Recording...
[The following sequence is the recording from a phone interview conducted to one of the elite members of the Incubus Hunt Division of Anti-devil Agency named Jose Rodriguez also known as the Mexican.]
Interviewer: So please tell me about yourself.
Jose: Ola! I am Jose Rodriguez! You may not see what I am doing because you are ､reading, but...but I am posing in front of you like a porn star... reject.
Interviewer: Thank you for accepting our request Mr. Rodriguez, but why use the phone when we can do video calls?
Jose: It's my style, that's how I get the women~
Interviewer: Okay... ... ...so how do you describe yourself in real life?
Jose: If you try to imagine what I might look like in real life, I am the amalgamation of the Vine Celebrity turned YouTube Celebrity named Rudy Mancuso plus the actor Michael Peña, plus the height and mustache of Mario in the Super Mario game. My voice sounds like it was squashed by mother's food when I was still in her tummy. Mi madre loves to eat and that's why she is very sweet and that's why she has diabetes. I hope that I do not inherit that from her though. I love tequila and I love to flirt with women that are way taller than me. I am good at explosives and I am the fastest runner in the squad.
Interviewer: How is your actual relationship with your squad members?
Jose: The team sees me as a clown and comic relief, but they do not know that I am the greatest threat to the succubi devils out there. You see, those demons want me to see kind of face I desire the most. They can't tell what I like the most. You know why? I'm like a stray dog... that has... a very short attention span when... and that I forgot what I'm going to tell you next. Also right now, I am under tequila influence. I see a beautiful chick, I get to feel like King-Kong... ... ...King-Kong's nose hair... because I am small. The problem if I am facing a succubus, the succubus has to call a friend because I want to insert my dick inside two pussies. Otherwise, she dead.
Interviewer: Are you a virgin?
Interviewer: Sir?
Jose: No, I'm not.
Interviewer:Ow... ... ...Okay, please describe to us your first time.
Jose: Is...Is it really necessary?
Interviewer: This is for your fans out there, sir.
Jose: Excuse me, let me convene with mi amigos
[The following conversations are whispered.]
Tyrell: If you want to get the spotlight to tell them how you got your first catch...
Geoffrey: Yeah you should tell them your own thing Mexican...
Jose: I don't know what to tell them I am drunk when I had my first time...
Tyrell: Then tell them that... Wait... tell me what happened when you woke up.
Geoffrey: Yeah... what happened by the way? You never told us about your first sexual encounter.
Jose: I was in bed... ... ...
Tyrell: With the woman who took your first?
Geoffrey: Of course it's with a woman. What do you think Blackie?
Tyrell: I was just making sure! So, Jose...
Jose: Well... ... y...you can say that...
Tyrell: Then tell them that!
Geoffrey: Somehow it suddenly felt wrong...
Tyrell: I told you something's not right...
[Back to the interview...]
Interviewer: Mr. Jose, are you prepared to tell your first sexual experience?
Jose: Yes so it started with a kiss with that beautiful lady that night on a drinking party. I said, "Baby you fine~ lemme get some of that lap dance you were talking about!" Then she said, "Follow me pappy~". So we went up to the second floor but the place is full of people doing the same thing as us so I told her, "Let's go higher babe. The attic looks fine~" and so she obliged. We went up and locked the door and then I pound her! I pound her with kisses man, and then she kissed me back and then took off my clothes and then she was playing with my other head which was big and long of course. I am short but my lightning rod is long so it was smooth like when you wax the floor like damn girl you suck like a pro! She told me she watched a lot of porn and so I thought to myself... this girl is fire!
Interviewer: What happened next Mr. Jose?
Jose: I stripped her piece by piece and she was like ooh mama I want to take you now!!!
Akihiko: [laughs in the background]
Jose: Wait a second, I'll tell my friends to keep quiet...
[Conversation with friends in the background]
Jose: Keep it down Japanese... I'm in the middle of telling my epic tale!
Akihiko: I know but I can't stop laughing when I heard your conversation with the others earlier. It's hard to believe...
Jose: Wait it's hard to believe that I pound a good woman?
Akihiko: Yeah... but I think you weren't actually referring to a woman, right?
Jose: ...
Tyrell: Holy FUCK!!! Nigga! Japanese hits the SPOT!!! My MAN lost HIS virginity to a LADYBOY! [laughs hard]
Geoffrey: CALLED IT!!! [laughs hard]
Akihiko: You should go and check yourself, you might already contracted herpes or AIDS... that's worse than devils you know... [laughs hard]
Jose: ...
[gunfire in the background]
Jose: DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE!!!
Geoffrey: That's not even a real gun!!! LOFL
Akihiko: ROTFL
Tyrell: [laughs hard] [coughs] [coughs] [laughs hard]
Jose: Hello? Tell me you heard nothing! TELL ME!!!
Interviewer: [laughing dead]
[End of recording]