Jung Hoseok
"How are you doing, Hobi?"
I look up from staring into space to see Hwasa plop down beside me on the grass. I shrug. It's been a month since I lost my best friend and roommate. Jin just...disappeared. It's destroyed me. I'd never realized how much I needed him in my life until he was just gone.
"I'm alive." Mumbling.
She was also very heartbroken when he disappeared. We went to the police together to report him missing but there was just no trace of him. He isn't the type of person to just ghost everyone in his life, though. It just doesn't make sense.
"I miss him so much." Her eyes water and she begins to cry. I wrap my arm around her shoulder and comfort her the best I can. I know they were just about to start their relationship. I was really happy for them.
"I do, too."
As she sobs into my chest, I find my eyes wandering back up at the sky, staring towards the stars, just praying for them to bring my bed friend back. Maybe, somehow, they will hear me as impossibly as that seems.
I've never been much of an outdoor guy but after I was left alone, I've found myself yearning to just go out by myself and stare up at the vastness it space for hours. I've never cared about school but recently I've changed my major to astronomy. It feels right for some reason. Like I belong up there and not down here.
Without Jin I feel nothing is holding me down on earth anymore. I don't want to be here anymore. I want to be somewhere else. Like I'm...missing something in my life and that missing piece is up there somewhere.
It's stupid. I know that. It doesn't stop me from feeling that way, though. "Do you ever feel...like you don't belong here?" I blurt out.
She sniffles, looking up at me. "You aren't thinking of killing yourself, are you?" She looks worried.
I scoff. "Of course not. I love myself. I just...sometimes I just feel like I should be somewhere else. Like my existence here is wrong. My purpose is elsewhere."
She stares at me. "You've changed a lot since...he left..."
She's not wrong. "Yeah. I guess I've just gotten a lot deeper. Thinking about the meaning of life and all that shit." I try to laugh it off but it's hard. Inside.
My eyes trace the sky again and focus as a shooting star flies across the black expanse. I find myself wishing on that star that I'd get to see my friend again. That I'd find my purpose.
I feel like here on earth, in this body, I'm putting on a persona. It feels wrong. This isn't who I am. I don't know why it's suddenly come over me but it's how I feel. Jin's disappearance has triggered something inside me.
Maybe it's just the mortality of it all. How easily our existence can change. How quickly we can lose those most important to us. Jin has been my closest and pretty much only friend most of my life. I'm lost without him.
After walking Hwasa back to her dorm, I find myself wandering down the street, unable to go back to my own empty dorm. All of Jin's things are where he left them. I've been unable to touch them. I guess I'm still waiting for him to come back.
I stop as my foot crunches on glass and I look down, frowning at a dirty looking keychain dropped in the open alleyway. Squatting down, I pick it up.
My eyes widen. This is Jin's. I know for a fucking fact. My eyes snap up towards the alley and I find myself walking deeper down it. More glass and Jin's abandoned dirty jacket sit on the ground. How no one has stolen it is amazing.
I also find something else. I pick up a little patch. Running my fingers over the wet dirty fabric. It looks like a military patch. I've never seen anything like it, though.
It looks expensive and very important. Like the kind of decoration fit for an officer. I scrub the mud off the top to read it.
Most of it is in a language I could never hope of learning but two words stick out.
Kim Namjoon.
My brow furrows at the name. Why does that feel familiar? I've hear that name somewhere before. I know I have.
My chest aches as I pocket the patch and grab Jin's keychain and jacket. I plan to bring these things to police so they can maybe keep looking into his disappearance.
Somehow though...I keep the patch. Unable to part with it. I keep it tucked securely in my pocket as I give up the other items and explain where I found them.
Walking back to my dorm, my eyes remain focused on the night sky, that name repeatedly running through my mind. Where do I know that name? It feels as familiar as my own.
Trying to shake it off, I shower and climb into bed after studying for my astronomy exams. I glance at my jacket and pull out the patch.
As I try to drift off to sleep, I clutch it in my fist, feeling relaxed for the first time since my friend left me.
A face pops into my mind as I dream. A face I know. A face I love. Loved? I know with absolute certainty that that face matches the name on that patch. I don't know how I know but I do.
My eyes flutter open and I feel tears running down my cheeks.
Kim Namjoon.
Who are you?
Where are you?