holland's pov;
after i fled the bathroom, i rushed through the halls looking for carter or gen, but desperately trying to avoid parker. i facetimed gen and she answered within seconds. "where are you?" i ask immediately.
"i'm with parker and carter. we were looking for you." i groan at the sound of parker's name. "where are you and why'd you leave with jack?"
"i left with jack to clean him up, he didn't deserve to get beat up and i didn't want him to think that i wanted this to happen." i explain.
"did you two talk about what happened?" carter asked from outside the camera view.
"he tried but, um, i didn't want to hear it." i tell him, looking at their surroundings trying to figure out where they were. "are you guys outside?"
gen nods as she takes a sip of her coffee, "football field, come meet us." she notices my hesitation to accept and rolls her eyes playfully, "parker's sorry for what happened, just come on." i breathe out and nod before hanging up and exiting the school.
it didn't take long before i reached the bleachers where they all sat. i walk up and take a seat next to carter. "why the fuck did you beat him that bad?" i snapped at parker almost immediately.
"pfft, he deserved it." he blows it off, sighing.
"no he fucking didn't, asshole. violence is so unnecessary and you know i hate it." i argue back and he just sits back on the bleachers not giving a care in the world.
"it was something that i needed to do, not even just for you." he replies looking at me.
"why did you need to do it?"
"because! you were gonna let him go on as if he didn't hurt you, he didn't even apologize. i'm your best friend so i feel what you feel and i hate seeing you so sad because it makes me sad." his voice started off strong but got softer as he kept
talking.
"that doesn't give you an excuse." i push, still angry.
"yeah well i don't give a shit. what happened happened and i can't change it now, nor do i want to. i don't regret it." parker says, his words thick with seriousness.
i am so angry with parker for what he did and he's not even taking my anger seriously. he just expects me to get over it. i don't even understand why he's acting like this, he's never acted this way before and it's not a good look for him. "why are you more mad at him than i am?" i blurt.
"i'm as angry at him as you should be."
"we weren't together!" i yelled, unintentionally. "how many times do i have to say it? he didn't cheat, okay, he didn't do anything wrong. i'm just jealous, if anything this whole thing is my fault for expecting more than i should've. i'm sick of saying this shit over and over again so can we please just drop all of the jack shit?"
"if he didn't do anything wrong then why aren't you talking to him? why did you leave his house? why did you cry over him?" parker questions.
"why is this such a big deal to you?"
"he could've had something great, someone great, someone like you and he just screwed it up without a second thought! how are none of you fuming with anger about it?" he snaps. again.
i pause for second trying to understand what he was saying before replying, "i'm just not as great as you're making me out to be."
parker looks at me for a second before chuckling bitterly, shaking his head, and walking away. "come on, where are you going parker?" gen calls out.
"yeah, just come sit down, man," carter adds, but parker doesn't even look back and continues walking.
i sigh, and let my head fall in my hands. carters hand rubs my back in an attempt to comfort me. "was it something i said?"
;
i'm sat down at my kitchen table doing my school work. i'm so behind in all my classes it's getting ridiculous. i've never been one to do my school work but if i'm never putting any effort in at all, what's the point of going at all? i'm old enough, if i really wanted to drop out, i would've already. the fact that i haven't yet just means that subconsciously i would actually like to graduate high school and i don't want to blow my entire life because i have no motivation right now.
chemistry is the subject i struggle with the most. i hate science so much, why is it even a requirement. i am never gonna need to know the periodic table in my almost guaranteed future of being a mcdonald's employee.
after about 20 minutes of being frustrated by the fact that i understand none of this shit, i start rummaging through the cabinets before i find what i'm looking for: vodka. a smile crawls onto my face when i pull it out of the cabinet.
i think about grabbing a glass but decide not to, it's not like i won't end up drink the whole bottle anyway.
to be honest parker was the only reason i stopped drinking so much anyway, so if he's gonna hate me i'm gonna go back to what i know, alcohol. i unscrew the cap and take a big swig, enjoying the burning sensation as it runs down my throat.
my dad was off on an overnight business trip, so i had the house to myself tonight and believe me, i was going to take advantage of it.
i travel into the living room, connect my phone to the speaker, and put on my playlist titled, 'enjoy ur fucking hangover tomorrow.'
the melody of the weeknd's thursday came through the speakers. the weeknd is truly an artist and he's my favorite singer ever.
i sing along to the soft tunes,
"girl I try, girl I try
i've been here for too long
baby, don't cry
why are you calling again?
but it's not thursday, baby, why you calling?"
the songs meaning is both heartbreaking yet beautiful. (id really recommend listening to this song and all of the weeknd's trilogy album, and all of his music but u know akakdjaos)
after 20 minutes of stupidly dancing around to the weeknd with a bottle in my hand i hear a knock at my door. i jolted at the sound and slowly made my way over to the door to open it. i was faced with jack. i immediately rolled my eyes.
"what do you want, jack?" i scoff, annoyed.
he looks between the bottle in my hand and my eyes. "you drinking again?"
"i never quit, not that it's any of your business." i reply coldly.
"does parker know?" he interrogates.
"no, he's mad at me because of you," i tell him, although i don't even know why. it's not like he deserve to know what's up in my life.
"because of me? why? he beat my ass today for you and now he's mad at you? that doesn't even make any se-"
i cut him off, "why are you here?"
"what's going on with you and carter?" he asks making me instantly scoff.
"is that really why you came here? because if so then go the hell home." i glare at him.
"are you and him together or something?" he continues, as if i didn't say anything.
"no. we're not, but even if we were, it wouldn't have anything to do with you. why do you care anyways?" he looks up at me like the answer is obvious which it's clearly not. "is that all? because i have things to do."
"can i come in?" before i could even say no he was already walking past me into my house.
"please just go, jack." i turn to face him.
"why are you so against talking about things?" he asks, moving to take a seat on the couch. i cross my arms over my chest and don't budge from where i'm standing,
"why are you so hell bent on talking about things?" i retort.
"because i want to fix this." god, how did he always have answers for everything.
"fix what exactly? what is this?"
"we can at least be friends, right?" he looks at me with hopeful eyes which i don't return. i don't answer him and he just sighs, "come sit down." he pats the seat next to him but i just shake my head and stay where i am. "you're so stubborn," he says before getting up, grabbing my wrist lightly, and pulling me to sit in the couch next to him. i scoot as far away from him as i could possibly get. "we were such great friends before we messed around. can't we just go back to that?"
i let out a bitter chuckle, "messed around, that's what your calling it?"
"is that not what it was?"
"not to me, jack." i admit quietly, almost hoping he wouldn't hear. his eyes immediately softened, letting me know that he did hear. "did you really have any feelings for me?" i ask before he could speak.
he gulps before slowly nodding his head. "i do. i just don't know what they are but i do know that i need my friend back."
"you lied to me, how am i supposed to trust you again?" i look up at him.
"just give me a chance to earn it back." he pleaded, placing his hand on my knee. i quickly push it off, hurt flashes through his eyes but he doesn't try to put it back.
"ok. we can try to be friends again." his face lit up. "but i don't want you to touch me. no more of that." he smile fades.
"what?"
"just don't touch me anymore and we can be friends, alright?" i say more clearly this time. "it's nonnegotiable."
"like not at all?" he questions.
"i don't even want you to tap me on the shoulder." i chew on my bottom lip.
"come on, hol." he chuckles nervously.
"i'm serious, jack."
"ok. ok, deal."
;
a/n: long wait sry