Logan was tapping his finger on the table, making me slightly anxious as I flip another pancake.
"I don't believe this." he said to himself.
He filled the air with tightness, making my body stiffer as I imagine the thoughts that compiled in his mind. I have a strong feeling they aren't very positive.
"Logan, you don't really have to--"
"What, I'll go upstairs, go to my room, get settled, do my bussiness, and just when I thought I would be alone with my music you barge in and disturb me? No thanks."
His cold words made me quiet. Have I been disturbing him? I wasn't that annoying, was I? I was only asking some questions, and I actually thought of his needs too, rather than only mine.
I don't understand this.
Is everything really tick-able to Logan? How difficult.
"I should be having a peaceful weekend in my room today, but you showed up." he shook his head; his words stabbing right through my chest.
"I didn't mean to mistook the time I was required to arrive." I held my head low, ashamed.
"Well now you know Helga is always not around during Saturdays. Remember Sugarcube; Saturday is the day Helga hangs out with her friends."
I blinked, and somehow Logan's words were like aliens to me. "Friends?" I felt confused. "But I thought you and the others were her friends."
Not to be too judgemental but I've always thought Helga doesn't have any friends other than the Golden Boys. I've never seen her with anybody else in the school other than them. Other people try to socialize with her, and though she does get along with everyone, she still chose to be with the Golden Boys other than anyone.
Logan snickerd. "Helga has friends. At other schools."
"At other schools?" I looked at Logan, wanting more details.
"People at our school aren't really her thing." He shrugged, looking lazy. "She prefers something...different."
I pulled my brows together, trying to analyze his statement in my head; hoping it'd make sense to it all.
"How different?" I asked, failed to analyze this all alone.
Logan winced. "Not from me you'd know."
"Doesn't Helga like anyone in our school?" I tilt my head, trying to think. "So you guys are just...her back up friends? Is that it?"
Logan gave me a sneer look. "If you're looking down at us then you got anoth--"
"Logan, I'm not!' I panicked, showing my hand, attempting to calm him down before another burst. "I'm just trying to eleborate things."
Logan looked at me, quiet and only slightly glaring. He exhaled when he seemed to have taken it in. "We're not her back-up friends, alright? I'd kill her if she thought of us in that way."
I nodded, wanting more words from Logan for enlightenment.
"We're better than anyone in the school, sugarcube. Of course Helga would pick us over those brickheads. Helga's too cool for them obviously. No one is a match against us over her, no one." Logan said, matter-of-factly. "If I had to be honest, no one is cool at our school. Helga isn't one of them, so why would she bother hanging with them when she got us? Think."
I swallowed. And I felt glad how it made sense.
I felt happy how Logan thinks so highly of Helga. He believes his sister is too good; too cool for anyone to reach. I'm glad how this gives me a hint to how much Logan loves her; how he's proud to have her as a sister, a group member, and a friend.
But, I also felt bad for him. How could he think so lowly of his school mates? How could he say such things about them and think of them as not good enoughs? I'm sure that isn't true. And I'm sure Helga doesn't think that way...right? I can see how Helga gets along with people, and I'd hate to think that behind her smile, she was thinking rubbish of them.
I hoped that isn't the case. I hope.
"Well how about you?" I asked, wanting to know about Logan this time. "Don't you have any other friends other than Glen and the others?"
"Why would I?" he grunted. "Sugarcube, I don't need them(other friends). My mates are good enough. I don't need other lamos to stick by me." Then, he winced. "Like that will ever happen."
I felt sad at his reply. Logan is the picky one. His standards are so high that almost everyone is so imperfect. He's so confident, that he's blocking everyone that isn't in the same level as him. In his circle, people are only allowed to enter if they grasph his liking, which is a seemingly hard thing to do.
I stayed quiet, knowing Logan wouldn't like my comment about his opinions.
"And it's not like you're doing any better," Logan spoke, after a moment. "Cause I don't see you flouting around with other friends other than that blond chick."
"Marni," I pointed out, after realizing who he meant.
Logan rolled his eyes. "Yeah, her, whatever." he said. "She the one you trade us over for, right?"
"No," I, without second thoughts, objected. "I never--"
"But you already did, sugarcube." He interrupted.
"Pippa," I couldn't help but correct. I stood firm, and after a short period of time, my vision started to feel raggedy. Logan's misunderstanding was beyond my limit; I just can't leave it as that. Somehow, it was something I wouldn't take lightly.
"Sugarcube." He pushed the word, breaking through my newly built protective wall. "Were we not good enough for ya?"
I bit my lip, and swallowed my own breath as I tried to get through this overwhelming feeling. I couldn't believe Logan could think such a thing.
I never thought that. Never.
It brings me so much pain to think that an idea crossed his mind. It's disappointing how he could think such an outrageous misunderstanding.
I tried to compose my actions in my head, trying to figure out how he could come to a conclusion. I thought, and thought, and thought. But nothing.
"I never said that," I looked at him with squited eyes. "I just... wanted to be unstared at."
It was one of the most absolute reasons why I allowed myself to distance from them. The stares, the attention, everything was too much for me. It would've been nice if the attention came along with new found friendships but no; all I got were uncomfortable stares and whispers. They were like strangling me tighter and tighter. I couldn't breath, think or focus.
"Sure you do," He said indifferently.
"Logan, I do." I tried to say as powereful as I could; hoping to convince him a little. "I...can't find the right words, but one way or another, I did enjoyed everyone's company."
"Like when?" He raised a brow. "You rarely even talked."
For a moment, I frozed; cause he said did have a point. I stayed on my ground, and wondered what on heaven's should I reply. A part of me wanted to let go, but somewhere, deep, deep down; I knew I shouldn't. There was something in the pit of my stomach saying I do have a reply. I do have a say in this and I will explain myself.
I tried to gather my thoughts, looking for the right words to spill at Logan. To enlighten him, and to make him understand a little bit a part of me.
And then, it clicked.
"The way you guys were willing to laugh even though I was around." I said, realizing that little detail I kept to myself on what I was grateful for. "Even though I lack so much experience, you guys still accepted me."
My heart began beating, making me suddenly feel uneasy although eager to continue. "You guys might've been forced, or maybe just pitied me, but just by letting me sit at your table as well as for giving me simple greetings...well, words couldn't really match the level of gratefulness I felt for you guys."
It's true. And although I haven't really bonded with them, still lacked communication with them; acted so unnatural and awkward, it still isn't a doubt that feel grateful of them. I may not be close with them, but it doesn't mean I don't appreciate the acceptance they made me feel. Letting Logan think whatever her wants, just because of his own point of view, isn't something I'll allow to slip by.
"You're lucky how people try to befriend you Logan, " I admitted through observation. Factly speaking, people do try to approach Logan despite his hot-headed self. It's envious how he doesn't try and people still liked him. "I don't know if you've noticed, but people try to socialize with you, you just don't pay attention."
Logan winced, looking like he was aware to what I pointed out. "Of course they try to. I'm Logan."
"But why don't you appreciate it?" I asked.
"Because..." he trailed off, looking like he's slightly thinking about it. "they aren't really worth it."
I pulled my head back, couldn't surpass how that didn't made sense. To have people place their efforts on you, how could those people not be worth it?
"You should be thankful, Logan. " I said. "You're lucky. I mean, I'll do anything to make new friends. As easy as that."
My focus might have always darted on Marni, but despite my slightly introvert self, I still crave other friendships of course. If only I know how to communicate with them. To start conversations and forget this overly self-consious self.
"So...if it'd make any sense to you; I never thought of trading you guys on anyone, I mean, the nerve I got to do such a thing when I'm probably the least sociable person in school. How could I do such a thing when just by being greeted, is a huge luminous thing for me?"
Logan kept quiet, and it made me feel like I could continue. And for some reasons, I think I would, because I know I wasn't done yet.
"It, would be nice to be approached to once in a while." I mostly thought about it, not actually sure.
"Then bloody do something about it." Logan unexpectedly commented. For a moment, I thought I'd jumped. "Socialize more, stop acting like a total weirdo sometimes and approach those losers. They're not as intimadating as you think."
"I tried," I answered, recalling my little temps. "but once I'm there, I just couldn't find the right things to say."
Logan shrugged. "Then that's you problem, not mine."
I frowned. I was hoping for a little more advice, but I guess Logan isn't really the type to give a more helpful ones.
"If you really wanna find a friend other than that Manny chick--"
"Marni," I corrected.
Logan rolled his eyes to me. His gaze giving away annoyance. I took one step back, knowing I did something I shouldn't have.
"Then Helga's my recommendation," he continued despite the irritation written on his face. "Develop your friendship shit with her, bond more. I can see my sister already likes you, so might as well make her like you more."
I paused, and I rewinded his words in my head. I blinked at least twice once it processed in my head.
"I mean, I don't know what shit you did to grasp her liking but whatever that is, you were probably just being yourself, which I don't recommend at all but since it got you somewhere with my sister, heck do it if it'd make any sense."
I rubbed my ear, and tried to ignore Logan's bad word. But other than that, I felt mused at his words that given me a little feeling.
"You really think so?" I said in a small voice. "Helga likes me that much?"
I know she does, but hearing it from another person's mouth gave me a such a joyful sensation.
"Well not only her," he bit his nail. "I could see my boys kind of likes you too. It might not be the same like they feel towards hot, really hot girls but I guess it's better than nothing. Might be because your Glen's cousin but like I said, better than nothing."
Logan words were different. They were said frankly, no emotions, no feelings, just words that came out flatly. They didn't really sink in as an inspiration, but I understood them whole heartedly to the point that I just couldn't help but feel happy. They relieved me, just to know that atleast some kids does like me. What more, this came from Logan.
I couldn't help but smile.
Logan looked at me, quite seriously and it make me feel captived. He never broke the stare until he said; "Especially Jayce."
"Jayce?" I happened to narrow my eyes.
"Yeah," he replied. "stupid as hell but the guy likes you. I can see how he sometimes looks for you in the cafeteria. Fucking annoying. In fact, sometimes my mates do look around for you. So, just do them a favor already and hang out with them once in a while, alright? It's been getting on my nerves and I don't think I could stand it any longer."
I think my eyes just sparkled. I wanted to clap my hands but I think I'm not suppose to.
This time, Logan's words did gave me happiness all over. Not only because of what he meant, but also the meaning behind it.
I thought about it, and I realized what he meant and it just gave me a funny feeling, especially by the fact it came from him.
He's saying these stuff for his friends. He's concern about them. He'd been obversing them and studied if anything was bothering them by any chance. What's more, I couldn't believe he said these things. They were, in their own way, nice.
He, in spite of being hot-tempered, cares about his friends.
And in that moment, I realized it; I like Logan.
I want to be friends with him.
"Logan," I said. "Can we be friends?"
Logan pulled his head back, and winced with a smirk. "Absolutely not." He said. "Don't get any funny ideas, sugarcube, that ain't happening."
I nodded, but I didn't feel disappointed. It was expected for Logan. I didn't really assumed he'd approve right away, I mean, this is him we're talking about. But looking back on what Logan did, or say more less, I think I could wait.
"Oh don't worry," I said with a smile, and flipped another pancake. "I'd wait."
He winced again. "Good luck with that,"
"No problem."
And like it took forever, the banana pancakes were done.
I placed them all in a white plate then and walked towards Logan and presented them.
"Done." I declared.
"Yehey," he simply said, and I doubt that he meant it.
We ate together, and there were at least nine, big, rounded banana pancakes. Logan took two and I took the rest. I sat infront of him and hoped that he didn't mind. No one said a word until he already eaten half of his second pancake.
"Could you seriously finish all that?" He asked without lifting his gaze from his pancakes.
"Of course I can." I answered, really, really surely.
"Girls with huge appetite creeps me out."
"Do you feel challenged? Do you have a small appetite?"
"That's not what I mean," he said indifferently.
"Do you have any maple syrup? " I asked. "I think it'd taste better with some."
"You only got like, two left. Just finished them already. And aren't these pancakes already too sweet? How many spoons of sugar did you put?"
"Atleast eight?" I only guessed.
"No wonder it's so freaking sweet," he sneered.
"Don't you like sweets?"
"Hate them."
Figures,
"Well I love them," I proudly declared, then stood up. "So where's your maple syrup?"
"Don't Pippa!" He reprehended, just when I was on my way through their cabinets. "You don't freaking need it! These damn things are already sweet enough!"
"Come on, just one pour." I said as I was already on my way below the cabinets.
"Sugarcube!" He mildly roared, then stormed to me. The cabinet I suspect to have a syrup was too high for me, so I decided to climb.
"What the heck are you doing?" He demanded, already behind me as I was on top of the side of the sink.
"Just wait," I said, opening a cabinet but when I did, a big tray suddenly fell out, falling right at Logan's head. He fell on the ground and groaned painfully.
"Pippa!" He yelled, pressing his hands agaisnt his forehead. When his hands moved away, he looked up and glared flames at me.
I didn't know what to say other than; "Sorry,"
----
Author's Note
Any opinions on Logan now? :) Please leave a comment!