I woke up with the sun streaming through my curtains. Lately, I had been leaving them open with the intention of Erik coming through them. He didn't. He was still upset about Daniel kissing me three weeks ago. Had it really been three weeks ago? Yesterday had been a dismal Valentines day. The girls tried to make it fun.
Of course, Ivelyn threw a party. It had been epic. Erik and Daniel both had been there, causing me to try and ignore both of them. Each of them looked at me like they were waiting for me to make the next move. It didn't feel fair, but it was. They both had made their move, the ball was in my court so to speak.
Except I was bad at making decisions.
I shouldn't be trusted.
But, it was time to choose. I had drug them each around for far too long. I had hurt Erik and Daniel. Granted, each of them had hurt me in their own way. The last months had taught me a lot. It sounded cliche but my time was up. I needed to choose one of them or none of them. I was tired of this love triangle nonsense.
I had to take everything into consideration.
Each pledges their case.
The problem was that when I was in front of Erik I wanted to be with him, the same could be said for when I was in front of Daniel. I have completely split down the middle. So, what was the defining moment? What had thrown in that extra one percent? Was it Erik who was always there to save me? Or was it Daniel who had always been there?
They each were my safety net.
I knew I could count on them both.
That was the hardest point.
No matter who I chose, I was going to let the other down. I was going to lose a friend either way. That was the worst part. I wanted them both, but I didn't want to lose what we had. Erik had become so much to be in these past months, especially when Daniel had been absent. Then again, Daniel had been so intense the first time I met him.
There were too many options.
How was I ever going to make a decision?
As I rolled out of bed, I already felt a migraine. This time, I knew it wasn't caused by a vision of any sorts. This was completely induced by my inability to make a decision. Daniel? Erik? The argument was endless and it drove me up away.
Instead, I hopped in the shower. The hot water had a way about it that gave me temporary contentment. It wasn't much, but it was enough to relieve my headache -- for the moment. After I got out, I tried to put some clothes on. All I wanted to do was lay on my bed, scrolling through my phone while still wrapped in the safety of my towel.
Why was that the most comfortable position?
Forget silk pajamas, a nice towel, and my phone was all I needed. Everything on my phone was talking about the Cult members. Of course, the Social Media articles didn't pose them as such. Depending on the article, they called them either "Devil Worshippers get what they deserve in sentencing," or "wrongfully accused youth are forced into adult courts as juveniles."
It gave very mixed signals.
If you didn't know any better, you might feel sorry for the ragtag bunch of Devil Worshippers. I was madder at them than my own sister who tried to kill me. It might not have been fair, but each one of them had a choice and each of them chose evil. They didn't want to help us out. Especially, Raven, who had proven to be especially difficult.
She was a die-hard fan of the Devil.
Even though she didn't believe Thana could talk to the Devil, she still was convinced Witches were the worst thing out there. Despite, Ivelyn and Kate going over multiple times the correct way. Raven was proving to be the most stubborn. It was one of the reasons that I didn't feel that bad about reading these articles.
I knew the truth.
There was only about nine people that knew the truth. Everyone in the Cult had their memory wiped clean of us. They all believed the accusation that was made about them. Salem was resting easy, knowing the grave robbers were caught. They had tried to pin the murders on them, but each one of them had alibis.
I was kind of glad about this. I didn't want them to be wrongfully convicted of murder. However, I didn't care if they did a little jail time. They had manipulated Dara and I wanted their heads on a platter. Then again, that might just be the Amulet talking.
I wanted to take it off, but it was part of my groundings to keep it on. Unfortunately, I hadn't put up much a fight when they proposed this. My Gran and Mom thought it was saving me and I hadn't told them about how crazy I had gone while wearing it. The others knew, but Dara had been passed out during that part, so she didn't know either.
I had almost killed Raven.
It should have scared me more than it did. If I was being completely honest, it hadn't really bothered me. I really felt like she deserved. Who knew what all she had done. I saw the track marks up and down her arms. I could see how lazy and depressed she was. The Amulet had called out to me, begging me to end her life.
I hadn't.
That was my only regret -- as bad as it sounds.
I couldn't make myself change my mind.
The worst or best part was that I didn't want to change my mind. I was who I was and that wasn't changing.
The biggest change was Dara and I. We were finally sisters -- and acted like it. Our relationship had taken a drastic turn. It was much better. We practiced magic, played games, and even studied homework together. It was the oddest thing, but the best change I had in a long time. We actually talked -- something we had never done in the past.
Overall, a lot had changed in those three weeks. I had to say most of it was for the best. I didn't regret anything that had happened. I firmly believed that if one thing, big or small, had gone a different way things wouldn't be the same.
Sure, things were hard. We knew Vayne was dead, but the authorities had blamed the deaths of Rachel Radley and Selene Connors on Vayne Ripley and Thana Youngblood. Did I feel bad about that? No, not really. They were bad people. Sure, Sarah Good was wearing Thana, but Thana was bad before and after that. Not to mention all the crazy shit Vayne had done.
Eventually, Dara had told me the whole story about the night she killed Vayne. She told me every gory detail of how he grabbed her and tried to force her to have sex with me. It was obvious to me that he was a sexual predator, but I tried not to bring that up with Dara. She was very protective of him. Even now, knowing he could be dead or possessed.
It was the abuse cycle.
It was hard to break.
I was glad he was gone. In fact, I was rooting for him to be dead. It sounded horrible, but I was done playing nice. Vayne and Thana had crossed the line and burned every bridge. They were dead to me. I wished the cops found them and had them on death row. It would be the best option for them. If I found them first, they were in serious trouble.
I knocked lightly on Dara's door. It was a rare occasion that she was in her room. Usually, we were together. More nights she spent the night in my room. Lately, I had been leaving my bedroom door open, a perpetual invitation for her to use. I wasn't a pro at these things and I didn't know how much time Dara needed but I was going to give her all the time she needed. It was time I step up as an older sister.
It was my duty.
Honestly, it was a duty that I thoroughly enjoyed. I had missed all of this growing up. Dara was a great little sister, which was something new for both of us. Even as young children, we didn't act like normal siblings. I would like to blame it on the fact that neither of us has been normal siblings. Maybe if we had been raised knowing we were Witches. We would never know.
"Yeah?" It was as much of an invitation that I needed. I pushed open the door. Her room looked a lot different. It was pretty bare now. She had her bed, with a blue comforter on it. There was a dresser, nightstand, and a desk. There were a couple of items tossed on the floor, but it was fairly tightly.
She had her blonde hair tied in a high ponytail. She wore a long sleeve grey shirt with black leggings. Her laptop was opened up to a worksheet for school. She even had her History book cracked open. It was a little weird to see such a studious Dara, but I relished it. It felt normal. Having a normal life wasn't what you thought, but I was enjoying every second of it.
"Hey, I needa talk." I plopped on her bed. The relationship between us had done a complete one-hundred-eighty. It was nice. I finally felt comfortable in her room and in her presence. She shut the laptop and swiveled in her chair to face me.
"What's up?" She seemed enthusiastic.
"Who would you choose? Erik or Daniel?" I was tired of this question swirling around in my mind. I had to ask someone else for a change, instead of the question on repeat in my mind. She smiled and joined me on the bed.
"You mean if two hot guys were interested in me? Gee, I don't know, probably Daniel." We laid horizontally on her bed. My legs dangled over the edge. "Then again, I've been told my taste in guys is horrible." We laughed.
"I'm serious." I propped myself up on my elbows. She mimicked the same motion.
"I can't answer that, but I can ask you something." I waited for her to ask me. "Which one makes you happy?" It was a good question. It took me a long time to think about it. Each had their own great qualities, which made it harder.
"That's hard." Was my answer.
She rolled her eyes playfully.
"No, it's not. You're avoiding the question because you know that would make you choose one of them." She was right.
"When did you get so wise?" We laughed again. Then, we talked some more about magic and boys. After a while, I left the room. I needed to talk to my mom. Maybe she would have the answer I was looking for. She had more experience after all.
I found her in her room. She was sitting at her vanity, brushing on a touch of makeup. She already looked beautiful, which wasn't the point. She was getting ready to go on a date with Zack. She wore a purple blouse and a pretty skirt. She looked like such a hot mama. I wished the best for her, I truly did.
Zack was such a great guy. It must have been nice not to have to worry about choosing the wrong guy. As far as I could tell, Zack was perfect. There was something he could do that was wrong. Except, he didn't know about magic. What if mom told him and he reacted badly? I think that was what my mom was so worried about. She didn't want to risk everything she had.
Which was exactly my dilemma?
So, my mom was probably the best person to ask.
I pushed open the door further. It took her a second, but she saw me and smiled. She was wearing a pretty nude colored lipstick. She was so pretty with her hair that had grown out several inches. It was obvious how much younger she looked since quitting her job. Her old job made her bitter with crows feet. Now, she was constantly happy. I wished she stayed like this forever
It was all I wanted for her.
"What's up Cornelia?" She asked. I noted that she still didn't call me Corn. I sat on her bed, next to her vanity. Her room was shades of blue with gold accents. It was a beautiful room with everything you could ever need. She kept it extremely tidy. Not one sock was out of place. It reminded me of Erik's room, only because of how neat it was.
"How do you pick between two guys?" I asked her. I'm sure she knew who and what I was talking about. I never really talked about guys to my mom. It was one of those things she trusted me to decide. I think a big part of it was that she was always busy and I was always trying to figure out things on my own.
Times were changing and I wanted to shake things up.
"I'm guessing we're talking about Erik and Daniel?" My mom raised an eyebrow at me. It made me blush a little. Of course, everyone knew who I was talking about.
"Yeah," I dragged out each syllable.
"Who do you care about more?" I groaned when she asked me. These kind of questions were easy but annoying. Everything was completely divided down the middle. That wasn't going to help me choose.
"Fifty percent exactly," I answered, grabbing a pillow from her bed and burying my face in it. The only thing I knew how to do was scream into pillows. It didn't offer any help other than blowing off steam. I had a lot of steam.
"Everything is exactly down the middle?" I nodded as she asked me. "Then, neither. I would choose either. If they're too easily matched, then something is wrong and you need to find someone else." She told me brutally.
It was the answer I expected coming from her. She was my mom after all. I didn't think she would actually tell me a specific name to choose. That would be too easy for me.
I sighed, screaming a little more into the pillow.
Eventually, I left my moms room. There was one more person who's advice I needed. I already knew what she was going to say. However, every time I came to her with questions she answers them accordingly. I could tell what she wanted to say, but I trusted her to say the truth. She wasn't a liar in any sense of the word.
I slowly walked to the kitchen. I expected to find her making tea, but this time I was wrong. I found her outside. It was about halfway through February and Spring was slowly coming along. It was about to be my Gran's favorite time of the year. I couldn't fully express why she liked Spring so much.
All I knew was that she was constantly in her Poison Garden.
The door was open and I found her bent over pruning Belladonna.
I gulped, remembering what each of these herbs could do. Each was beyond fatal.
She wore the most casual outfit I had ever seen her in. She wore a ratty t-shirt and baggy jeans. I could count on one hand how many times I had seen her in a similar outfit. She didn't like jeans. She thought they made her look like Betty Crocker. She was way more than a Betty Crocker type. I knew that, but Gran needs a constant reminder.
I didn't blame her because I was most likely going to be that type. If lived longer than twenty-one. According to Sarah Good, I didn't live longer than twenty-one. That was scary. It rubbed me the wrong way. I wasn't going to worry about that now though. There were too many things on my plate.
"Gran, have you ever had to choose between two guys?" I finally asked her. She was humming to herself and stopped when I asked her.
She was silent for several heartbeats.
"Little Bird, I can't say I have." She finally said. I sighed. I had been counting on Gran to give me insight that my mom and sister didn't have.
"Well, what would you do if you have to choose between two guys that seem perfect?" I hated myself for asking this. There seemed to be a million bigger problems I had. Yet, here I was, worrying about boys.
It was a typical problem for a sixteen-year-old.
"If I had to," she met my eyes. "In theory, I would choose the second boy that I loved." I raised an eyebrow, wondering her reason. "If I was able to fall in love with a second boy than the first boy must not have meant that much to me." She explained.
I took a few moments to realize what she was saying. I guess she was right. If I was able to have feelings for Erik that should invalidate my feelings for Daniel. Except, that things didn't happen in that order. It made things complicated.
Then again, Gran was always right about so many things. Shouldn't I listen to her?
We talked for a little bit longer and I watched her tend to her garden. Before I knew it I was in my car, driving to his house. It all made sense now. This was how things were supposed to happen. Before, it was muddied and confusing. I was starting to think that was how life was.
It didn't make sense, but that was what people craved.
The whole drive there I went over in my head what I would say. When I pulled up to the driveway, I knew what I would say. It was always in my head. It was always here what I was going to choose. I think now, more than ever, I always knew who I was going to pick. Still, it didn't lessen the other guy. I firmly believed that each guy was in my life for a purpose.
Erik's house stood like a statue. I smiled at it fondly. It was here that so many things had started. I turned the key and the engine died. It took me a while to get out of the car. As I walked, I saw Erik sitting at Lake's edge. He was skipping rocks. He wore a black t-shirt and black cargo shorts. He looked so handsome.
As I inched closer, I saw his back tense, as if he sensed my closing in.
I stopped a couple of feet behind me.
It was almost Spring, which meant the lake's ice had dissolved and it was heating up. Flowers and herbs were starting to get ready to bloom. It was the time of new and life. It was time for new beginnings and life to emerge. It was time for a lot of new things. We had known that, but I was about to prove one of them.
Slowly, he turned to face me. He skipped one last rock. It skipped impressively down the lake, making at least five skips. It was another thing Erik was good at. It was hard not to smile at his abilities. I still didn't know how he was good at everything. Not to mention how easy he made things look.
"Hey," he breathed out, pretending not to flex those ever-growing muscles. In the past five months, he had gained a ridiculous amount of muscle. It was kind of a theme with him. It was another great thing about him. He liked to work out.
"Hey, I think we should talk." The words felt weird in my mouth. Things were always so casual between us. You would think this would be another casual thing. Except, there was nothing casual about what we had to discuss.
He gestured for us both to sit down.
I bit my lip.
"You know I care about you," I started off with. He nodded encouragingly. "I don't think I will ever be able to tell you how much I care about you. You are so important to me, Erik." I rolled my lips, working up the courage to confess my true feelings.
"You can say anything to me." He offered. I nodded.
"You have been so much of a rock for me. You're always saving me and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that."
"But?" He asked knowing there was a butt coming.
"But? But, nothing. You have been there for me. I trust you and I know you won't lie to me. I appreciate that so much, Erik." I couldn't stress how much I felt that. He never lied to me. If it was something difficult he had to tell me, he told me. He didn't try and lie or hide things. It was apart of how truthful he was. It was something so rare. I had never met another individual that shared this incomprehensibly quality.
"Corn, are you saying--
"I'm saying I don't want to lose you. You have become one of my best friends. I never want to lose that. I can't risk that." It was a mix of Dara, my mom, and Gran's responses that created what I had to tell him.
"What are you saying, C?" He asked me point blank.
My stomach rumbled.
"It's Daniel. It's always been him. I can't stop fate. There's something between Daniel and I that I will never be able to fully describe. We're like magnets and the weather and so much more. I can't thank you enough for always being there for me. You have--
He cut me off. I braced myself or worst case scenario.
"I get it." He said.
It was cold, but not as icy as I expected.
"Erik, you are--
"I understand why you think he's the choice. He's the prized pony, but did you ever that things in the past reoccur for the future to change them?" Those grey eyes spun, wanting me to change my mind.
I couldn't.
I had said my piece.
I couldn't go back now.
"I have thought about that. I can 't change the past. Daniel and I have always been. It's always him, Erik. I'm starting to remember and no matter what the circumstances are: I always choose him. We find a way to each other, like magnets moving on a board. Daniel is my soulmate. How do you argue with that?" I was truly asking him because I didn't know.
Daniel had to be my soulmate. We always ended up together. I didn't matter the year or anything. So far, nothing had kept us apart. Who was I to break fate?
"Just because something has happened in the past, doesn't mean it has a place in the future." He told me honestly.
I believed he was right -- to a point.
"I have to see this through. I can't walk away now. Everything Sarah Good said, plus all of these feelings. I have to try to work things out with Daniel." It was the only rational option I could see. Plus, how did you walk away from your soulmate? Daniel was all I ever wanted. Could I walk away from him? No, I couldn't.
Sure, he had hurt me, but not enough to completely give up on him.
He had proven he was willing to change.
I had to give him another chance.
Erik looked at me for a long time and I swear neither of us blinked.
Those grey eyes were hurt but barely showed it. He was putting on a brave face. I appreciated it but didn't deserve it.
"Okay." He finally said. He skipped one last rock and I watched it skip, once, twice, three times, and a fourth time. By the time the rock sunk the bottom of the river, Erik was gone. I almost stayed at the lake, reminiscing on the memories I had here.
Instead, I left. I headed towards my car. I should have said something to Addie, but I was at a loss of words. I turned on my car, resting my head on the steering wheel. Had I just made the worst mistake of my life? I almost dwelled on this further, but my phone vibrated. I picked it up and saw a text from Daniel. It was like he knew I needed him.
"Can't wait to see you soon!" I smiled at the text. It was sweet. I backed out of the driveway and headed fo rDaniel's house. It was the first time I had ever been invited there.
Things were going to work out -- they had to.