Here it is... his funeral. 2 weeks so we could finally bury him. Elizu asks about him all the time,she doesn't know Jasper wasn't her real father and it breaks my heart.
In the same time I had to raise our baby boy and it's not easy because when I see him or look at him he reminds me Jasper, my heart just turns into pieces. But today I have to be strong and not be crying so much. I don't want my children to see me like this.
Doing his funeral was exhausting but he knew he was going to be gone so 75% of it was done including what people are invited to his funeral. But still I had to deal with the stone and everything. Not great.
But 10a.m when it was windy and sunny outside funeral was being held. Saying your goodbyes and trying to make a good face.
I was wearing his favourite black dress of mine and black bandage over my black hair and black necklace, earrings and bracelets he had gifted me once and also our wedding ring. I'm never taking it off.
When I arrived at the funeral I was too focused on the small silver coffin in the middle so I didn't notice people around it.
Priest saying his words... I didn't listen anything what somebody said. I was numb. Just a little bit of it sand thrown and I was asked to say a few words. I didn't want to...
I can't bring this pain back, but my little girl told me to. Saying she wants to know more about his brother's dad. So I did it.
" Hi. I'm ...I'm Elisapeth his wife and not widow because I'm going to be his wife forever.
I don't care honestly who's here. I just know that here was a reason why you were asked, every one of you. Today when I woke up and saw our son something finally got to me. That he is not gone. He's soul is in our baby boys body or if not I have at least part of him.
He was there when he was born and died the same day..." I looked down I couldn't watch them " He was my saviour. He helped me all the time and changed his plans to be with me, to be there for me and get to love me everyday. I have a daughter and a son. They adore him or I think Jaspear would've too. I just remember when Eliza was born and he promised me that she will be treated as princess and she was. He spoiled her. I just still remember how..." a smile crept into my face " how he made a swing for her and when 8 hours later it wasn't still ready and Elizu became crumpy. He smiled so brightly "Wait princess. I'm making you a worthy throne. The next day he had kept his promise, only for me to find out he gave up and paid the next morning to mailman and garbage man to make it ready" I laughed " Now he's gone and never be replaced. Big part of our family is gone" I cried and then I was stumbling only to be coughed by someone.
I was ready to thank that person but then I saw him and words left me and I automatically spit through my teeth " I don't need your help" getting up, pushing him away and running away.