"And I thought I was the team's sharpshooter!"
.
"But.. I guess no one else thinks that"
Tw: Self doubt, self harm
The paladins were in the control room, having a good time.. without Lance. Allura and Coran were checking the castle for anything to repair.
Lance walked out of his room, just woken up from a nap by the boisterous laughter coming from the main room. He walked in and quickly plastered a smile onto his face.
"Hey guys!" He grinned at his team.
Their laughter and good moods dimmed down, "Oh.. hey Lance." Pidge said awkwardly.
"So... what'cha doin' guys?" He asked them, trying to start a conversation going.
The four paladins all looked at each other, sharing a look of confusion since they were unsure to say.
Shiro cleared his throat, "Ahem.." He paused to look at the others, "I'm.. going to go train." He said before exiting the room, Keith following close behind.
"I'll help Pidge find her family!" Hunk said happily as he and Pidge walked out together, leaving no room for Lance to join, or even ask.
They all ignored the look of hurt that presented itself onto Lance's face, and thought that he'd get over it.
Lance walked towards his room, a sad sigh escaping his lips. He played with the bandages that were wrapped around his forearms, his mind being clouded with self doubt. His fingers crept towards his bandages, to unwrap them and..
"Paladins! Meet me at the training room!" Allura's voice rang into the quiet room.
Lance sighed and stood up, and headed over.
When Lance arrived, everyone was already there. Keith and Shiro were there already since they were training already, and Hunk and Pidge happened to be near the training room.
"Lance, you're late! Why are you always the last one to arrive in the training room?" Allura snapped, irritated. The others seemed to hum in agreement, even though they knew he was in his room, farther from the training room than all of them.
Lance sighed internally, "Sorry princess, I hope my good looks make up for it," He sent a charming smirk her way.
She scoffed, crossing her arms. "You Paladins will be doing a team training to help strengthen your bond as a team, to form Voltron better."
"But we seem to form Voltron just fine," Lance said in confusion.
A deep sigh came from Hunk's direction, "Lance, buddy, just do what Allura says." he said, irritated.
Another look of hurt flashed in Lance's beautiful ocean blue orbs, "Alright." He said, refusing to let his voice waver in the slightest.
-Skip-
While they were training, a bot flew in front of Pidge. Lance saw this, "Pidge look out!" He said, aiming to shoot. Pidge jumped back as he shot the bot down.
Expecting a thanks, he only got a scoff in return, "You actually managed to take it down." He heard her mutter.
He took a second to process what she said, and didn't hear Keith yelling at him to move as a bot lunged for the blue boy.
When Lanced turned to shoot the bot, he ended up accidentally shooting Pidge on the shoulder.
"Ow, Lance!" She snapped at him, clutching her shoulder tight.
When she pulled her hand back, blood was all over it.
"End Training Sequence!"
Everyone crowded around the green paladin, asking if she was alright.
"Pidge I-"
Hunk whirled around, "Lance! We don't wanna hear it. At least apologize instead of making an excuse."
Lance felt his heart drop, "I was going to-"
"You know what Lance? Shut up!" Keith snarled at the blue paladin, greatly annoyed.
Hunk sighed, "Next time don't be such a screw up." His eyes widened as he accidentally let the last two words slip from his mouth.
Figuring out that they wouldn't let him apologize, he turned and went to his room.
When he got to his room, he dropped to his knees. Tears welled up in his eyes as his face scrunched up.
"Don't cry Lance." He snapped at himself, "You don't deserve it."
Then, he heard running outside of his room, "Guys, we gotta hurry!" He heard Shiro say, and figured they were rushing Pidge to a pod.
Guilt welled up in his stomach, and Lance winced, hearing Keith say, "Stupid Lance. Why does he always screw up?"
"Screw up Lance." He heard Hunk mutter, Shiro humming in agreement.
Lance's heart clenched at the words that were spoken about him from his "Space Family".
His wrists itched greatly, and he reached a hand towards the blade on his bed. He tore his bandages open, not even bothering to carefully unwrap them like he always did.
He hovered his hand over the scarred surface, trembling hard. Then, he pushed it into his skin. He pushed it, not too deep, but not too light. His hand holding the blade trembled wildly as he continued to drag the sharp tool along his arm.
Lance heard loud footsteps from along the hall, heading towards his room. He flung the blade onto his bed, shoving his sleeves down, and hiding the bandages, praying that his wrist won't bleed through his jacket.
The door was opened by Hunk, who seemed apologetic.
Light flooded into the dark room, making Hunk seem to glow.
"Lance, buddy?" Was the first words that came out of his mouth. "I-I'm sorry for what I said at the training room."
Lance smiled at the Yellow Paladin, "It's fine."
There was a silence that drifted through the air, and the blood started soaking into Lance's jacket.
"Can you.. leave now?" Lance said, barely above a whisper, refusing to meet Hunk's eyes.
He probably thought that Lance hated him..
Hunk sighed sadly, "Yeah.. of course."
The next day, Lance left his room. He made sure to bring a high tech drone that was off with him, which he found during a mission. He walked over to Pidge's room and knocked on her door. The door opened, and Pidge stared up at the taller paladin, "What do you want, Lance?"
She seemed upset, but not too upset to hate him more than she already does.
Lance sighed heavily, "I-I'm sorry, Pidge. I really am." He whispered, tears pricking his eyes, handing her the drone.
Her eyes sparked, "Yeah, yeah, apology accepted. Now I gotta go look at this beauty!" She chirped, closing the door on him.
Lance sighed heavily, and went to go to his room.
A hand shot out and grabbed Lance's wrist tight. Lance yelped, "O-Ow!" He said a bit too loud. He turned around to see Shiro frowning at him.
"I-I mean-" Lance stammered, "Nevermind."
Shiro shrugged off his strange reaction and said, "Hey.. Lance?" He said to the blue paladin, "Can.. Can you train more? I don't want a repeat of last session to happen again."
Lance blinked.
Of course it was about Screw Up Lance.
"Alright.." Lance said, slipping out of Shiro's hold and making his way to the training room.
He winced, feeling his cuts open up, since he thought he'd be out of his room for a short period of time. But boyy was he wrong. He couldn't tend to them because Shiro was still watching him for whatever reason. It was going okay, Shiro didn't notice a thing and was about to start heading back when...
Drip..
Drip..
Shiro turned around, hearing the sound coming from his Blue Paladin.
"Hey whats that- Are you bleeding?!" Shiro gasped and rushed over, to make sure his oh so dear blue paladin wasn't hurt.
Lance yelped in shock as the older male grabbed his arm, "N-No Shiro! I-I'm fine." He said with a smile, and took off.
"Keith! Stop Lance!" Shiro yelled when he saw Keith coming out of the training room.
Keith, with a confused expression, ran after Lance anyways.
Lance ran from both of them, "Guys! This isn't a big deal!! Just- Just leave me alone!" Lance yelped as he ran into a dead end, whirling around to see Shiro and Keith slowly approaching him.
"Uh.. why do we need to catch Lance?" Keith asked in confusion.
Shiro looked straight into Lance's blue orbs, "He's hiding something.." He muttered to the red paladin, and lunged for the blue one.
Lance yelped as he was tackled into the ground, groaning. Now, his sleeves were drenched with blood. Keith's eyes widened, "Lance.. let me.." He gulped, not really wanting to see, "Let me see your arms.. please."
By now, Hunk and Pidge were behind them, Allura and Coran following close behind. They all crowded to see what was happening, and all they saw was a cornered Lance.
"Lance, we need to see." Shiro practically demanded to the very much scared Lance.
Now, fat tears rolled down Lance's face. This was it. He was defeated.
It made everyone's heart clench at the sight of their bubbly paladin looking so... so defeated. So sad. So..
While Lance was zoning out, Keith lashed out and took his jacket off. Gasps filled the "room" more like corridor as they saw the bloody bandages dripping with blood.
"Ok, Shiro. You've seen them." Lance croaked out, "C-Can I l-leave now?"
Allura and Coran looked at each other in confused, "What does this mean?" Coran asked, curiously.
Hunk looked at the both of them, tears of his own rolling down his face, "I'll.. I'll tell you guys later."
Pidge stepped forward, "W-Was.. was this because of me? B-Because you accidentally shot me?" She asked, voice shaking, "I-It's my fault?"
Lance's breath hitched, "No.." He started shaking his head, his body trembling, "No.. don't you ever think this was ever your fault." Lance said, voice hoarse.
The badly wrapped bandages fell from how loose Lance had put them, cursing himself mentally.
Old, recent, and fresh cuts were littered all over his arms.
"Lance.."
Lance hugged himself and fell to the ground, tucking his head into his knees.
"I-I'm sorry."
His voice sounded so..
So broken.