reach up under Elia's eyes and clear the stranded tears that had unbeknown goodness to him trickled down his face.
He swallowed, trying his hardest to compose himself. I despised seeing him this way.
I pulled back from his grasp, before beginning to pull away from his hold. But, his hand grabbed onto mine firmly, before I had the chance.
His hot breath hit my face, with how close we were. It startled me to be this close in his vicinity, my heartbeat hitched.
"The stars. Every night. Please can you promise me you'll lie beneath the stars, like old times? No matter what or where, or who you're with. Promise me you'll be there? I will be. I will wait for you. Always." He whispered so quietly, I had to scrunch my eyes closed to listen.
His words sparked a light within me; happiness. I was so happy that we had something that nobody could ever take away from us.
"Always." I replied, smiling at him my biggest smile.
I pulled him in for one final hug before I pulled away. But, he still held onto my hand.
Turning to him in sorrow, already preparing myself for this goodbye.
He mimed "I love you", before letting my hand slip from within his grasp. Like the last petal falling off of a dying rose.
I put on a stoic face, however he knew how I felt through my eyes and that's why he smiled. Because he could see it reflecting through my own.
Turning around, I finally allowed the exterior of my facade melt away. Like the plastic of a dolls face if lit on fire.
I didn't look back. I couldn't.
Then the first tear fell.
***
Katy and I were currently on the plane back home to England. How we got past the security and out of the country without being caught. I do not know.
It feels so surreal. Like I am dreaming, however, it is very real. I don't know whether to be happy or sad. Think this as a blessing or a curse.
I can't believe I'm finally going home. My parents. I wonder if they missed me, if the time they've had without me has made them want me.
I don't know, I think I may be getting ahead of myself a little bit too much. I'm excited to see them. I have missed them.
On the other hand, have they missed me? I pondered curiously, my head leant against the petite circular window of the plane.
"Katy...?" I inquired, trailing off.
"Yes, Nia?" She answered almost immediately, rotating her body to face me from the seat aligned nerdy to my own.
"Have things changed?" I asked, anxiously bouncing my knee up and down.
Her eyebrows scrunched,
"How so do you mean Sweetheart?" Her voice was soft, appearing quite inquisitive.
"You know...Mom and Dad...?" I reluctantly muttered I could feel the flush of redness from embarrassment rush to my cheeks.
Looking at Katy, I observe that her head dropped.
I chewed upon my crooked nails, a habit of mine. A pattern of nervousness and uneasiness.
"Nia. Your parents...your parents don't know that you're not at home." She stated quickly, almost as she wanted to rip the band-aid off so it wouldn't hurt as much.
"What?" I said, in a state of disorientation.
"They are not aware that you were ever gone."
I slumped in my seat, with the hearing of those words. I guess that answers my period question; they didn't miss me.
What did you expect? For them to be sobbing and crying hysterically and welcome you with open arms when you returned home with barrels of affection? People don't change Valentinia.
Your parents are selfish people, they will always be selfish people. A leopard can't change its spots, nor can your parents ever change their greed for money.
I thought you would have learnt this lesson before. People don't change unless they want too and you know more than any other, that when money and power are involved you know they will never choose you or love. My subconscious clouded my thoughts, speaker the cold truth by the sounds of it.
Shaking my head, I throw those thoughts aside. Knowing they're bigger things I should be worrying about.
It's so peaceful up here; in the clouds. Some people associate planes as a danger, as there is no escape.
However, I find them the opposite. I think there are safe because nobody can get you out there in the world. Because you are up, high in the sky. It's magical.
I let out a deep sigh, fatigue overwhelming my physique. My eyes begun to flutter closed before no longer the light shone through.
***
Valentin's POV:.
My foot tapped against the floor, waiting impatiently for the news on Her.
My secretary burst through the doors, her face mimicking that of white paper; fear.
A smirk appeared on my face at the mere emotion. However, it vanished as soon as the file landed upon my desk.
My hands gripped the edges of the mahogany wood, knuckles white with fury.
Throwing myself back, my chair hitting the glass behind me as I shot up, expeditiously.
Marching over to my secretary, I grab her by her neck and slam her into the wall repeatedly until I hear the pleasing sound of her cranium cracking.
The rush of scorching blood running down the back of her head, onto my already stained hands brought pleasure to me.
"Cagna." I seethed at her motionless body, before spitting upon her in disgust.
The doors of my office sprung open, violently hitting the walls behind them.
Alessio and Elia entered, looking flushed. Both heads down before they could even make eye contact.
Cowards. I scoffed internally.
"So..." I began, slowly walking towards them, like a predator hunting their next meal.
"Are one of you going to explain to me what f*cking happened?" I angrily commanded, my voice high I octaves.
They both jumped at my words, stepping back.
But, I walked closer, before I stopped before them both. Inches. Towering above their stances.
I cocked my eyebrow, upon hearing no response.
The two boys before me quivered in dismay, causing me to let out a dark chuckle.
But, What sparked my interest was that Alessio appeared truly clueless. However, Elia, on the other hand,was scared, but nervous. He knew something.
My patience was reaching boiling point when they both continued to remain mute. My molars ground together, trying to contain myself.
"What. The. F*ck. Happened?" I repeated slowly, trying to contain my anger by counting to ten.
It never seemed to quite work.
Grabbing Alessio by his collar, I lift him from off the ground until his eyes are levelled with my own.
His breaths were heavy, the poor thing finding it difficult the consume oxygen.
What. A. Shame.
He started gasping for air.
"Speak. Elia. You know the consequences." I threatened, sinisterly.
He remained reticent. Prolonging my antagonism.
"Oh will you look at that, he's turning different colours, like a rainbow. How fascinating? Maybe if I squeezing his neck, it will change? Hmm...what do you think Elia?" I deride, findings satisfaction in each one of their suffering.
Alessio was purple by now, slowly losing all of his strength. His eyes begun to close, giving up.
Elia jumped at me, trying to pry my hands from around Alessio's laryngeal prominence. I twisted his wrist until I heard that crunch.
His scream demonstrated one of agony.
I laughed.
"S-she's gone. P-please Sir, she's gone. S-she's not coming back. I-I don't know where she is, everything I k-know is in that file." Elia stuttered like a little child.
I threw Alessio to the side, not even glancing in his direction to see if he was breathing or not.
Kicking Elia's feet from under him, his head slammed back against the marble floor. I stuck my foot down onto his neck, restraining him.
She, Valentiniawas gone.
Elia knew where she was and I was going to find out.
***
'It is all I have lost that has set me free.' ~ Valentinia.