Same Night.
Jabri Hampton
"I...I killed two people...a couple months back." I croaked out with tears rolling down my face. Using my hands, I roughly wiped my face and sniffled. "Somebody put a hit on my head...that night I got shot in the club." I could still see that shit vividly. Whenever I thought about the night I popped those dudes, it was like I relived it. I never been afraid of dead bodies but watching the first dude drop did something to me. I just couldn't explain it.
"It was just...I'on know where it came from." I paced with my arms at my side. Every time I cried about this shit, I felt sick to my fucking stomach. Nobody knew it but sometimes it was hard to believe I was a good person. I had a big heart and always looked out for other people but this one fuck up outweighed allat. "I had to do that shit myself Rai'...I had to do it. If I didn't, they was gon' kill me. I'm so fucking paranoid but I try to hide that shit so you won't worry. I have nightmares and allat about niggas killing me. About that night...when I shot them." I stopped pacing to muffle my cries with the back of my arm.
Glancing over at her, she was still sitting in the same spot. Her expression was unreadable as she just stared at me. I couldn't even look her in the eyes cus' I knew that she was judging me. "I'ma just leave man..." I cleared my throat as I grabbed my shit to leave. I didn't get far though cus' Rai' was up grabbing my arm, pulling me to the couch. I kept my head down as I wiped the stray tears that continued to fall. Rai' placed herself in my lap and grabbed my face to make me look at her. My head was up but I kept tearing my eyes away from hers.
I couldn't even fucking look her in the eye, shit was crazy.
"Baby." She spoke in a soft but serious voice. "Babe, look at me." She demanded. I shook my head 'NO' and continued to look away. I felt her hands on my face, wiping away my tears. "It's okay to cry Jah, I'm right here." She said to me. I was quiet for a lil minute until I finally spoke. "I wanted to tell you...right after it happened, on my moms Bae. I came straight to you after that...remember when I was fucked up?" I reminded her about the night I stayed with her. "I was zoned out that's why I got fucked up. I can't take this shit Rai'...it's fucking with my mental." I was full out crying again, keeping my hands on my face. I felt her trying to remove my hands but I wouldn't let her. I felt so fucking weak.
"Baby, I want you to look at me." She lifted my head. I blinked a few times before finally looking her in the eyes. They were filled with so many emotions, I didn't know what to say. So, I waited for her to speak. "You are not a bad person...that was just one bad decision." She told me but something in my mind said that it was lie. She was just tryna make me feel better.
"Nah," I started. "It was the worst decision I ever made. You know why I didn't tell you?" I sniffled as I met her eyes again. She blinked and shook her head. "Cus' I thought you was gon' dip on me. I thought you was gon' judge me and assume that I lied about not being in the streets." I told her the truth. I didn't know what to expect from all this honestly.
She could feel for me now but wake up on different time tomorrow. The ball was in her court now that the secret was out. "Since we've been together you have never lied to me. That's what I love the most, your honesty. How can I shame you when my father has done the same?" Her hand caressed my face.
"You are not a monster, you are a good person. You just have to face the consequences of what you've done. I know it hurts babe, but this is your reality right now." She preached to me. I was quiet as I just listened. She was right, just like my Pops. "Are you in danger?" She asked suddenly. "No. I ain't taking no more chances Rai'...I keep the gun on me." I told her. "Am I in danger?" Hearing her ask that made my heart jump. See, now she's scared. That's not what I wanted at all.
"Baby, you don't ever gotta worry about being in danger around me. You think I'ma let somebody hurt you?" I licked over my lips as I glanced at her. "Say it out loud." I needed to hear it. "N-no...but I'm still worried. This was recent..."Her voice became low as she looked away. "See, that's what I don't want." I started to become upset now. I shoulda just kept my mouth shut.
"Well, what do you expect?" She asked, getting up from my lap. "Nothing," I replied as I got up from the couch. "No, you're not doing this. You're gonna let all that frustration out and cry if you have to Jabri. I'm not trying to argue with you, that was a valid question." She told me. "I'on want you to be scared Rai', period. I'ma protect you by all means even if I get fucked up in the process." I promised her. I was protective over everything I loved; especially the women in my life.
I would hurt any and everybody for those that meant something to me.
Sarai' Morgan
"I don't want you to have to be that way Jah. You have so much to lose...this street shit you don't need." I sighed in frustration. This was going all wrong and I knew it was because of his paranoia. He was thinking nothing but the worst. This was a lot to take in not only for him but for me too.
Over a few months, I have found out devastating things about two men in my life that I trusted. I had a right to be afraid! "I know that Rai' but what was I supposed to do?! Wait for them to kill me?! I'on even know where the fucking hit came from! Who ordered it or nothing! That coulda been my life that night Rai', real shit." He was up pacing again. His face was red from crying, his eyes low and puffy as he walked back and forth.
"But it wasn't...you're still here. And that is for a reason, Jabri." I walked back over to get him to stop pacing. All of his moving was making me nervous. I was trying not to overreact over the news for the sake of him. He needed a shoulder to cry on, not a nagging girlfriend right now. "This is a lot Jah, you have to agree with that. We-you just need a breather." His facial expression changed quickly as he stared at me. "We? What? What's that supposed to mean?" He was overthinking again. "Jabri, would you listen." I was frustrated with his thought process at the moment. "You just told me not to jump to conclusions, yet you're doing the same thing. I'm just saying that you need to relax and just listen to me." I huffed. I was back on his lap, fighting to get eye contact from him again.
He sat with his head back and his arm over his face, trying to fight more tears. "I trust that you won't let anything happen to me. But, you have to worry about yourself too. I don't want anything to happen to you either. You have Corey to look after...and Lex. You have a family." I was getting emotional now. "You can't get wrapped up in retaliation." I couldn't stop the tears that were now strolling down my face.
"I gotta protect me Rai, and you. If a nigga gotta go down behind that, that's just what it is." He shrugged. Shaking my head, I got up from his lap. "You're not listening. If something happens to you what the fuck are we supposed to do?!" I was angry now. He could be so stubborn sometimes. This is what I meant by men and pride, he's not looking at the bigger picture. If he's not here how could he protect me?
"I'm fucked up behind not being there that night. You was blowing my shit up and I wasn't available. You know how that make me feel?! What if he fucking touched you?! Did he touch you?" His anger was rising by the minute and so was mine. He was taking this in a different direction. "I told you the truth Jabri! No he did not touch me. And if he did I would tell you that! Why are you getting upset with me?!" I yelled as I walked away, heading to my room. This was going nowhere...
I expected Jabri to follow me upstairs but he didn't. I was feeling so many emotions right now, all I could do was cry. After grabbing my phone, I went into my walk-in closet to call Dub. Since she left, it's like everything has been going to shit. She flipped when I told her how Q had basically locked me inside of my own home. She wanted to fly in then but I told her that I was a big girl and that I could handle it.
"Dub?" Re' answered the phone half asleep. "Dub." I cried into the phone. "What's wrong? Do I need to buy a plane ticket?" I giggled a little at her alertness. She was awake now. "Yes. You shouldn't have left me in the first place." I wiped my tears as I made myself comfortable on the floor. "Who did it?" She asked. "Jah-well me? I don't know. He just confessed to something really...deep." I paused still trying to take it all in.
I can't believe he actually took a life...two lives.
"Deep...deep like what?" She sounded scared to ask. "He...committed murder...twice Dub. This was just a few months back but he's just telling me. He's so messed up right now that he thinks I'm gonna break up with him." I frowned. I wasn't mad with Jabri, just frustrated because he wouldn't listen to me. He was projecting how he felt, onto me. I was trying to tell him that I wasn't gonna leave him. But he already had it in his mind that I would. Then to hear him speak like his life didn't matter, irritated me even more. How could he be so nonchalant? It's like he didn't care about himself and that bothered me.
"He did what?! Wait-huh? Are you serious?" Dub was caught off guard just as I was. But, I still think I handled it pretty well, no matter how I felt internally. "I'm serious. He just showed up and went into this weird confessing mode. I thought he was going to tell me about another woman but instead he told me that he loved me. And what he'd done. Dub, he was crying! He feels terrible." I sniffled as I wiped my eyes.
"Wow...I don't even know what to say. Where is he now?" She asked. "Downstairs. He thinks I'm gonna leave him so he started to push me away. I just want him to listen, he's not even thinking about himself. He said that he doesn't care if anything happens to him as long as he protects me." I explained. "This is about the Q thing..." She inquired. "He blames himself for not being there. He also thinks I'm lying about Q not touching me. I promise he didn't do anything, he just didn't want me to leave him." I spoke truthfully. Trust, I would have shouted to the roof tops if Quenton had violated me in any way. If I hadn't stopped my father, he would have definitely killed him.
No matter how logical that outcome seemed, I couldn't witness the murder of someone I used to love. "You think he's in trouble with the police? That's why he's telling you now?" Dub wondered. "He said that he wasn't in danger...nobody knows." I guessed. I know for a fact that he kept this to himself, that's another reason why it's eating him up. I could see it in his eyes, he wasn't a killer. He was just a man that made an impulsive decision and now he regrets it. "Why now though?" I shrugged as if she could see me. "I'm not sure but I don't want to bombard him with those questions right now. He already thinks I'm against him." I frowned, listening for movement downstairs.
It was still quiet so I assumed Jabri had left. I didn't want to argue with him, that's why I came upstairs. I wanted to give him time to himself too, he definitely needed it. "Show him that your not. Does he not know Daddy?" We shared a laugh. "He thinks Daddy is Scarface so yeah?" I laughed again. "Exactly. You love Daddy to death and he's not a monster in your eyes. So, why would Jah be?" Her question was rhetorical. "That's what I'm trying to tell him...he's just emotional right now." I sighed as I got up from the floor. "Go be emotional with him because I'm going back to sleep." She yawned. "Just be there for him even when he pushes you away, that's what he needs." She advised. "Okay. Love you." She said her 'I love you' before hanging up.
I went into the bathroom and cleaned my face before making my way downstairs. Surprisingly, Jah was still sitting in the same spot, in a daze. His hands were planted at his sides, eyes straight ahead. "Babe," I called softly but he didn't move. Suddenly, he stood with a sniff of his nose. "I'ma leave." He began to grab his things again. "No. I don't want you to leave. Stay with me." I walked over to him, tugging on his hand. He didn't say anything but he didn't pull away either as I hit the lights and led him upstairs. He sat on the bed and rubbed his eyes for a minute before coming out of his shirt. He slipped his shoes off and made himself comfortable on the bed.
I followed suit and hopped in bed with him. I moved to my rightful side , getting comfortable. Jah instantly placed his head on my chest and his arm around my waist. Of course his hand didn't miss my ass, as he gripped it. Smiling to myself, I placed a hand on his head and started to rub it. We needed to talk without assumptions but it was best to let silence consume us. We were both feeling a ton of emotions right now. They would be addressed but for now he just needed to be held.
Hell, both of us did.
—
Jabri Hampton
Before Rai' could wake this morning, I was out. I didn't wanna be around nobody today, honestly. Unfortunately, I still had work to do. I just pulled 4 straight hours on the artwork in the Children's Hospital. I went to the studio early this morning too, so I was free for now. I had my phone on DND and I ain't plan on taking it off. I did need to go holla at my Pops though, so that's where I was headed.
"Pops!" I called as I entered the house. "Kitchen!" I heard him call back. "What's up son?" He greeted as I walked into the kitchen to dap him. "Nothing," I answered as I took a seat. I put my keys on the table and sighed. "Something's on ya mind, let it out." Pops came over to the table and sat. "I told Rai' what I did and she gon' leave me." I said lowly. "She told you that?" He asked plainly. "Nah, she ain't have to...I saw it." I told him. "You saw what?" He asked. "The look she gave me...I can tell." I shook my head. Rai' was too perfect man! How the fuck could she not hate me for the shit I did? I could barely look myself in the mirror.
"Jabri," He sighed. "Don't push that girl away when you need her the most. Let her make the decision." He told me. "I told you to tell her when you were ready to hear the consequences. When you thought she was ready. It's only been a few months, were you ready?" He asked. "I wasn't gon' tell her at all Pop but somebody else found out. The word could be on the street and niggas could be after me." I explained in frustration as I clenched my jaw. "That's why I told you to let Charlie handle it. You thought you were tough and wanted to do it on your own. Now look at you," He shook his head at me.
Even my Pops was looking at me crazy.
"You need to get a handle on your emotions before you drive her away. The way you feel is not the same son, you can't project your fears onto her." He said. "Pop, she don't need to be around if some shit happen." I tried to reason. "So, you're gonna leave her? If you are, that's a stupid fucking move."
He chuckled dryly. "I love her." I blurted. "Clearly. You look like a sad ass dog right now." He made me chuckle a bit. "Does she love you?" He asked. "I'on know...if she did, I just ruined that shit." I shook my head at myself. I knew this shit would backfire.
"How would you know if you didn't give her a chance to express what she was feeling?" He shot back quickly. "That's your problem, you don't listen. You're so quick to walk away instead of communicating. You're gonna fuck a good thing up if you don't talk Jabri." He stood before going back over to the stove.
"If she loves you, she'll take all of you. All that comes with you, good or bad. No man has it together, not even your stubborn ass. You gotta learn how to be vulnerable and be okay with it. You think your mother walked away when shit got hard for me? No." Pops answered his own question. "If she's sticking by you through this, let her. Love her for that because you won't get another one like it. That's all I'ma say about it." And with that he left my ass in the kitchen. I had so much to sort out in my head, I didn't know where to start. This type of feeling was something I wasn't used to and I didn't like it.
—
Narrator's POV
Just like Jabri, Sarai' was dealing with her own emotions. Not only had she not talked to Jabri all day but she hadn't seen him either. When she woke up this morning, he was gone. No note, no text message or missed phone call from him. At this point she wasn't sure what he felt anymore. She knew that she didn't like him shutting her out. She also knew that she didn't like him jumping to conclusions. It reminded her of their first argument. He believed what he wanted and ran with it.
His emotions were all over the place but so were hers. She'd been calling and texting him all day but she got no response. She was worried, angry and upset. Him going ghost on her was a NO GO and she would let him know that soon. She didn't like how he handled this situation at all. She was done letting him wallow in his emotions. It was time to face them. Time to face her.
Pulling up to his place, she grabbed her bag and got out. It was a little after 6pm so she knew that he was off. His Range parked across the street gave him up too. She wasted no time walking into his building and heading upstairs on the elevator. Once at his door, she knocked a few times and waited for an answer. Within minutes, a high Jabri swung the door open with his face screwed up.
"Rai', what you doing here?" He sounded annoyed already and she had just showed up. "So, instead of returning my calls and messages, you stay home blowing down blunts?" Her brows raised as she invited herself inside. Jabri sucked his teeth and closed the door behind her. "I ain't for that arguing shit today man, go head with that." He grumbled as Sarai' looked at him crazily. "I'm so close to smacking the shit out of you!" She yelled in frustration. She wouldn't really do it; maybe, but that's how she felt at the moment.
"Go head Rai'...I just wanna be by myself." That made her laugh. "By yourself?! No, you want to push me away because you don't want to be seen as vulnerable! I'm trying to be there for you but you're making it really hard." She began to rant as she paced across his living room floor. Jah went back to sitting in the same spot, trying his best to tune her out.
"Just drop the shit Rai, forreal. I just wanna be by myself and you wanna fucking argue." He grumbled. "You thought that it was okay to just leave without saying anything?! After you poured your heart out to me and I tried to be there for you?! How do you think I feel?!" She went on. "I am your woman! I want to be there for you at your lowest of lows! Rejecting my support is doing nothing but pushing me away. How can I be there for you if you don't allow me?" Her hands flew to her hair, raking her fingers through her curls.
"You don't get it Rai'! I'm trying to protect you! The word is fucking out and niggas could be at my neck! I don't want you in the middle of that shit!" He argued back. "What happened to protecting me?! Now you just want to throw this away?! Throw US away?!" Sarai' was so angry at this point she couldn't even cry. She couldn't believe he was trying to pull this 'you're too good for me card'. "It's not even like that!" He tried to explain. "Well explain what the fuck it's like because I can't understand!" She fumed. Jah remained quiet with a frown on his face, jaw clenching every few minutes.
Not only was he frustrated with Sarai's presence but he was frustrated with himself. It was like the talk he had with his father did nothing. It was as if everything went in one ear and out the other because here he was, still pushing her away. That was only forcing Sarai's hand of pettiness. She was tired of the back and forth at this point. Jabri's handling of this entire situation was indeed childish and she was over it.
"You know what, fuck this. You want to be alone and have your space. Fine. Fucking fine," She grabbed her purse and headed for the door. "You came over here to argue now you getting mad cus' I'on fucking want to?! WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!" Jabri stood to his feet now trying to calm himself. His high was blown and his anger was rising. Truthfully, he didn't take arguments well. He said things he didn't mean, even overreacted most times. It wasn't an excuse but it was honestly how he handled things. When he didn't know what to do, he did what he does best; shut down.
"I WANT ALL OF YOU! ALL THE UPS, THE DOWNS! I WANT YOU TO NOT WRITE ME OFF! I WANT YOU TO STOP BEING SO FUCKING STUBBORN AND LET ME BE THERE FOR YOU! HOW CAN YOU EXPECT THAT FROM ME AND NOT GIVE ME THE SAME?!" She yelled while he just sat there. "Then you just sit here not saying shit?! Okay." She snatched her keys from the table and headed toward the door as Jah's eyes followed her.
"You can have your fucking space!" She spat, followed by the slamming of the door. Standing to his feet, Jabri rubbed his head trying to figure out what he'd just done. "FUCK," He cussed as he leaned against the wall. Suddenly, he sent two punches into it, instantly creating holes. The ache in his hand was nothing compared to what he felt at the moment.
Not only was he losing himself, but he could have possibly just lost the woman he was falling deeply in love with.