A/N: Jeez y'all are probably plotting my death.
I admit, I am sadistic when it comes to these characters. Lonnie and Preston are perpetually suffering oops.
This chapter is slightly better written than the last one, as I'm not as sick.
It's gonna get less mean in the next few chapters.
Emily and Avery were very upset with me after the last update, sorry guys; it's gotten worse.
Love you
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[LONNIE'S POV]
"What the fuck did you do to him?" Jesse screamed in rage and fear, barely being held back by my cousin who was also glaring daggers at me.
"He's fragile right now! He may not show it but he's in so much pain! What the fuck is wrong with you?! How could you be so heartless Lonnie?!" Mason growled at me and I flinched.
I shuddered, the tears streamed down my face and I fought to speak.
"I-I didn't mean to hurt him I p-promise!" I sobbed, rubbing at my eyes with my fist, "I-it wa-wasn't meant to ha-happen."
"What wasn't meant to happen?" Jesse stilled his attempts to break away from Mason and just stared at me in cold fear as he glowered.
"J-jason was th-there and we were t-talking and then h-he pushed me up against the wall and I wa-was just in sh-shock!" I wailed, the tears coming harder now, "Then Preston came in and and and he s-saw!" I broke down, crying hysterically.
"I knew it. I fucking knew you would hurt him. Now he's gone." Jesse choked up and stormed into his room, leaving me with a disappointed looking Mason.
"Look, Lo, I'm really upset with you right now. Jesse is torn apart and I haven't seen him this distressed since his parents kicked him out. Preston is important to him, and now he's gone. In Jesse's mind, you caused his little brother to run away. If you have any good sense, you'll stay away from Preston. You had your chance. No offence baby cousin; but he's better off with someone like that Ashton kid."
And with that, Mason left me alone.
One mistake. One mistake and now I had lost the sweetest most loving boy ever. One mistake and my own cousin didn't trust me. One mistake and my friend Jesse hated me. One mistake that proved my father right.
"You're unlovable. Anyone to love an abomination like you is just going to leave." he sneered, spitting at me.
"That's not true," I told him confidently, "one day someone will love me. I know it."
I was stupid. Stupid then and stupid now.
"Uh...I'm just gonna go..." Jason said awkwardly, standing in the doorway of my room.
I whirled to face him, gritting my teeth.
"You fucking shit. You fucking son of a shit. I told you I had someone I was with. I fucking told you no. What did you do? You pushed me up against the fucking wall and kissed me. I. Do. Not. Like. You."
Jason snorted cockily, crossing his arms.
"I'm hot. I know I'm hot. You're a cute piece of twink ass."
I smiled pleasantly, but my voice came out like venom, "Are you gay, Jase?"
He rolled his eyes and smirked, "No shit."
"So you don't like pussy?"
"God no." his face twisted in disgust.
"Or tits?"
"They're gross as shit."
"Good," I purred, stalking up to him, running my hand down his chest.
He gave me that cocky shit-eating grin of his, thinking he'd gotten me. Oh well he was about to get a shock.
"Because," I smiled sweetly at him, gripping the bottom of my shirt and binder in my hand, "I've got the body of a girl, jackass!"
I yanked my shirt up, exposing my chest to him. He looked stricken, and absolutely appalled.
"You're sick," he spat at me, shoving past to get out.
I smiled grimly, tugging my shirt down, "Nothing I haven't heard before."
He slammed the door hard enough to cause picture frames to rattle, and Jesse emerged from his room.
"Hold on," he managed, his eyes red rimmed and bloodshot, "you were born a girl?"
"Yes," I uttered, exasperated, "are you going to call me sick as well? Because I've had quite enough of that today."
"No," he mumbled, wiping at his eye with his sleeve, "I'm just shocked is all. Did Mason know?"
"Yeah, it's the reason I live with him in the first place," I explained, looking at the ground by my feet.
"I'll kill him later," he murmured,"but right now we need to find my brother. After we've found him, you stay away from him."
I nodded, although my heart was sinking. A quote swam in the forefront of my mind as we all piled in the car, desperation thickening the air.
"Because pieces of your heart clearly weigh more when they're sitting shattered at the bottom of your stomach."
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[PRESTON'S POV]
I was in agony. It hurt worse than when my parents kicked me out, because this time, I actually trusted Lonnie. I gave him my heart and begged him not to break it. He seemed so sincere, so loving when we were together. It's funny how people can lie and deceive.
I popped my headphones in, shoving my hands into my sweatshirt pockets.
Three Days Grace came on and I lost myself in the lyrics.
"Pain, without love
Pain, I can't get enough
Pain, I like it rough
'Cause I'd rather feel pain than nothing at all..."
I wandered around, the air still cold from the winter. The sky was dreary, and it was getting dark. I wasn't sure where I was going, but I most certainly could not go back. I couldn't face the person that shattered me so completely.
I wondered if I should just give up. Just...end everything. My own parents disown me. My own parents hate me. And granted, Lonnie and I weren't technically together but...I thought we had a commitment. I thought he cared about me.
No one cared about me. No one cared enough to really know what was going on in my head. Sure Jesse made a half hearted attempt to ask if I was okay, but he really didn't care to know. They've all been around me for days and no one knew I cried myself to sleep every night. No one knew I woke up screaming at midnight.
Lonnie wormed his way into my heart. He played me, making me feel secure, making me feel loved. I even started to fall for him.
I suddenly realized where I was walking.
I was two doors away from my old house in my old neighborhood. My breath caught in my throat and I could feel the tears coming again.
"Prestical testicle?"
I whirled around and rolled my eyes, chuckling wetly.
"Hi Ashton."
He looked concerned as he strode towards me on the sidewalk, "What's going on?"
"Nothing," I sniffed, rubbing my eyes with my sleeve, "I'm fine."
He snorted.
"The spoons I pee out wouldn't believe that. Come on, I'm not letting you walk around at night. You're staying at my house."
I followed him silently to his house, shocked that he only lived a few streets away from where I used to live.
"Ma!" Ashton called into the house as we stepped in, "My friend Preston is staying over!"
"Okay! There's food in the cabinet for y'all!"
"Thanks momma!"
And with that he dashed up the stairs and I followed him. I wandered after him into a room that I assumed was his. The walls were covered in strange drawings, and his bed had a giant stuffed alligator on it. Up against the wall in the corner was a pair of roller blades that looked well loved.
"So," Ashton plopped down on the bed, motioning for me to sit with him, "what did Mr.Sexieness do?"
"I'm assuming you're asking about Lonnie."
"Well duh," he rolled his eyes at me.
I quickly explained what had happened with Lonnie and had to stop several times to breathe because I was so close to a panic attack. I told him about the conversation I had with Jesse just before, and then the moment I walked in on Lonnie with some random guy.
"And he was just...so manly and ruggedly handsome and everything I'm not," I glanced down at my hands which were twisting in my lap, "I should never have expected anything from Lonnie if that's who he likes."
After a nearly two minute silence I looked up at Ashton, who I expected to look disgusted with me. Instead, I saw sadness in his eyes.
Unexpectedly, I felt his arms go around me in a comforting hug. I froze for a moment before giving in and throwing my arms around his neck as I cried for the thousandth time tonight.
We sat there for quite a while as I tried to calm down and he rubbed my back while I cried.
I pulled back, hiccuping as my chest heaved.
"You can stay here as long as you need," he said softly, "my mom won't mind. I just want you to be happy."
I laughed wetly, tucking my bangs behind my ear.
"I don't think I've ever seen you even slightly serious Ash."
He snorted, waving me off.
"Oh please. I'm as serious as Barney."
"My point."
We both laughed, happy for the comedic relief.
"Come on, you can borrow some of my pajamas to wear," he got up, pulling some clothes out of a drawer in his dresser, "my bathroom up here is being renovated so you can just change in here."
"Uhm," I bit on my lip.
"What's wrong?" he questioned.
"I don't exactly...have a flat chest..." I stated slowly.
Ashton took a moment before realization dawned on his face.
"Yay!" he squealed, jumping up and down, "I have an ftm friend like me!"
I rolled my eyes and he left me alone to change. When he came back we both curled up in his bed top to tail and he went out like a light.
For me, it was a different story.
I found a pair of sharp scissors in his room and hid them in the waistband of the pants. I snuck downstairs and found the bathroom, locking myself in it.
With each new line I made on the skin of my arm, I thought of every person who ever hurt me. I remembered every moment of pain and let them out through vicious slashes along my bicep and forearm. I began going deeper, watching my skin separate and show the white underneath. It wasn't deep enough to need stitches but it was enough to leave a brutal scar.
I breathed raggedly and the tears poured hotly down my face while the crimson blood dripped down my pale skin. It dotted the porcelain counter and I sank to the floor, cradling my arm.
Three months ago I would never have seen myself in this position. Some people may blame this on me being transgender. But in reality, it was the unfairness of life. It was the price we pay to be ourselves. The price of not being plastic.
I cleaned myself up and tugged my sweatshirt back over my head, stumbling back up the stairs and into the bed.
Truly, I only trusted one person in that moment. I sank deeply into the mattress and sighed.
Thank hell for Ashton Flynn.