A R I E L
SUNLIGHT STREAKED THROUGH the blinds and directly on my face, forcing me into a sitting position. I hadn't a second to collect my thoughts before the events of last night came rushing back as if they were waiting patiently till my defences were down. I cheated on Tobias and I can't exactly say I'm surprised that I did it. Though I was caught off guard, I could have pushed him off of me but instead, I kissed back. Larson was always right. I am tethered to Tobias to the point where I can't let him go.
I can't. I made a promise and I never go back on a promise no matter the hurdles thrown my way. Larson is another hurdle that I might have to get rid of if he continues stumbling in my way. What I need to do is stop giving him ammunition, but how can I when he's doing that all by himself? When I made it downstairs, Larson was stood before the stove, flipping what appeared to be eggs. I thought by the time I'd have gotten up he would be at school, but I guess he won't leave till he sees me off. "Good morning," I mumbled as I lowered myself down onto the stool.
Ignoring him will only make things worse. "Ariel," he mumbled as he turned the burner off. "I'm sorry. You didn't give me a chance to say how sorry I was last night. It was wrong of me to kiss you when you're with Tobias and clearly in an emotionally vulnerable state. All I saw was an opportunity and I took it. I treated you as if you were a prize to win and that was wrong. You told me to blame it on you but I can't. Regardless of if you kissed back, I initiated it. And god knows if you didn't pull away I wouldn't have stopped. I may hate Tobias but he didn't deserve that."
"I told you," I sighed as I lowered my head down onto the island table, "what's done is done. There's nothing to apologize for. You kissed me, I kissed back but we're still standing on our two feet, right? Tobias isn't freed, right? Nothing has changed because our lips touched. You're still my friend, yeah? Just–we just can't let that happen again. Okay?"
"How could you say that with a straight face? Aren't you afraid Tobias finds out? What happens when he does?" Why is he making this into a bigger deal than it really is? Does he think Tobias will murder me? I'd love to see him try, "Larson if it makes you feel any better I'll tell him myself. Granted that he's out of prison to hear it, okay? You know I wouldn't lie to you. To free your guilty conscience, I'll confess." Tobias is many things but I can't deny that he's a sweetheart. We've hurt each other many times, but never behind the other person's back.
Larson does not know the extent of Tobias' and I toxic relationship. I guess we have a lot of dedication towards one another but we didn't get to this point on a smooth sailed boat. We had many ups and downs, ones that should have sliced through the string keeping us tethered. But misery loves company and we came crawling back towards one another despite the fact that all we did was hurt each other. That's the reality of our relationship and it's also why I'm not as worried about kissing Larson. Knowing Tobias, he'll be fuming but eventually, he'll let it go as if it never happened.
"I'm craving pancakes, we should make pancakes." I ignored Larson's penetrating gaze and began to gather all the utensils that I needed. He just watched me in awe, possibly still trying to wonder why I was acting so nonchalant. "Are you helping or not?" He snapped out of his reverie and stumbled around the kitchen grabbing ingredients.
We worked side by side silently. I couldn't help but let my mind drift off to the times where I'd spend the afternoon over. We'd bake together and usually had the world to talk about but now things have changed. There's so much tension between us it's hard to breathe. I was once a simple girl with a simple boyfriend in a cliche but a simple relationship. Now I'm the girlfriend of a felon who's digging her way through something she had no business being involved in.
"Remember when we use to do this and we'd end up in the shower after? You know with the whole pancake mix throwing thing and the flour and eggs." He chuckled as he smiled at the memory. This was the very reason my clothes always ended up somewhere amongst his. I'd always leave with his t-shirt because mine had gotten dirty with ingredients or paint. His mother would insist that I let her wash it and over time I'd forget I left it here until I came over again and found myself in this same predicament.
"Yes, I remember," I responded. I'm glad he's no longer acting as if he'd rather have the earth open up and swallow him whole than stay in the same room with me. I meant it last night when I said I wanted him to move on. Larson is holding onto nothing. He can't grasp my hand when my entire body is being tugged away by Tobias. . .it's useless. "Don't you ever miss it?" And here comes the hurdle tumbling my way. Why does he continue to do this to himself? I'm genuinely confused. Does he like being in pain?
"I used to." I lied, of course. I do still miss it. Not because I miss him but because I miss living a simpler life. Being with Larson was like living in a quiet bubble and sure most times I had hoped it would just burst open and his insufferable kindness and lack of enthusiasm to live spontaneously would end, but then I'd also find myself wanting to climb back into that bubble and hope for it to not even have a scratch. It all depends on my mood, really.
Like right now I do miss that bubble of simplicity.
"Well, maybe we may never get back together but at least we still have this," he said as he peered down at me, his brown eyes withholding enough pain to make him suffer for days, "so let's enjoy it."
Past
"I'm sorry dear, but can I help you?" The woman asked as she stood in the middle of the door frame, one hand resting on her hip and the other gripping the door handle. She looked nothing like Tobias, down to the jet black hair, piercing grey eyes and diamond-shaped face. I guess he took after his father. "Mrs. Aspen? I'm sorry to just show up like this but I'm looking for Tobias, is he home?" The smile on her face momentarily faltered, "oh uhm who are you?" She asked as her brows knitted together and her lips slid into a tight frown.
That's right. Tobias and I haven't introduced one another to our parents as yet. We have only been going out for two months now so that's understandable. My parents know I'm dating again, they just haven't met him face to face as yet. "I'm Ariel Campbell, Tobias' girlfriend." Her lips which I thought would have been stuck in that frown forever lifted up into a wide smile. The expression on her face was that of a child being given a Christmas present: pure giddiness.
"I'm so sorry, Ariel! I didn't recognize you. Tobias talks about you non-stop and I always wondered who's the girl who stole my baby's heart? You look so beautiful. . ." she trailed off for a moment as if she were lost in my appearance, "come in, come in," she chanted, finally snapping out of her reverie. "Would you like something to drink or eat?"
"Water would be fine," she motioned towards the kitchen, the smile on her face never faltering. When we made it inside she filled up a glass of water and handed it to me. "Tobias isn't here. I uh. . I'm not sure where he is. He usually runs off for days on end, it's become a habit to the point where his father and I no longer worry because we know he'll come back home sooner or later. God," she seemed to have forgotten I was even there as she immersed herself in her train of thoughts, "did he take his medic–"
The expression on her face suddenly darkened. I lowered the glass of water down onto the counter, "Mrs. Aspen, are you alright?" Ignoring me, she pivoted on her heels and began to rummage through one of the cupboards. She suddenly retrieved what looked to be a bottle of prescription medication and quickly unscrewed the cap. I watched in confusion as she dumped the contents of the bottle into her hand and one by one she counted a bunch of blue pills. When she was done, her body visibly froze.
A look of what I can only describe as pure fear flickered across her face. A loud slam down in the foyer snapped her back into reality. She shoved all the pills into the bottle and held onto it for dear life as she trekked out of the kitchen, leaving me behind as if I didn't exist. I followed close behind, still confused. "Tobias," she whispered. Standing before me really was Tobias. . but at the same time, it wasn't. He didn't have a boyish smile on his face, his eyes weren't glinting with happiness, he wasn't firing a snarky remark at his mother nor me.
He just looked. . .emotionless. His eyes seemed to have been swallowed by his dilated pupils, resembling a dark empty void. There was no life swimming within his oceanic pools, just a look of confusion, and pure anger. I could feel the tension slowly rising with every move he took and with every flicker of his eyes. He didn't acknowledge either of us before his mother took a wary step towards him. "T-Tobias, is that you? Are you okay?"
He chuckled. No, not an ordinary chuckle. It was a humorlessly wicked taunting chuckle. I would know what that sounds like. "Am I okay? Do I look okay to you, Melissa?" He spat as he took a threatening step towards her, "why ask me such a stupid question when you can so clearly see I'm not okay, Melissa?" I felt like any second now he would prance at her because that's what it appeared to be. It seemed like a lion eyeing its prey just waiting for the right moment to strike. "Tobias," I called out. He will see me one way or another, I might as well make my presence known.
His head snapped towards me almost robotically. The sight was jarring but kind of mesmerizing. Who the hell was I about to face? The look in his eyes was like a knife jabbed into my ribs. They were filled with hatred but most importantly, confusion? He tore his attention away from a frantic Melissa. It didn't seem like she wanted him to focus himself on me, but it was too late, I was now the deer caught in the headlights and I had an eerie feeling that I wouldn't leave this place without a bloody confrontation.
Well, things just got interesting.
"You. . ." he spat venomously, "get out of my house." There was zero recognition in his voice. It just sounded as if he were speaking to a stranger who stumbled into his house by chance. I always knew you were special and complex, Tobias Aspen. . . but this is something new. "Mom, get her out!" His fists which were balled at his side careered towards the drywall. In a matter of seconds his hand disappeared within the hole he had punched through the house and with steady breaths, it emerged, bloodied from head to toe. "Melissa, I said to get her out."
"Tob-Ri-" she stammered, tears flowing down her cheeks, "just calm down okay? It's Ariel. Don't you remember her? She's not a threat, she won't hurt you. We've talked about this. Your mind is just playing tricks on you, right, do you remember? I need you to come back to reality now." She reassured him, her hands outstretched towards his bloodied fist. "Reality!? Stop acting like my bloody psychiatrist and more like my mother! You're supposed to protect me but you have this bitch standing in our house! What if she hurts me? What if–what if she hurts you?" His voice began to crack, nearing on the verge of a sob.
Larson's words rang in my ears. I didn't want to believe it, but it is true. He was right: Tobias is sick. "Tobias," I took a step forward. Melissa shot her hand in the air frantically, "STAY! Ariel, don't move." His eyes snapped between the two of us, "are you both working together? Are you both planning to hurt me?" She shook her head vigorously, "no, no baby no, I promise. I'll never hurt you, you know I'll never hurt you." He narrowed his head in my direction just as I took a step back, "but she will!" He roared as he took long strides towards me, barely giving my body and mind a second to react.
In a split second, I was slammed into the wall behind me, crushed beneath Tobias' tight grip around my neck. His eyes were completely lost of any human emotion and remained a cold void of empty memories. His nails punctured my flesh and though pain rippled through my body I still didn't have the strength to pry him off. Melissa screamed in the back as her hands pounded against him, pleading for him to release me. She kept chanting, "it's my fault, it's my fault you didn't take your pills." So clearly, he was not himself. If that's the case, you can hurt me, Tobias, because I won't hold it against you.
Not when you're not yourself. "You need to leave and never come back because if you do I'll kill you. If you try to hurt me or my mom, I'll kill you." His words drowned out Melissa's hysterical sobs as his venomous eyes peered into mine. The walls in my throat began to constrict with every fleeting second. Even though my eyelids grew heavier and my hands were beginning to grow limp I didn't fight back. What would he do? Would he actually hurt me beyond this point?
Am I crazy for wanting to know?
Am I crazy for wanting to see how far he'd go? "Let her go! Please let her go!" Melissa cried out in agony as she ripped his fingers off my neck, finally giving me room to breathe.
I slumped against the wall, my hands grasping my throat as I gasped for air. Through my peripheral view, I could see him consoling his mother who could barely pay attention to him as I sprawled out on the floor, clawing at my flesh. Although she appeared to be torn between who to attend to, I'm sure she didn't want Tobias or whoever this version of him was to hurt me any further. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. This is all my fault. I-I should have been monitoring his medication. I'm so sorry, Ariel, I'm sorry." Her words faded away with every passing second.
As crazy as this may sound, I didn't care about what just happened.
I cared about why it happened.
Larson was always right, I knew it from the very beginning but I just chose to ignore it: Tobias is sick. But it's way past the point which I expected. This is beyond anything I could have comprehended. For him to not recognize me: the girl he adored more than anything? The girl he hounded for weeks to get her attention?
With the irrational fear that I would hurt him and his mother and the inhumane look that lingered in his eyes: clearly, he was suffering from something way beyond my initial diagnosis. But little did I know that this was only the beginning of unravelling his inner demons.
~~~
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