carter had already been over for a couple hours and we finished watching beetlejuice which we quoted the entire time. i think i've stuffed enough taco bell down my throat to fast for a couple weeks after today.
being with carter again has really reminded me about how life without him was. other than hanging out with parker and gen, it's been pretty dull. when i was still friends with carter, he made my life exciting. he drug me to parties that i never wanted to go but always had a good time at. he made me face my fear my heights and ride a roller coaster and it was the most fun i've ever had. he was there when my mom left for the first time... and the second... and all the times after that. i mean, parker and gen were there too but he was actually here, with me through it all.
i realize that maybe i overreacted, but those two words really hurt me back then. i should've given him a chance to explain himself after the whole incident, but i didn't i just completely cut him off.
"hey, holland." he nudges me causing me to look up at him and him in response. "i'm sorry," he whispers.
"oh, no it wasn't your fault." i wave him off smiling softly.
"not only for the jack thing." he looks at me.
my mouth forms an 'o' and i nod my head in realization. "don't worry about it, carter, seriously. i'm just glad to have you back."
"no, i need to apologize. i should've never said that to you when you were being so vulnerable and admitting your feelings when i was being too pussy to do the same." he admits, causing me to chuckle lightly.
"we wouldn't have worked together anyway, so in way you did us both a favor," i tell him, leaning my head on his shoulder.
"you don't think we would've?" he asks.
i look up at him, our faces just inches apart. "now that i've met jack, i don't think i could ever fall in love with you." the words fell out of my mouth without consent and his face falls immediately as he scoots away from me. even my own jaw dropped with my harsh words. "carter, i didn't mean..."
he cut me off, "why not?"
"what?" i furrow my brows.
"why couldn't you fall in love with me?"
"what's wrong with me?"
"nothing!" i answer quickly. "nothing is wrong with you, i've just learned that you're not what i want, relationship wise"
"oh, but jack is?" he chuckles bitterly.
just the mention of his name makes my heart drop a little, pathetic i know. i look down at my fingers, "i thought he was." his expression softens. "but i really really don't want to talk about jack."
"i'm sorry, i shouldn't of brought him up. i was supposed to help you forget about him." he apologizes.
"it's okay. i just want you to know that i forgive you for everything and i want us to be friends again. today has reminded me of how much i truly misses you." i admit, smiling softly, which he returns.
"i've missed you, too, holland." he sighs, bringing me into a tight hug, that i practically melt into, stuffing my face into his chest.
our moment was interrupted by my front door swinging open and parker stomping into my living room, gen not far behind. when they see parker they eyes widen slightly, but it doesn't distract parker too much from his oncoming lecture because the first words out of his mouth were: "where the fuck were today? what happened? and why the hell is carter here?"
"what's up bro." carter greets him.
"so you guys are good now?" gen asks skeptically. we both nod and i smile up at carter.
"whatever about that. what happened with jack?" parker says, averting us to a new topic.
"nothing happened," i lie.
"oh really? then why are you here?" he raises his brow.
"because i live here." i answer obviously.
"yesterday you lived with jack, holly." he points out, starting to get annoyed.
"i wanted to come home." i leaned back on couch and huff.
"bullshit," he spits. parker just knows me too well, and he's never scared to call me out. that's one of things that i hate but still love about him. "something happened, so what was it?"
"come on, parker. she doesn't wanna talk about it." carter steps in.
parker completely disregards his comment and continues to look at me. "no more secrets, right?" repeating our agreement from the day before. i nod at him and sigh.
"jack and i aren't exactly on talking terms anymore." i start out, parker and gens piercing eye contact urging me to continue. "he's back with katie, i guess. i caught them, um, sleeping together. that's why he's been skipping i guess" i explain in as little detail as possible.
"fucking asshole, i knew he would do this shit." gen curses causing me to roll my eyes immediately. "what?" she asks when she sees me.
"i don't need to hear the 'i told you so' speech, gen." i tell her.
"i wasn't gonna say that." she defends.
"look, i really don't wanna talk about this. there's really not even anything to say. i thought he liked me, i was wrong. i thought we could pursue a relationship, i was wrong. it's kind my fault anyways because i had higher standards for him and his feelings for me than i should've. i expected more than he was willing to give and then i got upset when i was wrong." i rant.
"it's not your fault, he shouldn't have led you on," parker insists.
"don't say he led me on like i'm his victim or something. i just misread his intentions." i snap, unintentionally.
"why are you defending him?" parker asks, very annoyed.
"i'm not!" i groan, "but it's not like we were even together so technically he didn't even do anything wrong, i'm just upset." parker rolls his eyes and chuckles angrily.
"you are literally blind! he played with your feelings that's why you're upset! he did do something wrong and you shouldn't just be letting him get away with it by putting it all on yourself. it's bullshit." parker spits, surprising me but also not because that's just how parker is. he says what's on his mind and most of the time i appreciate it but right now, it's just making me feel worse.
"look he doesn't care alright! he doesn't have to 'get away' with it because he doesn't give a shit! he's back with katie so let him be. let me blame myself this once because it'll be easier for me. this is my problem parker, not yours! so let me deal with it on my own."
parker looks at me sternly before speaking, "i'm gonna beat his ass for this, i don't care what you say."
"parker no." gen and i say at the same time.
"i'm gonna to do it because he deserves it and you're sure as hell not doing anything about it."
i huff and put my head in my hands, knowing there's nothing i can do to stop him if he has his mind set on something. all i can do is hope he changes his mind before tomorrow. i just look up and nod my head at him. "i love you, holland. i hate to see you hurt." he tells me before walking out with gen.
there's a moment of silence for carter breaks it, "do you think he's really gonna fight him?"
"knowing parker, yeah. you know how protective he is." i answer truthfully.
"yeah, but do you think he can actually kick jacks ass? like i don't want him getting hurt."
"oh parker can beat his ass for sure."
a/n: shitty chapter enjoy