"Maybe.. Maybe I don't have a thing that I'm good at"
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TW: Suicide (planned, but didn't go as planned)
Today was going to be a good day.
Lance felt so giddy. In fact, he's never felt giddier! It'll all end today.. today. It'll end today. But he kept it all in.
He walked out the doors of his room, a fake grin on his face. He resisted the urge to just skip to breakfast, and instead held his posture, chin held high, and the fakest smile ever presented. His "team" didn't deserve to see him happy. After all, they were the cause of today.
The other paladins of voltron felt so.. confused.
For the last two weeks, Lance had been so.. so different. He hardly spoke, but only when he was being spoken to, he didn't crack jokes, he didn't flirt with Allura, or any other alien girl for that matter, and he wasn't being the blue paladin that they all had grown used to.
Lance didn't speak because they'd all tell him to shut up. He didn't crack jokes not only because they weren't funny, but because they weren't appreciated, and were unnecessary. He didn't flirt anymore because his team hated it, along with him.
It wasn't hard at all to be the paladin that they all wanted, because all Lance had to do was make a new mask! He trained extra hard because these were his last days alive, after all. Why put it to waste?
It was strange to see their blue paladin smiling.. for the past 2 weeks he's done nothing but train, eat, or speak when spoken to. There wasn't a shine in his eyes, there wasn't shine to anything, actually! There was no smile, no charming smirks, and no emotion.
"Uh.. Lance? Are you okay?" Shiro asked Lance, eyeing him skeptically.
Lance beamed a fake smile (though Shiro was oblivious to how fake it truly was), "Yes, sir!" He all but chirped. Now that was real.
He was so excited, and he had it all planned out! Today, the paladins, save for him, are all going to the mall! Without him because they all hated him and had to think of an excuse as to why he couldn't go.
Of course he created a new mask so that he could show them that he wasn't sad, but instead was "blessed"!
Now, nothing could go wrong for Lance.
Right?
The Paladins were already at the mall, and Lance scurried around the castle, ecstatic. Coran was cleaning the kitchen, and Allura was napping or something. He left his jacket in the main room, not like it mattered though! And if Coran or Allura saw his bandages, they wouldn't know what they meant. He felt bad for taking advantage of their clueless minds, but you do what'cha gotta do!
He grabbed the biggest knife he could. After all, the bigger the knife, the faster he'll die!
Lance paused.
Yes, it was messed up how he was practically dying to.. well die! But he just wants to end his pain, despite the fact that the cost of ending his own pain would be spreading his pain to his friends.
He hoped they could endure it. He probably should've made sure they would be okay with it.
Oh well, too late now!
He was running towards his room, not bothering to hold the knife safely. He turned the corner, and almost stabbed Keith.
"K-Keith?" Lance stuttered, the first time he's spoken to someone rather than someone speaking to him.
Keith eyed the gigantic knife in the boy's hands, then to the bandages on his arms, and spotted some just on his ankles.
Lance tried to hide the giant knife behind his back, despite Keith already seeing it.
"Hey.. Lance." Keith said, trying to look behind the boy, "What'cha got there?"
Lance chuckled nervously, the sound foreign to the both of them, "Oh nothin.." Lance smiled nervously.
"Don't tell me you were.." Keith trailed off.
Lance quickly changed the subject, "What're you doing here? I have things to do.." He snapped the last part.
Keith glared at Lance, "Don't lie to me. Both you and I know that you were going to kill yourself."
Lance panicked and tried to make a new mask, "Hey, hey! Let's not jump to conclusions, buddy!" Lance tried to say cheerfully.
The other paladins, hearing the conversation due to Keith's helmet, immediately rushed back to the castle.
"Lance! Lance we're coming back!" Shiro shouted, Lance hearing this.
Lance suddenly turned and bolted to where the airlock was, "Y-You can't stop me!" Lance felt himself tearing up, and starting to cry right after, "T-This wasn't supposed to happen! You weren't supposed to find out! You aren't supposed to stop me, and you aren't supposed to care! You aren't supposed to be here, and you aren't going to stop me!" He yelped as he tripped, the knife digging itself into the floor a little, denting it.
Keith tackled the boy, "No!" He roared, grabbing the knife and chucking it away.
Lance screeched and kicked, Keith pinning him to the ground by his wrists.
After a few minutes of Lance thrashing around, Keith noticed that his cuts were opening up.
"Lance why do you do this to yourself?" Keith whispered sadly.
Lance started to chuckle softly, "Because I don't deserve to live. I mean, why else would you guys treat me like shit? That's the only explanation right? The only reason why you guys seemed to always tell me to shut up. The only reason why you guys favored everyone but me. The reason why you guys can't have a good time when I'm around." Lance felt tears streaming down his face, "C'mon Keith. Both you and I know that this is what we all want. The universe, voltron, and I. We all want me, a walking garbage can, to die."
He paused and chuckled hoarsely, "Maybe this can be the only thing I can do to make you guys happy."
Then, his gaze turned bitter.
"And somehow I managed to fuck it up." He brought his hands up to cover his face, "Only Lance McClain can fuck up trying to kill himself."
Lance felt something wet drip onto his hands, and peeked through his fingers to see Keith crying.
"Lance.. Lance please." Keith buried his head into Lance's shirt, "Don't go. I-I'm sorry. I won't do it again.."
Lance felt anger well up inside of him, "I don't care, Keith!" He snarled angrily, "You never cared before, and now you care? Right when I'm just about done with.. with living??"
They both heard the lions land into their hangars, followed by a group of people running to where they were.
"L-Lance you've got it wrong!" Keith cried, "I never stopped caring, and I never hated you!"
Lance quickly made a new mask when his "team" walked in, "Hello, sir." He said to Shiro despite being pinned to the floor by Keith.
Shiro's heart dropped at the sight of the bloody bandages around his arms, "L-Lance.. why?"
"I know you all aren't stupid."
Lance's voice was sharper than the knife he tried to kill himself with.
"You all isolated me, pushed me to the edge, and now right when I'm about to fall, you all suddenly regret it?" Lance started laughing again, "If this isn't what you want, then what do you want?" His voice cracked.
Lance sobbed into his hands, "I don't know what to do! When I'm with you guys, being my real self, you guys despise it! But when I'm trying to get rid of he pest!! You guys stop me!!" He shoved Keith off and ran down the corridor.
"Don't let him get to the airlock!" Shiro shouted.
Pidge used her bayard to yank him back, Lance yelping, clawing at the ground.
Hunk's heart almost stopped when he saw the floor get stained red, Lance's cuts open.
"Lance.." Shiro trailed off, "please give us another chance. Please," he begged the paladin who refused to look at them all.
A sniffle came from Lance's direction, "I just want to die.." he choked out a sob, "P-Please.."
And right then and there, the Paladins realized that his mask broke.
And they were determined to fix it.