—fiftyeight—
the art of letting go
"NEVER GONNA CHANGE your mind?"
Arthur's shoulders became stiff, pausing from shoving his clothes into his bag. He then looked up at Cain rather hesitantly – it was as though he was afraid to stare at some deity who was walking among them mortals.
He cast his lashes back down and sighed. "No," he replied, as he continued fixing his things. "I need this."
"Guess so," Cain muttered ruefully. "But think about it – if you let her marry that senator's bastard, then you won't be able to get her back, and she will bear his kids and not yours; basically, she's going to spend the rest of her life with that douche, and you're at some place halfway around the world – maybe in a bar or something, drinking away the thoughts of having her in your arms and shit like you guys are these pieces of a jigsaw puzzle that perfectly fit together. Probably you're sleeping it off with some random girl you met in the woods, but for some reason, you can't just get Paige out of your head. You know what I mean?"
Arthur pulled up a funny face. "No. I don't."
Cain rolled his eyes and plopped on the bed in such a heavy manner that it made the bed wave like the ripples of the sea. "You guys are idiots. You know that right? Come on, man. It's gonna be your loss. Both your loss. Like, even your dad made her swear or something – "
He stilled. "What d'you mean?"
"Oh, you know, that she would watch over you guys when he's gone. Even your old man believes you're meant for each other."
Arthur shook his head, zipping his bag close. "That's easy to say, but given the circumstances, you'd see how messed up it really is. What d'you want me to do? Kidnap her, like nothing happened? Take the chance away from her to be with someone who wouldn't likely make her fucking cry? Does it seem a little arrogant? How can you be sure if we'd work out if I'd try to stop her from marrying the guy, anyway? It may seem like it's not the most logical reason right now, but it will be one day."
That made Cain silent for a moment. And for one second there, Arthur thought the debate was done. But then he mused, "But if she were given the chance, she'd choose you. I know she would."
"I saw it, Cain," he said breathily, licking his lip, "Paige loves him, too. If we have to do the math, it's over; you'd know who's really winning here. Just simply put it like this – we're done. For good. And that's enough for me to know that for once in my life, I've met the love of my life. We don't end up with our soul mates, Cain. Don't believe that shit. Marriage doesn't work like that. Over time, those intense feelings for someone, those would fade away in the long run. What makes the team last long isn't really love. It's the work put into that marriage every single day."
"Well, then, let me ask you this: are you willing to fight for it every day?"
Arthur fell completely silent, and he averted his eyes away from Cain with a twitch of his jaw. Even though he wouldn't look at his best friend, Cain could read the answer from his eyes alone.
Cain abruptly stood up when Arthur swiftly slung his duffel bag on his shoulder, decided not to participate in the conversation any longer. Heading for the main door of the apartment, Arthur swivelled his attention all around.
It was like a methodical action when one would leave a house for good. When he'd come back, he was going to live someplace else that would help him in turning a new leaf.
He needed a clean start.
"So now what? You're just gonna ignore me?"
Arthur pivoted on his heels, arching his eyebrow. Cain made a misstep in surprise, scowling when Arthur twitch his lips in amusement. "You know I only ignore people I care about – "
Cain crossed his arms. "– which is a bizarre portrayal of yours; but thanks, I totally know what you mean." Then another silence slipped through between them. Cain had an arbitrary liking towards nodding when in awkward situations and this was one of them. "I'm gonna miss you, buddy."
They gave each other a brotherly hug, and Arthur tightened his lips into a line as he looked beyond the hall. "Me, too, man." He clapped his friend on the back before backing away. "Don't be stupid while I'm not around."
"Stupid, huh? Look who's talking."
Arthur chuckled, shaking his head in a breezy manner and finally wrenched the door open. Closing the door shut behind him, he took a deep breath and stared beyond the horizon, haphazardly readjusting his skullcap on his head. The sun was setting but there were buses 24/7 so he could have all the time in the world.
And so it began.
﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏
Owen was blissful beyond words as he drove to the secret place he was telling Paige about. They had just finished meeting up with their wedding planner and he'd practically dragged her out of the restaurant, much to the planner's amusement.
"Where're we going?" Paige asked with a chuckle, even when in confusion. "I thought we're not going to keep secrets from each other."
Owen smirked, slanting a quick, crafty look her way. "You almost got me there. But, no. This one's different. It's basically not a secret; it's a surprise, so, I'm going to have to stick to my guns, potato."
She huffed, crossing her arms. "You're so annoying."
He laughed, felt his heart hurting from her mere reaction that he had to reach for her chin and shake it randomly.
Fifteen minutes to uptown Bradbury and they finally reached Rivera Heights, unbeknownst to Paige, as this was her first time coming into the exclusive residential property.
Owen soon cut short near in front of a big white farmhouse, immediately turning off the ignition to go out of the car and open Paige's door. He held her hand gingerly as she stepped out, clutching her white dress so as not to drag it across the ground as she did so.
"Are we visiting a friend?" She gazed up at the wooden mansion, lines etching the center of her eyebrows.
"Not really," Owen glanced up at the house first before shrugging, "but I do have something to show you."
"Oh," she jutted her bottom lip out, her chin askew at Owen when he suddenly turned her in the other direction, "okay...?"
Owen tilted up a smile, staring down at her. He let out a chuckle when she still latched her eyes to him in sheer oblivion. He then jerked his chin towards the opposite house, and then her eyes followed just as he turned his attention back to the zen house meters away from them.
"Surprise," he murmured in amusement, leading her closer by her shoulders; and he could feel her muscles stiff under his fingers.
They stopped by the sidewalk to tour their eyes all over the place. It wasn't the biggest like the ones she was used to at Wellton, but he knew that she'd like a smaller one and just as simple.
The exterior was inspired by Asian houses, with flat, angled roofs, wooden designs, lavish plants, and stones by the pathways. It was vastly different from the others around the property, but pretty much everyone certainly had their own styles when it came down to their housing ideas.
"Wait, what is this?"
Owen sidestepped so now he was standing next to her. "This is where we're going to live after the wedding."
Her mouth fell. "Owen, I –" She blinked, her chest rising up so high and then added, "wow. Are you serious?"
He smirked. "Yes. Do you like it?"
She chuckled, her tone heaving in a staccato manner. "Yeah! Yeah, of course. I mean, can I take a look inside?"
"Of course, amore mio." Intertwining his hand with hers, he led her further against the stones. Paige was wearing her sandals so it was a little harder for her to pace through it. "Careful," he said, soon now reaching the main winding route to the porch.
"When did this happen?" Paige asked in disbelief, as Owen fished out his set of keys. "I didn't suspect a thing."
Opening the door, Owen turned back and watched her eyes gleaming in equal parts of amazement and confusion. "Welcome to our humble abode."
Once she was already fully inside, Owen closed the door firmly shut and scanned the front room which was still bare. The floorings were completely covered in shiny wooden board, the walling was partly beige-colored, white in some areas, and more wood. They could get any light they wanted from the large glass windows with wooden frames, too, making the area more cozy, bright, and relaxing.
He paced forward and a little bit on the right side, there was a cubic garden house within the four walls of glass. Finding Paige standing near there - who was staring up at the light streaming from up above the indoor garden - he slung his arm around her shoulders with a ridiculous smile on his face.
"Killian referred me to his couple friends when he found out they're going to sell this. That was two months ago. I knew you'd love it here the moment I saw it. There were some renovations that had to be made, though. Like the walls. I figured gray was too masculine. I mean, I don't mind the color but I won't be living here alone, so. Oh, you have to see this, too..."
Nudging her, they walked through the hall and Owen squinted at the bright light flooding in from the outside when they reached the other end of the area. There, a back porch was situated that overlooked the bay area of Bradbury. He watched the waves crashing through the shore and against the stones from kilometres away, practically hearing the white bubbles fizzing every time they would roll over the sand.
"This place is amazing," Paige said in a hushed voice, her hair flourishing across her face from the wind as she stared at the horizon rather distantly. Owen twitched his eyebrows upon watching the side of her face, every contour. But he smiled instantaneously when she turned to him with a tender smile on her lips. "I love it."
"Really?"
She nodded in faint amusement. "Where's the kitchen?"
"Oh, right." His steps were practically hopping while he dragged her along, turning to the left so they could paced within another wooden hallway which was accentuated with lights and stones on either side. There was a rather big enclosed space there, and he let out a quiet chuckle when Paige frowned as he looked at her behind his shoulder. "That's where the pool is, if you're wondering."
The kitchen was still loyal to whites and brown hues as well, but the upper planes of the drawers and counters were black. Even the top portion of the sink was full black, but all of the bases were top-grade wooden materials. Both the ceilings and the floors were pure nature, too.
The kitchen counter had a deep recess where the bar stools were stored, and only to be hauled out when needed. And by the left side of the room, the ocean could be seen as well because of the large windows.
Although the house wasn't as big as the Cadwyn's mansion, it was spacious enough for two. Not to mention that it was comfortable beyond words.
Owen inched closer behind Paige and wrapped his arms around her. Paige tilted her head upside, thin fingers caging his forearms as she did so. "I'm sure you'd be spending a lot of your time here," he told her, his breathing hitting her cheekbone. "You know, kids running around. Then I come home, and I can smell what you're cooking all the way outside."
A smile curved up Paige's mouth, her eyes seemingly shining with something. Owen just didn't know how to describe it, but he could see how much this meant to her. And he felt the same way.
"Time flies so fast," she murmured. "One second, you're a child. And then the next, you'd be having your own."
The breathy chuckle was instantaneous to Owen. "I know," he looked across the room with a wistful look on his face, "I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you here."
Paige's expression turned softer, undoing his back-hug so that now she was standing frontward to him. He brushed his hand down her hair after she'd encircled her arms around his neck.
"Me, too, Owen," she whispered, before standing on the tips of her toes and deep-pressed a three-second long kiss against his mouth. When the spell was unlocked away, it made a sleek, lustful noise. "And I'll do everything to be a good wife to you."
He caged her within the walls of his chest again, shutting his eyes close with the overwhelming love for her.
A love so big that somehow made him feel afraid.
﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏﹏
Upon returning to her office after Owen had revealed the zen house to her, Paige immediately worked on finishing the certificates for the on-the-job trainees. There were over fifty of them who were nearing to their required hours to complete in the following day alone so she needed to quicken her pace.
Printing them by batches, she flicked the ones coming out hot from the tail end and placed them aside for her to sign later. Lugging out her drawer, she rummaged in it for a sign pen, only for her fingers to become steely when she caught sight of a book page.
There, wedged between pens, invoices and other office materials, was the black poetry Arthur gave to her. She snatched it up and unfolded the page – the paper now too creasy and had seen better days. It had to be thrown and all forgotten.
But even thinking about it seemed so hard to do; as it was only the tangible memory she had from Arthur. She had already dumped the dried-pressed purple flowers a long time ago when they broke up so this was her only saving grace. But this, too, definitely had to go.
"You have to," she said between the catch of her breath.
As she stood up and tried to aim for the other side of the office where the shredder was, she could barely move her feet in that direction. The gaping hole inside her core was eating her away, and she felt lightheaded like there was no oxygen coming in of her anymore.
The journey felt like forever. But all things should come to an end, she thought.
She stared emptily at the machine, even though her thoughts were filled with worries of where Arthur was now, or if he was going to be mad at her for forgetting about him altogether – even Jude, and the overwhelming thought of having been betrothed to Owen and live with him in the zen house with children of their own someday.
Pushing the shredder on, she held the paper shakily under her fingers as if she was saying goodbye to Arthur all over again. It was hard to let the emotions take over, so she didn't even think. Paige slotted the book page into the opening and only then she realized that she'd been shedding of her own, too.
Because her emotions felt cheated on, as they ran down her face in tiny rivulets, wondering why she betrayed them like that.
"I'm sorry," her voice was raspy.
She brushed the tears away hastily before heaving a breath of courage and just watched as the paper of old love was being torn to pieces.
And for a moment there, her heart felt like paper.