"I'm capable of showering by myself, you know," I said, stretching out on the bed.
"Yeah, but where's the fun in that?" Jay asked, grinning.
Jay shuffled closer, kissing my chest softly repeatedly. He rested his hand on my chest lightly, stroking his thumb over my skin absentmindedly. I hummed happily and carded my fingers through his messy hair.
"True... Have you ever seen an expert about your sex addiction?" I said with a grin.
He chuckled, turning his head to rest his cheek on me, looking up at me. "I don't have a sex addiction, I have a Kaidan addiction. I have to say, it's much healthier."
Laughing, I rolled my eyes. "Careful, Jaimie, you'll ruin me for anyone else."
He grinned widely, though he looked thoughtful. After a few moments, he patted my chest and shuffled off me.
"Go get your shower then, babe," he said, kissing me briefly. "I'll be waiting here for you."
"Thanks." I got up, stretching again. I went over to the stack of towels that Ollie had brought in while we were still sleeping.
"I'll shower at home. I prefer my shower to anyone else's. I need to call Rob so take your time," he said, reaching over to the bedside table for his phone.
"Something you don't want me to hear?" I teased, heading out of the room and back down the hall to the bathroom I'd had to visit this morning.
If Jay replied, I didn't hear. I just went into the bathroom and locked it, stripping off my boxers. I put my boxers down with my towel and went over to the bathroom. I hadn't heard anything from Ollie or Finn so I took that as a good sign that Finn hadn't killed him. I mean, he only sacked the PA to make Finn's life better and wasn't that basically the whole purpose of his existence? Their relationship confused me.
***
~Jay's P.O.V. (Woooo!)~
Looking at the screen of my phone quietly, I bit my lip. As I saw it, I only had a few options. Either I could see Kaidan less and just keep this professional, pass him on to Rob now even though he's not ready, or... I didn't even want to think about the 'or' right now...
Kaidan knew more about me than most people. I'd known Finn for a year and a half before I even mentioned my dad, but with Kaidan... It all came tumbling out and I didn't regret telling him. Telling Corey was a mistake, a drunken mistake. As far as everyone else knew, he was leaving us all alone and not talking to us. But he'd been talking to me. Texting me, calling me, showing up at the shoots I was scheduled for. And he wouldn't go away.
I sighed, setting my phone down and pulling the pillow Kaidan had used into my arms. Burying my face in it, I took a deep breath. It smelt just like him. Kaidan had the most perfect scent in the whole world, and I couldn't even describe it. It was just... home. And not the sort of home I was used to. He made me feel all sorts of things that I didn't understand and, if I was honest with myself, didn't want to understand.
I cared about him in a way beyond what Finn and I had, and Finn had been my best friend since I was a teenager. I'd once said that if I was going to marry anyone, it'd probably end up being Finn, just because there was no stress with him. I mean, we'd experimented when we were younger and even gone out for a month or two, just to see. It wasn't Ollie that changed that; it was Kaidan.
I'd taken on a lot of people for Rob. They'd been quick in-and-outs that I never saw again, even though they had my number in case they needed it. The thought of not seeing Kaidan again after I passed him on... It actually made my stomach curl into knots that would outdo the Boy Scouts.
"This is fucked up," I muttered to myself, stroking the pillow as if it was actually Kaidan in my arms.
That was another thing: cuddling. I didn't like cuddling. At all. Never. As in, absolutely never under any circumstances. But then, Kaidan came along. Now all I wanted to do was spend all day with him in bed, just holding him, doing anything. Talking, laughing, fucking, anything, as long as it was with him. Hell, I'd stick my hand in a fire if he told me to.
What was wrong with me?
I sighed again, this time in frustration, and grabbed my phone, speeddialling Rob. He answered just before the line gave up.
"Yo, Laycock, what's up?" he asked, slightly muffled as if he was eating.
"I need a shoot," I said quickly, leaving no time for pleasantries.
"Uh, sure. I haven't had time to cancel tomorrow's if you've still got that in your diary," he said. There was a slight shuffling as he grabbed a pen and his diary. "Yeah, with Anya at about 11."
"What cat?" I asked automatically, fiddling with a loose thread on the pillow case.
"Category, category..." He made a slight noise as he search for the answer to my question. "Average. Boring for you, I guess. We can talk more details tomorrow if you're game."
I was quiet for a few moments, chewing on my bottom lip. "Average as in no barebacking, right?"
"Hm? Since when was that a priority of yours?" he asked. When I didn't answer, he continued. "Alright, alright, no need to give me the silent treatment. Anya doesn't do bareback so condoms all around, man."
I let out a breath I hadn't realised I'd been holding. "Alright... Usual studio?"
"Yeah. Jay, what's up with you? Usually you don't do any shoots while you're tutoring, what happened? Is Kaidan okay?"
"He's fine, it's just... I've just got some shit going on and I need a distraction, that's all," I said quietly.
"Maybe I could talk to him and schedule a shoot for you two, sometime? He mi--"
"No!" I said suddenly before taking a deep breath and calming down. "I mean, just let me give him some camera exposure, okay?"
"You still haven't done that? Jesus, Jay, you've had him for a week, what have you been doing with the boy?"
I could tell he was a bit annoyed at that but at that moment, I didn't give a shit.
"He's a special case, okay, Rob? I don't want to rush him into everything just for the sake of you getting your new twink early. He's not ready."
"Fine. But it's your job to make him ready." He sighed. "Look, whatever. You do what you want with him, just get him ready, okay? Anyway I guess I'll see you tomorrow."
"Bye," I said quietly as I hung up.
This was what I needed. A scene with some nameless, faceless, blonde bimbo to just bury whatever I was feeling. This was right. I needed this.
But if this was what I needed, why did I feel so bad about it?
***
~Kaidan's P.O.V.~
"How can you not love that shower?" I asked as I walked into the room Jay and I were in at the moment. "It's, like, the best shower ever."
"Hm?" Jay said, looking up from where he had his face buried in a pillow. He was looking significantly less happy than when I left them.
"Hey, what's up?" I asked, going over and sitting on the bed, awkwardly with the towel wrapped around my hips.
"Nothing, hon, it's fine," he replied with a small smile. I couldn't tell whether it was real or forced.
"Are you sure? You look sad," I said quietly, stroking his hair.
"Just not feeling well, that's all. I think my hangover's coming back."
I smiled slightly, leaning down to kiss his cheek. "Shall I find some more painkillers for you?"
"No, it's fine. We'll get a taxi to the car later and we can drive back to mine. You need to call someone at college to say you're not dead," he said, sitting up slowly.
"That would be a good idea. Speaking of dead, has Finn killed Ollie or something? It's completely silent."
"They're probably having post-argument make-up sex. We're lucky they're trying to be quiet because otherwise literally all we'd hear was 'Oh Finn, Master, yes!'" he exclaimed, faking sex talk and a moan.
I laughed and blushed, smacking his arm. "Shush, they'll hear you."
"They won't; they're too wrapped up in each other - literally."
"Are you saying they have a sex addiction worse than yours?" I teased, grinning.
Jay laughed. "I don't have a sex addiction! Just because my whole life revolves around sex, does not mean that I'm an addict. Don't you think I'd change it if I could?"
"I don't know, would you?" I asked before I could even think about it.
He looked taken aback briefly before he sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "Kaidan..."
"I mean it, Jay. Don't you see what this is doing to you?" I asked softly, reaching out to stroke his hair gently. "And please don't say something about me going into it. I'm doing it because I need the money, although I'd probably be okay with just stripping. You do it because you think you can't do anything else."
Jay looked up at me with tears in his eyes. "Kaidan..."
"I mean it, Jay," I said, lying down beside me. I reached out and stroked his cheek softly. He closed his eyes briefly.
"What else could I do?" he asked quietly with wide eyes. He looked so vulnerable that I felt my heart break just a little bit.
I took the pillow from his arms and put it underneath my head before I pulled him close, wrapping my arms around him and kissing his head.
"You could just give up the porn, be a stripper, anything. You could open a pole dancing studio, go to those championships you were talking about, anything. Absolutely anything. You're so good at so many things, not just fucking people on camera."
"I..." he started, swallowing hard.
"We can talk about this later. For now, let's just have a good day, yeah?"
He nodded slightly and looked up at me. I stroked his cheek again and leant down to kiss him softly. He returned the kiss full force, reaching up to grip my hair tightly. I winced slightly when he accidentally tugged. He let go and knelt up, still kissing me. He pulled the towel from around my waist and threw it onto the floor somewhere before he straddled me.
"Fuck me, Kaidan," he whispered softly, barely above a breath.
He kissed along my jaw and down my neck feverishly, taking me in his hand to try and get me hard. I gasped in surprise and grabbed onto his shoulders.
"Jay, no. I--"
"Baby, please. I need this," he said, pulling away slightly to look at me with tears in his eyes again. "Please."
"I... We don't even have any lube," I answered, trying not to give in to me but I could feel my will easily crumble under his begging.
"It doesn't matter. I just need you right now, Kaidan, please. Do this for me, please."
I swallowed, looking at him quietly for a few moments. He didn't even try and stop the few tears that were beginning to fall now. All I could do was nod. He let out a small sob of relief, resting his head on my shoulder briefly. To think that this was the same man who had been joking and laughing not even half an hour ago...
"Thank you, Kaidan, thank you," he murmured over and over again as he kissed down my chest quickly.
"Jay--"
"No," he interrupted suddenly. "Not Jay... That's not my name."
I looked at him in surprise for a minute before just nodding, giving in to him completely. His shoulders sagged slightly in relief as he continued his feverish journey down my body. When he reached my half-hard cock, he quickly took me into his mouth. I moaned slightly, reaching down to hold his hair like I usually would. Suddenly he lightly scraped his bottom teeth over a sensitive patch of skin, making me cry out in surprise.
"Ja-- Jaimie!" I exclaimed, tightening my grip in his hair. That was going to take some getting used to.
I looked down at him to see him hurriedly prepping himself with his own fingers. I moaned slightly at the sight, though my heart still clenched at the thought that he was so desperate for this, to make his thoughts go away, that we couldn't take this slow.
"Jaimie, slow down, it's fine. L-Let's take our time," I gasped out, trying to keep my voice level as my body was being assaulted by his mouth.
He sat back and shook his crawling until he was kneeling above me again. He took hold of me again and positioned himself before starting to slide down. He whimpered slightly and his face screwed up but he didn't stop until he was sat in my lap.
"Jay, seriously, slow down," I said quickly. "You'll just hurt yourself or something."
"I'm used to it hurting, Kaidan," he snapped suddenly before he took a deep breath and leant down to kiss me briefly. "I'm sorry."
All I could do was nod in response, trying not to cry. If I ever met Jay's father, I would not be responsible for my actions. He hurt the man I love and he'll pay for it.
(A/N Longer chapter than usual but omg the feeeeeeeeeels! I just want to hold my little baby Jay and never let him go. Also, I want to strangle his dad. Even though they're both fictional but fuck it. Hope you like this. Chapter dedicated to ShawtyDvpe for the comment on the last chapter ~Beka)