The remaining rest of the week had passed slowly but surely, and as I still continued to ignore Megan I knew nothing was going to get better any time soon. I had returned to being only her student, continued to give her lip in class, and continued to give her signs that I was pissed and still waiting for her perfect tits to rot off.
Guess you could say I hold a grudge.
Remembering the night I had gotten into the wreck only made me hurt even more. I remembered how she had walked out without even trying to listen to me, how she had just walked out and decided to ruin the rest of my senior year.
She hadn’t even tried talking about how Thanksgiving went with my family, when she had been the one to suggest I go.
The more I dissected the night she had lied to Shawn the more confused I became. Honestly, I hadn’t expected her to show up. I had been totally and completely blindsided when she had walked through that door and into my hospital room. My heart had stopped in my chest, mostly from how amazing she had looked in her nice dress she had obviously worn for her family gathering. She had the right amount of make-up on, but not too much, and she had her long brown hair in curls that had been wet from the rain.
She had stunned me and all I could muster was a fucking “Happy Thanksgiving?”
She had been out of breath when she had stormed in, as if she had been running or walking quite fast. She had gotten here not long after I had, which only meant she had sped here to see me. She had been so relieved when she had seen me sitting there in my bed looking up at her. She had been so happy that I wasn’t bad off.
She had been scared that I would’ve been really fucked up, which only meant one thing…
Megan had to care about me, and even though she did get me grounded I couldn’t keep holding it against her as much as the pain burned in my heart.
But why did she lie? Why did she get me into a heap of trouble I honestly didn’t deserve? It had been over a week since this whole incident happened and I was growing more and more impatient for the truth with each passing second. It sucked because I never saw her anywhere besides school and having a civil and understanding conversation was difficult.
I had a short temper, and the last thing I wanted to do was call her out and bitch at her in her own room with neighboring classrooms.
I needed to be alone with her.
Then I felt a tap on my back, pulling me out of my daydream.
“Ready for a busy night?”
I looked at Danna as I resumed stocking my fridge, knowing that tonight was Saturday night and we were going to be super busy. I nodded in response, “I’m always ready.”
She studied me, tilting her head, “Are you okay?”
I nodded quickly, not wanting her to see that I was actually pretty upset. She dismissed herself then to resume what she had initially been doing as I sulked in my misery. I really was upset, and the more I thought about everything Megan had done the more confused I stayed. I wanted to be mad at her but I couldn’t because I knew she had to have a logical reason. Megan had never done anything without analyzing the shit out of it, and for her to decide to do something like this didn’t go without thought.
She had reasons for what she did, I just didn’t know them and it was killing me.
But now wasn’t the time to be drowning in my depression and thoughts because I had a job to do and money to make.
The night was soon popping with people coming in every minute, filling up the bar and keeping me busy. It was a good crowd, and the playlist was really rocking tonight only making people want to drink more.
Just more tips for me.
The girls came and went, ninety percent on them hitting on me and sliding me their numbers. It wasn’t unusual for me now considering I had been working here for two weeks and my face was already familiar in here anyway.
But no matter who walked through that door, it was never Megan, and I just didn’t care.
The more I thought about Megan walking through the door the more I felt my eyes watching it all night, praying and hoping she would show up so I could ignore her. I wanted her to fucking talk to me, to apologize with every ounce in her heart and make me feel better. I wanted Megan to walk right through that door and save me.
But I knew better than that.
As much fun we had my first night working, you know, when she decided to molest me and then black out and forget the whole thing? I knew it would most likely never happen again, and the more I held out on telling her what she had done to me that night the more it ate me up.
There were just so many unsettled things between Megan and I when she left my house.
“You the finest bartender in town!”
I looked up, seeing Blair and Tony leaning on the bar, causing something in my heart to sigh as a sense of relief.
I was so glad to see them.
I smiled, “My two favorite customers.”
I began making Blair her usual as I glanced at Tony, “Anything for you?”
He shook his head, flashing his keys in the process, “Designated Driver.”
I smiled again, nodding in agreement, “Good boy, you’re taking care of my girl.”
Blair sipped her drink as she leaned a bit into Tony, who also seemed to be un-phased by the fact that he was in a LGBT bar. I spoke, “I didn’t know you two were coming.”
Blair spoke, “Well, figured I should come keep my sad, sad, sad best friend company while she was stuck at work.”
I frowned, “I’m not sad, Blair.”
She made a disproving face, “Really? You must think I’m blind.”
I sighed, looking at Tony, “Does she torture you like this too?”
He nodded, looking down at Blair and kissing her, “All the time.”
Blair then put her hand on top of mine, “Sam, I know, okay? But we will talk about it later, just not here.”
I gave her a sarcastic but grateful smile, “Thanks.”
She sipped her drink and looked around the bar, and then back at me, “This place is fucking packed.”
I smiled, nodding my head to the music in the process, “You’re telling me, I haven’t stopped since we’ve opened.”
Blair eyed me and spoke, “Still no word from Megan?”
I shook my head, “It’s not like I’m trying hard, I mean she knows I’m ignoring her.”
“Well, has she tried talking to you since Monday?”
I groaned, feeling the pain return, “No, she hasn’t.”
As much as I hated thinking about the Megan situation, it felt good talking to Blair about it. I had been feeling trapped inside my own skin since I had been ignoring her, and Blair always seemed to find a way to make me feel better.
But it was kind of hard with Tony right by her side listening.
Then to my luck someone approached him, “Hey!”
It was a girl, and I could see a look on Blair’s face that was uneasy. Blair didn’t seem like the jealous type, more like territorial, and Tony replied to the mysterious girl and then took Blair under his arm for a proper introduction.
Good boy.
He spoke his friend, “Mallory, this is my girlfriend Blair, and that’s her best friend Sam.”
The so-say Mallory girl looked at Blair and shook her hand, smiling politely and then looking at me, “Oh, Sam’s the hot bartender.”
Ah, she was a lesbian.
Blair seemed shocked, naturally because one minute you think your man’s about to introduce you to his ex-girlfriend or something, then you come to find out she’s into girls.
It was a pretty awkward, yet relief of a feeling.
I smirked at her compliment, “That’s me.”
Tony looked at Blair, “I’ll go talk with Mallory and her friends so you and Sam can have your… girl talk.”
Blair smiled at Tony, nodding, “Good idea.”
Then he walked off, leaving us alone.
Before Blair could say anything I spoke, “You got a little nervous there for a second.”
She narrowed her eyes, “I didn’t know her, okay?”
I smiled, “Well, now you know she’s not interested in your man. That is unless he’s housing a hidden vagina and some tiny tits under his clothes.”
She slapped my arm, “Watch your mouth.”
I laughed as I wiped down my damp bar, attempting to keep it clean as the night continued on. I knew Blair wanted to talk about Megan, and I kind of did too, it just seemed kind of awkward here.
She spoke, “How are you really holding up?”
I looked at her, “Blair, I’m fine. It’s not like I’m dying here…”
She tilted her head, “Could’ve fooled me.”
I rolled my eyes, “It just sucks, knowing everything that happened and still not really understanding any of it.”
Blair waved her hands, “Then just grow some balls and talk to her.”
I sighed, “I can’t, I never see her anymore.”
“God, you still don’t have her number? Your game is falling short.”
I groaned, “It’s different with her, besides, she has my number, not vice versa.”
“And she’s never once texted or called you?”
I shook my head no, feeling a dreaded pain wrap around my heart and squeeze it. I had never really missed anyone, well besides my family and Blair, but I found myself actually missing Megan’s presence. I missed her voice and how we would have the most in-depth talks, and I missed seeing her every day before class.
I really had it bad right now.
Blair sighed, “Well, either you want to talk to her or you don’t. Take initiative dammit.”
“And what do I say?”
“Tell her you’re pissed the fuck off and want to take it out on her.”
I rolled my eyes, “Blair, seriously?”
“Sorry, it was supposed to be humorous.”
“Well, it wasn’t.”
“Obvi.”
I looked around the bar, “I just don’t know how to bring it up without getting so upset.”
“That’s normal, but maybe getting it out will make you feel better.”
“And make Megan hate me.”
Blair sighed, “She can’t hate you after what she did to you. I mean she got you grounded for Christ’s sake, and now Shawn doesn’t trust you. She should know to give you some slack.”
I shrugged off the thought of admitting anything but how angry she had made me. Megan didn’t need to know how messed up she had me by not trying to talk to me and make things better. She didn’t need to know how hurt I was over her.
I sighed, “I don’t know…”
“Stop being stubborn. If you want to talk to her, talk, and I promise you she will listen. Who knows, maybe you’ll find something out that you’re subconsciously dying to know.”
I asked, “Like what?”
“Like why she did what she did, her motive behind it all.”
I continued, “What if it’s bad?”
“Then at least you’ll know the truth and it won’t continue eating you up.”
I nodded, feeling better but worse at the same time. That was the thing about Blair, she was blunt like me but she was really good with words, words that I needed for some sympathy. She could knock sense into me like my own mother, but she genuinely cared about me and my well-being.
It’s why I loved her so much.
I nodded, “You’re right.”
She smiled in victory, holding up her empty drink, “Of course I am. Now fill me up.”
I smiled, “Cranberry and Vodka coming right up.”
~ ~ ~ ~
Now that the night was coming to a close I was anxious to get the hell out of here. Talking with Blair had really got me thinking, and the more I thought about Megan the more confused and nervous I became. I really wanted to talk to her but I didn’t know how to go about it, and it was really getting to me.
I continued restocking my bar as I wondered what exactly I should do about this whole “mad at Megan” situation. I honestly didn’t want to wait till Monday to talk to her, and I hated talking about serious shit in a school environment.
So what should I do?
It’s not like I had her number either to call her, and I knew she wouldn’t be at Shawn’s whenever I decided to get home.
I was just so lost.
I wiped my end of the bar and finished up, clocking out and taking out my drawer for Danna to count and allow me to leave. I walked up to her, “Here’s my drawer.”
She set it down in front of her and looked at me, “Why didn’t you decide to work here sooner?”
I shrugged, not really knowing the answer to that question, “I don’t know, I guess I always preferred drinking over selling the drinks.”
She smiled, “Do you regret agreeing to work here?”
I shook my head, “Not one bit.”
She smiled in victory as she finished counting my cash and evening out my tips for the night, slipping it in an envelope and handing it to me. She responded, “Have you put this into savings like I asked?”
I nodded, “Of course Danna, besides, everything I’m making is going to Shawn right now, over what happened on Thanksgiving.”
She made an uncomfortable face, “Well, it shouldn’t be long till he’s paid off, you’ve been making quite a bit.”
I agreed, “Yea I know.”
She smiled, “See you Wednesday?”
I smiled her off, “See you.”
Then I tugged on my jacket and headed out towards the parking lot, glancing at my phone and seeing that it was three in the morning. The need in my heart to talk to Megan was at an all-time high, and I was nowhere near tired, but I knew she had to be sleeping by this time.
I climbed into my car and cranked it up, resting my head on the steering wheel and wondering what the hell I was to do. I couldn’t sleep tonight not knowing the answers to all the questions I had, and I needed them tonight.
It was vital.
I pulled out of the parking lot and drove without paying attention. The last place I wanted to go home, simply because I knew my punishment and I wasn’t the least bit tired. I was obviously desperate for answers and I needed to relieve some of this pain in my chest.
I just couldn’t go home.
The more I drove aimlessly down the streets of my city the quicker I realized I was actually driving towards Megan’s apartment.
I didn’t know if it was a good idea to do this, but then again I never really had good ideas. My idea about being Megan’s fake girlfriend had backfired, so did the idea of dating Emma. Driving on Thanksgiving had been the worst, and allowing myself to open up to Megan had been the cherry on top.
But as bad as I knew this decision looked, it just didn’t feel wrong.
It felt extremely right.
I pulled into her apartment complex, parking across from her individual apartment and looking at her window. It was dark, naturally, and I honestly didn’t know what I was doing here. Was I really thinking about knocking on Megan’s door at three AM?
I felt for my pack of cig’s, lighting one and looking at Megan’s apartment, silently debating whether or not I should just leave. If I left no one would know I had been here and I would be off the hook for making this poor decision.
Although, if I didn’t leave and decided to be stupid and knock on Megan’s door I would obviously surprise her and just maybe get an answer out of her as to why she had done what she did.
So why did I feel the need to ignore the first option of leaving when I should be home right now?
I texted Shawn to let him know, Still cleaning at Jinx’s, should be home in an hour.
Then I got out my car and walked slowly towards Megan’s door, stomping out my cigarette in the process.
I stood there in the cold, staring at her door and letting all the possibilities eat me alive. I wanted to knock, I wanted to talk to her, I needed to talk to her for Christ’s sake. I had been ignoring her for over a week and I was literally falling apart.
But it was three in the morning on a Saturday night, I was grounded because of her and there was a possibility that she would just slam the door in my face when she realized it was me.
So was this really a good idea?
I turned on my heels, deciding to head back to my car and feeling a lot of remorse. Maybe being here wasn’t the best decision, and maybe she wouldn’t even answer the door when she saw it was me. She most likely hated me after this past week, and she obviously wasn’t on good terms with me since she lied to Shawn.
But that still left me without a reason as to why she did it.
I turned back around then, not caring if this decision was good or bad and knocking quite loudly on her front door. It was cold and I was praying she wouldn’t take too long, then I suddenly realized something.
I wouldn’t have gone out after work at three in the morning in the freezing weather for anyone else besides Megan.
And to my surprise I heard light footsteps approaching the door.
My heart pounded in my chest as I tightened my jacket around my body, shivering from either the cold or the nervousness I felt from Megan approaching me. What should I say? How should I explain the reason I was here? What would she do when she saw it was me? Invite me in or shut me out?
Then the door opened and the familiar blue eyes of Megan Adams took me in without a word.
And all I could say was, “Hey.”
She just stared at me for a second, which was probably because she had been in a deep sleep and because of me she was up and about at three in the morning. She was in a pair or night shorts and a tank, and to my surprise she didn’t have a bra on which was one of the first things I noticed.
But now wasn’t the time for that.
She spoke, “Sam… what the hell are you doing here at three in the morning?”
I shook in the cold night, “Um, well, I just got off of work and Blair had a talk with me, and I just need to talk to you.”
She realized it was below fifty degrees outside as she pulled me into her apartment, closing the door behind me. I watched her lock her door and turn around to face me, a questioning look plastered on her beautiful and sleepy face.
“This couldn’t have waited till Monday?”
I shook my head, and even though I was upset, I could no longer be upset at Megan. I found it impossible to stay mad at her no matter how much she deserved it, and I didn’t know if it was because of how amazing she looked or something else inside me.
I answered, “No, it really couldn’t.”
She walked over to her couch, sitting and allowing me to join her. She asked, “Does Shawn know you’re here?”
I shook my head, “He thinks I’m still at Jinx.”
She eyed me, obviously not sure how she should approach the fact that I was sitting in her living room at three in the morning on a Saturday night. She spoke, “So what exactly are you here for?”
I looked at my hands, feeling a sense of nervousness in the pit of my stomach. I needed to ask her about why she lied, and I really couldn’t chicken out. I had come all the way over here for answers, and I wasn’t leaving without them.
So out with it already.
I asked, “Why’d you lie to Shawn about me?”
It was like she had kind of expected me to ask this, because she didn’t seem taken back by my question. She leaned into the couch, looking at me and seemed to be trying to muster up a good answer for me.
She ran her hand through her hair as I waited patiently, and then spoke, “Obvious reasons I guess, I hate you and I don’t want you to have a life.”
I frowned, “Megan, please be serious.”
It felt like she was holding back and stalling for the time being, which was something I didn’t like. As much as I loved her sitting there looking pretty irresistible, I really needed the honest answer.
She sighed, “When Shawn called me on Thanksgiving, when he told me you were in the hospital… I panicked. I left my family’s house in a hurry with no second thought as to why or how you had ended up there, but the more I drove towards the hospital the more I realized how scared I was.”
I just studied her, listening to every word that came out of her perfect mouth.
She continued, “And before I even walked through the hospital doors just for a second I thought about actually losing you, Sam. I thought about going in there and finding out you were dead, and this thought scared the living shit out of me. So when I talked to you at first I thought you had driven drunk, and I kind of lost it.”
I was confused, even thought everything she was saying made a lot of sense and pretty much flattered the shit out of me, I still didn’t see her motive.
I questioned, “So why’d you lie?”
She looked down, “Because the thought of losing you is unbearable, and I lied to Shawn because I knew he would believe me over you. I knew he would’ve punished you very harshly, and that it would be the only way I could make sure you stayed safe when I moved out.”
I didn’t know how I felt about this answer, and even though she had answered it as honest as possible, I still felt like she was leaving something out. I didn’t want to push her though, because it seemed to be difficult for her to open up to me about this.
But she had finally told me why, and I felt much better knowing the truth.
I smiled slightly, “You’re scared of losing me?”
I watched her blue eyes flicker up to me, and I could tell she was loosening up knowing I was no longer upset with her. It felt extremely good knowing the truth as to why she had lied, and even though I was grounded, knowing Megan was afraid to lose me was an even better feeling.
She smiled, “Sam, don’t flatter yourself.”
I leaned closer, “But you just said it, and that’s enough for my head to get the size of a hot air balloon.”
She studied me, tilting her head, “Your heads already that big.”
“And it’s even bigger now, thanks to you.”
She groaned, smiling, “So did I answer your question? Are you ready to go home before you get in more trouble?”
I looked at her, “You’re already pushing me out? I just got here. You’re such a bad hostess.”
I stood, knowing I should go home considering I had gotten what I wanted out of Megan and the distance needed to continue. I knew I shouldn’t be here with Megan anyway, it was dangerous and I knew she was uncomfortable being alone with me.
For multiple reasons, actually.
She stood with me, allowing me to take in her amazing body one last time before I left. I had a lot to think about, and being alone would allow me the needed time to do just that.
I walked to her door and looked back at her, wondering what she was making of this entire situation. I studied her a bit longer, wishing she would ask me to stay just a little bit longer, whether it was because I honestly didn’t want to go home or something else.
But I had a feeling it was something else.
The relief I felt looking at her had completely overcome all of the sadness I had felt within the last week and a half. There was no better feeling than right now, well besides kissing Megan, but maybe kissing her wouldn’t be the best idea.
But honestly there was nothing more I would rather do.
She smiled, “Drive safe?”
I laughed at her joke, “You’re funny.”
She smiled, leaning on the wall, “I know.”
I didn’t want to leave but I needed to, and the longer I stayed the more I felt like staying. I wanted to more than anything, but looking at Megan was becoming difficult.
I stepped closer to her, not really realizing what I was doing until we were inches apart. It had been so long since I had kissed her, and with all the pain I had felt within the last week she owed me something that could take all of that away.
I could hear her breathing hitch in her throat as I got closer, and although she was nervous she wasn’t pulling away.
She never pulled away from me.
I kissed her then, feeling her soft lips against mine as I leaned into her. She was warm and soft, and she smelt like soap and coconut. I felt my heart scream inside my chest when I kissed her, and I’m still not sure why I was kissing her but I was, and she was accepting it.
I felt her hands lightly touch my hips, and then they gripped both sides of my jacket and pulled me into her. I gently pushed her back against the wall of her apartment, continuing to kiss her amazingly soft lips as I felt the familiar repairing inside my chest.
Something I was sure I would never understand.
We pulled away after a while for a breath of air and I smiled, “Thank you, for being honest.”
She just stood there looking at me, but she didn’t need to say anything because I knew everything I needed to know.
I just needed time to figure it out.
So I walked out of her apartment and into the night, leaving her to do the same because as much as we both needed time apart we also needed time to think.
Because there were plenty of things that we both needed to figure out.