Stretching out my legs and arms, the leather sofa squeaks underneath me and I groan as the familiar agony caused by hours of cycling hits me.
My muscles are achy and stiff, and I know it's only going to feel worse tomorrow. A lot worse. At least, when we finally stopped last night at several large buildings we found one which contained a variety of sofa's rather than a hard floor.
Opening my eyes, morning light streams in through the front of the building which is partly glass but mostly empty frames. I sit up and look around; behind me, a wide staircase leads to another level of beds which makes me groan again.
Seriously? There were beds here the whole time.
'Yep, we all slept on sofa's when there was over a dozen beds to choose from a few metres away. Serves us right for not using a torch when we got here.' Roman walks over to me.
'I didn't bring a torch.' My voice sounds gruff from sleep and thirst. Rubbing my eyes, I sit up and my whole body creaks.
'Me neither. Looks like this will probably be a recurring problem.' Roman sits beside me and offers an open half-eaten jar. 'I couldn't find any cutlery.'
'I didn't bring cutlery either,' I sigh, taking the jar from him.
Cas rolls onto her side on the sofa opposite us. 'You two are really prepared for this trip. Not.'
'What have you got?' I ask.
'Beauty, intelligence, sass...I could continue but I don't want you to feel inferior.' Cas smirks.
Zach continues to have the best smirk. A smirk I need to forget.
Cas sits up rubbing her neck. 'I had a crap sleep. Got any food for me?'
Roman pulls out a jar from his bag and throws it over to her. She unscrews the lid and stands up. 'I'm going to have a look around.'
'Don't take too long, we're leaving in a minute,' Roman says.
Cas waves her hand dismissively as she walks off.
I slowly tip the contents of the jar into my mouth and chew. Me and Roman sit in silence, and I shuffle on the sofa awkwardly. I don't know Roman or Cas very well. Why couldn't Bo have volunteered to come? Because he thinks Zach is an idiot and not in an attractive sexy way like I thought. Like I continue to think.
Being here now is so different to all my time spent wandering with Zach. With Zach, I felt at ease and I felt good. I was confident and hopeful. Part of me can't believe how I was so oblivious to what he had planned. Another part of me wants to believe it wasn't all an act that maybe he felt a little of what I did.
I clear my throat. 'Haiden mentioned you and Ethel are together.'
'We're not.' Roman exhales and leans back against the sofa.
'I didn't think so.'
'It was the simplest explanation.'
'You mean it was the easy option for you.'
Roman shrugs. 'And, maybe, that's ok. Sometimes people need to take the easy option. Life's already tough, I don't see the point in making it more difficult, especially when you can't change it.'
'Haiden knowing who her father is would make her life better.' I tip the rest of the contents of the jar into my mouth.
'Haiden fancying her possible father would not make her life better. I think Haiden is my daughter because Virulence affected her the same way it affected me. Bo and his dad both had the same damage, as did Klein and his brother, but I can't be certain I'm her father and Fara doesn't have access to the sort of equipment to prove paternity. Also, I don't want to tell her she's a product of rape. Even if I'm the father, technically, I was the rapist. Klein forced me but it was still me who did it.' Roman frowns and rubs his face. 'As for Me and Ethel, we may not officially be together but we have an understanding.'
My face heats and I choke slightly on the food I'm swallowing. 'I really don't want to know about your arrangements-'
'Not like that.' Roman shakes his head. 'We were subjected to things that have meant neither of us want to commit to a sexual relationship. I have issues around intimacy as does Ethel, so we both made a conscious decision to step away from getting involved with people.'
'I don't know what you went through, but surely with time and the right person you could overcome those issues.'
'Possibly, but our community is small and our focus is on bettering it; we both made the decision to allow people to think we were a couple.'
'You're not a convincing couple.'
'We've slept in the same room since Ethel arrived that was enough to convince people.'
'They allowed that? A teenager and an adult?'
'By the time Ethel arrived at the community, it had been fours since I left Kleins; I was almost twenty and she was in her mid to late twenties. Everyone knew I'd been sneaking into Klein's community to convince her to leave so they assumed we were together.' Roman shrugs.
'So why didn't Haiden ever think you were together?'
'Like you said, we're not a convincing couple and Haiden is perceptive. She always assumed me and Ethel were close but strictly platonic; which we are.'
It's sad to think Roman and Ethel have given up on getting close to anyone. Then again, they probably have the right idea. It will save them from a lot of heartbreak.
'Haiden knew you were going to leave,' Roman says.
I arch an eyebrow. 'And she asked you to come with me?'
'She asked me to look after you.'
'She asked me to look after you too.' I chuckle dryly.
'Haiden asked me to look after you two, as well,' Cas says appearing from behind us. 'Actually, that's a lie, but I felt left out of your little bonding experience. Haiden never tells me anything. Actually, that's a lie too, she tells me too much but I've learnt to block her out. That girl doesn't know when to stop.'
Roman stands abruptly. 'Ready to go?'
'I've been ready for a while.' Cas retorts and chucks her half-eaten jar at Roman who catches it and places it back in his bag. Shaking his head in exasperation, he walks off.
Outside, there are several large buildings with dirt coated cracked glass windows. Thick grey splatters merged with green moss cover large signs so only part of the words are visible. I've seen places like this too often, shops full of once desirable goods now no longer needed. How long will it take for nature to make this place completely disappear? Decades or centuries? Or will it always remain? The buildings and the content intertwined with plant life as a reminder of how fragile our existence is.
Roman is already cycling along the path so me and Cas jump on our bikes and pedal fast to catch up.
Riding in daylight is definitely easier than riding in the darkness of night.
Cas turns to me as we're riding. 'I did actually hear Haiden tell Roman of your plan, that's not a lie. I made Tunde swap with me. He owed me from a game of poker we played awhile a ago.'
'Why are you so keen to come?' I frown.
'I get claustrophobic in that place. And this is fun, the three of us bonding over jars of food and the prospect of danger.' Cas grins. 'I'm more fun than Bo too. He's so serious sometimes so you should be glad I didn't tell him you were leaving because then he would have come.'
'No, he wouldn't.' I say quietly, focusing ahead of us.
'Yes, he would. He wants to keep you safe.'
'I can take care of myself.'
'He knows that like he knows I can take care of myself but that doesn't stop Bo from trying to keep me safe at all times. He always watches out for me when I'm on patrol, checks up on me regularly and he's taken the same role with you. He's got this protective streak when it comes to you. I'm pretty jealous-'
'Me and Bo are friends, that's all.' I frown.
Cas chuckles. 'You're more than friends but I don't mean in a sexual way. And I really hope you don't like him in a sexual way because he's into guys. He's currently with Nate, has been for a few months.'
'I didn't realise.'
'Me and Nate hooked up for a while so Bo doesn't like to be too affectionate when I'm around. Not that it bothers me, but Bo is a little awkward about it.' Cas shrugs.
I wonder how I could have missed Bo and Nates' relationship. Looking back I've been so wrapped up in what's been happening with me I never really took notice of anyone else's relationships. There could have been lots of signs if I wasn't so self-absorbed and I'd taken notice of my surroundings.
The guilt sits heavily. Bo knows so much about me but I'm wondering how much I know about him.
How much have I missed whilst being preoccupied in myself?