ARIANA'S POV
w o r d s: 2576
p a g e s: 9
"hope I'm not tired of rebuilding. 'cause this might take a little more. I think I'd like to try. look at you. and feel the way I did before"
After Colby found me and Brennen, I couldn't even look at myself. I couldn't even look at Brennen or even answer him when he tries to talk or text me. I hate myself so much. The way that he looked at me I knew I broke him in billions of pieces. My baby boy. My fucking everything. My goddamn soulmate. I told Kat and Devyn right away, they hated me at first but they came around in the end. I didn't tell the guys though I didn't want them to look at me differently.
I was sitting on the floor of my living room writing a song well trying too. It's hard to concentrate when your heart is breaking. And when your mind wonders to Colby every five seconds. And your mind wonders to Brennen... It sucks. I sigh shutting my laptop and setting down my acoustic and stretched. This house is becoming toxic to me and my mental health so I decided to see a movie to decompress. I put on my sneakers and grab my keys, bag, and phone and headed to the theater. I have no idea what movies are out but that's the exciting part just finding something new. I absolutely love doing these types of things once in a while.
I got to the theater and typed what movies are playing. I picked one and got my ticket and my popcorn and Dr. Pepper. I found a seat in the theater and watched the credits. (The best part of the movies in my opinion). I went on my phone until the movie started. The worst thing after the movie is you can't discuss what happens afterwards. I get comfortable in my chair and the movie began to start. The overpriced popcorn tastes so fucking good so does the overly syrupy soda.
After the movie, I drove home to finish my song called Regrets. I finally figured out the name like at this moment. I turned up the radio and sing to mostly every song. I drank my left-over soda while driving back home. Never pass up a soda from the theater. That was from my mother. She always told me never let anything go to waste. Including partners. I get home and immediately get back to work. The more I think about yesterday the more I can't stay at my house. I can't sleep in my bed because all I can think about is Brennen's lips on mine. His chiseled body on top of mine. His lips dragging on my inner thighs. His breath on my neck. I bit my lip but immediately shook away the thought. "Fuck" I stated going on my laptop and book a ticket to Chicago. I can't stay here any longer.
I tweet saying I am going back to my hometown and I'll be off of social media for a while because of the situation. I know that they (my fans weirdly enough that I have some) will understand. I stretch from my position and began to pack. I mean I still have clothes at the house and some makeup. So, I can pack light and just pack a carry on. I debate rather to text Brennen or Cole that I'm going home. But I decided to text Kat and Devyn asking if they can drive me to the airport. They tell me that they would. I told them about what happen over skype. They mostly hated the guys and not me because they understand how much I love Cole. I mean I love Brennen too but not in that way. I love Brennen as a friend. I don't want to ruin that... we almost did. I sigh flopping on my bed looking at the signed Lorde poster on my ceiling. I hate feeling like this. I remember the words that Brennen said to me. I remember everything. It's like a movie every time I walk in this room. It always stops when Colby is about to enter my room. Sometimes I play different scenarios. What would happen if Colby hadn't shown up? Would I really let Bren go down on me? Would I stop it? Would he stop? Would something change between us? Would something change in Cole and I's relationship?
X
Today was the day that I'm going home. I sigh rubbing my eyes and reached my phone to shut off my alarm. I text my girls to wake up and meet me at my house in fifteen. I got my suitcase and my carry on and put them near my door. I put on a hoodie (which was Colby's), leggings and put my hair up lazily on my head and put on mascara. I did not want to beat my face into full glam. I waited for the girls to pick me up. I put on my shoes and jacket and just sat on the couch just fiddling my thumbs waiting for them. My phone buzzed.
Kat: Get your ass out here we are here!
Me: Coming!
I smile stuffing my phone in my jacket pocket and got my luggage and opened the door. Devyn's car was parked out front. The sun wasn't up yet. It was still dark outside and it was cold as fuck. "Sup girly!" Kat smiled. "Hi" I smiled hugging her, "thank you so much for you two for doing this" I tell them. "Always, baby" Kat smiled helping with the luggage. I smiled at her. "Hey Dev" I say. "Hey" she smiled. Devyn wasn't wearing any makeup neither was Kat. I mean that's acceptable. They will probably go back to sleep after they drop me off.
We were on the road to the airport. I told them that they are welcome to stay at my house until I get back because I trust them with my life. "You sure?" Kat asked me. "Yeah, I trust you besides if Brennen comes by you guys can tell him that I'm not here" I say. "Why the fuck would he come there?" Kat asked. "I dunno, to sort things out? He does that when I don't answer him" I shrug. "Do you have feelings for Brennen?" Devyn asked. I felt my face heat up. "You do!? Ariana!" Kat's eyes nearly pop out of her sockets. "I love Colby, I like Brennen there's a difference" I say with a sigh. "I hope you don't leave Colby for Bren... I still not forgiven him since that party" Devyn stated angrily. "I will never leave Cole, I love him too much" I say. "He's good for you" Kat tells me. "I know he is, my god I know he is" I say putting the fabric to my nose and inhaled his scent that was mixed with my perfume.
I absolutely love Colby with all my heart. I don't want to hurt him anymore. He is my first real relationship. I see myself spending every day till my dying breath with him. I see him in my future. I don't know if he sees me in his anymore. My nose was still in the hoodie and my eyes were closed. This hoodie brings me good memories. He would come over and we would go to the beach during the late nights drinking and of course having sex on the beach which was the best sex we ever had minus the sand. I think it made us closer as a couple.
We reached the airport and I always get nervous when I have to fly somewhere. But I'm getting better at it. I get out my luggage out of Dev's car and walked in the airport. I love being in the airport more than being on the actual manifest. I went up to the front desk to check my luggage. "Thank you" I smiled at the lady. "You're welcome" she smiled. I turn to see Colby behind me. I look at him, he looked tired and drained. "Hey" he says. "Hi" I whisper walking away. I was fighting my tears. "What did he say to you?" Kat asked looking at Cole. "He just said hey to me" I say looking at him. He was wearing all black and his hair was messy perfect. He was perfect in every way. "You're drooling" Dev elbows me. "Ow! Sorry if he's legit perfect in every way" I say rubbing my side. "Gag me" Dev says laughing. "Sorry if he's honestly drop dead gorgeous" I say handing security my ID. He asked me questions like what's my name, where I was heading and how long I would be staying.
I hug my besties goodbye and headed to my gate. I headed to a Starbucks to get a venti iced coffee. I took a sip of the amazingness and took a seat when I got a message from Cole. I blinked a few moments.
Cole: Hey, um... I saw you here what gate are you in?
Me: Gate F7.
Cole: I'm coming to you, we can talk about it if you want.
Me: Want me to come to you? My flight isn't boarding for a while.
Cole: Sure. Gate G4.
Me: I'll be there soon.
Cole: I'll be waiting.
I swallow my pride and made my way to his gate. My heart began to beat so fast I thought it was going to explode. I look like a mess. I mean he's seen me at my absolute worst. When I get to his gate. I search for him. He waved at me. I smiled softly. "Hi" I say. "Hey" he replied. I sat down next to him and we talked about the situation. Before I know it, he kissed me. His lips were extra soft and tastes like strawberry. I forgot how good he kisses. He pulls back slightly a smile danced on his lips. I could feel my face heat up. "You still want to marry me?" I asked still shocked. Cole smiled at me and kissed me again. "Yes, you're still my forever" he tells me as his gate was getting called. "Bye" I whisper. "Bye" he smiled kissing me again. My heart was beating so fast I thought he could hear it. I got up so did he and we embraced. "I'll text you in a few days" I say as he holds my face and rubbing his thumbs on my cheeks. "You better" he scolded. I laugh as he kisses me one last time. His lips are my drug. I smile at him as he lets me go. I turn away and walk back to my gate. My lips were still tingly. I smiled as I touched my fingertips to my lips. He makes me feel relaxed. He was my comfort blanket.
X
I finally arrived to my house. I call out to someone. Nothing. I sigh kicking my shoes off and shrugged off my jacket and tossed it on the sofa. It was freezing in the house. I mean I hope so because I haven't been here since mom's funeral. I'm pretty sure that there's no food neither. I wanted to unpack and just relax before I go grocery shopping. I place my makeup on my vanity and placed my suitcase on the edge of my bed and just flopped on my bed. It's so quiet without mom... even dad. Speaking of dad... I wanted to see him not because out of love because of mom. I knew that she wanted me to see him for some reason. I know he didn't know that mom was dead. I don't know how he's going to take it. I get up and get ready to face my father. I wish Cole was here to calm me down. I looked at my phone to see if he texted me. Nothing, not even from my girls. I nibbled my lip nervously as I look in the mirror. I was just wearing leggings, white tee with a flannel tied around my waist and my heeled booties. I let my hair down and applied more makeup and headed out to the jail.
I reach the jail and just looked at it. It looks so scary up close. I never seen my dad in jail before. I need some closure. For me and for mom. I take a deep breath and exit my car. "This is for you mommy" I whisper as I entered. I walked up to the front desk and told the officer I wanted to see my dad. "What's his name?" he asked. "Richard Cameron" I replied. He nodded and motioned me to follow him. I sit down and waited, and waited. I nibbled my lip nervously. There was a beep from the door behind the glass. I held my breath as my father stepped in wearing an orange jumpsuit. He grabbed the phone. I did the same. "I'm surprised you came, Ariana" dad says to me. "I'm shocked too under the circumstances" I say. "How's your mother?" he asked. I quickly wiped a tear. "Dad... she's gone" my voice quivered. He looked shocked which I hated. "What?" he asked. "Yes dad, you did that" I spat. He looked down and sighed. "I'm sorry... It's still fresh" I murmur. "It's okay, I deserve it" he smiled softly at me. "You're still my dad" I say. "I'm a changed man now, Ana" he tells me. "I want you to show me not tell me" I tell him. "I will baby, when I'm out of here I'll be your dad again" tears fell from his eyes. "I hope so" I cried as the officer took my dad away.
I just sat there for a few moments just staring at my hands. I felt a hand on my shoulder. I look up and it was the officer from the front desk. "Are you okay, ma'am?" he asked. "I um need a minute" I say wiping my tears. He nods and leaves the tissue box near me. "Take your time" he says. I nod as he walks away. I inhale weakly then exhale. I need Colby here with me. I need my mom here with me. I need someone here with me. I stopped crying and stood up I was still shaky. I swear I am having a small, tiny panic attack. I breath to calm myself down. "Just breath, Ana" I murmur walking out of the jail.
Once I got home, I took a bath and caught up on my YouTube subscriptions. Somehow, I ended up on Colby's and Brennen's collaborations. Which makes me hella guilty. It was the video truth or strip dirty addition. Which of course makes me blush like mad. They both are super good looking with and...without clothes. I shook away my thoughts about Brennen and focused on Colby cause he's my boyfriend. I love him with everything I have. I have to keep my distance from Brennen now because my feelings for him are shifting which sucks. I don't know why. That nigh still haunts me. His lips on mine moving in sync with mine. His sculpted chest breathing rapidly. How his hair felt between my fingers. How his raspy moans escaped his perfect lips. Fuck, I think I'm in love with Brennen fucking Taylor.