21.
Too often we don't realize what we have until it is gone, we don't realize we were wrong until it is too late to apologize. The need to fly away is a major feeling within me now, the way the plane takes off with you in it will always be a wonderful feeling I can never describe. I leave my new life and fly towards my past.
This worries me knowing I will be seeing my family in less than an hour. I am nervous to their reactions when they see me on our homes porch, the same one my sisters explained their very own hate for me. The same porch my mother gave me a disapproving look before slamming the wooden door behind her.
"I don't understand the point of flying to Doncaster instead of driving." I look over to Jean who looks out the window excitedly. While boarding the plane she had nearly pushed me over trying to get a window seat before I could.
"Cheer up Louis this is exciting!" The enthusiasm in her voice caused a small twitch in my lips while I looked at her with sleepy eyes. I was more than tired at the moment even though it was two in the afternoon.
"You aren't use to flying around in planes are you?"
"Nope!" And with that Jean plugs in her headphones and places them on top of her head, engulfing herself in music. I turn my head back and try to focus on my own thoughts and not the screaming kid two aisles down in front of me. Everyone seems to be wide awake in the plane besides me, my eyes start to droop but I keep myself awake by playing on my phone.
This morning I had told Niall where I was going. He was more than surprised that I was going to visit my family and only persuaded me when I started to have second thoughts. Niall didn't know about Sally, no one knew besides my family. Lottie knows the whole truth about what happened between Sally and I.
"Have you heard this song?" Jean asks suddenly throwing her headphones on my lap, beckoning me to listen to the song. I roll my eyes playfully before placing them onto my head and leaning more into the plane seat, letting the melody and lyrics of the song take over my mind and wash away the pain temporarily.
~
I laugh at Jean who struggles to reach for her duffle bag that had mysteriously shoved its way towards the back of the compartment. She stands on her tiptoes reaching as high as she can with her tongue sticking out of her mouth in concentration. Strangers give me glares noticing I wasn't being a gentleman and helping this poor lady out, but watching her struggle was amusing. Jean huffs out in annoyance and goes to stand on one of the plane seats; this was my time to step in.
"Let me help." I lightly push her behind me so I have more access to the compartment and reach up to retrieve the bag.
"You aren't much taller than me, I don't think you would be much help." Jean comments with a huff, stubbornly crossing her arms over her chest. I have to stand on my tiptoes also but unlike her I am able to grab the bag with the tips of my fingers and bring it down. I hand the heavy bag to Jean who only smirks at me.
"Got it." I smirk back as she rolls her eyes at me and walks down the aisle. By now everyone has gotten off the plane, the flight attendants briefly looking at us while we walk by to exit the plane.
"We are too short for our own good." I hum in agreement slowing down my pace once I see the front of the airport. My nerves kick in like the night I auditioned for the X-Factor. I wanted to run away and hide, I wanted to go back home, I wanted to avoid the unknown.
"To be honest right now, I am very nervous right now." Jean takes my hand and gives me an assuring smile. I turn my head away from her, not wanting to get lost in her mesmerizing eyes.
People around us stare in shock noticing me walking past them. I try to ignore the stares by bowing my head. Jean seems unfazed by the stares and the sounds of cameras taking a picture without a flash. Luckily no paparazzi were here at the moment, so we were able to get into a taxi easily without having to push ourselves through the fans.
We step into the taxi after throwing our luggage in, we both buckle up and look outside where people start to crowd around the entrance finally noticing my existence. Jean waves at a couple girls who start to scream.
"Why are they screaming at me?"
"They're screaming at me darling." I say with a smile tugging on my lips. Jean only looks at me with a look of realization before looking down embarrassed. I rest my hand upon her upper knee and draw small circles with my thumb to comfort her, not pointing out how red she was getting at the moment. My nerves once again start to collect through my veins once I see the familiar neighborhoods we pass.
"You'll be okay." Jean says noticing how uneasy I am. I bite down on my lower lip chewing softly. I only shrug before looking back out the window in which was covered in small raindrops. It has been raining nonstop in London. I wasn't too surprised that it had begun to rain here.
Within five minutes we pull into my past, we pass my old school, my ex-best friend's house, Sally's house and now my old house. The taxi pulls to the curb and stops abruptly. I mentally curse once we lurch forward and the driver says a quick apology before waiting for me to hand him the money he surly didn't deserve. I mumble a few profound words while holding out the money. The man gives me a nod before popping open the back for us.
"This is where you lived before your glory days?" Jean stares in awe at the house in front of us. I help her take out her bags and give her a small nod. I couldn't find the words to say anything; my mind was buzzing just knowing I was so close to Sally. I motion for Jean to follow me and make my way up the driveway. From what I could tell, Lottie wasn't home but mum was.
Taking a deep breath of fresh air, I set our luggage on the bench. Jean sits down and gives me a small assuring smile before I walk over to the door and open the screen door. I look down at the colorful doormat that says, 'Welcome.' It takes a couple of seconds for me to gather up the courage to ring the doorbell. I wait, my heart beating hard against my chest not knowing if the look my mother gives me will be necessarily good.
I hear a couple of steps and a few shouts before the door fully opens to revile my mum. She looks healthy, her hair is neatly dyed and styled up, her makeup is on point and what she is wearing is beautiful. She didn't change at all since the last I saw her, though when she sees me I want to run away. I want to hide, I want to die.
My mum rakes her eyes over me, her polite smile vanishing making my heart drop. She gives me another look before her eyes start to water sparking hope inside of me.
"Louis." Her voice cracks before engulfing me into a tight hug. I am almost too shocked to hug her back. She wasn't mad at me anymore? Does she still love me? "Oh my god I can't believe you're here!" She sobs into my shoulder. I hold her tight resting my head against hers, still too shocked to say anything. I look over at Jean who stares at me with a giant smile across her face.
"I told you so!" Jean mouths. I roll my eyes before fully letting go of my mum who holds onto my hands looking me over again.
"Are you really here or am I going insane?"
"Little bit of both." I purse my lips trying to hold my smile. My mum gives me a roll of her eyes and lets out a breathless laugh. She wipes her eyes and keeps mumbling words to herself which I cannot register to hear.
"Who is this?" Her eyes flicker over to Jean who gives a small awkward wave with her lips pressed in a straight line. Jean stands from the bench and walks up to my side and gives my mother a polite smile.
"This is my friend Jean." I introduce her. My mom gives me a raise of her eyebrows and hugs Jean.
"This is a beautiful young lady Louis."
"I know." I say quietly staring at Jean who gives me a look taking in my compliment towards her.
"Bring in your luggage." Mum beckons. I grab our luggage and move inside. It felt like a piece of me just glued back together knowing my mum was not entirely disappointed in me from what I know of. We set our stuff down beside the door. I already knew what room Jean would be staying in but I wasn't able to take the bags to the room for Dan had already embraced me in a large hug.
"How have you been Louis?" I laugh and nod my head getting out of the friendly embrace.
"I've been doing well." I watch as my mum nearly drags Jean to her room. Jean looks at me with wide eyes before disappearing around the corner. "Where are the rest?"
"They're all in school of course besides Lottie, she's out with some friends." Dan pats me on the back. I feel stupid and only let out a short laugh, walking into the living room and sitting down on the couch.
"Of course they are." I nod my head and look down at my hands that begin to shake with nervousness. I suck in my lower lip and look around the living area, nothing has changed in two years.
"Now tell me Louis, why did it take you so long to come back home?" I avoid any eye contact with Dan only staring down at the floor, my fake smile diminishing while I think about my answer.
"These past few years have been very dark for me." Is all I say, and I'm glad I don't have to explain myself more when both of us get distracted when we hear little feet running down the hall. I start to smile seeing my littlest brother and sister run towards me and latch themselves around my legs. I pick up both of the two year olds and smile happily at them.
"They've missed you very much Louis." My mum says walking into the room with Jean following behind her with a smile on her face. I feel guilty looking at my mum and Dan who look at me with saddened eyes of disbelief that I was actually back. I look down at my little siblings who trace the tattoos on my arms from either side of me.
"I've missed you all too."
"The rest should be home in the next hour or so." I nod at my mum who gives me another smile. It was odd seeing her smile this much at me. I run my hands through my hair and sit on the floor with Doris and Ernest. My mum and Dan disappear somewhere while Jean just watches me play with my little siblings.
"How old are they?" Jean asks sitting down beside me watching the twins start to talk to each other. Most of it is gibberish but there are a few words here and there you can understand.
"Doris and Ernest, how old are you?" I ask smirking at the twins who hold up at least two or three of their fingers. Jean smiles at them in surprise.
"They are only two and they know how to do that?"
"Doris knew how to do it when she was one. They're almost three now." We both fall into a quiet silence. Jean rests her head onto my shoulder leaning into me tiredly.
"I told you things would work out between you and your family." I only shrug and mumble,
"We haven't seen my sisters yet Jean."
Dear Sally,
I'm so fucking scared right now. My mother keeps sending me fake smiles. Dan keeps staring at me like I'm a ghost and my sisters will be home any moment now.
Sincerely Scared,
Louis Tomlinson
P.S,
It's not the future you are afraid of...it's repeating the past that makes you anxious.
{ Word Count: 2183 }