— Warning: Gruesome Detail —
Gnashton Wade
I drag the whimpering and self deprecating boy out of his bathroom, leaving the pills he was moments away from ingesting aside. My heart clenches as do my fist just thinking about him trying to take his life and leave me to fester around in this damned world alone without him by my side.
He was supposed to be my fucking sidekick, my everything and he was about to take all that shit away in a damn moment. My wolf, Gage, growls inside me and I can feel him pushing to be released to console our shaking mate but I refuse to allow him because if I did, I knew our consoling would turn into something else that I didn't want at the moment.
In this moment I need to make Nik realize that he isn't alone in this fucked world. He isn't the only one who felt like this and he would never, never be alone in this world.
Not on my watch.
I sit him on his bed and he curls up to himself, bringing his knees to his chest while wrapping his arms around himself. Looking at him, I couldn't help but think that he's so damn beautiful. The fact that he didn't realize how much he really meant to me destroyed me, ripping me to pieces but that wouldn't stop me from making it heavily apparent to him.
Even if it went into one ear and out the other, I'd continue to make it known to him until it stuck to him that he's worth the world to me. I would implant it inside his head that he's precious, beautiful, worth while and the best fucking thing to ever happen to me.
I get onto one knee in front of Nik as my hand grips one of his knees in my hand.
"There's something I haven't told you," I say and despite how much I try, I can't keep the nerves from rolling off my tongue as I say this.
I see the curiosity in his wet eyes so I wipe a tear that falls with the pad of my thumb and release a sigh as I open my mouth and I tell him everything I've never told anyone before and he listens attentively.
I'm wiping my sleepy eyes as I walk out of my room in my Spider-Man pjs, iron man socks on my small feet. I peer into my parents room but they aren't home despite the fact that's it's so early in the morning and the birds are chirping. My fourth birthday is today so I hoped that they'd be home but they weren't and that left me sad but I knew that maybe they'd come home later today so we can celebrate.
Maybe when they came today, they'd be acting like the mommy and daddy they acted like when I was one years old. These days they acted really weird, they came home and they'd say things in a weird way with their eyes really red. Their behavior scared me and I didn't want to play with them when they acted like that but when they weren't like that they were different, they were much kinder to me.
When they weren't acting funny, they weren't the most fun but it was way better than when they came home with that disgusting smell that rolled off them, I didn't even know what lingered on them but it was gross.
I trudge down the hall of our small one story home and walk past the small living room, into the kitchen that was a mess. There was dirt on the floor with other things I couldn't make out, the counters were messy too. Maybe if I cleaned up this mess mommy would be happy with me and she'd play a puzzle game with me.
Grandpa brought over these puzzles for us to play with and we played with it once when he came over but we haven't touched it since then. It was a Paw Patrol puzzle and even though I already knew it made Rider, I still wanted to make the puzzle again because doing that gave me something to do with mommy. Maybe after the puzzle we could eat those cookies she and grandma made when Kate was born.
Kate is my little sister who I didn't like at first because she made mommy and daddy act weird but I grew to like her because mommy and daddy didn't give her the attention I thought they would. I thought they'd shower her with all their time and affection but they didn't, they dumped her and did other things and that really made me feel bad for her so I began to care for her because mommy and daddy didn't.
They hardly spent time with me but when they did, they acted like Kate didn't exist. I almost wished they would give her the little attention they gave me but I longed for their affection so I never brought it up.
I hear footsteps so my head snaps to the entrance of the kitchen where I see Kate sucking on her thumb with her stuffed animal Lucky in her right arm. Her big doe brown eyes look at me, the clothes she wore worn out as there were rips in them but I tried to look past that as she waddled over to me. She's smaller than me and so I can't help but smile down at her as she lands in my arms. She holds my waist, her head laying on my torso and she wiggles her head, her dark brown locks shaking but not very much.
When mommy was drinking that drink that made her act really weird, she stormed into the living room where Kate was quietly watching Peppa Pig and she grabbed her roughly. The look in mommy's eyes scared me and my heart pounded loudly, slamming against my chest.
Everything inside me screamed at me to try to protect her from whatever was to be done but I was so scared that I backed away and hid behind a pillow as I sat on the couch opposite of where mommy stood gripping Kate by the neck. I watched my baby sister thrash and shriek with cries and that made my own tears fall down my face but I couldn't do anything to stop anything that was happening.
My mommy grabbed the scissors that was on the clear glass table in the center of the couches and she raises it up to Kate. I'm nervous but and I plead inside for mommy to be nice again but my wishes aren't granted. Mommy cuts widely at Kate's long hair that flowed past her waist in random directions.
Mommy kept at it with Kate screaming and choking with tears falling down her face until mommy dropped her onto the floor. Kate laid there crying loudly, I thought I'd go deaf with the volume of her cries but the way her hair was cut on her head was so horrifying that her cries became numbing instead. Mommy walked away swaying and stumbling about and I just sat there with my eyes filled with tears and my body shaking.
I wanted to go to Kate but I was scared mommy would get mad at me for going to her so I stayed in my seat and allowed her tears to drift into my ears. She was only fifteen months old at the time.
I shake my head, trying to ignore those memories because I knew mommy and daddy would get better. They'd love Kate more soon, I knew they would. Kate peered up at me through her eyes and I smiled down at her. I kiss her forehead and stroke her hair, enjoying how she turns into a fit of giggles. She clung to me often because I showed her the love and affection she didn't get from mommy and daddy.
She was clueless and that's what made me hug her tighter to me because I wanted to protect her so badly but I was such a coward. I wanted to make Iron Man proud of me but if he could see me now he'd be so ashamed of me.
"Mommy?" Kate tilts her head as she looks up at me.
I felt like I understood what she was trying to say so I nodded knowing well that she was asking where mommy was. Even though mommy was mean to her, Kate still wanted her and that's what made me want to shield her from the world because she was too precious. I wish mommy would treat her better, love her more like she loves me but I don't think that would ever happen no matter how much I wished upon a Star or blew out my 'candles' on my birthday.
I was scared my wish would never come true and mommy and daddy would both continue to hurt her. Her cries hurt me so badly, I hated mommy and daddy whenever they hurt her but I didn't want to hate them and that's what made me feel even sadder.
"Mommy will come home soon, Kate," I tell her.
The biggest smile comes onto her face and I want to smile back but I can't seeing how she has no teeth but only gums. She's supposed to have teeth, I've seen her small baby teeth before. I press my hands against my eyes to keep my tears inside, I remember the way daddy would pull out her teeth whenever he drank that evil juice.
Kate sobbed and I knew she was in pain but daddy didn't care as he ripped out her teeth even though he wasn't supposed to. Kate was supposed to be eating big girl food slowly but she still ate baby food or the food I could find for her because mommy and daddy didn't feed her.
I hated whenever they caused her pain, it made me so angry but I had to hide my anger and pretend I was happy because maybe if I was happy, mommy and daddy would become happy too. Maybe then they'd be in a better mood and wouldn't hurt Kate.
"Let's clean up, Kate," I give her a smile, "mommy will be happy if we clean up."
She nods her head vigorously and we start to try to clean the mess in the kitchen but we didn't really have any napkins or any cleaning products because mommy never cleaned, daddy didn't either. The house was usually dirty and it always smelt like that weird liquid I hated but there wasn't really anything I could do about it.
Since we didn't have any napkins, I suddenly think that the towels we have in the one bathroom we have is a better idea. I tell Kate to wait in the kitchen then I rush through the living room, down the hall and then into the bathroom. It's small but it's the only one we have. We have a bathtub with a moldy rubber duck inside that I play with and a toilet that's chipping at the bottom but that's okay because at least I can pee and poop when I need to.
The sink doesn't really work but that's okay too because the sink downstairs in the kitchen works and that means I don't have to wash my hands after using the bathroom. We have two towels which belong to mommy and daddy and they don't really allow us to touch their things but hopefully they'll be happy that we cleaned up the kitchen and won't even notice that we used their towels to do it.
I grab daddy's towel which has stains on it but it's dried up. The stain is red and looks funny but since I can't really guess what it really is, I shrug and take it with me. It drags on the dusty floors as I race back down the hall past the living room and into the kitchen where Kate is about to grab a cockroach that's on the counter. I rush over to her and grab her, shooing the cockroach away because I'm too scared to kill it.
"Don't touch bugs, Kate," I tell her and she grins happily at me, not really understanding what I said.
She's too precious for words but I was so useless.
It gets worse from here folks. double update, you guys deserve it.
~xoxo, Babybird.