name:- Magical Moments
word count:- 3000 words
published on:- 20th April, 2019
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N A N D I N I
You'd think our date would be over, but it wasn't. We still sat under the blanket of stars and the dark sky, watching the city lights and talking our hearts out. We had barely been silence for a few minutes, when he nudged me again.
"Want to go somewhere?" He asked. I smiled, nodding. "Where?" I asked.
"I'll always take you somewhere," he grinned, as he got up, dusting his pants and then gave me his hand, "do you trust me?"
"I do." I smiled, taking his hand as I got up behind him. He held my hand in his as he lead us through the pathway, into the hills. It was dark, but not the kind that intimates you. It was a beautiful darkness, the forest trees lit with moonlight and I felt like Alice in Wonderland.
This felt like my story, right out of a fairytale.
He led me through the darkness for a few minutes and I blindly trusted him inside, until the darkness led to a faint light and a cliff came into picture. It was a beautiful water body, surrounded by green land, and it felt even more enchanted as the water seemed to shine with the reflection of the moon and the stars, looking magical.
He smiled at my amused expression but kept the silence intact as he led me to the very end, and we peeped downside to see the deep blue waters and the calm waves. It felt as if the forest was a dark portal into Venice, and we had left the busy streets of India back to sneak to see the beautiful waters of Europe. I suddenly felt like a princess in the magical world instead of a damsel in distress and I liked it, I felt like I was a part of some fairy tale, and for once, I felt like I fit into this odd world. It felt unreal.
"We're going to jump inside," he said with enthusiasm and my smile disappeared as I gawked at him. What?
"What?" I ask, rolling my eyes. "We're going cliff diving," he grinned again.
"No. In this clothes, we're not," I said pointing out at my attire. He rolled his eyes. "Of course not in these clothes. We'll remove them and dive inside," even in the darkness, I could see him smirk and I'm pretty sure he saw my eyes widen.
"Come on, this is going to be fun!" He poked, "and it's too dark for me to even see you in your lingerie!" Shameless.
"I am not doing what you're asking me to, Manik. Get this straight, I'm not crazy. This isn't even safe, there are going to be fishes and insects and what not and I'm not—...." He shushed me by placing his finger on my lips and I stopped. My heart beat fastened in my chest as my eyes narrowed from him to his finger and then back to him.
He said nothing. He just gave me a beautiful smile, removing his finger as he ignored my rant and stripped his tee shirt and jacket off his body.
"You think too much, baby girl. Loosen up a little," He whispered, taking off his shoes next.
"There are no fishes, or insects down there. The water's going to be just fine, and it's safe. I have towels in the trunk of my car, we can wipe ourselves before wearing our clothes again. You'd be fine, I promise," he said slowly, his voice nothing but a whisper.
"Will it be wrong to ask why you have towels in the trunk of your car?" I ask, and he chuckled. "I may or may not do this quite often.. so I always have spare stuff," he winked.
I nodded, still hesitant. "Come on sunshine, you trust me!" He said, his hand reaching the belt of his pants and I take my eyes off him, shy. This is why he asked me.
"I'm beginning to reconsider that...," I laugh, slowly. He smirks. "I'm sure you want to remove this gorgeous dress off your body yourself... I mean, I can do it too if you want."
"No thanks," I say immediately, as my hand reaches the side zip and I roll it down.
"Close your eyes!" I instruct him and I swear I could see him roll his eyes. "It's too dark for me to even see you," he cribs but closes his eyes anyway as I push the dress of my shoulder and let it fall to my feet before picking it up and keeping it over his clothes in the corner.
"Can I open my eyes now?" He asks and I close my eyes hesitantly as my hands reach my dress again. "I... I can't do this Manik.. I..." I begin covering myself with my dress when a hand grabs mine, and he pushes the dress on the ground again.
It was cold, a shiver passed down my body as I stick my legs together, my eyes to the ground.
"Look into my eyes, love," He whispers and I shiver again, I don't know if it was the cold or the intensity of his words doing this to me.
I look up into his eyes that still shone like stars in the darkness. "Your eyes hold enough beauty for me to even look at your body. Trust me, this one time," he whispers, softly taking my hand into his as we walk to the very end.
"Let's do this!" He shouts, enthusiastically as we look into the water. "THREE!" He shouts. "TWO!" I close my eyes, embracing myself.
We never wait for the One count as I feel a hard push and before I could figure out, I was in the air, the cold breeze running against my body. I could feel him, very much near to me as the water surface touched my body, pulling me deep inside before I was thrown out by the force, wet and happy.
I open my eyes, panting as my hands rub off the water from my face and I redirect my hair behind and Manik appears beside me from the water, doing the same— just that he wasn't panting or trying to catch breath or freaking out like me. He was smiling his best smile instead.
"Relax, I've got you," I feel his hands encircling my waist and my throbbing heart calmed down as I felt the warmth of adrenaline running through my veins and I flash a smile.
"This was totally amazing," I say catching my breath, "but still not anything a sane person would." I felt I was living a fairytale, or probably living the epilogue of the most beautiful story ever written.
"Well, life is all about being insane," he smiled, swimming to the corner as he sat on one of the rocks, his body still under water. I followed him, sitting on the rock beside him.
"No one in this world understands insanity. It would just leave you with scars," I teased and he raised his eyebrows.
"And so? You're scared or scars?" He asked, but never really waited for an answer. "We all have scars, some temporarily marked on their skin, while others have it permanently engraved in their hearts. But none of us go about showing our scars, do we? We hide them. Why? Scars are nothing to be ashamed of. Each scar that you have tells a story about you, it is a reminder that you've been through a lot, and you've survived. The scars are a sign that you're strong and you can do it, no matter what. Just as you wear you stars and achievements with pride, look at your scars with pride too. The strongest hearts have the most scars, and masterpieces are ultimately made of all those dents and scratches. Your flaws just make you more beautiful."
I kept staring at him as he went on with his little rant, and when he was done, I could do nothing but smile at him. I smiled at him in adore. "You speak so beautifully, the inside of your mind must be a terrible place," I say and be just smiles in return.
"I don't know about it being a terrible place, but it is deep, deep enough to stage a million thoughts running at the same time, sometimes they drown me, other times I survive, and there are times I manage to write that chaos on a paper," he accepted and I stared at him in shock.
"You're a poet!" I almost accused in excitement and he chuckled.
"I just write scraps of words that come out of my mind sometimes. Not really a poet or anything, it just makes writing songs easier," He said like it's no big deal and I stared at him with an open mouth.
"I always wondered how you could speak so beautifully, all of that positive things, your theory on scars and stars. And now I know!" I was excited, "Tell me more of what your mind wanders on!" I say.
"I often think about people who self harm. I mean, it's pretty common these days, there are people who cut themselves," He says and my eyes narrow. I tried self harm when I was thirteen, my first birthday without my parents. It left a scar on my arm that has never left, always reminding me of what I had gone through.
"We cut and kill flowers because we think they're beautiful. But we cut and kill ourselves because we think we're not," He whispered looking at the water and I couldn't stop staring at the intensity and passion floating in his eyes.
He was so beautiful. And all these beautiful words he spoke made me just more attracted to him.
"That's beautiful to think about," I whisper back and he looks at me, shooting me a small gratitude filled smile.
"What is your inspiration to write?" I asked. "Some writers get inspired with love, others with lovers, some with nature, and other's are inspired by themselves." I give him options.
"Ah!" He exclaimed, moving behind, his hand rubbing his chin. "Never believe what a writer says, writers are certified liars," he said and I squeeze my eyebrows at him.
"No writer or poet ever found inspiration in love. Love is sweet and makes the world happier, and no one can become a writer if they're happy and content with the world. They write because they're in pain. No one understands pain the way a poet or writer would, they've been through the pain they write." He said.
"So your pain is your inspiration?" I raise my eyebrows. "I'm not really a writer, so not exactly but yeah!" He accepted and I nodded.
"I want to read what you've written!" I say and he stares at me in shock. "What? No!" He immediately retorts.
"Not before we're done from here!" He said and I squeezed my eyebrows at him again. "We're not?" I asked, confused.
"Nope! You need to know why I made you cliff dive in the first place!" He says and I wait for him to explain ahead.
"We— more specifically you are, going to go underwater. Keep your mouth close, and shout from your stomach while playing the worst memory in your mind." He said and I narrowed my eyes at him.
"It will help you let go. Sometimes, the toughest choice you can make is to hold on, or to let go. So we often do it wrong, we hold on to the bad memories— our nightmares, and let go of everything good in our way that we miss by focusing on the pain. So this time, we will let go. Think of your pain, face your fears, and come out with a smile. And you'd be free again!" He said and I smiled, silently walking into the water again.
He took a countdown before I took a deep breath and drowned myself in the water, keeping my eyes close as I blocked out the outer world. All I could feel was water on all sides suffocating me like sometimes my bad memories do.
"Orphan."
"You lost your parents because you deserve to be alone."
"She brought her parents bad luck."
"Why does this girl never smile?"
"Is this what her parents have taught her? To wear such clothes and talk to such boys?"
"She doesn't even know how to cook. Not really her fault, she doesn't have a mother."
"Is she okay?"
Death. Mental sickness. Self harm. Insecurities. Instability. Cat called. Depression. Anxiety. Unloved. Unhappy. Phycologists. Death. Death. Unlucky. Death. Death. Death.
Everything whirled in my head as I rised about the water, panting for my lost breath and caught Manik smiling, waiting for me. I pushed my wet hair behind again, a smile breaking out on my face.
Everything that was my past made me what I am today, but it didn't define me— not anymore. I felt unburdened from my past and I looked forward to the future that lied right in front of me.
I felt happier. I felt free. I let go.
✿ ✿
M A N I K
I stared at her, and her expressions that kept changing as she read my words. We were back home, it was 4AM and she wouldn't let me sleep until she reads my entire diary that was full of small scribbles I had written. She called them masterpieces, but for me they were a part of me, the part that I can't express to anyone, and so they were always safer on paper.
I came out of the washroom after taking a hot shower and went inside her room to check on her. It was an hour she was reading my poetry, and didn't seem to get bore of it.
As I entered her room, I saw her changed into her pyjamas and on her bed, hugging her teddy bear from one hand and the book in the other, her head tilted behind, and her mouth slightly parted, eyes shut and she was lost deep in her sleep.
I giggled, as I walked towards her and removed her specs, folding them and putting them on the table and took the book out of her hands, glancing at the page that was open.
I sailed seas of emotion
to wander a forest of scars,
I am a dance of
Light and darkness,
A galaxy of shadow and stars.
I wrote this the day I shifted here, when college had just started and Nandini had just shifted from Mangalore.
I kept staring at her, the way she slowly slept, peacefully like a small kid away from all the problems. She took the world lightly, but the world had done her wrong. She wasn't what her pain made her to be, she wasn't that wrong. Beneath the kind surface, she is a broken little child who was devoid of love. And I know it in the way she smiles or talks or even walks, I know what it is like to be devoid of love, to be tainted so much by the world that being harsh on yourself is the only choice left.
I adored her, the way her hair fell on her face and she kept flinching every now and then, and the relief that spread through her face even in sleep when I put it behind her ear.
I took my diary and the pen that lied there, my eyes on the book but my mind deep in her thoughts as I wrote what first came into my mind.
I lost myself
inside her world,
she found herself
inside of mine,
we loved this game
of hide and seek.
No, I was not in love with her. I was in love with the idea of loving her. And for anyone, even for lost poets like me, ideas were a dangerous thing to love. But she just made the danger seem like it was too small a risk to take. She was magical. And magic was a poet's destruction.
↠ you will always be that feeling
I felt too much ↞
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We've made mistakes, all of us have. I have made mistakes too, a lot of them that I'm not proud of. They haunt, I know they do. But we all gotta let go. We've had a past that doesn't define us, your future does. Let go. Be happy. Spread positivity. Keep hope. Fall in love.
Hard times come. Don't give up. To anyone who needs this: everything will be fine, I promise.
Love, love and only love. Too much love.
—H.