Chapter 12 - Regret
I was surprised with what I read. Did Russell see everything that happened? Did he notice how I initiated that kiss? Oh, my god. What? Why am I feeling this way? Regret? No. I already like Justin. I can’t have feelings for Russell; I don’t know him that much. Fudge my life.
When I was still staring at the letter, my mom suddenly opened the door. I was shaking and getting teary-eyed. I’m torn between two people?... Why? Of all the things that could happen when it comes to love, this suddenly appears.
“Are you okay honey? There was a guy waiting for you, I think? Did you see him?” She asked.
I just stared at her then replied, “Yes. I did. Did he talk to you?”
“No. He was just staring blankly in his car, sitting motionless. All he did was leave those flowers at the front. Is he your boyfriend?”
Her question was a gunshot to the back of my head. I felt dead inside.
“I don’t know.” That’s all that came out of my mouth.
She tilted her head and she said, “Well, if there are any problems if you would like him to come here to meet me, you’re free to do so, as long as you don’t do something nasty here at the house. I just cleaned it. Do it before I do the chores, or more importantly just don’t tell me about it.”
She snickered and it made me smile. She always has that way of making smile. We do fight sometimes, but I love this woman.
I just nodded and proceeded to go to my room. I threw my bag beside my bed and immediately lied down. What is wrong with me? Everything was bugging me. How would I know that he liked me? I thought his kiss was only that of a friend’s? Maybe Alex was right? Well, let’s be honest, he is probably 99.9% right. Who would leave flowers at the front of your door, say sorry, and MAYBE feel jealous about seeing me and one of his friends making out in a car? I’m just so officially done with life. This is just bringing me more stress.
I suddenly stood up and paced the floor, thinking about what I could tell him. Wait! Why would I tell him anything? It’s not like he made a move first. I guess it’s just fair for me to choose Justin because he actually showed effort immediately. I thought about the flowers. I forgot to pick them up from the ground. My mom probably took it and placed it in a vase or something. I just want to burn those flowers, burn his car, and I will include him too. Smores would go along greatly with those. I shouldn’t care because I already have Justin, but… But… I don’t even know.
What if I chatted him? Would he appreciate it or would he just get even more ticked off? I might as well try to strike a conversation. I reached for my pocket and grabbed my phone. There was a text message from Justin.
Hey, baby. *wink* Are you still there?
I shouldn’t feel this way, but he suddenly aggravated me. Though, I still texted back.
Sorry. I’m pretty busy with assignments right now. Ttyl.
I threw my phone to my bed and raised my hands towards my face and cupped it. I’m an idiot.
I changed my mind and took my phone back in my hands. I checked out Russell’s Facebook profile and twitter feed for any signs of total bitterness. Nada. I guess it was just right to message him. I looked for his name in the search bar for the chat boxes and clicked his name; without hesitation, I typed.
I saw your gift. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it.
My hopes were up, waiting for him to read it. He wasn’t online during that time, so I just locked my phone and hid it once again in my pocket. I lied back down and contemplate about life. This was a really stressful day for me, and everything just keeps on getting worse and worse. How would I know that this would happen? I’m not a hot, neither am I a girl. Everything is just surprising, especially when it comes to Russell, because he’s a total chick magnet and he’s probably the biggest stud in school. I’m not ashamed that I bagged him, but I feel ashamed that I’m actually feeling this way right now.
I was so tired that I didn’t notice that I passed out. I woke up at around 10pm, and the first thing I grabbed was my phone, to check if Russell replied. When I looked at our chat, it was seen around 10 minutes after I sent the chat earlier. Wow, so rude… Well, I’m rude too, I guess? I’ll probably have to talk to him in school.
“That might the worst plan ever”, I told myself. He’s probably banging Claudine right now out of the pure frustration that he received from me and Justin. That won’t be too surprising... Actually, maybe not surprising at all... This is the reason why I didn’t want him too. I thought that he was dating Claudine already. Don’t flirt with me if you already have someone.
That was so hypocritical. I couldn’t even follow my own advice when it comes to purely liking or loving someone. Poor Justin… Well, poor Russell as well because he’s the one majorly hurt right now.
I just went back to sleep and decided to talk to him the next day. Well, that plan was a major flunk as well. For the whole duration of our bio class, I was pretty cold to Justin because, yeah, awkward. He probably thinks I’m bipolar now; I kissed him yesterday and now I look like the biggest douchebag in the world. He tries to hold my hand, but I try to evade it. Dude, there’s people beside us, I thought you were discrete or something?
I ate alone throughout the duration of lunch, trying to prepare myself to talk to Russell in Chemistry. As I said, it wasn’t very good. As I came in, Claudine was sitting beside him. She’s not even in this class! I just rolled my eyes and sat beside Alex, who was surprisingly early.
“You’re getting grumpier and grumpier as each day passes, my friend.” Alex said with a big smile in his face, as usual.
“Well, I guess I have the right.” I looked at him with a straight face.
He laughed and asked, “Why? What happened yesterday?”
“Well…” I stopped and then whispered, “I kissed Justin in his car yesterday and apparently, Russell saw it when he dropped off flowers at the front of my house.”
Alex suddenly went into a fit, “Well, duh. Why would you kiss that stick anyway? And, you initiated the kiss despite being rude to the person for the whole day.”
“That’s the point. I kissed him because I felt bad and, well; I feel something for him too.”
“Done with you… Officially. Bye.” He put his hand hovering over my face.
I placed it out of the way. “Hey, I’m trying to strike a conversation with him again, but this whore is cock-blocking me.”
“Good and not good. Want me to slap her across the room?”
As soon as he said that, Mrs. Peters came in and overheard what Alex said.
“Good day, class. And Alex, if that’s me you’re talking about, I suggest you drop the class before I do the same to you.” She said with a straight face and then giggled.
Class was so slow because I kept on thinking about a way to talk to Russell. I should just push Claudine off the stairs, but that would just piss him off more. I hope she doesn’t cling to him in our English class.
And finally, that time came. We were sitting in our English class trying to prepare for the discussion circle.
“Nothing’s coming in to my mind, let’s be honest.” Alex said.
I just grinned, “Well, how about you try to think of a way for me to talk to Russell again.”
“I would be happy to, but my grades are more important than my OTP.”
I just rolled my eyes, “Fine, then.”
Few more minutes passed when the girl behind me suddenly tapped my shoulder and asked me a question regarding a part of the novel.
“Hey, what do you think about the time he almost got caught by the cameras?” She asked.
I thought about it for a minute and answered, “Well, I guess he could’ve waited for the right time to move, so he wouldn’t be in such a predicament.”
She nodded when a voice suddenly said, “I hope that he actually waited for the right time and the right person before he made a move and do something rash.”
It was Russell. I glared at him as if I was trying to stab his soul with my gaze.
“The camera should’ve just not been there, then, because everyone has a right to do something, no matter how irrational it is.” I snapped back.
Alex suddenly stood up and put his hands on his out, showing surprise, and then removing it to chant: “Beef! Beef! Beef! Beef! Shade! Shade! Shade!”
Mr. Jefferson suddenly stood up and scolded us. “The three of you, please shut up! You’ve done nothing but make noise and distract others since yesterday!”
Alex looked down and sat. I was laughing in my mind, but I don’t want to get kicked out from this school. I just glared at Russell for one last time before going back to reading. I felt bad, but he started it… This is honestly so immature.
Class ended and Alex and I started fixing our things.
“Sorry you got into this mess.” I said and laughed.
“Well, if you guys get along, you don’t need to say sorry. Your relationship is enough”
I rolled my eyes and we went outside, when a thought suddenly came into mind.
“Alex, I have to go now, stat. See you tomorrow.”
“B…”
I didn’t let him finish because I ran away as soon as I can. I headed straight to the parking lot and saw the car I saw yesterday. I was hoping that it was unlocked, and, hallelujah, it was. I sat at the front seat beside the driver’s when I heard him shout at me.
“What’s your problem now?!” Russell said.
“I wanted to talk to you.”
“There’s nothing to talk about, Renz. I already know what happened.” His voice was that of defeat.
“Come on, Rusell . Justin and I aren’t together…”
“…yet” He cut me off and continued, “I don’t want to compete with my friend.”
I just got ticked off, held his face and pushed my lips against his. Once I broke away, I just thought that it wasn’t the right thing to do.
“I’m sorry…” I said.
“It’s okay. I want to get mad, but I just really can’t. I’m screaming in my head saying ‘Why did you do that? You kissed my friend and now you kissed me’, but I don’t want you to find a reason to hate me more.”
“It’s okay. I’m just having a hard time. I’m not used to this, and I said that I wouldn’t like or fall for guys after what I went through, but… I don’t know, Russell. I feel jealous when I see you and Claudine.” I confessed.
“No… I’m just using Claudine to make you feel jealous.” He snickered.
I punched him on the arm, and it probably hurt me more than it hurt him, but I couldn’t help not laughing and turning red from flatter.
“This is why it’s so hard to choose…” I whispered.
“Then, I’ll do whatever it takes to grab your heart and keep it for myself.”
I just sat there silently as he started driving.
“Come on, let’s get you home.” He insisted.
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Hi lovlies,
As a treat, I'm uploading another chapter this week. Be sure to vote if you guys like this!~~
Kael <3