***MEGAN'S POV***
As I checked my watch I felt a sense of relief knowing that I would be able to dismiss myself from my evening Thanksgiving celebration with my father's side. It had been a very long day and I knew that it would take me about an hour to get home, and if I left now I would get back to Shawn's around 7:30 and be able to get some things done before moving out tomorrow.
I made my way to the bathroom, fixing my hair and wondering if Sam had decided to go to her family gathering or not. I was curious mostly because I knew she had considered it, and if I was lucky maybe she had decided to go and had gotten something good out of it.
Or so I hoped.
I felt a little guilty giving her advice, mostly because the advice with Emma had obviously been a misfire, and I felt her parents were actually considered a lot more serious.
I was just praying for the best.
I had wanted to text Shawn and ask but it seemed too weird, simply because I knew he thought Sam and I had a very distant, teacher-student relationship.
And it was anything but.
Thinking of Sam brought back the fuzzy memories of Wednesday night and how the last thing I remembered was being introduced to the birthday slut, Meagan.
Oh stop being so childish Megan.
I rolled my eyes at the memory, remembering how the raven-haired girl had decided to be snood and roll her eyes upon meeting me. I know she obviously didn't have a good first impression, but that had been out of my control.
She should've picked a better candidate to go home with that night.
It scared me knowing I couldn't remember much past that moment, I remembered telling Naomi she could go home and that I would catch a ride with Sam. I didn't know why I had agreed to that, and everything else was an absolute blur. I didn't remember anything about getting home or even walking to Sam's car.
I hadn't planned to get that wasted, but it happened, and I was extremely worried about learning the truth.
And if I had done anything stupid.
I had woken up fully dressed on the couch this morning, and I was grateful I had set my alarm early so I had woken up on time and before everyone else. And the headache I had from last night was still throbbing on, so I was pretty ready to go home and sleep it off after getting the rest of my things together.
I exited the bathroom and suddenly felt my phone ringing in my back pocket. I pulled it out, seeing Shawn's name flash across the screen. I slid it open, answering, "Hey Shawn, I was just about to leave-"
"Sam wrecked her car, Megan. We're at the hospital."
I felt something in my chest that frightened me, and the adrenaline pumped profusely throughout my body as I came to realization of what he had said. I answered quickly, not even giving my time to think, "I'll be there in thirty."
I bolted downstairs, grabbing my purse off of the hook and immediately finding my dad. The hospital wasn't far from where my I was considering it was off of the highway, and the more I thought about Sam in the hospital the more anxious I became.
Why had she been on the road in the first place?
I found my dad and spoke quickly, "Dad I have to go, one of my friends..." I realized what I had said and continued, "Uh, she's in the hospital."
He seemed to be shocked but knew better than to react with a rash emotion. He nodded, "Be careful on the road, Megan. There's a cool front coming in."
I kissed his cheek and hugged him, "Love you."
He responded, "Love you too, sweetie."
Keeping my mind from racing was impossible, and judging by the sound of Shawn's voice it wasn't good. The more I thought about the possibilities for Sam's condition the more frightened I became. I was just praying to God that she wasn't seriously injured.
And that she hadn't been driving under the influence.
I knew how Sam was, and as I sped down the deserted highway the possibilities that Sam had drank a bit was high. If she had decided to go to her family gathering there was a possibility that she had managed to sip on some kind of drink, and she was tiny enough to hold an alcohol level above the limit for a while.
The minutes passed like hours as I made my way down the road, and I felt a sense of fear overtake me the closer I got to the hospital. If Sam had been drunk when she wrecked I wasn't going to let it happen any longer.
I wasn't going to let her keep hurting herself.
I had never told Sam this, mostly because I knew what her reaction would be, and it would most likely sever anything we had between us. The way she drank, her habits and her anger reminded me of someone she despised and loved at the same time.
She reminded me of her father, and as much as I hated admitting it to myself, I saw her turning into him.
The farther she slipped into this depression she was battling the more I saw it, and if she had been drinking and wrecked because of it, it would only prove my theory further.
And if that was the case, I was going to stop it.
Then the bad thoughts started swarming through my brain as I thought about the things I could be walking into. Shawn hadn't given me much whenever he had called, but it was just enough to make me want to drop dead right in my family's house.
What if Sam had broken something? A leg, an arm, or God forbid something extreme like her back... What if she was paralyzed? I felt something in my heart quiver at the thought of Sam actually in a wheel chair, never being able to walk or drive again. I felt the acceleration of my car increase at that thought.
What if Sam had hit another driver? What if she killed a family? A mother, a daughter, or a baby... she would be sent away to jail for homicide. I had always imagined Sam in a jail suit, simply because she had horrible drug abuse problems, but never like this.
Then the most horrific thought came to mind, and I could feel my heart accelerate as tears threatened to escape my eyes.
What if Sam died?
The thought itself was scary enough to send me into a state of panic as I got closer and closer to the hospital. What would I do if Sam actually died?
I imagined walking into the hospital, seeing Shawn pacing around the waiting room for a doctor to deliver the bad news. I would show up just in time to hear those haunting words no one ever wanted to hear, "I'm sorry, but she didn't make it. We were too late."
My heart pounded, as if it was really happening, and the thought of losing Sam was enough to cripple me right then and there. What would happen to me if it really did happen? How would I deal with something like this?
There would be absolutely no coping with it, getting over it would be nest to impossible. Losing Sam would hurt me, it would scar me for the rest of my life, and it was something I knew deep down in my heart that I would never be able to get over it.
And then as if the gates of Heaven opened, I finally pulled into the parking lot of the hospital and darted through the rain, not caring if everything I had on me got wet. I jogged into the emergency room entrance and up to the secretary desk, causing the lady at the front to turn her attention to me.
She spoke, "How can I assist you?"
I spoke in an urgent tone, "What room is Samantha Carson in?"
She typed quickly on her computer and spoke, "Just moved to 341."
I nodded, "Thank you."
I rode the elevator to the third floor and rushed through the halls looking for the room, and then eventually coming into contact with it. I knocked softly, allowing myself time to gather my emotions as I opened the door slowly.
I saw Sam lying there in her bed, she wasn't in a hospital gown which was always a good sign, but she had stitches above her right eye which was also accompanied by a bruise. She was awake, another good sign, but seeing her awake only made me more upset with her.
Shawn was nowhere to be found, which led me to believe he was speaking with a doctor of some sort. Which of course left Sam and I alone.
Her light blue eyes studied me, and judging by her body language I could tell she was afraid of anything I would have to say. I didn't want to blow up on her, mostly because she was literally sitting in a hospital bed, but I couldn't contain how angry I was.
Then she smiled weakly, knowing she was about to get bitched out.
She mumbled, trying to lighten the mood like she always kind of did, "Happy Thanksgiving...?"
I hadn't realized it till now but I was half expecting her to be pretty bad off, and seeing now that she had nothing but a few stiches I allowed my heart rate to slow. I sat in the chair next to her bed as she sat up, facing me as she crossed her legs.
She spoke, "Are you okay? Or are you still drunk from last night?"
I shook my head, ignoring her while I spoke, "God Sam, what the fuck were you doing on the road?"
She took a deep breath and shook her head, "It's a long story... maybe I'll tell you later..."
I looked into her eyes, seeing her nasty stitches and her bruised eyebrow. She looked pretty beat up in that area, and the more I looked at it the more upset I became.
I asked seriously, "Did you drink today?"
She seemed to be caught off guard by my question, but answered anyway, "Well yea, I had some wine..."
That just about did it.
I felt the rage build up in my chest, knowing the truth and that she had in fact drank before getting on the road. I couldn't even manage to ask her anything else because I had become so enraged with fury. Why was she constantly putting herself in harm's way? Did she not care about her health? About the people who would fucking fall apart if she got killed?
Oh God, I really thought that. That was the entire reason I was so upset with her right now.
I stood, "Are you fucking kidding me?"
She looked up at me with confusion in her eyes, "What?"
"You fucking drank, and then got on the road when it was raining!? Sam what is wrong with you?!"
She just looked up at me, knowing nothing she would say right now would make any type of difference. She knew I was angry, and she knew I was right to be upset, but when she spoke I didn't even want to hear it.
She was so irresponsible.
I nearly yelled again, "Do you not think when you do stupid shit? Do you not think about the consequences? And what would happen to the people that cared about you if you accidentally killed yourself, Sam?!"
By this time Sam was shaking her head, probably trying to conjure up another story to attempt to calm me down but I knew better.
She spoke, "Megan, it was an accident. It wasn't-"
"I don't want to hear it Sam," she stopped talking then, looking up at me. I continued, "I'm not gonna let you keep doing this to us, or yourself."
She asked, "Doing what?"
I knew I would need to do this, I needed to protect Sam before she got hurt. I couldn't watch her hurt and put herself in danger anymore. I needed to give myself and Shawn a peace of mind, even if it meant lying to protect her.
I began walking out without any more words as I heard Sam holler at me from her bed, "Megan? Answer me..."
I opened and closed her door, leaving her to sit and think inside while I went to find Shawn. I couldn't overthink what I was about to do, because if I did I would end up not doing it, and I needed to do it at all costs.
Sam needed protection, and since I was moving out I needed to know she would be okay.
Even if she eventually hated me for doing this.
I rounded the corner, eventually finding Shawn on the phone with someone, looking a bit relieved but weary as I approached him. His eyes switched up to me before telling whoever he was on the phone with that he would get back with them, then he hung up.
Shawn smiled sadly, "Did you talk to her?"
I nodded, "Yea, she seems fine."
He shook his head, "I want to be mad at her but it's hard when she literally just wrecked her car, you know?"
I nodded again, knowing I would need to gently bring the subject up and then sell it. I would lie of course, but I was lying for a good reason, not to hurt Sam.
I prolonged it a little further, "How's is her car?"
He sighed, "It's not damaged too much, one of her tires busted and there's some dirt pile up under the front tires but, all in all she didn't do a lot of damage. I think she took more damage to her face compared to her car, but they'll both be fine. Sam just needed a few stitches anyway, but she does have a concussion."
Then he started walking back towards her room but I grabbed his arm, stopping him. I spoke, "Shawn, I need to tell you something."
His identical blue eyes looked into mine, worry laced within them as he turned his attention back to me. He spoke, "What?"
I looked down, "It's about Sam, about the month you left us alone."
He stepped closer to me, "What happened?"
I put on my best acting face before selling my story, "She almost got arrested. She told me her and Blair had went to this frat party to bring some weed and they ended up staying. Shawn she said there was drugs everywhere, and she and Blair had gotten so wasted that they ended up staying there till four in the morning to try sobering up a little. The cops ended up showing up but Sam and Blair managed to get out before getting caught, that was after she outran a cop on the way home."
I watched his face change from worried to angry, and I knew he believed everything I had said simply because it sounded like something Sam would do.
He spoke, shaking his head, "Are you serious?"
I nodded, "I didn't want to tell you but after what happened today, I just think she needs ground rules, Shawn. You need to make her lay off the alcohol and the partying. She needs authority before she gets herself seriously hurt."
I could tell he was upset, and as much as I hated lying to him about Sam I knew I needed to. Sam was going to seriously hurt herself if no one stepped in and tried to do something, and I knew out of the people who were actually close to her I was the most likely to do it.
And she would most likely despise me for it.
Shawn shook his head, "I'll talk to her tomorrow, after all of this is past us. It's just been a really long day."
I nodded, knowing I should probably leave before Sam and Shawn did considering they were probably about to be released. I spoke, "Shawn, just do what you think is best for her. She needs you."
He nodded, "I will. See you at home Megan."
I turned on my heels, making my way to the exit as I closed my eyes to try and force myself to accept the pain I felt for doing this to Sam.
I was doing it to protect her because I cared about her. And with me out the house she needed someone to look after her because I wouldn't be able to any longer.
~ ~ ~ ~
I had been hustling around the apartment for about an hour getting my things together for tomorrow. I was grateful Shawn had agreed to help me finally move out, I was just too strung up on the thought of Sam to be able to focus much.
The more I thought about how I had felt when Shawn had called me the more I realized I had been genuinely terrified for Sam. I mean, don't get me wrong, any normal and compassionate human being would be, but there was obviously something different for Sam.
I had been terrified of losing her.
The way I had bolted out of my family's house without hesitation, the way I had sped down the highway towards the hospital, everything about the situation screamed that I cared. I cared about Sam, I knew that, but I also cared about Shawn and Sam's family. I knew what it felt like to lose a loved one, someone who you love so much, in a blink of an eye.
And Sam's decisions really put her family at risk of going through the same thing my own family had with Lacey.
But although I cared about Sam and her well-being I was still extremely upset with her. I hated the fact that it had come down to possibly me getting her grounded until she moved out of Shawn's place. I had really made her look bad with my story, and all the things I had said were now in Shawn's mind.
And if I knew anything about Shawn I knew he wasn't going to let any of it slide, not with Sam.
He cared about her so much, and I remember back in the day when I had first started being friends with him. He spoke so much about her, how passionate she was about things she loved, how beautiful she was and eventually how he wished he could've been there for her whenever she had come out to their parents.
He had never told me anything serious, like the abuse and the accident with their mom, which I respected because it was honestly none of my business.
But looking at it now I knew Shawn really loved Sam, and I knew he was going to protect her from herself because of the story I had told. I knew that he was going to set rules and possibly ground her from going out ever again, and I knew he was going to confront her drinking problem as well. I just didn't know how drastic his measures and rules were going to be.
And I wasn't even going to be around to find out.
I knew once Shawn punished Sam and he told her the reasoning I would no longer be respected by Sam. She was going to hate me, and even though it pained me thinking about that, I knew deep down it was inevitable.
And the relationship between Sam and I wouldn't be the same after.
Then I heard someone coming through the door, which I believed to be Shawn and Sam herself. I was glad that they were home, and I knew that both of them would probably be dead tired, which meant we were going to shut it down for the night.
Sam walked in after Shawn, looking rough as ever with her stitches and her bruise. I knew it was going to be there awhile, and the gash under her stitches would most likely leave a scar.
Just another one to add to her collection.
I hated thinking like that but I couldn't help it, Sam was all kinds of beat up, and now she had a minor imperfection on her perfect face. I knew she was upset over it, she was ashamed of the stitches and the bruises, but she would have to live with it because it had been a consequence of her mistakes.
Shawn looked back at Sam, "You should go to sleep."
She nodded, glancing at me before disappearing into her room, leaving Shawn and I alone. I had all my things stacked in the corner but remembering the look Sam had given me just now had been the same look she had given me in the hospital.
It was like she knew something I didn't.
I didn't like the feeling, obviously, because usually when Sam gave me that look it meant something bad. She hadn't brought anything up that seemed to be serious, even though the day's events had probably hindered her usual pressuring of the weird questions she always formulated in her magnificent and mysterious brain.
So what could she know that I didn't?
Had it been about last night at the bar? Had I said something to someone that upset her? Or did I say something to her? Or even worse, was it something I did to her?
I honestly didn't remember anything past the Meagan memory, and that scared me.
Shawn spoke, "We have a long day tomorrow."
I nodded, "You don't have to help if you don't want too. You've really done enough for me Shawn."
He smiled, shrugging as he closed the refrigerator, "Megan, you're my best friend, there's nothing I wouldn't do for you."
I smiled at his words, knowing that Shawn was the best thing that could've ever happened to me at the time of Lacey's death. He had helped me so much even when he didn't know he had been helping me, and him letting me move in and stay with them was all too much.
He really was a genuine person.
He made his way to the door of his room, "I can take the couch if you want?"
I shook my head, smiling, "No that's fine, go to sleep."
"Goodnight Megan."
Then he disappeared into his room, leaving me to my thoughts.
Shawn really was the best guy I've ever met, he would be perfect for me and my family already loved him. I never understood why I had never felt anything for him, which was actually still a mystery to me. He was literally perfect, perfect eyes, body, personality, hair, smile... everything.
But naturally no one's life is a fairytale, and even when you meet your prince charming you end up being a fucking lesbian.
So it's still a lose-lose situation.
But looking on it now, if I did so happen to love Shawn, it would be a boring relationship. There wouldn't be any struggles, no obstacles to make it worthwhile. It would be a simple boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, living here in his apartment as we worked and made a life together.
There would be really nothing to work towards, because being with Shawn would be entirely too simple.
Reflecting on my relationship with Nikki was much different. We had been close friends, she had been a challenge, I had also been a challenge, and our relationship had been crazy. We had fights and we had obstacles, which made being with her even more rewarding. I had fallen in love with Nikki because it had almost been a sense of not being able to have her, but when I had her it was worth the struggle and the complications we had to overcome.
That's what made love so amazing, that's what made relationships, relationships.
The work, the fighting, the struggles, the passion... all of the things you hated and loved at the same time made the relationship, not the easiness and comfort of it.
So even though being with Shawn would be easy, it wouldn't be worth it, because there wouldn't be anything to look forward to, nothing to overcome.
Besides, I liked vagina more than I liked penis anyway.
I lied down on the couch, watching the clock tick as I attempted to fall asleep. I knew tomorrow would be a busy day, and a sad one at that because even though I knew I needed to move out, some part of me liked living with Shawn and Sam.
It was more than just Sam of course, I actually didn't feel alone when I was here, and I knew both of them cared about me, even if they were both slightly different emotions.
I just liked being here.
Then I heard Sam's door open slowly as she tried to be quiet, and I must've startled her because she jumped when she saw me sitting up on the couch.
She sighed, "Shit, sorry I thought you were sleeping."
I narrowed my eyes at her, "Shouldn't you be sleeping?"
She shook her head, "I can't, I'm pissed off and upset. I have to call Danna tomorrow and tell her I won't be able to make it to work this weekend. I mean look at my head, I look like fucking Frankenstein. My brother had to out of pocket money so I could get my head stitched and be told I had a fucking head boo-boo and not to lift anything heavy or strain any part of my brain. My head is throbbing, and I feel like a fucktard for doing what I did. Shawn's mad at me and my car's in the fucking shop and I won't be able to get it back till Saturday when they decide to clean out my axles and fix my tire. This fucking day has been total shit and I just want to sleep, and guess what, I can't even do that."
I watched her struggle with herself as she ranted, attempting to be quiet and not wake up Shawn. She was upset, and she knew that Shawn was upset with her, most likely because what I had told him. She was having a hard time and she was about to get grounded because of me, but as much as I hated feeling that guilt I knew I had to do it.
I sighed, "Sam, you need to rest your head."
She sat down on the recliner next to the sofa just looking at me, giving me that same look she had twice already. It was the look that said "I know something and I'm waiting to see if you know it too" look.
She sighed heavily, making me believe she was thinking about something that was causing her pain. She spoke, "How was your Thanksgiving?"
I shrugged, "Was boring until you decided to be stupid."
She dropped her head, as if she was preventing me from seeing something. I wanted to ask her how hers was but I figured we would both figure the same answer, considering she had just gotten out the hospital.
She answered, "I'm sorry."
I watched her, wondering if she really meant that or not. I decided to push past the subject, "How was yours?"
She looked up, "I ended up going with Shawn."
What? Had I really heard her correctly?
I questioned, "Are you serious? What happened?"
Sam just shook her head, her blonde hair draping over her shoulders as she slumped in her seat. She smiled sarcastically, "Well, it was all good till I spoke to my mom, then of course I got pissed and made Shawn drive me home. Then this happened," she pointed to her stitches and suddenly I felt really bad for lying to Shawn.
I questioned, "You weren't drunk when you drove?"
She shook her head, "No? I was speeding because I was upset, and then it was raining. I tried telling you that but you had been too fucking mad to listen."
I raked my hand through my hair, wondering if I had made a mistake lying to Shawn now. Sure, Sam hadn't really done anything wrong, and it had in fact been an accident, but she still needed some ground rules.
I just felt a lot guiltier than I had before speaking to her.
Then Sam switched the subject, "So, did you have fun last night?"
I looked up at her, too embarrassed to tell her that I barely remembered anything because I had ended up blacking out. I shrugged, "Yea, it was okay."
Something in her face said something I didn't like, mostly because she looked like she wanted to ask me something serious. It was scary seeing her thinking about something this in depth but for some reason she held herself back.
She shook her head, "You don't remember much, do you?"
I decided to be honest, "No, I really don't. What, did I dance on the bar or something? Fall and bust my ass?"
I could see something inside Sam alter, as if she realized the ugly truth about something. It was like I had said something she just didn't want to hear, and she stood, obviously upset over something I still had no clue about.
I stood with her, "Sam..."
She shook her head, "Nothing much happened, I just wanted to know if you remembered spilling your drink on that girl at the bar."
I knew she was lying to me, I could see it written all over her face. I didn't know what she was refusing to tell me but for some reason it was hurting her, bad, and I hated seeing that. I didn't know why she was holding back, and I had no idea what I could've done so badly when I obviously couldn't remember it.
She opened her door slightly, letting half her body disappear inside, "Goodnight Megan."
Then she closed the door, leaving me to wonder what the hell I had done last night to make her this upset.
***A/N***
Oh damn, Megan doesn't remember and Sam's all butt-hurt. What do you think is in store for the two now that Megan's come to terms with her feelings for Sam? Will she let Sam in or will she push her away?
Hope you guys are loving the story as much as I am, although school did start I'm still working on balancing my free time writing as well. This weekend I will be super busy so I probably won't update again for a few days, so let this be a fair warning. But don't worry, there is ALWAYS another chapter in progress! Happy reading!
-Lauryn