We arrived at the flat and I nearly cried when I saw how different it was compared to how I'd imagined. It was small and dark opposed to our big and bright house. The thought that my father spent his nights alone here saddened me greatly. After I'd finished unpacking I felt a need to escape. I went to the garden at the back and sat on a bench. There were kids my age opposite me. I wanted to go over and say hello but I was too shy. There were two boys and a girl. At first I thought they might have been deviant kids who did drugs and got drunk but as I saw them sitting there talking I felt guilty for judging them. They looked like friends just having a laugh like I used to with my mine. My friends, my little group. We hadn't had fun like that since our ice skating trip. We all had become slightly distant. At first I blamed the exams but now I thought about everything that had happened yesterday and today. It will never be the same again. I rubbed my forehead holding back tears, I had to stop crying. What was crying going to achieve?
'Hello, are you new here?' The girl was suddenly sitting beside me. I nodded.
'Good. We live here too.' She said pointing at the boys opposite us. 'My name's Rose.'
'Mary.' I replied shakily.
'Hello Mary. Come sit with us.' She said getting up. I followed her to the boys. 'Isaac, Sam, this is Mary. Mary, this is Isaac and this is Sam.'
'Hello Mary.' Said Sam with a half-smile on his face. 'Take a seat.'
I sat with them for the next hour or so and we became good friends. In the time I sat with them, I got to know them quite well. Rose and Isaac were a couple. Isaac was a big fan of cricket and Sam was an animal lover. All three of them were very good looking. Rose was beautiful, she reminded me a bit of Lilly. Isaac had a cute baby face but Sam... there was something about Sam. The instance he did his half smile I knew he wasn't an angel, but something attracted me. His dark ruffled hair, his grey shining eyes. He definitely knew he was attractive.
I went home to a dull atmosphere. Mother was moving things around the place whilst Wayne was engrossed in his Gameboy. I went to the room that Wayne and I had to share and sat down on my new bed. I wasn't as sad and lonely as I thought I would be. It actually turned out to be a pretty good day. I wasn't used to compliments from guys, never mind good looking guys. Sam said my eyes were nice. I was really flattered and I've been feeling light ever since. Not even the dull atmosphere could destroy this feeling, I had nice eyes! Well, Sam said so anyway. Maybe a change was exactly what I needed, an escape from my life. An image of Michael came into my mind and I immediately got rid of it. I couldn't think of him, I didn't want to think of him. It hurt too much.
I picked up my phone and saw a text from Lilly. I didn't want to speak to her either, it reminded me of Michael. I didn't want to speak to any of them. I decided then that I wouldn't let this life and the life I led with them mix. I was happy that I had new friends but I didn't feel satisfied. I went through all the good things that could come out of my current situation. I could be Sam's girlfriend, but that felt wrong. He probably didn't even like me, he was just being polite. Compliment the new girl, make her feel welcome. Maybe if I stayed away from home long enough, when I went back everyone will throw me a party and tell me how much they missed me. Maybe Michael would confess he had feelings for me. A sharp pain shot through my heart, I couldn't think about him. All my good thoughts seemed tainted. I've become such a pessimist, I thought to myself.
The next day, as I awoke I picked up my phone. I had messages from Lilly, James, Michael and Susan. Susan had texted me, that was thoughtful. But she was in my other life so I ignored it. They were probably wishing me luck and asking me how this place is. Instead I opened a message I received from Rose.
I'm going to the library later today. Do u wanna come? x
She remembered I like books! I agreed without consulting my mother. I got out of bed and cleaned the house, it was messy from yesterday. I then made breakfast and took it to my mother's bed. She was awake but lying still staring out of the window. I put it on top of her drawer.
'Mummy can I go to the library with my friend today?' I asked. She nodded and I watched her for a while. This wasn't the mother I knew. My mother was happy all the time. She used to smile and say it doesn't matter when things went wrong. I needed to block these thoughts out. I went back to my room and leaned over Wayne. His eyes were flickering; he must have been having a dream. I wondered what effect this was having on him. He was only 11 years old. Usually Wayne was lost in his own world, unaware of what was happening around him. But this was different. Did he know mother and father had separated? If he did, did he want to talk about it? I sat next to his bed on the floor. This was my little brother. I was his big sister. I should be there for him. Instead I was wallowing in my own sadness. Michael was right, I am selfish. I picked my back up and dragged myself to the door.
Rose was waiting for me outside.
'No Sam or Isaac today?' I asked.
'No, they've got a football match.' Football. I remembered a football game from long ago. The shock on Michael's face when I tackled him and scored. He pretended to be disappointed but there was a glint in his eye. Later he admitted he was impressed. My throat felt tight. I needed to change the subject.
'So, now that Isaac's not here, how is it between you two?' I asked.
'Oh its wonderful. He's my best friend and we have so much fun.' Michael was my best friend. We a lot of fun.
'Can I see the books you're returning?' I asked hurriedly.
'Is everything okay?' She asked. I couldn't keep it in any more. If I did I was going to explode.
'I'm a jealous bitter person. Recently, every time I've heard someone talk about their partner it breaks my heart. You see, I have this best friend who I kinda fell for but he likes a girl I hate. She's a total cow. Its not only that, its the fact that no one has ever liked me before. I mean, am I that ugly? Or is my personality really that bad? I always thought I was quite a nice person but recently I learnt how horrible I am. I'm just a horrible horrible person. Maybe a year ago, I'd cry over telling you I'm like this, but now I'm not. Instead I feel sorry for myself because I'm horrible. Isn't that just horrible of me?'
'Calm down. You're not a horrible person. I don't know you too well but I'm a good judge of character. I know you're not horrible.'
'The sultan said he was a good judge of character but he didn't know his royal vizier was a villain, nor did he know that Prince Ali was really a street rat.'
'Are you talking about Aladdin?' She began laughing and I unwillingly smiled.
'Sorry, I've watched the film too many times. We,' I paused, 'James, Lilly, Michael, Jack and I usually quote lines from the film to each other. It’s a sort of code.'
'You see, I'm sure horrible people don't watch Disney films.' I disagreed with her but decided to keep silent. I could tell this conversation was making her feel slightly uncomfortable. I apologized again. 'Please stop apologizing. I think one sorry is always enough. If it isn't enough then no amount of sorries are enough. In your case, I don't think you even need to be sorry. You seem like you have a lot you want to get off your chest. Well Mary, I like listening to people's problems so I'm here for you.' I smiled at her feeling incredibly grateful I had someone to talk to.
We went to the library, Rose and I talking about anything but Michael. But everything kept reminding me of him. When we entered the library there were a few Harry Potter books on the shelves. It reminded me of the Harry Potter series of books and films in Michael's room. My mind drifted away to the time he made me watch all the films in a day.
'Oh you have to read this book! It's so sweet!' Rose jumped in front of me holding up a chick lit book. I loved reading love stories but at that moment I felt like taking the book out of Rose's hands and tearing it apart. Why shouldn't I? I was about to grab it but Rose put it away and asked if I'd like to read anything.
'I want to go home. I want to sleep.' She nodded and I felt really bad. Here was someone so nice willing to be there for me in a hard time and I'm pushing her away. She probably had a day planned for us to bond and for her to show me around the area. Rose put on a bright smile and linked her arm in mine.
'Let’s go then.' I didn't know what to do or feel at that moment. Surely this girl was too good to be true.