“It’s…nice.”
“Shut the fuck up, Ian. It’s shit and you know it.”
“Anth-”
“It’s shit, Ian. Admit it.” Anthony tossed his screwdriver down as Ian entered the walkway of what had been, at one point, their editing room. Now, it was where Audrina was going to sleep. They’d moved all of their editing equipment both into the living room and Ian’s bedroom. Granted, it wasn’t a convenient arrangement, but in all honesty, none of this was.
Whilst Ian had put away all of Audrina’s new things, Anthony had attempted to assemble her crib. It didn’t look bad, per se, but it didn’t exactly look like the crib on the box, either.
“It’s fine,” Ian repeated, “Audrey will love it.”
Ignoring Ian, Anthony pushed himself off of his knees and pushed past him, out of the doorway.
“Where are you going?” Ian asked.
“Out,” Anthony retorted.
Ian glanced at his his back. “Out where?”
Anthony spun around and glared. “Who the hell are you, my mother? Goddamn it, Ian, I’m just gonna go for a walk, okay?”
Ian eyes drifted to the floor. “Oh, okay.”
Anthony could tell that he’d hurt Ian’s feelings somehow, but that could be dealt with later. He walked out towards the door and grabbed his red jacket off of the hook beside the front door. Before he opened it, he looked back to the middle of the living room where Audrina sat in a bouncer, watching an old Pokémon VHS tape. She wasn’t smiling, but then again, she never did. However, she seemed to be really into it and her eyes weren’t as sorrowful as they had been. Granted, they were nowhere near shining, as a child of six months should be, but this actually made Anthony smile a little.
He hung his coat back on the rack and went over to the little girl. He bent down beside her and grinned. “I guess Ian thought this would be the only appropriate cartoon we have for you to watch. Anyway, you’ll like it, it’s awesome.” Audrina watched him intently as he continued, “that little guy, that’s Pikachu. You’ll see him a lot.”
He ignored the fact that no one really knew what sex certain Pokémon were.
“And that’s Jigglypuff, Audrey. She looks really cute, but if you fall asleep while she’s singing, then you’ll definitely regret it. She’ll draw all over your face with a marker!”
Audrina’s eyes shifted back to the TV and Anthony saw that she was intrigued by Psyduck. He laughed. “That’s Psyduck. He’s a duck with physic powers. And I honestly have nothing else to say about him.”
Unbeknownst to Anthony, Ian had entered the living room minutes earlier and had witnessed the whole scene, with a big smile on his face. Maybe Anthony couldn’t love him, but it was clear to Ian that Anthony could love Audrina. And that was just as good, because Ian already loved her, too.
Suddenly, Anthony’s nose caught a whiff of something terrible. He stood up and looked around, seeing Ian standing near the hallway. “When did you get in here?”
Ian shrugged. “Just now. Why?”
Anthony made a face. “Did you fart?”
Ian shook his head, then noticed the repulsive odor in the air. “No…did you?”
For a moment, the two men stood in confusion. That is, until everything clicked for them. They both looked to Audrina and understood exactly what the scent was.
“I am not changing a diaper,” Anthony said quickly.
Ian sighed. “You have to, Anthony. I can’t do it alone. At least come with me and hand me baby wipes.”
Anthony’s disgusted expression returned. “No way, man.”
“Please,” Ian begged, “for me, Anthony?”
Anthony did his best to ignore the pleading in Ian’s eyes, but he couldn’t. Sighing, he replied, “I’m not touching any baby shit.”
Ian beamed. “Yes! Okay, let’s get her and take her to the nursery.”
Anthony stepped away for the baby, not wanting to touch her whilst she stank, so Ian gladly waltzed over to her and lifted her from her bouncer.
“It’s all right, Audrey. We’ll get you all cleaned up,” Ian cooed.
Anthony followed Ian into the new nursery, rolling his eyes at how mom-like Ian sounded.
“Okay,” Ian said, “we need to set a blanket out on the carpet first.”
“Why?” Anthony asked, frowning.
Ian grinned at him. “Because her skin is too sensitive to the carpet in here. I don’t think we’ve ever had it cleaned, dude. You have so much to learn, Anthony.”
Anthony opened his mouth to protest, but before he could, Ian had thrust a pink flannel baby blanket into his arms.
“Set this out,” he instructed.
He did so without complaint because in the long run, it wasn’t worth it. Ian was really into this whole ‘Daddy’ thing and Anthony was just going to have accept it. “Okay,” he replied, standing up. “What now?”
Ian gingerly laid Audrina onto the blanket and sat down in front of her. “I need a pack of diapers, wipes, powder, and diaper rash cream. It’s over on that shelf,” Ian pointed to it.
Anthony sighed. “You sure know a lot about this.” He walked over to the shelf, loading up on what Ian had demanded.
“I used to babysit my cousins, remember?” Ian retorted.
Anthony shrugged, dropping the things beside Ian. “Yeah, whatever.”
Ian looked up at Anthony. “Sit down. You might as well learn how to change a diaper, Anthony.”
“Why?” Anthony grumbled. But he sat down.
“You do plan on having kids some day, don’t you?” Ian asked.
Anthony shrugged. “I guess. But not like this.”
Ian sighed. “Look Anthony, this wasn’t my choice or Audrina’s choice, either. And I’m trying really hard to be patient with you, but you’re being a dick and it’s not my fault or Audrey’s fault.”
Anthony tried to ignore the sad glint in Ian’s eyes, but he couldn’t. Sighing, he apologized. “I’m sorry, man. It’s just…aren’t you the least bit freaked out by this?”
“Of course I am,” Ian replied, “but we’re all this baby has. She needs us and that’s just the way it is.”
Anthony nodded. “I suppose that’s true.”
Ian smiled softly at him before carefully removing Audrina’s baby jeans. “All right then. Now, prepare yourself. This is where we remove the diaper.”
Anthony gritted his teeth as Ian tugged on the tabs of Audrina’s diapers.
“Ugh!” Anthony groaned, squeezing his nose and turning away. “What the hell is this kid eating?”
Ian laughed. “Milk, maybe? Baby food?”
Anthony made a face. “It’s gross and baby poop green and runny.”
“Really now?” Ian asked, wiping Audrina clean, “now, always do it at least three times to make sure you get it all. If you don’t, she can get a rash.”
“That what the cream’s for?” Anthony asked.
“Yep,” Ian replied, “I don’t know for sure that she has one, but I don’t know that she doesn’t, either. And considering who her mother was, there’s really no telling.”
Once Audrina was clean, Ian showed Anthony how to apply the diaper rash cream. Seeing how thick it was, Anthony had no desire whatsoever to touch it. Ian tossed the dirty wipes into the diaper and shut it closed with the tabs so that it now resembled a ball.
“It’ll help with the smell,” Ian pointed out.
Anthony nodded. “I hope so. But hey, is it weird that she hasn’t cried at all throughout this? Or even looked upset at all?”
Ian sighed. “I don’t know what’s wrong with her. I’m gonna google it, I guess. We’ll probably have to get her set up with a pediatrician soon, too. Luckily, Kara did leave Audrina’s papers in the diaper bag. I guess she wasn’t totally incompetent.”
Anthony nodded, unsure of how to reply. Luckily for him, Ian continued with the diaper-changing process.
“Next, you use the baby powder,” he held up the bottle. “It’s to keep it dryer and fresher,” he laughed.
“It certainly smells better than anything else I’ve smelled today,” Anthony declared.
Ian grinned. “Yeah, that it is.” He took the clean diaper and put it around Audrina’s hips before fastening it. “And that is how you change a diaper, Anthony!”
“Well, now I know, I guess.” His eyes drifted to where the baby lay and he noticed that she was still in a sweater. She’s probably hot,” he observed.
“Oh,” Ian replied, “you’re probably right. Hold on, I’ll get her something else” He hopped to his feet and glided over to her closet.
There was a loud ding and Anthony glanced up at Ian. “Want me to get it?”
Ian nodded. “Yeah, can you? I’ll be there in a minute. I don’t know who it could be right now.”
Anthony chuckled. “Probably the high pizza guy.”
Ian laughed, turning around and producing a small black onesie that Anthony had surprisingly chosen.
Anthony jumped up and jogged to the front door. He opened it, quickly, surprised to see the two people standing at their door.
“Hey Anthony!” Mari exclaimed, “hope we’re not too early!”
They had no idea.
This chapter was a bit of a filler and I don’t know how to feel about it. Anyway, I hope you guys liked it! Marhinki is coming. C: