Monday:
"What has happened to my life?" I just keep repeating this over and over as I see the shirtless Nathan holding himself over my trembling frame. His arms are on either side of my head, his hands holding my wrists up, his face right above mine, and his legs are roughly pushing down on mine to keep me perfectly still.
He laughs as he leans down and whispers into my ear, "Oh, how I've missed this, Harley. I used to have to wait until I'd come back on business from New York, but now you're actually in my house." I shudder as I fight to hold back tears. "We can have fun like this every night, Harley. And I don't have to share you with anyone. You're all mine."
It takes everything I have not to scream out for Kimberly. But I know... I know it would just crush her to find out what her husband is doing behind closed doors... Only four doors down from their bedroom, in fact. As I stare up into Nathan's terrifying face, I can't help but let out, "Why...?" My voice was barely above a whisper, and Nathan is completely taken aback by my speaking. Normally, I wouldn't make a single sound while they did these things to me. But this time, I couldn't hold back my question. I mean, he's such a good father! He obviously loves his kids... Why would he turn into someone like this?
He pulls his head back a bit to stare into my eyes as he replies to me in a low, husky, disturbing voice, "Well. It all started when your Daddy decided to sell your body off when you were seven," I flinch. I never knew he sold me... Somehow, that actually makes me feel a bit worse... "Of course, being his friend, I got a discount," I flinch as I remember the first time I ever met Nathan... It was also the night I lost my virginity. It was the worst night of my life.
Nine years ago
I can hear Mommy screaming at Daddy... I don't know what she's mad about, but she always screams at him whenever he hits me. I don't know why, though, Daddy said I deserve it. He said I'm a "worthless child who ruined the family". Mommy screamed at him when he told me that, too...
I hear somebody walking to my room, but I know it's not Mommy or Daddy, because I still hear them yelling. I sit up in my bed and hug my pillow against my chest. I start getting really scared as somebody opens my door up really, really slowly...
I feel better when I see that it's Daddy's friend, Mr. Nathan. I met him earlier today, and I heard Daddy telling him that we'd get to play! I smile happily as I put the pillow back in it's place and stand up on my knees, staring hopefully at the man, "Are you here to play?!" I see Mr. Nathan smile as he closes my door behind him, then walks over to my bed. "That's right, Harley. And do you know what we're going to play?" I put my finger to my chin and scrunch up my nose as I think, "Um... Can we play with my dolls?!" I point over to the two little paper dolls I'd made in art class; my only toys.
Mr. Nathan shakes his head as he puts his hands on my shoulders, "Nope, not dolls." I narrow my eyes slightly while in deep thought, trying to figure out what we're going to play. When I can't figure it out, I look up at him in utter confusion, "What are we gonna play, then?" I see his smile again, and suddenly his face starts to scare me.
I try pulling away from his hands, but he wouldn't have it. He pushes me down against my bed hard, then grabs both my wrists in one hand and puts them above my head. From the pain and fear, I start to whimper and cry, "W-What are you d-doing?" Mr. Nathan laughs then leans down and licks up from my shoulder to my jaw, before releasing my wrists only long enough to pull my pajama shirt off.
I try to scream, but he stuffs my shirt into my mouth, muffling it and making it a bit hard for me to breathe. Where are Mommy and Daddy? What is Daddy's friend doing to me?
After he takes off the rest of my clothes, I start feeling pain worse than I've ever felt. Worse than when Daddy would hit me, worse than when I would fall down the stairs, worse than when Daddy threw a plate at me and it broke, cutting up the side of my face... I haven't ever felt pain this bad, and it goes through my whole body. I start crying harder as I try to pull away from Mr. Nathan.
When Mr. Nathan was finally done doing what he was, I couldn't move because my body hurt so much. He'd put his hands around my throat at some point, and he yelled at me to stop trying to scream. I did what he told me to, and did my best to do everything that he demanded while he was in my room. By the time he was finished, the sun was already coming up.
When he left my room, I just laid on my bed. I couldn't move, I couldn't cry, I couldn't scream, I couldn't do anything... Mommy came in a few minutes later and screamed as she saw me. She picked me up and took me into the bathroom, then put me into a hot bath. The hot water hurt my body even more, but I was too scared to scream because of it.
Mommy left the bathroom after putting me into the tub.
That was the last time she ever acted like a mother, to me.
Present Day
"he just wanted me to try you out, let him know your quality before he went off and started selling to strangers. And after getting my first taste of you," he licks his lips hungrily as I tremble beneath him, "I was hooked." I try my hardest not to scream out as he leans down and licks from my shoulder to my jaw, making the painful memory of all that time ago come back full force. All that fear I felt, all that pain of my small body having my first time taken so forcefully. I could feel myself breaking from the inside out as he grips the bottom hem of my shirt, and I'm unable to stifle the scream of utter terror that echos through my room.
Nathan freezes, obviously shocked that I'd actually screamed. Then he mutters "shit" after hearing rapid footsteps coming toward my room. He quickly gets off my bed and looks down at me, just in time for my door to open, and for both Kimberly and Hunter to come barging in. Hunter runs over to my bed, not even registering that his father is standing there as he climbs up next to me and wraps his arms protectively around me after pulling me into a sitting position.
I'm still trembling as tears start to roll down my face and I stare at Nathan in complete horror. Kimberly stands in my doorway, unable to mask her shock, "N-Nathan?" Nathan turns to her, and I could see the wheels turning in his head to come up with some sort of excuse. I watch Kimberly swallow hard, "What... Are you doing in here? This late at night...? With her door... Shut...?"
"This is it... She figured it out! She sees her husband for who he really is!"
My hopeful thoughts are short lived as it doesn't take Nathan even five seconds to come out with his answer, "I was heading to the bathroom and heard her whimpering as I walked past her door. I opened it to check on her, and saw that she was sleeping; probably having a nightmare. So I closed the door so it didn't wake anyone else, then I went to wake her up. I guess shaking her shoulder scared her awake, which is when she screamed."
And that was that... The look on Kimberly's face, the one of respect and love for her husband, showed me that she believed him. She thought him a great man for taking the fatherly approach to help the poor little charity case. I then turn to look at Hunter, to see if he bought the excuse as well.....
He did.
He was staring at his father with pride, his face clearing saying "I'm so proud to be your son."... If only they knew...
But I wouldn't be the one to tell them... I couldn't... I can't just tear a family apart like that. It's one thing if they find out on their own what he'd done to me, but if I just told them, they wouldn't even believe me...
I get it, though, I really do... Why would they believe me, the 'abused', traumatized, untrusting, scared little girl who none of them had known more than a few weeks, when their husband and father, the 'kind', trustworthy, all-American man was claiming something completely against what I was.
It would only make sense for them to believe him over me. And I understand that. Which is why I will never tell anyone.
I wouldn't be able to handle it if they looked at me with that sort of disbelief... These people are my new family... All of them are my new family, as must as I hate to admit it...
In about another three minutes, Kimberly shoo'd Hunter away from me so that she could give me a comforting hug, Hunter continued to silently praise his father, then they all left. Nathan, however, made a point to subtly give me a look that seemed to say "Another time", before he left.
Unable to fall back asleep, I went into the living room and snuggled against the comfortable couch, throwing the fluffy blue throw blanket over my legs as I picked up a book and began to read. The next thing I know, I'm being woken up by Nick and Lila jumping onto my lap. I gasp awake, then chuckle at them, "Well, good morning to you two, too!" They both giggle then kiss my cheek. I kiss their foreheads, then the day goes on like any normal one. Nathan goes to work at 9, after breakfast. We all go to school, after school I make a snack for all the kids, homework gets done, Nathan comes home, Kimberly and I make dinner with occasional help from Amanda, Jamie gets her medicine, we eat dinner, watch some TV, the kids go to bed, Amanda goes to bed, Hunter and I go to bed, then the night is through.
Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday:
The rest of the week goes exactly like Monday. Nathan doesn't get a chance to try anything else, because Kimberly has apparently become a very light sleeper. So, every time he moves to get out of bed, she wakes up and offers to come with him.
Even though she doesn't know it, I'm insanely grateful for Kimberly's love for her husband, but I know it won't last forever... How do I know, you ask? Well, that's because on Friday, right after school, Kimberly has to take a plane to Maryland to take her nursing exam... Why she has to go all the way to Maryland, I don't know...
But, to make it worse, Amanda is also going to stay the night at a friend's house. Jamie is having overnight treatment at a local hospital, Nick and Lila are going to be on a weekend long "excursion" in the woods behind the school, and Hunter will be spending his days the next 14 weekends at the Community Center, volunteering for school credit... You know who that leaves? Yep...
Me and Nathan... All day... All alone... Great.
Other than learning all of that, I've had a pretty great week, so far. I made all A's on every test I've taken, and I even said "Hi" to one of Hunter's friends, on Wednesday.
Friday:
Today's the day... That dreaded day...
The morning goes fine, school goes fine, our arrival home is fine, but then it all ends.
Kimberly hugs everyone goodbye and Nathan takes her to the airport, dropping Jamie off at the hospital on his way back. Amanda, Nick, and Lila all get their stuff together, then Hunter drives them to their destinations. Right after Hunter leaves, Nathan arrives back home. I try hiding in my room, trying to make him think I left with Hunter, but he knows better... He barges into my room, and pins me against the bed.
No one to save me, this time.
I don't scream. I don't cry. I don't whimper. I don't beg. I don't even move unless he forces me to. But still, he seems to enjoy it. I wish he didn't. Hunter gets back home right as Nathan finishes, and he grabs my arm tightly before dragging me into the bathroom, "Get showered, and don't ever speak of this to anyone. Don't forget, I will follow through on your father's promise, if I must." I flinch as he slams the door, then I start the shower and silently sob as I try to wash all the filth off of me. As my hand runs over my left upper arm, I gasp in pain, then look to see the hand-shaped bruise forming.
I end up taking an hour long shower before I get out, get dressed in my black sweat shirt and pajama pants, then I walk into my room and crawl under my blanket, covering my head with it. I'm asleep almost instantly, happily unconscious in that black, dreamless state.
Saturday:
Hunter woke me up at 10.... Wow, I actually slept in like a normal teenager, for once.. I realize immediately that today will be an awful day. The only reason Hunter woke me, was to say goodbye... It's his first day of volunteer work at the Community Center, leaving Nathan and I here, alone, again.
I hug him and say goodbye, resisting the urge to beg and plead with him to stay. After he leaves, I walk down to the living room and cover my legs with the throw blanket. As I haven't heard him yet this morning, I assume that Nathan is still asleep.
I was wrong.
He walks into the living room and smirks at me, causing me to tremble ever so slightly in fear, "Hello, Harley. Lovely day we're having, isn't it?" When I don't reply, he walks over to me and climbs up onto the couch, straddling me with one leg on either side of mine as he lowers his head so our noses are tip-to-tip, "I said, aren't we having a lovely day?" I shudder as I feel his breath on my lips, and I feel like I want to puke, "Y-Yes...." He smirks, "Good."
Nathan doesn't let up at all until 5PM, when he tells me to take a shower then get dinner started. Through everything he'd done, today, I have fresh cuts on my upper thighs, the back of my neck, and a single scratch down my left palm. Then I also have some bruises on my back, my wrists, and my ankles. As I try to walk to the bathroom, I find my eyes tearing up in pain. I don't think my baby agreed too much with what he was doing, because my stomach hurts terribly.
I take my shower as quickly as possible, then head to the kitchen to start dinner. Hunter gets back home right as dinner gets done, and he calls Nathan down so we can all eat. After dinner, Kimberly calls to say she'll be in Maryland for another day, but she'll be back Sunday night, within enough time to tell everyone goodnight. Amanda then calls to inform us that she'll be staying the night with her friends, again.
I feel myself losing all sense of hope after Amanda's call. I thought I'd only have to go through one day of this, not two...
So, I quickly make my way to bed after dinner, and fall asleep as soon as possible.
Sunday:
I wake up at my usual 6Am, once again. I really wish I could've slept in again, though, because I'm still incredibly tired. Instead of trying to get back to sleep, I make my way downstairs and start to read in the living room until Nathan and Hunter wake up, so I can make breakfast for everyone. They don't get up until 9, then I go and make waffles, eggs, and sausage. They both gratefully eat, then Hunter says goodbye and leaves.
Yesterday's routine then ensues once more as Nathan orders me to strip down, right there in the kitchen, then he forces me against the wall. After about an hour of that, he sends me upstairs and into my bedroom. He comes in a few minutes later with ropes, and he ties me up to the headboard and foot board of my bed.
I feel the tears trying to come out, but I refuse to let them. I won't give him the satisfaction. He'd just think I was crying because of how 'good' it felt, anyway.
Again, at 5PM he finally lets me go to take a shower, then start dinner. As I look at my wrists and ankles, I see that I have horrible rope burn on them, now. "Great," I think to myself, "Now I'll have to make absolutely certain no one sees my wrists... I don't want to have to answer those questions, they'll not like my answer... They'll not believe my answer..."
I make spaghetti and meatballs for dinner, with a side salad and rolls. Hunter gets home about 10 minutes before the rolls are done, then helps me butter them when they come out. Nathan then comes down, and we all look at the clock. 6:24. I was just about to say that maybe we should call to see where everyone is, but then I hear the door open. Kimberly comes walking through, pushing Jamie's wheelchair, then Amanda walks in with Nick and Lila behind her.
I chuckle silently to myself as I mutter "Perfect timing" under my breath, then everyone sits down to eat.
During dinner, it's "family conversation time", which means that we all tell about our day, or in this case, our weekend. Everyone says what they've done, but Nathan and I lie. Nathan said he was working on paperwork all weekend for his business trip on Tuesday, and I said I'd spent my weekend reading a few new books, and getting my last minute weekend homework done.
After I mentioned my weekend homework, Amanda's fork clatters to her plate and she yells, "Oh crap!" then she gets up from the table and bolts to, I'm guessing, her bedroom. Everyone laughs, except me. I could feel Nathan's eyes staring at me, and I didn't like it. I felt sick to my stomach, so I excused myself from the table and ran upstairs to the bathroom. I puked up all of my dinner, then just stayed kneeling before the toilet, my elbow rested on the seat as my forehead rested on my palm.
I hear Hunter's footsteps come in a minute later, and I turn my head to look at him. However, his expression isn't the normal, soft, safe one I'm used to... No, his face is full of anger. I flinch back as my eyebrows knit together in a mixture of confusion and a bit of fear, "H-Hunter...?" Before I could even blink, Hunter had gotten down on his knees in front of me, and pulled my wrist toward him, pushing my sleeve up to my elbow.
His fingers trace the rope burns, then his eyes raise to meet mine, "Harley.... Have you been hurting yourself?" Though his expression was hard, his voice was full of sadness. My eyes go wide at his conclusion. I'm about to deny it and tell him the truth, but then Nathan's voice rings in my head.... "don't ever speak of this to anyone. Don't forget, I will follow through on your father's promise, if I must." So, knowing I had to do whatever I could to save Nick and Lila from this horrible reality I'm stuck in, I bite my bottom lip and lower my head before nodding slowly.
I hear Hunter sigh sadly, then his arms wrap around me in a comforting hug. I close my eyes tightly to hold back tears as I push my body closer to his and hug him tightly, desperately needing his warmth and comfort, right now. Then, I hear his voice in my ear, "Why would you do that, Harley...? Don't we make you happy?"
I can't hold it back, anymore. I let out a loud sob, followed by another, and another, and another. Tears are just streaming down my face and soaking Hunter's shoulder, but he doesn't seem to care. I tightly grip the back of his shirt in my fists, burying my face against his chest as I cry.
"I wish I could tell you the truth... I wish you'd be able to believe me... I wish this wasn't happening... I wish I could just have the life with you I had before Nathan came... I loved that life..."