On Saturday morning, well, more like afternoon, Syd and I wake up to the sound of my mom banging on my bedroom door.
"Come on girls, it's 2 p.m. Time to get up!" she says through the closed door and we roll around in our beds groaning. We get dressed and head downstairs to have lunch, skipping right over breakfast, and she catches me up to speed with everything that's been going on with her in the past weeks. Apparently, she and Jackson really hit it off last night and they even talked about going on a date. I know she's not looking for a serious relationship, but I'm happy for her either way. I don't confide in her about me and Noah. She already knows something's up but I'm just not ready to openly talk about us yet. I invite Syd to stay the night again but she declines, arguing that she has homework to catch up on.
That works out well though because I can't get the situation with Tyler out of my hand and I need to put an end to it. So after Syd leaves, I text him.
Maddison:
We need to talk.
No reply. So I try again.
Maddison:
I'm coming over, and you better open that damn door or I swear to God I'm kicking it down.
Still no answer. But I wasn't asking for permission anyway.
I put my shoes on and charge out of my house, heading next door towards Tyler's. I was considering he might've stayed the night at Jackson's house with the rest of the boys, but his car is parked in the driveway, so I know for a fact he's home. I don't see his parent's car though, so I feel free to bang my fists on the door like a maniac.
"Tyler!" I yell his name. I stand still, listening for any movement coming from inside the house, but all I hear is dead silence and my own breathing.
I knock again. Louder this time. "Tyler I know you're in there! You're going to have to come out someday, I'll stake you out if I have to!"
Still nothing.
I bang on the door one last time, as loud as I can, "TYLER!"
After a few more seconds of silence, I give up and turn my back to the door. I'm about to take a seat on the steps leading up to his porch when I hear the door behind me unlock and I turn back to see Tyler standing at the entrance, looking like a ghost.
His hair is messy, his hollowed out and rimmed with dark circles. He's either been crying or he hasn't slept in days, and I'm leaning towards the first option because he was fine yesterday. I've known him his entire life and I've never once seen Tyler cry, so I can't imagine what could possibly have him this upset.
"Are you going to invite me in?" I ask when he doesn't speak.
"I'm debating it," he answers truthfully, sounding exhausted. "You gonna break down my door if I don't?"
"Probably," I answer unapologetically.
He sighs, sounding pained, but he opens the door wider, allowing me to step inside the house. Standing in the hallway I stare at him, waiting for him to speak up. But instead, he closes the front door and heads to the kitchen.
"Tyler I've been worried sick about you, "I say, following him. "You're killing me here, you've been avoiding me for days and now you won't even look me in the face. This isn't how we handle things between us. "
"What do you want me to say, Maddie?" he says softly, avoiding my eyes and running his hands through his white hair.
"I want to know what's going on!" I demand.
"You already know," he says, his tone defeated, "You can't not know by now."
I struggle to get the words to come out of my mouth. "What are you even talking about? You're not making any sense."
"You've been dating Noah, haven't you?" he asks, his head hung low.
It's surprising how quickly a question as simple as that one sucks the air out of my lungs. "I-" I struggle with my words.
"You don't need to lie to me," Tyler says tenderly, "Just be honest. Please."
I hesitate, but I have to know, "Did he tell you?" I ask, feeling betrayed. I can't believe Noah would do that, he promised he wouldn't.
He finally looks up at me, "He didn't need to."
"I don't understand," I say, "And even if I did, what does that have to do with us?"
"Everything," he sighs, "I wish it didn't, and I'm so sorry, but it does."
My head is spinning, trying to put the pieces together but failing. "Why?" I ask, even though I know I don't want to hear the answer and he doesn't want to give it.
But he answers, and it all comes crashing down.
"Because I love you," he says, voice breaking. My heart stops. "I'm in love with you, and I can't remember there ever being a time when I wasn't. And I've tried. I've tried so hard to accept the fact that you don't feel the same way about me. I've tried to get over it. But then you kissed me and everything changed. Because I realized that it's not that I can't get over you, it's that I honestly don't want to," he says with a shaky smile, his eyes glossy, "I'm so happy that I got the chance to fall in love with someone like you. You're kind and beautiful and you care about me more than anyone else and I burn when you look at me but I never want it to stop.
I've always put my feelings aside to preserve our friendship, even if it meant that I had to see you with someone else. But I can't deal with it anymore. I thought I could handle it, but I saw you with him last night, and I...I didn't mean to. I was just on my way back inside and I saw you two together and it made me feel like I was being ripped apart."
My feet are glued to the ground as tears stream down my face uncontrollably. I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out of it. Instead, Tyler continues.
"I love you, and I know it's not fair, but I love you. And I can't pretend that I don't anymore," he sniffles and wipes at his eyes with the back of his hand. "Maddie I think it would be easier, for both of us, to stay away from each other," he says and I feel like I've been cut in half. "I care about you more than words could ever explain, but I can't be around you anymore. Not when it hurts like this. I didn't want it to come to this, and I'm so sorry it has. I know that by saying these things I've completely ruined our friendship, but I can't go on like this. It's not fair to either one of us."
Pain is replaced by panic as the weight of his words sinks in, and I finally speak. "Please Tyler, don't do this," I beg, "I had no idea you felt like this, and I'm so sorry I hurt you, it wasn't my intention, but I can't bear to lose you. Please, you're my best friend," I say, and my voice cracks. "You've always been, and I can't picture my life without you in it. I understand it will take time, and I can give you space if that's what you want, but I need to know that we'll get through this. If you truly love me, then you'll understand that I need you in my life. There has to be a way for us to fix this," My words are interrupted by my erratic breaths, as I cry hysterically.
"I don't think there is," he says looking away from me.
Those five words send a dagger slicing through my heart, and I physically feel the pain of it breaking inside my chest.
"I-I don't know what else to say. You need to know that it never was, and it never will be my intention to hurt you. I really care about you Tyler, and I love you so, so much. Just not in the same way you love me. I wish I did, but I'd be lying if I said that's how I feel."
He takes a long pause and lets out a breath, nodding. "You should go, Maddie," he says looking down.
"Tyler-"
"Please," he breathes, "Please just go."
I want to fight for this, to tell him that I'll stay and that I won't let him shut me out of his life. Because I love him. I love him as someone who's been there for me through thick and thin, and who has given me advice every time that I've needed it, who's been my shoulder to cry on, who's made me laugh till my stomach hurts, and who's made navigating my teen years an easier journey. I don't want to lose him. But I can't bear to be the one that hurts him.
I have to let him go.
I take a step towards him but he takes an answering step back. Without another word, I walk to the door. Before I go, look back at Tyler, my hand lingering on the doorknob. I find him leaning with his elbows on the counter and his face buried in his hands. Seeing him cry, and knowing I'm the reason why makes my heart shatter.
I have to let him go.
So I open the door and get out of there, running to my house before I change my mind and make things worse.
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ATTENTION ALL TYLER SIMPS
I've been reading your comments, and I agree that I've done Tyler dirty in this story. He's one of my favourite characters I've created, and because of all this I've decided to rewrite this story and make Tyler the main love interest in this new version. It's called "The pieces we trade" and the first few chapters are already up on my profile if you want to check it out. They're few, but they're long, so they'll keep you entertained for a while.
All right, end of the intermission. Carry on :)