I wake to the sound of rain, a regular occurrence now that we have entered September, and even though that would usually mean I start the day feeling down I actually feel great. I was able to sleep through the rest of the night without a problem and I put it down to the guy snoring lightly next to me.
When I had climbed into bed with him last night I had made sure to keep my distance, feeling extremely conscious of the situation, however, my subconscious obviously isn’t as bothered as during the night I have shifted to the extent that I am now tucked up into Liam’s side, crushing his arm between our bodies, I look up into his face that is turned in my direction and can’t help but smile at how young and boyish he looks in his sleep. Slowly I peel my body away from his and slide across the sheet to my side of the bed, it’s cold over here and I instantly want to slide back.
“Nice try.” He mumbles without opening his eyes and I freeze like a thief caught red-handed. “No pretending you aren’t drawn to me.” His eyes fly open and he fixes his forest green gaze on me, rising on eyebrow. “Usually when I spend the night with someone we have to cuddle in the morning or something equally… cute.” He groans the word and I actually feel sorry for the girls who thought they were getting more than a night with him.
He stretches his arms over his head his and the duvet slides down his body so I can watch the muscles of his chest stretch out as he yawns.
“Get needy do you?” I state shamelessly checking him out. The mattress shifts, the duvet is thrown to the floor and Liam is above me on his hands and knees expertly avoiding my damaged wrist lying uselessly at my side. I don’t know if he remembers but I am very aware of the fact that he is only wearing boxers, it takes all of my restraint to not glance in that direction, the effort is almost painful.
“You have no idea.” He growls before kissing me and rolling off the bed to land on the floor and coolly strolling off towards the bathroom.
Since Liam is in the bathroom I take the long way round back to my bedroom to get changed. The fact that he is showering in the next room and there is only an unlocked door between us is a weird experience, I could lock the door… if I wanted, and yet I don’t. Once again, out of ease, I have gone for a dress that doesn’t need a bra. It’s a summer dress really but I’ve added tights and a baggy cardigan so maybe it won’t be too bad. As I sit in front of the mirror to apply mascara I wonder if this is something I will be doing every day, at home I would only put make-up on if I was leaving the house but here I feel like I need to, like rough days are no longer an option.
By the time I leave my room Liam is in the kitchen area and I am struck dumb when I see him. He is stood by the grill, the extractor fan is whirling away but there is still smoke in the air, and he is wearing light grey suit pants, white shirt and a green tie that matches his eyes, his suit jackets hang on the back of one of the dining chairs. His hair isn’t its usual controlled mess but is tamed, parted and slicked. “What are you doing?” I ask approaching slowly. I can’t take my eyes off him as he manoeuvres around in the tailored suit that shows of his chest, shoulders, arms…. everything. The thought flits across my mind that he looks good when dressed causal, he looks good smart, he looks good in very little, this could be a problem.
“I may have forgotten to open a window before putting the bacon on.” He states with a grin.
“You do realise we are both going to smell of bacon now?” I sniff my sleeve to prove a point but all I can smell is Liam, I haven’t showered today so his scent lingers on my skin and in my hair. Quickly I throw open the windows next to the table and a chilly gust flows in to disturb the and clear the haze away from my view of Liam.
“Do you want some or not?” He growls, whilst plucking a piece from the grill and placing it on a bread roll.
“Sure.” I say taking the seat at the table nearest the open window. “So what are you plans for the day?” I ask when he joins me, I’m aware of how I sound… like a married woman.
“I’m going into town, I’ve got a business meeting.” He says around a mouthful of bacon sandwich.
“That explains the suit. Shifter or human?”
“Human, this one is for my business. I have to be there by half eleven.” He shakes his wrist to check the time on the silver watch that hangs there, I nod my head and frown down at my food but true to form Liam doesn’t miss a thing. “I’ll be back by twenty past twelve in time for lunch with my parents at half past. Don’t worry, besides they don’t bite” They might not, but what if I do. I choose to remain silent. It isn’t just that I am nervous about seeing my Alpha and what may happen if I lose control. I’m genuinely nervous about spending time with Liam’s parents. This will be the first time that I will have spent a considerable amount of time with them as their son’s future mate and if that isn’t scary then I don’t know what is. It’s like meeting the in-laws and if Liam doesn’t show up then I truly will have a panic attack. “So what was last night about?”
“Huh?” I feign innocence and concentrate on my sandwich.
“Last night… you…my bed…?”
“I told you I couldn’t sleep.” I shrug.
“Yes but why?” I can feel his gaze on me but I continue to pick at the bread on my plate not actually eating any of it.
“Woke up in an unfamiliar place, you’re familiar, I just needed to be around something familiar.” He nods his head, but he doesn’t seem convinced, maybe I said familiar too much? I don’t want to confess about the panic attacks and the nightmares all in 24 hours, besides, I’m dealing with it. “When do you leave?” I ask to steer him in a different direction.
“Now.” He says polishing off his sandwich and downing his drink. He shrugs his arms into his jacket and wow does he look the part.
“Have a good day.” I say watching him.
“What are you gonna do?”
“Take a bath.” I state just coming up with the idea, I don’t want to go this family thing stinking of burnt bacon.
“You’re already dressed?”
“Yeah well looks like I don’t have much to do until lunch. It’s a hard life, just think, while you’re working hard I’ll be relaxing in that big bath covered in bubbles.” I have no idea why I said that or where it came from but the look in his eyes makes it completely worth it.
“Do I get a kiss goodbye?” His voice is gruff and I know I have the upper hand.
“We aren’t a married couple… dear. See you later.” I tuck my chair under the table, place my plate in the dishwasher and retreat back to my room. He may look good but as long as I can stay in control maybe we can live together just fine.
I’d taken a pill before I’d left mine and Liam’s apartment but as I stand outside the door to the breakfast room I can feel myself start to freak out. Liam hasn’t returned like he promised he would and I can hear his parents chatting idly on the other side of the door, they can probably hear me pacing on this side. I don’t want to do this alone and I hadn’t prepared myself to, but I am a big girl, I am supposed to be the future Alpha female of my pack and I am already five minutes late, which is what pushes me to open the door, my mum would have a fit if she knew I was keeping the Alpha’s waiting on purpose.
This room is one that I have never seen before from the inside although it can be easily spotted from the outside; it is a big room with light blue walls, stone floors, white picture rails and a conservatory across the back wall. There is a big vase of roses which carries the same smell that blew into my room yesterday and the conservatory doors are open onto the grass, even though the rain is still steadily dripping outside.
The Alpha male and female watch me as I cross the floor to the collection of armchairs in one corner, there are five of them and they surround a large round wooden table that is topped with meats, cheeses, fruits, crisps, everything that is needed for a buffet lunch. Plus one thing I didn’t expect, Hunter. Who is sat in a chair that has its back to me, shielding him from view until I take the vacant chair next to his, leaving a gap between myself and Mrs Miller, a gap that is very much Liam sized.
“Good afternoon everyone.” I say with a smile that is a little too big. “Sorry I’m late.”
“No my dear.” My Alpha states, his voice is so full of warmth that I bristle, I don’t want him to be nice to me. “I’m sorry that my first born isn’t here. That couldn’t have been easy to walk in here on your own.” He frowns disapprovingly, glancing at the empty seat, and I feel like I need to jump in in Liam’s defence even though I am angry at him for just that.
“What would make you say that Sir? You’re my family now.”
“That being so, I am aware that this is the first time we have properly been together since, well… since I summoned you into my office after the second round.” I nod my head, and can feel Hunter looking questioningly at me, I ignore him. “As a tradition meeting your partner’s parents is always nerve-wracking and it doesn’t help that Liam isn’t here to support you.” Awkwardly I think that Alpha Miller has an axe to grind with Liam about something and his not being here really hasn’t helped his case.
“I don’t think we have labelled our relationship yet, Sir.”
He chuckles “You don’t need to really do you? You are what you are and what you are is future mates. No need for pretence.” I can feel my anger towards him bubble, that may be the end result of all of this but I will do it on my terms and we will get there by going through some normal stages first.
“Brent.” Mrs Miller says in a warning tone. “How are you settling in dear?” She asks with a motherly tone and a sincere smile.
We had covered all manners of pleasantries and talked about my entire upbringing by the time Liam walked through the door, in fact I had even finished eating. I didn’t turn to look at him but waited for him to take the vacant seat between me and his mother.
“Nice of you to join us.” His father states as he settles into the chair and grabs a bread roll from the centre of the table.
“I had a meeting.” His tone is icy as he begins buttering the roll. His eyes flicker around the table coming to me last, when he looks at me his expression changes, softens, but when he sees that I am angry he becomes a young boy in trouble, he is aware what he has done. I turn away from him to let him stew in it.
“Yes. You made a meeting even though you knew you had one with us.”
“Brent.” Mrs Miller warns him for the second time since I sat down, I see my future ahead of me when I look at Penny.
“No Penny, he chose human business over pack business and I won’t stand for that.”
“Oh come on dad.” Liam scoffs. “We all live under the same roof, I’m an hour late, this isn’t on a record, it’s not like it couldn’t have been rescheduled. But look we’re all still here so let’s do this.”
“Liam.” Penny turns her warning tone on her son. “This is important.”
“I know mum. I do. But I ran late and there is nothing I can do about it now.”
“Okay, I’m going to put this in a different way. Look at the girl at next to you.” I feel myself blush as I am dragged into this and I feel Liam’s eyes on me but I look down at my lap and pick at edge of the sling around my neck. “You chose human business over her.” He lets that sink in. “Anyone could tell when she walked in how nervous she was and still she had to do it on her own. We will have this meeting but we’ll have it without you.”
“Shouldn’t he be here for this?” I ask quietly biting my lip unsure how my comment would be received. I’m overshadowed by Liam who jumps to his feet in outrage, we had talked about nothing for an hour and I assumed we had been killing time until Liam had gotten here and now that he is here we’re just kicking him out.
“I’m not leaving Scar.”
His dad just ignores him and talks directly to me. “He should have been yes, but that was an hour ago.” Finally he turns to his son. “We’ll see you later Liam.” His father’s voice doesn’t hold any room for negotiation, it is a dismissal, and like a boy scolded Liam leaves and I am once again alone.
An hour and a half later I leave the room with my head spinning with all sorts of information. I don’t know how much of this Liam knows already but I plan on finding out. I am pretty much marching down the corridor when Hunter catches me.
“Where’s the fire?” He asks as he grabs hold of my elbow to slow me down, I spin around to face him.
“Did you know all of that, cos I didn’t, Liam hasn’t warned me about any of it!” I throw an arm in the air my frustration is building. He says we’re in this together and yet I have to face his parents on my own and I get a load of information poured down my throat, some of which scares me a little, scrap a little, a lot.
“Maybe he didn’t, I didn’t know about the bonding… thing. The date will be a while of yet.”
“Is that supposed to make me feel better?”
“A little, well maybe not. Just think of it this way, in about a years’ time Liam will be in charge, this part will be over and you will be in charge of your own life again.” Yeah, mine and everyone else’s. He has a big smile on his face oblivious to my inner turmoil.
“A year?” I squeak, “That soon?”
“Well yeah Scar. If dad wanted to wait longer than that to step down then Liam would have had longer to find his real mate.” I hate it when logic steps in to kick you while you’re down. “Go talk to Liam, give him hell for being late, and I’ll be in my room if you need me, do you remember where it is?” I nod my head, I only went there once but I do have a vague recollection. I can always ask for directions or for someone to draw me a map if I get lost. He wraps me up in a hug and I hold in tight but eventually we have to release each other and go our separate ways and all too soon I am stood outside the door to the apartment.
The door is the last barrier I have and I know I have to go through it, Liam may not even be in there but once again I find myself psyching myself up before I enter a room. Slowly I type in our key code and too soon the little ding sounds indicating that I can push the door open. Liam is here and so is Harry. They are sat around the table and Liam has his back to me.
“Hey Scar.” Harry is the first one to look at me.
“Hey.” I slump down on the sofa kicking my shoes off.
“I’m sorry Scar.” Liam whispers without turning to look at me.
“It’s fine, it really doesn’t matter. But I do have a few things I want to talk to you about.” I glance at Harry and he picks up on my hint and pushes himself up from the table.
“I’m off to see George, call me if you need me.” Liam nods his head but still doesn’t move. His focus seems to be out of the window.
“My dad?”
“Yeah.”
“Tell him I say hi?” Harry looks over his shoulder at Liam and then back to me, he gestures to the door with his head and with a frown I heave myself up of the sofa. “I’ll see you out.” I try to make it sound casual and not confused.
“Cheers.” We leave the apartment together I gently shut the door behind me.
“What’s up?”
“He was in such a good mood when we left this morning, like really good, whistle while you work good. I haven’t seen him like that well… ever. I don’t know what you did but well done.” I don’t fill him in but I smile to know that I made a difference. “He really did try to keep the meeting short, it wasn’t his fault, I promise that he wanted to be here. He didn’t forget or anything.”
“It’s alright Harry, any anger I had for him disappeared when his dad kicked him out.”
“He’s pissed at his father but he’s more pissed at himself, go easy on him?” That’s Harry always looking out for his boss and friend. I smile up at him and give him a hug.
“I won’t even mention it.” I promise. “See you later?”
“I’m always around.”
When I walk back into the room Liam is in the same spot. “Can we talk?” I ask leaning against the back of the sofa like I putting an obstacle between us.
“Sure.”
“Come sit with me.” I take up my seat on the sofa again and after a couple of seconds he sits down on the other side. With a roll of my eyes I slide up the sofa and sit side on with my legs crossed so that my knees are touching his thigh. “Will you stop sulking!” He finally looks me in the eye.
“I am not sulking, I am twenty not two.” He grumbles.
“Yeah, you sound it.” There is silence between us for a couple of minutes as I stare at him and he stares straight ahead at the blank screen of the television. “Oh for God’s sake Liam.” Shifting my weight I climb over him so that I have a leg on either side and sit on his lap facing him. “Look at me.”
“Don’t have much of a choice, do I?” He says with a smile finally threatening to break through.
“I gave you a choice, now I have to take action.” I don’t like it when he is upset and if I can put a smile back on his face I will do whatever it takes.
“I am sorry.”
“I know you are, if you could have been there you would have been.” I lean forward to kiss him but he is grumpy and a little unresponsive. “But that isn’t what I want to talk to you about.” He raises an eyebrow.
“What’s up?”
“Your parents are under the impression that we will have completed the bonding process really soon. In fact they think it will be done by the time of the formal announcement party.” Today I have learnt that there will be two parties coming up one is for me, so that the members of my pack can come and meet me, which is supposed to be fun.
The other is for other Alpha families and will be the one in which Alpha Miller will be presenting his successors; the second one is all politics. During my lunch meeting with the Alpha’s I was told in no uncertain times that by the second party Liam and myself will be officially mates. Liam’s face doesn’t change “But you knew this already.” I state and crawl back of him putting distance between us.
“I knew that we would have to be mated before that party, yes.” I take a breath and calm myself.
“And you were going to tell me this when?” I question.
“Well I figured it would come up today.” He shrugs and my mouth drops open.
“So you never planned on telling me that yourself, great Liam. Thanks. And do you know when your dad is thinking of having this party?”
“Just after the Christmas period. New year, new start.” We are still in the early days of September but even so the end of the year is only four months away.
“Four months.” I whisper choking on the words. Hunter said a year!
“Yes.” He watches me carefully as I process the information.
“But how am I supposed to be ready for that in four months?”
“What do you mean?” There is an edge to his voice that wasn’t there just a second ago.
“In four month’s times I will be expected to be someone’s mate and an Alpha female. Are they going to choose a date to impregnate me too?” He flinches but I don’t attempt to take back my words.
“Scar, I don’t understand the big deal, the bonding thing has to be done at some point, so what difference does it make if it’s four weeks, four months of four years from now.”
“Maybe it isn’t a big deal to you! At least with four years we’d know we aren’t making a mistake.”
“This is your problem Scar!” He jumps up of the sofa and begins to pace the room.
“What do you mean my problem?” Defensively I pull my knees up to my chin and wrap my arms around my legs.
“You are still living in a fantasy world where we have a choice… we don’t. I am yours, you are mine, I signed that deal when I agreed to that damn tournament and you signed yours next to mine when you won the thing.” As soon as the words leave his mouth my head screams at him that we aren’t mean to belong to each other and it makes me cringe. “It may not be the big romantic fairy-tale you wanted but this is our life now. This is going to happen and we don’t have the luxury of time. So you should start to get used to the idea.” I don’t reply, so we just remain in silence as I think. He’s right about one thing, I do still think of us as a couple working things out, like the humans do, we haven’t even been on a real date. But we’ve never been a normal couple and maybe we would be better off if we just got it over and done with.
Over and done with…
The phrase screams ‘not ready’ to me. “Do you know what else?” He lectures after moments of my continued silence. “I was under the impression that we had made progress on this. I love you and you know it but apparently I am in this alone.” My mouth falls open and Liam makes a break for his bedroom door.
“Liam, wait!” He doesn’t and the slam of his door shakes the TV.
Eventually, after getting over the shock of our argument, I had gone to my own room and locked both my main door and my bathroom door. I could have gone to Hunter’s room and I had thought about it but in the end I decided that I needed to think. I’d thrown open the windows to let the crisp autumn air in and flopped down on the chaise lounge, that had been two hours ago.
I’m not sure where the time had gone but apparently I had been lost in thought. The sky had darkened in that time and a chill had moved in, but I just pull my cardigan further around me and curl up into a tighter ball. It had taken a lot of thought but I finally think I know why I am so reluctant to make that inevitable commitment.
I am eighteen years old.
That doesn’t sound like a reason at all when it is just a statement but the more I think about it the more I know I am right. I’m eighteen, I’ve done nothing, I’ve seen nothing, I’ve been nowhere. I didn’t even get to finish college since I don’t need qualifications to be the next Alpha female.
I will be Mrs Scarlett Miller, Alpha female, and that’s it, that’s me, and it will all be before I reach nineteen. I’m still a child in my own eyes and this is all too much. I have been passed from my family home to this family home and have never lived for myself, I have no real skills, outside of survival and combat, I can’t even get the timings right when I’m boiling an egg. I can’t be someone’s life partner yet or, God forbid, someone’s mum. I want to be with Liam, I made that decision myself, but I want to do it on a time line that works for us not one that works for the rest of the world.
However, as for every argument there is a counter one and mine is Mandy, she is exactly the same age as me and she is mated. She has taken on the role with determination and content, she loves her life.
But she would, wouldn’t she?
Her mate is really hers, there were never any doubts in her mind, her body and soul wouldn’t allow for doubts, mine do and I have a lot of them.
I know what the Miller’s want, they want the future of the pack to be stable and our mating would ensure that. I know what Liam wants, he wants us together for the rest of our lives and our mating would ensure that. I don’t know what I want, but as Liam said does it even matter what I want?
The sun has now completely set and darkness has engulfed my room, finally I make a move. Shutting the windows and closing the curtains I methodically start getting ready for bed. Tomorrow I am having lunch with the girls and decide that I also want to go home and see my mum, she’ll tell it to me straight and I need her opinion… and maybe a hug. With that decided I send a text to my new head of security.
I’ll be going home tomorrow morning, I can get there myself and you can take me to lunch with the girls later or you can meet me on the drive at nine. Scar x
She is quick to reply.
Tomorrow at nine it is. Abi x
That will be another first, an escorted trip out. Yet even with the security detail I am looking forward to getting out of this house and talking to people who were with me before all of this craziness happened.
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Phew, that was a long one. It was actually meant to be chapters 6 + 7 but whatever (Yolo?). If someone actually gets to this bit, well done you for sticking it out ;)