Large pools of water gather in the road which I can't avoid so I've stopped trying. Waves of rain pummel us. My hood won't stay up against the wind which along with the onslaught of water droplets stings my eyes. A stream of water runs down my neck, seeping through the gap between my skin and the collar of my jacket. I continue to move my legs as I cycle next to Zach, reminding myself we have time until it's completely dark.
We've been lucky so far. We've always found somewhere to sleep.
Every night, we've discovered some form of shelter, whether it be in a derelict city or town or a barren farm. However today, we seem to be in nowhere's land, a flat expanse of nothingness as far as the eye can see. There's no sign of any shelter, only bare earth on one side and a churning violent sea on the other.
Will tonight be the night we don't find a place to sleep?
Our wheels slip and swerve on the muddy ground which is slowly blending in with the night sky that is rapidly descending on us. We've been riding for a while. I'm not sure how much longer I can last. My muscles are fatigued from a lack energy. I haven't eaten since yesterday.
Where are we going? When are we going to stop? These two questions circle in my head, and my questions don't refer to just today but also in the future. We both talk in hope of there being others out there whereas we don't speak about what we'll do if we never find anybody. The prospect of our settlements containing the only remaining people from an entire world seems too frightening and sad to think about, so we're ignoring the possibility for now.
'Over there,' I shout over the loud crashing of heavy raindrops around us. I gesture towards a small box shape in the distance, it's barely visible in the fading light.
Zach nods and both of us speed up. Splashing through thick muddy puddles, I'm hoping there are no bodies inside. If there are, we won't stay, no matter how desperate we are.
The door is locked. It's heartbreaking to think of the people who locked up and left their homes expecting to one day come back. No one did. They never will.
Zach smashes one of the windows and clears off the glass. We stop for a moment to smell the air and have a brief look inside, in an attempt to detect any sign of death. This became our usual routine after we walked into a room containing soft fluid green bodies, the rotten flesh hanging off in places to reveal parts of their skeleton.
Virulence's ability at wiping out nearly every species on the planet has meant, nearly two decades later, bodies are still rotting away slowly.
Smelling the air one last time, I really hope this place is body free. I can't stand the thought of searching through another room of corpses for food. When I was waiting for Zach in the town, I quickly learnt the houses with corpses offer the best chance of finding sustenance.
I won't sleep in houses with corpses however I don't hesitate to take their food.
When Zach finally turned up in the Town, I told him we should avoid contact for a while because I'd been in houses with people who had died of Virulence. I was worried Virulence could still exist. It's not meant to survive without a host for longer than a month but what if that piece of information is wrong or what if Virulence has mutated and can survive longer? I wasn't worried for me. I was worried for Zach.
Zach refused to avoid contact. He refused to think about his safety. We'd argued. The only argument we've ever had ended with Zach licking my face and telling me he'd never agree to no contact. He's infuriating. He's reckless. Both these characteristics only make me love him more.
The dim cabin is small; one room containing a few items of furniture and no bodies. This place doesn't look like it housed people, not for the purpose of sleep anyway.
It will be fine for us. It has to be.
We climb in through the window and dump our bags on the floor. I take off my waterproof jacket and hang it up. My clothes are soaked, as are all the contents in my bag. We both start searching cupboards and drawers for anything useful. This time our finds aren't much: one small towel, one quilt and a penknife.
We won't be keeping anything we found today.
Shivering, I wrap my arms around myself as Zach places our drinking containers outside to collect the rainwater.
He returns and starts peeling off the layers of soaking fabric clinging to his body. He stands in only his underpants and I can't help my gaze drifting over his semi-naked body towards the waistband of his boxers which are sitting incredibly low on his hips. At first, I never looked, averting my eyes from him the entire time, even when washing. I soon realised I needed to get over my embarrassment. Zach doesn't care so I shouldn't.
'I'm going to wash. You coming?' Zach asks.
I nod. 'Yes.'
Zach winks then walks outside. I take off my wet clothes, leaving my underwear on, and gather my sodden pile along with the clothes from our bags and proceed to hang them around the room.
Outside, I catch the bottle Zach throws at me and pour a dollop of the gloppy liquid, contained inside, into my hand. Lathering it onto my skin, I stand still waiting patiently as the raindrops wash away the thick liquid called 'Mint Shower Body Wash'.
The label is wrong. This stuff is a mint imposter. It's too strong, too green, too tingly. Yet, my chest still constricts every time I use it because the smell reminds me of home, of the real mint concoctions we made and used to clean our body and teeth.
We picked up the body wash in a large building in one of the towns. Walking along rows and rows of mostly empty shelves, only a few items had been left which included body wash and toothpaste. We took a few of each. Both of us decided it would be a good idea to at least try to keep ourselves clean even though we hadn't found a single working shower. We still haven't. Instead, we've resorted to washing in the occasional river, water butts, pools of water forming by the side of the road and the rain.
The rain is the worst.
Even now when it's heavy, it takes too long to get rid of the sticky green gloop which means I have to wait even longer until the bittersweet memories of home are washed away.
We don't go near the lakes or sea. The natural water masses which would have once been perfect to swim and clean in are black and toxic. All those years ago when they killed all the animals in an attempt to stop the spread of Virulence, they also killed any chances of anyone in the future using them.
I open my mouth and drink the rainwater. I wonder what we'll do in summer. How will we survive when the rain takes a break?
Darkness creeps in as daylight disappears into the distance, yet I remain outside shivering slightly. I'm unsure what to do next. This part has become the norm for us. Zach's seen me in my underwear more times than I can remember, and it doesn't bother me anymore. It's the next part I'm nervous about. Before today, we've always found shelter in places with more than one room. I've always had a place I can change in private and cupboards full of spare clothes to replace our dirty or wet ones. Today, I have none of those options.
One room, one towel, one quilt and no dry clothes. This is going to be awkwardly interesting.
'You go in first. I'll wait till you're ready,' Zach says as he tenses his jaw in an obvious attempt to reduce the chattering of his teeth. He's trying to hide how cold he is. He's giving me space, which makes me happy but also irritates me for some reason.
It still confuses me when I get annoyed at him being respectful.
'I'm the one who can't get ill so really, you should go first,' I say, collecting our drinking canisters.
Zach shakes his head. 'Or we can both go in, and not waste time arguing about who's going first. It's freezing out here.'
'It's not that cold. You're going to be in for a serious shock when the temperature really drops,' I tease as I walk into the small cabin.
'It's a good thing I've got you to cuddle up too and keep me warm then.' Zach grins following me in.
I roll my eyes and place the canisters on a table whilst trying to steady my trembling hands which have nothing to do with the temperature of my surroundings.
Zach passes me the towel, which I wrap around me as I walk towards a corner of the room. I turn away from him to face the wall. Stripping off my wet underwear, I struggle to cover myself while the flush of embarrassment warms my skin.
Zach chuckles from behind me. 'You do realise, I've practically seen you naked multiple times. Wet underwear doesn't hide much.'
'True, which is why you may want to adjust your boxers.' I smirk over my shoulder before quickly cringing at the realisation of what I said out loud. I press my lips together and focus on pulling off my underwear without exposing myself.
'Does it make you uncomfortable?'
'No. I thought you might be embarrassed by it,' I lie, wrapping the small towel around my naked body tightly and facing him.
'I'm not embarrassed. It's perfectly normal for a guy to enjoy the sight of his girlfriend half-naked and dripping wet,' Zach says, still staring at me.
Girlfriend.
The word causes a rush of heat. He hasn't said that word since the day we left the settlement, and part of me was worried he'd had a change of heart. I was worried, he'd decided he didn't want an almost-murderer as his girlfriend, especially when the attempted murder victim was his mum.
I like seeing you half-naked too. I like that you're my boyfriend. I love you. I can't gather enough courage to say any of that. Instead, I simply grab the quilt from the sofa, wrap it around my body and hand him the damp towel.
The darkness has almost taken over, and I watch the barely visible silhouette of Zach drying himself. Zach drops his pants to the floor and wraps the towel around his waist as I stand paralysed with a range of emotions that I'd rather not admit out loud.
Zach turns on our lamp and looks at me. He arches an eyebrow. 'You ok over there? You look like you've gone into shock.'
'I'm fine,' I mumble, forcing myself to move towards him. When will I stop being a reserved Naturalist?
'What do you want to eat?' Zach says, laying out a few tins on a table.
The sight of them makes my stomach curl. 'I'm not sure.'
Zach frowns. 'You need to eat. I thought you were feeling better?'
'I am. I think it's more the thought of food.' I swallow the lump of bile searing up my throat.
I do need to eat. I'm feeling weak from yesterday's bout of vomiting and because I haven't eaten anything since. Apparently, having an advanced immune system which makes you resistant to diseases, including Virulence, doesn't mean you avoid being affected by food poisoning. I do recover more quickly. Zach's been sick a lot more than me.
'Give me something simple,' I say
'Vegetable soup?'
'Sounds good.' I hate the vegetable soup. It reminds me of home, of talking and laughing with my brother and parents in the dining hall at our allocated table. Distant detached reminders like mint body wash I can handle. Personal memories of my family, I really struggle with.
Zach passes me a spoon. Leaning on the edge of a desk, he tucks into the contents of his tin. I dread to think how out of date this food is. Everything we've eaten has been old. Pre-Virulence old, so approximately nineteen years out of date or older.
We search homes for undamaged cans then open, observe, smell and taste. As long as it looks semi recognisable, doesn't ooze out, doesn't smell or taste too terrible we eat the contents. It's not a perfect system to follow but both of us are still alive so that has to count for something.
I'll take the occasional vomiting episode if it means we're not starving.
I slowly eat the vegetable soup which should be renamed 'potato with the possibility of other vegetables being present soup'. Swallowing small mouthfuls, I try not to think about my parents who must have completed their time under house quarantine or Mattan who's going to be a father in a matter of months or Suki who may have already settled with Seb. I try not to think of the boring, mundane and safe settlement which I'm no longer entitled to call home.
'This place is full of maps.' Zach leans over the desk and spreads out a pile of maps across the table.
'Any idea what this area was?' I ask.
'Used to be a forest by the looks of it.'
Among the selection of papers, I spot a leaflet about a National Park. Picking it up, I unfold it and Zach peers over my shoulder as I read out sections. 'A protected National Park which supports a diverse variety of flora and fauna... covering seven hundred forty-eight thousand, nine hundred and thirty-nine acres... activities include cycling, fishing, horse-riding...' I close the leaflet and place it back on the table. 'Sounds like it used to be amazing.'
'Sure does.' Zach finishes the remnants of his can and takes several gulps from the drinking canister. 'What would you write if you had to produce a new leaflet for the area?'
'A barren wasteland with not much to offer.'
'Leaflets are meant to entice people to the area, not put them off.' Zach grins handing me the canister of water. I sip from it slowly. Twenty-seven days, and I still find it odd to share a drink, even though the person is my boyfriend and we exchange saliva several times a day, if not more.
'A barren wasteland with not much to offer at the moment but is showing some signs of plant life.' I shrug.
Zach chuckles and nudges me with his arm which is covered in goosebumps. 'Are you going to share that blanket, or are you planning on keeping it to yourself all night.'
'Share,' I murmur.
Zach sits on the sofa and pats the space next to him. I walk towards him slowly and sit down, ensuring to keep a small gap between us. I adjust the quilt so he can pull it over him too, which he does then whips off the towel underneath and hangs it on the edge of the sofa.
We're both naked under this quilt. I'm freaking out.
Maybe, I should put my wet clothes back on. I'll get a terrible night's sleep and feel terrible tomorrow. Or, I can stop acting like a child and be a mature almost-adult. I will stop freaking out. We're two people trying to get warm. The fact my boyfriend is sitting completely naked to me is not a big deal.
It's a really big deal.
Cold air fills the space between us which is causing me to shiver uncontrollably. I won't be able to sleep if I'm this cold. I won't be able to sleep knowing Zach's naked.
Basically, tonight I won't be sleeping.
Right now, I'm wishing we'd packed an extra blanket or a towel. We've come across plenty of them, but when there's limited bag space bulky items aren't a priority, food and water is.
'The closer we get, the more we'll benefit from each other's body heat.' Zach smirks. 'Unless, you're aim is to get hypothermia?'
'You're loving this aren't you?'
'Just as much as you are,' Zach chuckles.
It's true. My skin is humming and that familiar strange throbbing has taken control of my insides.
'I've got the perfect song for this moment,' Zach says.
I arch an eyebrow. 'You say that all the time. I'm starting to think you're making it up because I've got no way of proving whether the song in your head would be good for this moment or not.'
'Believe me, every song is perfect. Our soundtrack is amazing.'
'Our soundtrack?'
'It's like a playlist.'
'Ok. So what's this perfect song you've thought of?'
Zach laughs gruffly. 'I'll play it to you when I figure out a way to get a music device working.'
'You're not going to tell me the song title and lyrics?'
'The lyrics are a little explicit by themselves, you need to listen to the whole song to appreciate it.' Zach grins.
I swallow, wondering how explicit it could be. How much detail could a song contain? Based on some of the songs I listened to in the Techie settlement, I can imagine it goes into a lot of detail.
'The look on your face right now.' Zach chuckles as he places his arm around my shoulder and pulls me into him. The sides of our naked bodies come into contact. Heat radiates between us, igniting a fire which is rapidly engulfing me.
Can you spontaneously combust from desire?
'What about the look on my face?' I croak.
'It's cute.' Zach kisses my neck. 'Kit, this is like every other night.'
'Really? Because I don't remember us cuddling or kissing whilst being naked on any of the other nights.'
'I offered, you always turned me down.' Zach continues to kiss my neck.
He did, however, it was always as a joke. He never tried anything, never pushed for us to do more than kiss. We've explored under tops but that's as far as it's gone. I want to go further. 'It's not, I don't want too...'
Zach's mouth stops any more words coming out of me. Our lips mould to each other and the recurring realisation I'm falling for him or rather I've fallen for him, hits me again.
'I don't expect anything, you know that right?' Zach says against my lips. I don't respond and he leans back inspecting my face. 'Kit?'
'I know... but I do want to take this further. Just not now, and not because I don't want to but because you know ...' I falter unable to get the right words out. A life as a Naturalist has not prepared me for this type of conversation.
'You're not ready, and that's cool.' Zach kisses me again.
Irritation at my inability to say what I want boils up inside me. I need to stop being so reserved. I'm sixteen. I should be able to talk to my boyfriend about being intimate. This is the same boy who gave up everything, including safety, for me. My boyfriend, who I've spent the last twenty-seven days with, in various states of undress.
Why am I such a coward?
'I'm ready. I just don't want to get pregnant,' I blurt out.
Pressing my lips together, I close my eyes and wait for Zach's laugh or a casual retort which will remind me I'm overthinking things as usual. It doesn't come. I open my eyes, and I witness an expression which exposes the part of him he always tries to hide, the part of him which gets nervous and worries, the not so confident Zach.
Since leaving the settlement, Zach has tried to conceal this side by making jokes, trying to please me, always jumping first into dangerous situations to ensure I was safe. However, every now and again a crack appears in his usual confident playful demeanour and the anxious, insecure part of him shows, reminding me he's vulnerable too.
'I didn't even think about pregnancy. We're definitely not ready to become parents yet.' Zach's arms tighten around me.
Yet? How far in the future has Zach been envisaging because I can't imagine ever wanting children. Not in this life. Not whilst we wander aimlessly, surviving on scraps of leftover food which will eventually either run out or become so toxic it will poison us. I don't want to bring a child into this world, ever.
'There are ways to monitor my fertility,' I whisper as my face heats. 'We learnt about them at school but it will take a few months of me recording things until I can be sure it will work and even then it's not a hundred percent accurate.'
'Let me know what I can do to help.' Zach kisses me on the forehead. 'But like I said, there is no rush. To be honest, I'm pretty sure the blue balls look is making me look bigger so I'm not complaining.'
I choke out a laugh. 'Good to know.'
'So, now we both know what is not going to happen, try to relax.' Zach kisses me gently but I pull away and gear myself up for my next words.
Opening my mouth, nothing comes out. I mentally give myself a vigorous shake. Stop acting like a Naturalist!
'There is other stuff we could do,' I croak.
'I think my interpretation of other stuff may be different to yours,' Zach chuckles.
I have a flashback to saying something similar to him, in reference to teenagers, when he walked me back to my settlement, before my life as I knew it was destroyed.
'No, I don't think it is different,' I say, my face heating up even further. 'I know about other stuff.'
'Really? And when did you suddenly become aware of other stuff,' he says, clearly trying to hold back the laughter.
Zach is fully aware my inexperience goes beyond simply not having done anything. Naturalists don't discuss looks or appearance. They don't focus on outward beauty or flirt, let alone discuss anything involving sexual relationships. At school, I learnt the science behind how babies were made but nothing more, which I've admitted to Zach. He wasn't surprised.
'I found a book about it, at the book shop we stopped at a few days ago.' I don't mention I've been reading it like it holds the answers to the universe or that I didn't understand half the content, in particular the whole chapter on sexting. I'm also not ready to tell him, I swapped the front cover with a book about plant identification because I knew it would mean Zach wouldn't read it, and that I still have the book for future reference.
'Oh.' Zach's grin doesn't mask his surprise.
I'm so uncomfortable, I wish I hadn't mentioned any of this. I should have kept my mouth firmly shut, except, I don't want to be the bashful and reserved Naturalist anymore. I'm no longer a member of the Naturalist settlement. I can never return which makes me want to eliminate all the tendencies still clinging to me and influencing every action. Part of me hopes, if I can shed my past it will ease the loss of my family.
'I want to do other stuff,' I whisper.
I lean forward and kiss him. My tongue searches his mouth and he responds hungrily. My whole body is humming with desire and excitement as my trembling fingers rest against his jaw and slowly trail a pathway along his rough chin, down his neck and across his bare chest. Zach inhales sharply as his hand grips my hip and squeezes it tightly while pulling me even closer. His response emboldens me further. I shift so more of our skin makes contact, and my hand continues to move lower. He growls into my mouth causing me to grin.
I will be more confident. I will take control. This is my life, a new start. I can be whoever I want to be.
Author's note:
I promise it won't be just chapters of them kissing all the time... even though personally, I'd love that.
What do you think so far? Xx