After that day I didn't have the strength to stay away from Isaac. I wasn't really worried about being hurt anymore; I just wanted to enjoy his company.
Of course I was still afraid, but I was happy to have someone who was right there with me; feeling the same way I did. A month had passed since our little scene at the theatre.
I'd been spending more and more time with Isaac. We'd grown used to kissing but I still wasn't letting him go further than that. That was the one mistake that I didn't want to make. Sex always got me into trouble.
I got a little more comfortable with Isaac over time and allowed myself to get a little more physically connected with him. However, I knew I was still a little emotionally closed off.
The important thing was that I was trying. I felt like a complete idiot for pushing him away so much. I was ashamed that Id let my past get in the way of a relationship with Isaac
I kept thinking about what Kate said in the car, and I couldn't walk away from him after that.
I still hadn't told him what she said about the baby. He thought she had an abortion because she didn't know who the baby belonged to. I didn't want him to find out that John killed the baby when he beat Kate, it would hurt him too much, and I didn't feel like it was my place to say anything.
"Penny for your thoughts." Isaac said bringing me back to reality.
"I'm hungry." I lied.
Isaac stood up and went to the kitchen, not even mentioning the fact that we had both just gotten finished eating a huge pizza.
Within a few minutes he was back with a tray full of snacks. I leaped head first into the chocolate. Hey, what can I say, I'm my mother's daughter. I heard Isaac laugh as though he heard my thoughts.
"Don't laugh," I joked. "It's a serious condition."
"I love you." he said kissing me gently on the lips.
I sat up straight and pretended to focus on the movie. Every since the night at the theatre Isaac made it known how he felt about me. I wasn't ready. He knew I didn't believe in love, so I never said it back.
"You're doing it again." he said.
"Doing what?" I asked, I already knew what he meant. I was shutting him out.
"For a second there I really thought we were making progress." He said disappointed.
"Progress? I'm not some little project for you Isaac."
"You know that's not what I meant Jade." He said calmly.
"Then what did you mean?" I didn't know why I was getting so defensive.
Isaac sounded frustrated, "you know how I feel about you, yet you act like you don't even care about me. Every time I touch you it's like you freeze up. What am I supposed to think?"
"So this is because I won't sleep with you?"
"You know that's not what this is about! Look if you're not into this fine, tell me, but don't try to string me along and play with my feelings. Just because you don't have a heart doesn't mean you can play with mine!" he almost yelled.
Now I was furious and we were full on arguing. "You know now I see why Kate left you." I quickly clasped my hands over my mouth, as soon as I said it I felt horrible. "Isaac I'm sorry, I didn't mean that."I tried to take his hand but he pulled away. After a minute of silence I felt very uneasy.
"Do you have any feelings for me at all?" he finally said.
"I..." I couldn't answer. I didn't know what I felt.
Isaac shook his head, "why are you even here?" He began to get up.
"I don't know!" I finally yelled, tears forming in my eyes. "Is that what you want to hear? I don't know how I feel and I don't know what I want! I don't know why I can't go a day without thinking about you and I don't know why it's so hard for me to say that to you. Ok, I don't know anything anymore!" I was so upset that I started pacing the floor. "You screwed everything up for me. I was perfectly fine with my lonely life until you decided to mess it all up. Now I'm confused all the time. I don't know what you want me to say!"
"Dimmit Jade just say what you feel!" he urged.
I was silent.
"Fine, I'm out of here." He said walking out of the door.
I couldn't help but smile once I realized that we were in his house. He came back a few seconds later and I grabbed my things to leave. I was at the front door about to go home to my own apartment, which I suddenly realized would be very cold and lonely.
"Don't go." He said in a low tantalizing voice, grabbing my hand as I past him, pulling me back to him.
I sighed, "I can't give you what you want Isaac. I'm bad at this. That's why I stayed by myself so long. Kate told me in the back of her car that she didn't know how much she lost until she left you. She told me that she thought she was in love with John and when he found out that she was pregnant with your baby that he beat her so bad that she lost the baby. I know how much you've been hurt in the past and I don't want to do that to you. I don't know how I feel about you. I don't know where this is going, but I do know that I don't want to be like Kate in the back of that car when you realize that you don't love me. When you realize that what you're feeling is just a temporary high. I don't want to grow attached to you and then watch you walk away."
"I'm sorry, I never should have made you feel pressured to say anything, but Jade I would never ever walk away from you. I don't ever want to hurt you. Please don't go." He grabbed my coat and purse form my hands and threw them to the floor.
He took a step closer to me, forcing me against the front door.
I couldn't move, the close proximity of our bodies was sending me over the edge. I didn't dare move while he was this close to me. I could take feeling the unmistakable probe of his erection against my stomach.
What was wrong with me? We were literally just fighting second ago. Now I was like a dog in heat.
Just when I thought I would break he moved in closer, closing the remaining miniscule space between us. I let out an abrupt whimper.
Isaac reached up and ran his index finger over my now quivering lips.
"You're addictive Jade. Do you know that? Do you know what you do to me when you look at me like that?"
I didn't speak, my lips were numb.
"Just tell me what you want Jade." He said provocatively. "I just want to make you happy."
I tried to speak but my mouth was as dry as an Egyptian Desert. I felt his free hand tracing small circles on my bare thigh. He landed a gentle kiss on my collar bone, "tell me what you want." He repeated a little more forcefully.
"You" I moaned.
His hands moved from my thigh and found its home under my shirt. My entire body felt like melted butter as he teasingly caressed my skin.
"What do you want form me?" He said nibbling on my bottom lip, taunting me with his supernatural lure. I let out a low whine, "I-" I stumbled.
"Don't lie to me." He said pressing his lips to mine forcefully and grabbing my ass with both hands.
"Oh God, everything." I moaned. "I want all of you."
"Good girl." He said rewarding me with a hard sultry kiss.
He pulled his lips away too soon, leaving me dazed. "You have no idea how bad I crave you." he said claiming the flesh on my neck with his mouth. "I want to taste you and watch as my tongue takes you over the edge."
He kissed my collar bone and my knees grew weak from his nibbling the nape of my neck. "I want to hear you scream my name as I drive into you hard and deep."
He growled taking my mouth to his once again. "I want to pleasure you in every way imaginable." He said kissing me more gently now. "But you're not ready." He said pulling away from me.
The instant assault of cold air suddenly made me cower. I lazily opened my eyes that had rolled to the back of my head. I looked around the empty entryway and Isaac was gone.
That bastard.
"Fuck." I said breathlessly as I ran my fingers over my swollen lips, still tingling form Isaac's touch. "Jade, what have you gotten yourself into?"
I knew I should have run as soon as he said he wouldn't hurt me. It would have been easier. It wouldn't hurt as much, for either of us. Instead I walked back into the apartment and let him lead me back to his living room where I fell asleep in his arms on the couch.