Emotions
Another week flew by and nothing managed to change. Things were calm in the palace, letting me get day through day without any difficulties.
Jungkook and I proceeded on sending each other letters. I informed him about everything that happened, making him angered with the king greatly. But he agreed, saying it would probably be safest way meet up at night. We settled to meet in a week from now.
Girls and I got even closer together after the day I confessed about everything that was happening between me and the king. At first they were a little shaken up, asking me about every single detail, making it really hard for me to spill out some things I would rather keep to myself.
"Maybe he just wants to try out something new?" piped up Jennie with one eyebrow up, her head in her palms as she looked like she was thinking really hard.
"Maybe, but that still doesn't explain why he's 'trying' it with Chaeyoung only." muttered Jisoo with a frown.
"Maybe because she's new." said Lisa, "I mean, it would be really weird for me if he suddenly called and handled me completely different than before. All out of nowhere. I would feel really uncomfortable at least." she explained to Jisoo who bit her lip, nodding.
"You're right. I don't know how I would act after all those nights with him."
It did make sense, it really did. But I didn't want it to be that way. I mean, not in a hundred years would I want him to handle me harshly. But the way he treats me now, he's making it hard for me to see him as someone who only uses me for pleasure. He's making it hard for me to hate him. See him as no one but the guy who's keeping me hostage. Someone who has my whole life in his palm, the ability to crush it anytime he wants always threatening me in silence.
It was hard seeing him for who he really was.
The girls told me to not get too attached to him, as he was definitely just playing with his free time. But it was easier said then done.
It was true that throughout the days he would ignore me, as if I was not even there. Besides the few hours I would see him working in the throne hall, I didn't see him much in the daylight anyway. But every single evening, Yeonjun would pay me a visit. And to say the truth, the guy looked completely confused as to why he had to always call for no one but me. The look he gave me every time I opened the door for him was hilarious.
And every night, in between those bloody-red walls, I would always nearly lose my mind while trying to control my emotions. Gripping the bed sheets beneath me, my fingers turning white and my mind turning cloudy.
'Don't get too excited.' I would tell myself.
But for some reason, his touches, his kisses, his whispers turned sweeter every night, my insides swelling at the actions. Or maybe it was me, maybe I was really going crazy in the head.
But yesterday something happened. Something was different. Something snapped.
Sitting on his lap with my legs around his middle, it felt like we were as close as humanly possible. My skin burned with the heat of his chest against mine, his arms tightly around me.
"Say," he muttered, his glossy lips detaching from mine, "what do you feel right now?" his lips grazed mine with each word, his breath hitting my skin like a soothing lullaby.
"What?" I breathed out, still dizzy from the heated kiss. My palms I left hanging by my sides clenched, the question making my insides tingle.
"What do you feel?" he repeated, not looking away for a second, his eyes looked like they wanted to drown in mine.
The question made my breath hitch, my cheeks redden and my skin prickle. It was unexpected and I wasn't sure about my answer, it was for sure I couldn't say the truth. Could I even explain the truth in words? Would that be possible? I myself didn't know what I felt. Sexual attraction? Sure, of course but deep inside, I knew there was more to it than that and I couldn't identify the bugging, silent emotion. It was there, it was trying to control me and it was growing stronger with every night.
It wasn't love. That I knew for sure. I knew I was naive, but not to the point to love this man. I've known him for two weeks and all he did the entire time was frustrate me to no end.
Admiration? Was there even something to admire him for?
My train of thoughts disappeared at the feeling of his arms tightening around me, his face nestling itself in the crook of my neck.
"Be honest with me sweetheart. Would you tell me the truth?" he muttered into my skin, his nose grazing against it gently. Gulping, I tried to find the right and acceptable words to say.
"What I feel?" I whispered with a frown, receiving a silent hum from the man who was nuzzling my neck, "I-I don't know." I muttered, frustrated with myself and him.
Why is he even asking thing like that anyways? Just to make me embarrassed?
He chuckled silently, detaching himself from my skin. Looking up at me he placed his palm at the back of my head, pulling our faces together so we could look at each other in the eyes.
"I'm sure there must be something. Your eyes," he muttered, his ruffled bangs tickling my forehead, "they hold so much." he breathed out, still paying attention to nothing but my eyes as he frowned his forehead. "So much emotion I feel like I could drown in it." biting my lip, it was as if something changed, something inside me turned off. My heart jumped widely and my throat unclenched. And suddenly, the right word rolled of my tongue like a honey.
"Adoration." I whispered, the word sounding just right before the wave of embarrassment hit me, realizing what I said.
The air around us stiffed, the silence inside the room becoming deafening. Even the night breeze coming from the balcony seemed to stop flowing in, deciding it's dangerous to disturb the moment. And his eyes stayed on mine, and his breath still caressed me like a feather. I suddenly became aware of every single inch of my skin touching his, the sensation was overwhelming.
Is he going to be angry? Did he wanted to hear something else? Did I make another mistake?
"If so," he breathed suddenly, his voice becoming insanely deep and raspy, "let that emotion lead you." he continued, his palm wandering around my bare back before stopping at my side.
"W-what do you mean?" frowning, the demand seemed forbidden to me. That was exactly what I tried to avoid. Letting my emotions take control of me. Even if it wasn't going very well, at least I had a little power over my emotions.
"Those feelings," his hand wandered from my side to my hand, my fists still clenching at my sides, "the adoration," it was almost frightening how unfamiliar the word sounded from his lips, "let it out. Let it show." taking my hand in his, my fists loosened and ever so slowly and gently he placed my hand on his shoulder, his eyes not leaving mine.
"Wh-"
"I want my sweetheart, not an emotionless doll." pecking the corner of my mouth he dipped further down, trailing feather pecks from my mouth to under my chin. "Don't be scared to show it."
I finally understood what he wanted, but at the same time it made me confused.
"But the other night, you told me you d-" he cut of my sentence, his lips landing on mine harshly. Closing my eyes I kissed back, the kiss becoming more and more heated with every brush of our lips.
While one of his hands stayed on the back of my head, the other took my hand in his, bringing it to his hair.
I felt like crying, because just like he wanted, all the emotions I hid away for the past week, resurfaced. I wanted to avoid this so much, but in the end I couldn't. They were unrecognizable but still so strong.
Unconsciously I brought my other hand to his hair too, gently running my fingers through his silky locks. And by the content hum he let out, I knew this is what he wanted from the beginning.
But why?
"Earth to princess!" I snapped my head in the direction of the voice, Jimin standing few feet next to me with an amused look. "Damn, you really shouldn't walk around with your head in the clouds like that. You're making a mess." he mused, pointing at the two baskets next to my feet.
I gasped, noticing I mixed up the king's clothes with maids' uniforms. Scrambling to my knees immediately, I started to fold the clothes back to their right basket.
"Thanks Jimin." I muttered silently, still paying attention to the bunch of clothes in front of me.
"Why are you doing this anyway?" he asked, bending down to walk around the clothes line and towards me.
"I offered myself to help since I was bored. Now I don't think it was such a good idea." I groaned, scratching my head. "I messed up everything." whining, I threw the dress shirt I held in the basket, frowning.
"Woah calm down kid, there, let me help." he chuckled and knelt next to me, grabbing the shirt I threw. I sighed, looking as he folded the shirt neatly, placing it in the basket with all others sparkling clothes.
"Thank you." I muttered, standing up to get all the remaining clothes from the cord. We worked quietly as the occasional yells and laughs from kids in the front of the yard interrupted the calm silence.
It was a beautiful afternoon, making me regret a little that I haven't gone to the city with the rest of the girls. But I knew I needed some time to think by myself. And they understood.
"Hey, can I ask something?" piped up Jimin, looking up at me as he sat cross-legged by the two baskets.
"Sure."
"I know you haven't known us for too long but," I raised my eyebrow, turning my head in his direction, "you and the girls are already close and..." I sighed, seeing him sputter around his words nervously.
"Oh come on, what is it?" I chuckled, finding his shy behavior kinda adorable. It's not on a daily basis to see Jimin act like this.
"Do you perhaps know what I could buy for Jennie on her birthday?" the question made me taken aback, my eyes widening a little at the realization.
"Wait what? Birthday? When?" taking the last shirt from the cord, I walked towards him and crouched down, my palms on my knees.
"In five days, on Friday. You didn't know?" I shook my head with a little pout, wondering how such an information could escape me. "I'm sure they just forgot to tell you. Or didn't want to mention anything in front of Jennie. They tend to do surprises for each other." I 'oohed', nodding.
Jimin took the shirt from my hold and folded it neatly, placing it in the basket with the clothes for the king.
"Anyway, you didn't answer my question. What should I get for her?" he asked, making me frown in thought at the question.
"You know her way longer than I do. What makes you think I would know better than you?" I questioned and stood up, trying to ignore the stabbing pain in my lower region. The basket with the clothes in my embrace as I started to walk towards the back entrance of the castle.
"I need girl's advice." he exclaimed, running after me with the other basket in his hold. "Girls are unpredictable, I seriously have no idea what would be the best present for her." I chuckled at his frustration.
"Well, what did you get her the last time?" surprisingly, he pouted at my question, making me wonder.
"Flowers and chocolate."
"And?"
"And-I don't know. She said she liked it but the other girls looked at me like they saw the greatest idiot on the planet! Saying something like 'You could do better.'" laughing at his impression of a girl's voice, I glanced at him sideways with a grin.
"Well, seeing the two of you are so close, maybe they expected something more bigger."
"Bigger?" I pursed my lips, thinking.
"One thing I know about Jennie for sure is that she loves clothes and accessories. How about you get her a bracelet or something?" I suggested, already walking down the hall with pouting Jimin trailing next to me.
"Bracelet? No, there's a big chance she won't like it. What if I pick the wrong one?" he said with a frown, making me sigh.
"You have to be more confident about yourself. You have known her for so long, seen her every day. Just think of her while choosing. Would she like it? Would it go along with her style? I'm sure you will choose right." I said, giving him an encouraging smile.
Biting his lip, he nodded.
"Okay, I'll trust you on that one. But if it ends up badly..." he threatened, giving me a warning stare and I nodded, laughing silently.
"I'm sure it will end up more than w-" however I wasn't able to end my sentence as I ran into someone from behind the corner, making me almost drop the basket. I collided with Jimin who was thankfully holding the basket with only one hand, the other one holding onto me to keep me on my feet from the harsh collision.
I looked up with widened eyes ready to nag at the person but once I saw who it was I sighed, closing my eyes.
"Oh Jesus fuck, what ar-oh hey Chae."
"Hi oppa." I gave Jin a small smile before I noticed someone else standing next to him, making me bow instantly.
"Your Majesty." I muttered, Jimin behind me doing the same before we both straightened up again, me avoiding the king's eyes.
"What are the two of you doing with those baskets?" asked Jin, motioning towards the baskets with bunch of clothes.
Well what do you think, you genius?
"Sorting out the clothes." said Jimin with a shrug of his shoulders. "Chae volunteered to do it and I helped." Jin suddenly clasped his hands, looking at me with a wide grin.
"My child volunteered! I knew there was greatness to you!" he exclaimed, wiping an imaginary tear from under his eye, making me roll my eyes in amusement.
"Yeah right." I laughed at his acting, shaking my head. My eyes glanced unconsciously at the man next to Jin, my grin slowly faltering as his eyes seemed like they were watching me from the start.
Yeah right Chaeyoung, dream ahead.
Taking a shaky breath I looked away, titling my head slightly to hide my burning cheeks.
I'm sure he doesn't even remember anymore, what happened yesterday. Why would he?
Jimin probably noticed the king shooting lasers my way and me, trying to avoid him like a plague because he cleared his throat, laughing awkwardly.
"I know right! Anyway, we're going to get those to the maids' main room. See you later hyung. Your Majesty." we both bowed down before Jimin placed his palm on the small of my back, leading me away from the two.
I couldn't help but look across my shoulder at the two, my eyes meeting the king's stare before we disappeared behind the wall. Sighing, I turned back at the front.
What did you get yourself into, Chae?
3. person
Confusion was an understatement. Taehyung felt utterly and frustratingly puzzled, his thoughts so loud he could feel his brain ache. And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't stop it. The ruckus, the mess, the yelling.
Throughout his life he solved hundreds of issues, handled problems in economy with ease, helped citizens with starvation and their every day issues. Everything, he solved everything like it was nothing.
So why can't he even begin to understand what's happening? Why can't he solve himself?
Lately, everything around him felt so wrong but so right at the same time. Wrong because things around him have started to change, everything felt so different. Nothing was how it was supposed to be, nothing was how he planned for things to go. Right because the way he felt was something he missed. Things around him started to evolve in a way it made him start to notice things he haven't noticed in a long time. Things started to finally have a meaning.
He simply felt like he started to live after a long time, again. As if he just awoke from a deep slumber to begin a new life. But at some point it felt wrong, to feel this wonderful euphoria. He didn't expect it and he didn't know if he wanted it to be this way. If he wanted to live again.
But he couldn't forget. Couldn't get it out of his mind. The way something in him switched now and then, as if his body and mind were slowly awaking back to life. Here and there, he would feel the gentle nips on his skin, making him realize how long he had been dead. Emotionless. Empty. The world around him black and white. All the people around him bearing the same faces. All the days blending in together into a knot made of nothing but unrecognizable memories.
But it finally clicked. Things were changing. Things were finally beginning to turn around.
He finally realized, the moment her smile adorned her glowing face. He never saw that smile before, she never smiled so wide and shining around him. The small, familiar tug at his chest made him finally see things as they really were.
Chaeyoung was doing something. She was a beginning of something new and he didn't know whether he wanted to stop it or let it unfold on its own.
"Your Majesty!" stopping in his tracks he sighed, turning around with his casual, neutral face. Seokjin next to him stopped as well, frowning at the man running their way.
"Soldier Kang, I think you know better than running around the castle, yelling." the soldier finally reached the two, panting heavily from the long run he underwent before finally finding the one he was looking for. Nodding at Seokjin's scolding, he bowed.
"Excuse me for my indecency, but two soldiers accompanied by spies came back from their mission in the kingdom of Stella. They said it's urgent. They're waiting for you in the main meeting room."
Seokjin knew that once Stella is mentioned, anything should be expected. The kingdom was nothing but bad news. And Taehyung knew that as well, his jaw tightening as he clicked his tongue, already walking towards the mentioned meeting room.
"Thank you for informing us." blurted Seokjin hastily before running to catch up with his friend.
"Did you come here to report?" asked Seokjin, seeing his friend wasn't going to bother to talk first. The two soldiers nodded before one of them stepped one step ahead.
"We came to inform you of the newest movements of Stella."
"Go ahead." hurried Seokjin, not knowing what to except. The soldier cleared his throat, turning his attention to Taehyung who was standing next to Seokjin with his arms crossed on his chest.
"Thankfully, there are no military movements nor any major political issues that would represent a threat for us." said the soldier, his voice stiff and neutral, professional.
Taehyung couldn't help but notice, his usual voice sounded just like that. Stiff, non-faltering, and emotionless. Not only at work. With his friend, his parents, people he can afford being casual with. His voice never changed, making him wonder. Was it so bad he talked that way? How did it make people around him feel?
"However," the soldier continued, "the emperor, Min Yoongi, was announced to get engaged soon." this returned Taehyung back to reality with a harsh snap, his lips parting slightly at the sudden information.
"What?"
***
the so eagerly awaited Yoongs was finally revealed!
(kinda)
what do you think about this chapter?
GUYS seriously I want to hug each and every one of you, you people deserve the purest love there is, thank you for the support I can't begin to explain how happy I am!!!
<3 <3 <3