"Gemma?"
"Yeah."
Louis looked around the room and chills ran up his spine, not understand Harry's capability of sleeping in the same room of his dead sister. The younger boy stood in the middle of the room and took in his surroundings, noticing the room belonged to in fact a girl, but younger than Louis has expected.
There was brush paintings on the wall, a small jewelry set on the white princess dresser along with kid make up, some dolls on the shelves, a bike in the corner of the room, and everything else that had no hint of Harry in it.
"T-This is your room?"
"yep."
"and your stuff?"
"in the guest room. I wouldn't dare clean out anything of Gemma's stuff. I don't want her to feel she's been forgotten."
Louis looked around the room and although he thought the gesture was thoughtful, Harry's way of thinking did not seem healthy.
Harry sat on the small twin bed with a strawberry shortcake comforter and signaled Louis to sit next to him, which he wanted to refuse but didn't want to risk the chances of finding out what really happened in this household, what made Harry who he was and affected the way he acted.
"I'm going to tell you now and I don't want you to interrupt me until I finish. if you do it before, you can forget about it and leave the room that instant. Do I make myself clear?"
"Y-Yeah sure."
Louis took a deep breath in unison with Harry, and placed a comforting hand on his thigh, which Harry noticed but did not comment on it.
"My First Sibling, I um. I ate him."
At that moment, Louis felt like asking a million questions and accusing him of how inhumane he was but stayed quiet, realizing what position he was in. He felt his tongue slide in between his teeth and get crushed by how badly he wanted to Say something but couldn't, eyes just widening at the confession and making him feel sick to his stomach.
"Well sorta. My mom and father 17 years ago decided they wanted to have children and well, me and my brother were created, one of us on accident. I don't know much about him because he was never born because I didn't allow for it to happen. I actually didn't know till i was around five that I had killed my brother. We were twins you can say but....like...I didn't give him a chance to live. Supposedly mum said I had decided to be greedy and take all his nutrients away and he died in my mothers womb before he was even born. My mom and dad were very excited for us two but....I killed him. Although mums never told me, I know that's the reason why my father Daniel left. Even if he's around now, I know he wishes there was two of us. But....you know...I was selfish. I was a killer before I was even born...what an amazing trait is that."
Harry scoffed and Louis seemed to untense, realizing what Harry had just confessed.
The death of his first sibling was a reproductive accident. There was cases like these all the time where one twin mistakenly took energy from the other and didn't survive. It was more of the mothers fault actually, but Louis wouldn't dare to comment on that now.
He needed to be quiet.
and so far, it wasn't Harry's fault.
"My mom and father separated when I was 2. Like I said, I knew it was my fault, the two always fighting because my mom wanted another child and Daniel didn't want to try again. I should have known he wouldn't though. He was probably scared another one like me would be born."
Louis watched as Harry's face turned into a frown and tried to keep his posture unmoved, although he wasn't doing a very good job at it.
"My second sibling.....I just. I let her or him get taken away and I know for sure he or she dead because of my stupid mistakes."
Louis face scrunched up in confusion with Harry's uncertainty. How could you assume someone was dead without knowing for sure?
"Not long after my mom separated, she found my step father who's name will not be spoken of in this house because fucking asshole."
Louis watched as Harry gripped the bed sheets harshly his knuckles were beginning to change colors.
"When I was 3, my mom once again, fell in love you could say, and tried with my step father to have a child. She ended up pregnant and she seemed the happiest woman alive. My stepfather didn't like me so much so I did everything possible to upset him, well.......not listen to him because that's the only thing a three year old could do. I was a rebel."
Louis felt his heart flutter as Harry chuckled slightly, probably remembering his past. That feeling quickly faded as Harry's face scrunched up in what seemed pain.
"There was this one time......I was coloring in the living room."
[***Flashback***
"mummy will have preddy pinky bress. me will have preddy blu bants"
Little Harry was sprawled out in the living room with his big red box of crayons, coloring in his spiderman notebook while his colorful markers were scattered all over the floor.
The little boy giggled as he managed to draw himself a triangle shaped head and mummy a heart one and felt accomplished. Although he was three, Harry always had a pacifier In his mouth and even if it upset Anne he didn't want to stop sucking on it, his mother let him and Harry felt the happiest boy in the world.
"One preddy fuawer...Two preddy fuawers..Thee preddy fua..."
"Harry! Look at this big mess you've made! Why are you always a bad little boy!"
Harry flinched as his step father came in the living room and shook his head, scratching his ugly brown hair as harry called it and glared at him.
"Young man, pick up this mess right now!"
Harry sat up from the living room floor and shook his head, still not done coloring in his picture of him and his mommy.
"What did you say? Did you just say no?"
The little boy sat still and didnt respond to his step father who was looking at him with so much hatred in his eyes.
"I am going to go make some damn tea and if by the time I come back, you haven't cleaned up this mess, I am going to lock you up in the closet and slap you like I do when you are acting naughty. do you understand?"
Harry's stepfather snapped at him and left the living room, leaving a tiny rebellious kid upset with his arms crossed.
"JayJay is stuped. Me no clean this mess. me show stepdaddy hawwy no listen to mean stepdaddys."
Harry scoffed and layed back down on the living room floor, continuing to color,shading in the three flowers he had just finished drawing on the sheet.
The little boy laughed at how funny his flowers looked, one taller than the other, but then it reminded him of how his mummy was taller than him too so maybe the flowers could represent him in his mommy.
Harry then begun drawing a pig on the sheet and drew a big letter "J" to signify his step father, who he hated and reminded him of a pig because pigs were stinking. Harry then proceeded to drawing a big "A" and "H" next to his and his mommy's characters but was interrupted with the sound of his moms voice.
"Harry, have you seen th-ahhh!"
Harry jumped up from where he was sat and began to cry as he saw his mommy screaming in pain on the floor.
*********]
"My mom fell right on her stomach because of my crayons I had refuse to pick up."
Louis watched as the look on his step brothers face was full of regret and guilt, not realizing what such a little harmless action he could have done could have possibly changed things.
"My mom was taken to the hospital and I didn't see her for one whole week. My stepfather hired a nanny to take care of me in the mean time and she ended up staying with us throughout my mom's whole pregnancy because supposedly, I caused too much trouble and it would be safer this way."
[******Flashback***
"Harry this is your new nanny."
Harry watched as a pretty girl came Into the house, bent down, and ruffled his curls. She had such pretty eyes and smile and the boy was immediately charmed.
"Hi little dude, I'm going to take care of you from now on until your mom gives birth and hopefully, i can take care of your baby sibling too."
Harry smiled behind his pacifer and gave her a big hug, which she accepted and kissed him back.
For two months, Harry became best friends with the nanny and she seemed to be the only friend he had in the house.
One day while Harry's nanny was making pancakes for her and his mummy, Harry became curious why she was so nice to him if he was just a kid and his step father said kids like him were stupid.
"Nannie?"
"Yes bear?"
"you say you wike kids wight?"
"Yes bear I do."
"Then why dont you just habe sum of you own?"
Harry stuffed his face with a chocolate chip pancake and waited for an answer, while his mother beside him dropped her fork and began to choke on her glass of milk.
"Harry, don't ask that!"
Harry frowned as his mother snapped at him and his nanny became still.
"No its fine Anne, I don't mind."
Anne glared at Harry from the other side of the table and the poor boy had no clue of what he had done wrong.
Harry's nanny placed another pancake on the smaller boys plate and sighed, ruffling the boys hair before beginning to speak.
"Um...well I cant have kids bear. my tummy doesnt work as good as your mommys. but its okay, I have you to take care of now and another one of you and your way."
Harry's nanny smiled and at the time, Harry didn't know why his nannys tummy didn't work, but from there on, Harry made sure to give extra of his dessert gummies to his nanny so she would have a stronger stomach.
*******]
"Now that i think about it, she was a really hot nanny. young too."
Louis watched as Harry face curled up into a small smile, and couldn't help but feel a little bit of jealousy of this nanny.
Harry's smile didn't last for long, another frown coming on to his face.
"I made her go away too."
[*******
"Do you weally have to go away nanny? ima miss you."
"I'll miss you two bear, but im taking my week vacation. I need to rest up because next week, your mother is due and its going to be pretty loud for a while. enjoy your only child life as much as you can."
Harry's nanny left with a goodbye kiss to the cheek and a small wave to his parents, and felt horrible all over again.
There was going to be nobody for a week to play with him.
The first two days, the little boy spent it locked up in his room depressed he had no one to talk to and only a step dad who treated him the worse ways.
His mom didn't speak too him as much because she was usually busy sleeping or out on walks she didnt want to bring Harry a long with because supposedly, he caused her too much stress and the baby had already been affected by Harry's crayon incident and didn't need no more harry in its life.
The third day without his nanny, Harry was freaked out because his father was currently putting his mother in his car because she was going into labor sooner than expected and didn't know what to do.
"W-What about my Harry?"
"Dont worry about him, hell be fine."
Harry's step father shut the door to the car and walked up the steps back to the front door entrance where Harry was standing in with tears down his cheeks.
"Im going to take your mom to the hospital and you are going to stay here. Lock the door and dont open it to anyone, you understand?"
Although not really understanding, the poor little 3 year old just knowing he was going to be left alone and his mommy was in pain, he nodded and watched as his step fathers car left and was gone for a very long time.
Three days.
They didn't come back for three days.
With his nanny still on her vacation, Harry was alone in the household for three days because the labor process had took a turn and needed more care than originally thought.
Harry's step father only went one time a day to feed the boy some food so he wouldn't starve and those times, Harry wished he rather wouldn't come at all, always feeling the worse when his step father accused him of this being his fault.
"if it wasn't for you, you little brat, the baby would be fine!"
"Do you feel good about yourself? because of you, it wont grow up normally!"
"This is all your fault. if you would have just picked up your stupid crayons!"
Harry felt like he was living in a land where there was cookies but no milk.
When finally Anne was given a go, Harry felt ecstatic seeing his step fathers car pull up with someone finally in the passengers seat.
his mom.
"Mummy!!!!"
Harry screamed and ran up to his mommy who was now getting out the car with a pained look on her face but still smiling.
"Hi baby boy, I've missed you."
Harry didn't even pay attention as his step father passed beside him and placed a stroller on the house porch with the new baby in it, too glad his mommy was finally back.
Harry hugged his mom hard in trying to send the message across that he missed her so her much when suddenly, she yelped, and there was two strong hands pulling him back and taking him away from her.
"Harry, your mother is still sore! dont touch her like that!"
Harry felt horrible seeing his mom frown and backed away, watching as his step father helped his mommy get out the car.
"Im going to help your mom go upstairs to her room so she can rest. Take care of the baby."
The baby.
Harry stayed quiet as he watched his step father slowly walk his mom up the steps on the front porch and take his mom inside, all while he peeked inside the stroller where a small baby in a yellow beanie, mittens, and onesie laid sound asleep.
"Hi baby. im your big bwother. whats your name?"
The baby didn't respond, and instead, there was a small chuckle behind him. He turned and watched a person in a black suit came behind and pat his head, bringing the covered glove on his hand up to his mouth and whispering
"Shhh."
Harry stayed quiet as the person leaned down and took the baby in his arms and whispered again to be quiet, stepping off the porch and beginning to walk off.
"hello! person. that baby is my mummys?"
The person didn't turn back around and disappeared on the corner, leaving a startled little boy on the steps of his home with an empty stroller.
"ok. I think mummy wont mind if the baby goes for a walk. bwing him back though!"
Harry waved and sat down on the porch, playing with his little feet for a while waiting for the person to come back.
"Cmon Harry, lets go inside now."
Harry turned as his step father exited the house and began to turn the stroller, eyes widening when he noticed something missing.
"Harry, where is the baby?"
"The ninja took it."
"What ninja?"
"The one in the bwack suit."
Harry watched as his father looked at him confused and ran back inside.
*********]
"I-I didn't know. I-I didn't know it was a kidnapper. I thought people in black suits were ninjas at the time. I was so stupid!"
Louis felt a tug at his heart as he saw Harry pull his hair in anger, eyes a little red and filled with sorrow.
Louis tried to pull in Harry for a hug which he rejected and pulled away from. Louis understood and made no more advances to comfort the boy.
"I know the baby is dead because it needed special treatment. Whoever took the baby probably wasn't aware of that though and never got the medicine it needed. Because of my stupid stubbornness, when my mom slipped on my crayons, the baby ended up with a reproductive system problem and thats why my mom had to stay in the hospital for three extra days. It was all my fault."
Harry got off the bed and went towards the window of his sister's room, a little quiet before he began to speak again.
"My mom hated me. For a whole year, she hated me, I could see it in her eyes. She didn't talk to me for a long time, always locked up in her room depressed, and when she came out, all she did was glare at me and ask me how was I not suspicious of a ninja in a black suit and I was always surrounded by cops asking me questions about who it could be and my nanny ended up quitting because I wasn't enough for her. she probably hated me too. That and it she probably couldn't take being around a house with such a depressing aura."
Harry placed his hand on the window and sighed, while Louis couldn't understand why Harry blamed himself if he was only just a child.
"Third Sibling......Gemma....I..."
Harry turned away from the window and turned to the wall where the huge butterfly was plastered on the wall so beautifully.
"I always promised her I would protect her....but... I let her die."
Louis felt his stomach swirl as he watched tears now stream down Harry's eyes. The younger boy wanted to comfort the older boy desperately but knew he had no right to do so at the moment.
"After my second sibling was gone, my mom...she was so depressed.....angry and depressed. I guess my step father was tired of her, he gave her another baby but moved out that same year. They were constantly arguing and my step father didnt like me so he moved out bc my mother refused to get rid of me but still came around on the weekends to check up on her......you can say it was complicated."
Harry looked away from the butterfly and sat back down next to Louis on the bed, taking his previous spot as before.
"Everything went pretty smoothly with her birth, I stopped coloring for my moms sake, and at the age of four, I had a baby sister. gemma."
Louis noticed Harry's face light up at the mention of her name and felt that their connection had probably been such an unbreakable bond.
"She was a reckless little one I'll say. When I was seven, guess who woke up with Zero curls in their hair one morning and a face full of red lipstick."
Louis giggled and Harry mimicked the action, just remembering having to shave all his hair off because his baby sister had cut it uneven.
"For a three year old with scissors, she had a pretty big brain. So evil but I loved her."
Harry smiled and ran his fingers through his hair, wanting to go back to those times so much.
"It was great finally being able to not fuck up once and actually be a good big brother. I always looked out for her, fed her, played with her, and even taught her things more than she learned in her first year of school."
Harry smiled proudly and Louis immediately could tell the level of love his step brother had for his sister.
"Everything was great, until my step father started acting a little strange and became more violent with us. I always hid gemma and let him hit me, feeling it was my duty to take care of the only sibling I had and it wasn't until my mother found it he was cheating a year later when Gemma was four, that they split and me and gemma stayed with my mom and my step father disappeared. it was awesome"
Louis watched as Harry's smile was now not so convincing.
"Well....for me it was. Gemma....she loved him. Always asked for him and as the years passed, became more angry with my mom that she didn't let him see us. I was okay with it....since you know, he wasn't my dad. but gemma was so stubborn, and to satisfy her, my mom always began to give her what she wanted, as long as she didn't ask to see him."
Harry took a deep breath and closed his eyes, the look on Harry's face now not so pleasing anymore.
"She was ten. Ten and going into her first year of middle school when she became involved with a new group she called friends. I hated them. I hated all of them. They were those type of girls who lived in the moment and didnt care about anything else than having fun anyway they could and that......it just....it wasnt safe."
[****Flashback****
"Gemma, what is this?"
Harry picked up a small two piece, black polka doted swimming suit that was on the bed and shook his head, not believing what he was seeing.
"Lilly met the new neighbors across the street in the little blue house and turns out they have a pool! I met them too, they're very nice and have a son and turns out they're having like a welcoming pool party gathering...so im going!"
"Uh..no you're not."
"mom said I could go."
"But I said no."
Gemma stopped fixing her ponytail and let her hair drop all it once, frowning at her fourteen year old persistent brother.
"But why?"
"I don't know them yet and its not safe."
"Its just a pool party and all my friends are go-"
"I said No."
Gemma placed her hands on both hips and dropped her head, feeling a little upset with her brother.
"Why are you always like this....you're so controlling and you dont let me go anywhere for fun. nothings going to happen to me."
"Im not controlling, im looking out for your safety."
"but my friends are goin-"
"Jenna ended up in the hospital last month because she sprained her ankle in that mountain climbing hang out I didnt let you go. You should be thanking me."
"It was a coincidence."
"I already said no and thats my final answer."
Harry turned on his heels and slammed the door closed, heading off to his room despite the sound of Gemma breaking something in her room.
Harry spent the rest of his day in his room moping at himself for being such a horrible brother but he wanted his baby sister to be safe.
Two hours passed and Harry could feel the guilt building up inside of him , he went downstairs and made some peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, gemmas favorite snacks, and took them up to her room.
Harry knocked on the door slowly and called out for Gemma but there was no reply, making Harry feel uneasy.
Harry opened the door to her room slowly and felt anger boil in his veins when the room was empty, and the bathing suit tags were on the floor.
He dropped the sandwiches on the floor and ran downstairs to the kitchen, where his mom was currently making dinner.
"Mum, wheres Gemma?"
"She went to that pool party across the street, I thought you were going too?"
Harry frowned and didn't respond, just turning around and heading towards the exit of his home.
Harry crossed the street and hoped he wouldn't loose his cool as he brought her back home.
Once arriving at the front yard of the little blue house, he read the mail box and scoffed.
"what family engraves their name on their mailbox. so stupid."
Harry continued his path to the front door and politely rung the doorbell.
12 times.
The door opened and was met with a sight of a blonde haired woman in the doorway.
"Um...are you Mrs.Horan?"
"Yes I am. Are you here for the party love, come on?"
"Uh..no actually im here for my sister. she has like black hair with a streak of red in her bangs."
"uh...ohhh!...Genna right?"
"Um no Gemma"
"Oh! Yes, yes um.... The last time I saw her she was in the pool. Everyone right now is in My sons room trying out his new wii. maybe shes in there."
"Thank you."
The woman made way for Harry to pass and took directions on how to get to the pool, which he wish he hadn't.
When he opened the back patio door, he felt his heart shatter as a figure was floating in the 7foot depth pool upside down.
******]
Louis had tears streaming down his face as Harry broke down in front of him and was clutching to his chest like the night before he was doing to his mother. He was shocked, and especially shocked Harry's sister had died in Nialls backyard.
"I-I carried her back here.....a-and I didn't tell no one. I just walked out and brought her back and mum....mum was broken. I-I was angry....she didn't listen....but it was my fault. I could have .....I could have gone and just taken care of her from afar......but I was so selfish. she just wanted to have fun."
Harry sobbed and Louis stayed quiet as he patted his back.
"When we took her to the hospital...i-it was too late."
Harry sniffed again and Louis just held on tighter.
"I-I made my mom promise she wouldn't tell though. That's why everyone in school is always asking about her. I-I made my mom convince the neighbors we sent her to another school across the country with her father while i did the same in school. I didn't want no ones fake sympathy or grief. and I'm sure she wouldn't have either."
Louis nodded his head understanding and now understood who Harry was from the inside.
He wasn't what he seemed.
"Then...there's my fourth sibling."
"what? I thought you said there was three?!"
Louis pulled back accidentally shocked and slapped his hand over his mouth when he realized what he had just done.
Harry noticed and wiped his tears away, slightly chuckling and shaking his head.
"Well you let me finish?"
Louis gulped and nodded, not wanting to get kicked out the room. Why hadn't Anne said anything?
"My fourth sibling.....oh what a stubborn little shit he is."
Harry sniffed and once again, wiped his eyes before bringing his hand up to Louis cheek and cupping it gently, quietly chuckling.
"I thought I could manipulate him into obeying me if I did what my step father did to me and now I regret slapping him that one time when he first arrived here and locking him up in the closet the times after that for disobeying me."
and now Louis understood who Harry was talking about.
He remembered getting yelled at and locked for a long time for he thought was only done because Harry hated him.
"I thought I could scare him into listening to me that once I said no to him, he would not question it any further and no incident like Gemma would happen to him too."
Louis felt his eyes water as he stared into Harry's green eyes and didn't know what to feel.
"Once he appeared in front of my room door, I thought I was doomed to the same fate. My mom was so excited for his arrival, claiming that he was what I needed, that I could fix myself by accepting my newcoming brother and although I claimed over and over I would get rid of him, I knew my mum was set on him staying here."
Harry got closer to Louis and wrapped his arm around Louis waist.
"And although I hated that another responsibility was going to be given to me, another possible death, I couldn't help but be mesmerized by those beautiful blue eyes that shine brighter than all the stars in the universe combined."
Louis felt the same butterflies as earlier erupt in his stomach and giggled, now cupping Harry's cheek as well.
"I was so jealous when you picked him over me Louis. But then I thought it was the best thing you could do because you would be doomed being with me. I can't take care of you. and that's all I want to do."
"Harry....I would have chosen you if you had told me this sooner. I...I really like you...you just scared me. I thought you hated me."
"I dont."
"and about your siblings....I know you're so set on blaming yourself, but what happened was inevitable. You didn't choose for these things to happen, fate decided it on its own. There was only so much you can do. Please believe me."
Louis grabbed a hold of Harry's face with both of his hands and pressed their foreheads together.
"Please."
Louis whispered again and harry closed his eyes and took a deep breath, response making Louis feel like he made at least one difference in the world.
"Okay."
"Okay?"
"Yes, okay. I believe you."
Louis face widened in a huge smile and without thinking much, smashed his lips to Harry's.
Harry was taken by surprise and brought Louis back down with him until they were both laying on the bed, Harry's arm sneaking behind Louis back who was now on top of him.
"Should.....have ....known.... you wouldn't listen ....from the start."
Harry murmured between kisses while Louis laughed.
"What can I say......I CAN'T BE TAMEDD!! :-)"
Louis yelled and Harry made a gagging face.
"out of all the songs Niall could have shown a poor boy recently out of the orphanage, he chooses that one."
"Heeyyy, Mickey cyrus is pretty sweet."
"Miley Cyrus."
"Oh...yeah her!"
Harry rolled his eyes and fake sighed, agreeing with the smaller boy who was pushing his buttons.
"Fine. shes okay, ill admit to that."
"That's all I need."
Harry smiled up at Louis, almost pulling Louis back down for a kiss when Anne knocked on the door and slowly opened the door to Harrys/Gemmas room.
"Are you boys done?"
Louis scrambled off of Harry and awkwardly chuckled, Harry scratching his head subtly.
"Yeah...were done."
"What do you think Louis?"
"I think Harry's a wonderful caring person and he shouldn't blame himself for things that were out of his control. dont you agree Hazza?"
Louis turned to Harry and smiled at the older boy now with tinted red cheeks trying his best to hide his emotions.
"Yeah mum."
"Oh Louis , you are splendid. How about you two boys come join me downstairs for a movie night. Ill go make the popcorn."
Anne clasped her hands and exited the room, leaving two boys standing awkwardly a couple of feet away from each other with a goofy smile on their faces.
Once the door closed, Harry approached Louis and hesitantly began pushing his younger step brother towards the door, lips meeting his and taking his breath away.
"Are you still with Niall?"
"if your girlfriend said another guys name when doing it, would you still be with her?"
"no."
Louis raised his eyebrows and Harry rolled his eyes, his step brother being the little sassy queen he always was.
"Okay then baby, I have a question then."
"What?"
Harry linked their hands together and pressed his forehead to His step brothers, smashing their lips for another small kiss before whispering into his brothers mouth.
"Blue, will you go on a date with me?"