A/N
Hey, Euphie here! I know it's annoying to read these notes so I promise to keep it short! I'd like to get some honest feedback, sorta like what your thoughts on the story are and what some places I could improve on are! I've been improving my plot lines and trying to not repeat glaring errors in my previous books and constructive criticism would be a great amazing way to help me improve! Thank you!
-Euphie
———
It was a terrifying feeling for some, dying for the first time. For others, cathartic. It varied from person to person.
But having died numerous times in this life, this numbness to death had begun to accumulate. Of course, the pain that came along with it was something I could never get used to.
Dressed in a comfortable nightgown I had bought alongside my new set of clothing, I set down a glass of water on the bedside drawer, staring out at the indigo night sky.
It was a rather beautiful, fascinating sight, to see the sky so different to the one I was used to. The sky was dotted with white spots, moon hidden behind teal-coloured clouds.
I pulled the blanket up to my shoulders, my eyelids growing heavier by the moment as I drifted into the land of dreams.
———
"I love you." A familiar voice entered my ears as I opened my eyes.
"Ma?"
A lady before me with a saintly aura, eyes filled with maternal love and affection. Despite her sprightly demeanour, there were obvious wrinkles around her eyes, her once raven black hair slowly turning to grey. She was dressed in dullish clothes, the kind people wore to blend into the crowd,"My darling..." She caressed my hair lovingly, eyes filled with warmth, the ghostly trace of a tear that slid down her cheeks the sole sign of her sorrow, her silent lamenting, her melancholy,"Ma will always love her little Arty."
There was that faint beeping. Turning my head, I saw a heart monitor. The line jumped occasionally but it was slowing down.
It was as if time slowed down before my eyes, her eyes closing as that shrill sound of a prolonged beep struck my ears like a bomb going off. I didn't know what happened in that moment but I knew something bad had occured. I thrashed wildly as a powerful pair of arms pulled me into their embrace, a comforting warmth that did little to calm me down as my immature self bawled till there were no tears left to bawl. Till my throat went hoarse.
This feeling, I hated. Loathed. Despised. Abhorred. Detested.
This helplessness.
"Evelyn...Oh Eve, my sweetheart...Why did you have to go? Who could love our daughter like you did? Oh what am I going to do without you?" I heard the faint sounds of sorrowful lamenting from my bedroom before the crashing and subsequent shattering of glass.
I rushed downstairs, tripping and slamming into a wall which bloodied my nose. But I didn't care. That didn't matter right now.
My vision was blurry as I approached his motionless body, minding the shards of brownish glass. I shook him softly, my throat constricted, disallowing me from croaking out anything. His chest was still. On the marble floor, a small orange bottle was half opened, a few pills had spilled out onto the floor.
I was old enough to realise what had happened. He was dead. I could do nothing to stop it.
This feeling, I detested it.
This helplessness.
"Hey. You don't talk much, do you?" Another familiar sounded.
I turned to see a cheerful grin on his face. He had a few pimples here and there, his physique rather lanky. Such was the plague that puberty had brought down. Other than that, he was rather charming with his curly brown locks and captivating baby blue eyes.
"I don't have anyone to talk to." I mumbled out softly, turning back to my work.
"Why not hang out with me and my friends?"
I looked up. This was the first time someone had offered to let me join.
I accepted.
Cut to two weeks later, we were dating.
A few months after, we were chatting, sharing intimate secrets and whispering sweet nothings whilst making absurd proclamations of love.
"Hey, so, I heard that your parents died?" He asked softly.
I nodded calmly. If it was him, I didn't mind opening up,"Yeah."
"So you're an orphan?"
"Yeah?"
"And you're poor?"
"Mhm."
"Hey."
"Yeah?"
"I think we should break up."
That hit me like a bombshell. I didn't expect it.
"But...Why?"
"I don't like hanging around with poor people," He replied indifferently,"And you're kinda ugly anyway. I only wanted to date you because I thought you would be cool. Turns out, you're a loser."
It was a childish playground insult, a classic. But I was a child then. I was hurt, deeply scarred.
I didn't want him to leave. He was my pillar of support, the one that had made me smile after all these years.
"Bob...No...Please..." I begged, snot running down my nose, tears flooding from my eyes.
"Ugh, you're disgusting. Get away from me you parentless poor freak!" He kicked me to the side, a repulsed expression on his face as if he had just seen a monster.
I hated it, this feeling.
This feeling of helplessness.
His haunting voice grew louder, to the point where I nearly felt like my head was exploding as I screamed,"MAKE IT—"
———
"STOP!" I sat up in a pool of cold sweat, hyperventilating.
Seeing the warm lights that hung overhead, I found myself back in the hotel room. I heaved a sigh of relief,"A nightmare. Just a nightmare."
I touched my cheek. It was wet.
"Dammit! Fucking shit!" I hissed out, trying to calm down and catch my breath,"You fucking did this didn't you?" I screamed at the top of my lungs at the thin air.
It had to be him. The fucking bastard even mocked me before.
No reply.
"Answer me you son of a bitch!" I yelled shakily, my legs wobbly.
Silence.
"You motherfucker..." I muttered through gritted teeth. I hated it.
Helplessness.
Even if I had all this strength, I couldn't even get someone to answer my question.
I needed to vent my rage and frustrations.
Suddenly, the words of the mercenary I had conversed with briefly on our way here sprang up in my head.
Here, violence is allowed and killing is only permitted in the Abyss Arena. Please take note that harming...
I dressed in a pair of shorts and a loose fitting shirt, quickly making my way down to the front desk.
"Ah? Distinguished guest, how may I help you?" The receptionist asked after a moment's surprise, probably at me still being awake. Seeing my darkened face, she probably snapped from her reverie quickly.
"Where's the Abyss Arena?" I asked, enunciating my words clearly so I wouldn't have to repeat myself.
Her face paled at my words but she answered, giving me the directions with a word of warning,"...And take a right at Kaliman's Magical Trinkets and you should see the arena. Please be careful, distinguished guest, the Abyss Arena is a dangerous place filled with bloodthirsty demonic magisters that thirst for death!"
At her hushed warning, my expression brightened a bit as the corners of my mouth lifted up slightly, forming a sinister smile,"Just my kind of people."
I found that when you were frustrated or angry, venting to a person was effective. Of course, it worked better if I vented on a person.
I licked my lips and relished in the soon to happen hunt. This pent up frustration and helplessness—It could only be resolved after a little crimson had been spilled.