Why does it feel like there's an invisible magnet between you and Jungkook that you always end up coming back to him?
No matter how hard you try to avoid him, no matter how hard you try to say no, you'd still end up going back to him, stumbling and tripping. No matter how much you push him away, he'd still end up to you too.
And you know this is probably the dumbest thing you'll ever do but he needs you right now. And that is the only thing in your mind. He needs you.
There must be a reason why he ended up being like this and coming back to you. There must be a reason why he called you and not his other friends.
"I'm going home now. Call me when I get home, okay?" You breathing starts to get heavy as you put your decision out in the open.
You heard him shudder before he hummed. You immediately ended the call and looked at Taehyung who stopped eating a cupcake. You looked at him apologetically and he put down his cupcake and sighed.
"You need to go home?" He asked.
"I'm sorry." You look down as you see the sad look in his eyes, disappointed even.
"It's okay. Let's go." He smiled a bit, just stretching to the sides and not that boxy smile.
He immediately stood up and you followed him. The ride was silent, he didn't say anything all through out, even when you were in front of your house. Half of it was calming, you had time to think about what is happening and what you should do, but the other half made you feel miserable because you stole the moment from Taehyung which he so much enjoyed earlier.
You were pinching your finger when you looked at him, he was waiting for you to go inside. "I'm really sorry, Kim Taehyung." You pout.
He broke into his boxy smile then you froze when he pat your head softly, "It's okay, its no big deal. And it seems like an emergency."
"Kinda."
He nodded, "You should go in. Oh, and Y/n, don't think about it too much." He smiled before turning away.
You went straight to your room and texted Jeon Jungkook.
'Im home.'
After seconds, your phone rings and you see his name on the screen. You immediately accept it and waited for him to speak.
"I'm sorry for disturbing you but I feel like you're the only one who could understand me." He croaked, he feels so weak by his voice.
"It's okay." You said, almost a whisper.
Silence stretch between you, trying to feel each other through silence and breaths. You waiting for him to speak and him trying to search for the words in his head that he can't seem to put together. It was weird, Jungkook always had a way of speaking his thoughts, but right now, it feels like talking is foreign to him.
Or is it just the way he feels whenever he talks to you now? Because of everything that happened. Because of everything you told him in the past. Sometimes he feels like you're so distant but you'll smile at him and his thoughts will retreat.
In the end, you're still the one who reached out saying, "What are you thinking about?"
"My worth." He speaks. "Am I not worth taking the risk?" He continued.
And it almost break your heart seeing this boy like this. What did really happen that he has to question himself like this? How can someone hurt the boy that you love? How can she hurt him when all you wanted for him was to be happy and to be loved? How can she hurt someone you let go even though it pained you?
"I'm trying...so hard...to understand her because that's what I should do, right? That's the right thing to do." His voice shakes then it breaks.
You bit your lip as tears form in the corners of your eyes. Why did she hurt Jeon Jungkook?
"I don't want to let her go when she's crying so hard. When she's breaking down in front of me." He sobs.
Jeon Jungkook sobs. Jeon Jungkook was crying. And what can you do? Cry with him at the other end of the line.
"She told me she doesn't need me. She doesn't need me. But what about me? I need her."
You clicked the mute button when you couldn't hold it in anymore. You sob. You cried. Why are you feeling his pain? Why do you still feel for him even though he broke your heart? Because deep inside, you knew, you wished that you were the one he needed instead.
"What's wrong with me?" He said.
You shook your head, clicking the mute button to unmute it. "Nothing's wrong with you." You tried hard to make your voice steady and not to sniff.
"Then why did this happen? Where did I go wrong?"
Tears fell down your face because you knew, no matter how much you want him to need you. To look at you, he just won't because he loves Lee Ara. Because she's the one he needs. And you are not enough to erase her in his life. You aren't enough.
"Tell me what I should do. Tell me how to make her come back."
Jeon Jungkook, why are you hurting me so bad?
You won't lie, you wanted so much to point fingers here but you also need to see the bigger picture. To understand it.
"Why don't you give her a break? Why don't you just let her rest and let her clear her mind? And then, you can talk to her. And fix things." Your throat hurts as you force yourself to spit the words out.
Because the one that hurts you will be the one who heals you, right? The only one who can undo the pain is the one who brought it. And you aren't one for that job.
So he has to go back to Lee Ara. You will push him to Lee Ara even though you wanted so hard to keep him. But how can you keep someone that isn't yours to be kept?
"She'll listen to you, I promise. Just give her time." You said before you end the call.
Even though it hurts so bad to turn your back on him, you aren't the one he needed. And pain is pain and you need it to stop. You need to force yourself to end it before you self-destruct. Even when it means you'll be crying yourself to sleep tonight.
Your eyes stings when you woke up. All swollen and bloodshot, you look horrible, everything just feels so heavy. And Jimin was calling you early in the morning. In a Saturday morning.
"What?" You welcomed his call.
"Someone woke up at the wrong side of the bed today." He sang.
"State your business, Park Jimin." You groaned as you stood up from your bed.
He huff, "The kid's asking for your presence today. He said he can't go to the doctor alone."
"What kid?"
"Tae. He texted me today asking if I could ask you to come with him to the doctor today because his throat is killing him. So I said yeah and I called you immediately because he sounds like his throat is about to jump out his mouth. Man, he sounded like an old man. Not like he doesn't sound like an old man but he sound like a grandpa now." Jimin chuckled after rambling.
"What? Tell him I'm coming." You immediately said after hearing what Jimin said.
You remembered all the sweet food he ate yesterday and how he told you he'd end up with a soar throat today. He didn't told you that he will be needing to go to the doctor and he could've just knocked on your door instead of telling all of this to Jimin.
You ran down your stairs after brushing your hair, screaming your goodbye to your mother. You look at your phone and you saw Jungkook's several missed calls that you purposely ignored. You sighed and opened the door.
You saw Taehyung standing on your doorstep and just gawking on your house blankly. He wore a black ripped jeans, a white shirt underneat his yellow-brown jacket and a black sneakers.
"Slept wel—oh, your eyes are swollen." He said.
His voice sounded awful. It was hoarse and rough. Gone is his loud voice. But he doesn't seem to mind it as he look at you with concern. You quickly touch your eyes.
"Is that because of yesterday? What happened?" He asked as you walk up to him.
You shook your head, "I just watch a tearjerker movie last night." You tried to make an excuse, it seems like he believed it when he nodded.
"What happened to your voice? You sound really awful." You tried to change the subject as you sat on the bus beside each other.
"The sugar monster came last night and invaded my throat." He said, nodding to himself as he try to convince you.
"But don't worry! I'm totally fine. Mom's just worried sick." He chuckled but ended up coughing.
You laughed at him as you try to tap on his back to help him.
"Wow, the sugar monster really implanted his cute and strong babies in my throat." He stared blankly on the air after he recovered from the coughing series.
"Is that why you need me to come with you to go to the doctor?" You chuckled.
He quickly shook his head, "No, while the sugar monster was attacking last night I had a dream about you."
"And what about that dream? What did you saw?" You asked him with a smile.
The first smile you ever made today. And it was because of Taehyung. Because of the new boy in town. Because of the Admin's adorable son.
"You needing me." He said as he look at you in the eyes.
Your smile fades and the only thing you could think of was his serious stare.
If Jeon Jungkook feels surreal, this boy next to you feels so real. Even with his weird personality, he feels true. Even with his statues in life, he feels like he's someone you can easily reach. Even when you don't know him that much, he was open to tell you his story. Even when he doesn't know you that much, he still tries to make you smile everytime. Even when he doesn't know about your problem, he still tries to solve it.
But he knows how much it felt heavy for you and he knows what he should do. He knows that he can lift the weight from your shoulders and make you breathe. Kim Taehyung eases the pain.
"It's just a sore throat, why do I need to take all of this?" Taehyung groaned as he carry the medicine the doctor gave him.
"It's a freaking tonsillitis, not a sore throat." You rolled your eyes at him.
"Its the same." He said before he ran off the street.
You were about to shout at him to come back but he runs to an ice cream truck and talked to the old man who sells it. He jumps after the old man gave him a cone of ice cream.
"Hey, you're not allowed to eat that." You said as you reach him.
He shook his head, "I will eat what I want." He giggled then took another ice cream from the old man.
He reaches the other ice cream to your face, "Here's an ice cream to comfort you, miss!" He exclaimed.
You sighed, "You know that ice cream will only make your tonsillitis worse, right?" You said before you took the ice cream in his hand, sitting on the bench feet away from you.
"But it'll be worth it." He winks then sat down next to you.
He pouts, "Sometimes life's like that. You make decision that you know will worsen your situation but it'll be worth it. You will have no regrets in the future. It might hurt a lot but it will pass. It will heal, and eating ice cream won't stop it from healing. And when its gone, you'll be proud that once in your life, you became brave." He smiled.
You shook your head when you remembered someone from what Taehyung said, "What is it about you boys that wants me to risk hard?" You mumbled.
Tuesday came and you decided to go to the library as you wait for Kim Taehyung to finish talking to his Dad. He said he'll come home with you but it'll take him minutes to finish talking with his Dad so you told him that you'll spend your time here.
But it seems like Miss Ley, the librarian, went home early today because the library's already closed. You walk back to where you came from and decided you'll just wait for Taehyung near his Dad's office.
"Why didn't you answer my calls?" Your heart jump when you heard a voice and a hand wrapping around your arm and pulling you into a hug.
"W-what...I-I...get off me." You stuttered as you fell him bury his nose on your neck.
His arms wrapping on your back and waist. His head resting on your neck. You stay still as your heart beats wildly. You felt his warmth envelope you.
"I'm sorry. Can we stay like this for a moment? I just need some comfort." His voice get muffled by your skin.
You balled your hand until you're sure its knuckles white. Your eyes just stared at the far wall and at the end of the hall. You try so hard to fight it off but you just became so weak everytime its him. You wondered how you can still stand at this point when your knees wanted to give in.
You wondered if its right to push him when you feel how much pain and sadness he feels. You wondered if its right to just stay still there and do nothing. Or is it right if you give into yourself and hug him too for a minute.
"She told me she's not yet ready for this and she needed a break." His hug tightens.
Its about her again. Of course, its about her. Its like his world revolves around her. And its painful how while you try to stop your world from revolving around him, he's pouring out everything he has just si he can revolve around Lee Ara.
"I just love her so much." He said and your balled fist opened.
You thought, if you love her so much then why are you hugging me right now, Jeon Jungkook?
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Idk what im writing, im sorry.
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