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New Orleans 1965
What do you do when all your happiness is taken away? When everything that you loved and had so close to you just disappear? How do you cope with that feeling?
That feeling of emptiness...
Because right now that's exactly how Natalia felt like. Ever since Edward came back home and told her the news that broke down the already fragile girl into millions of tiny pieces that are nearly impossible to put back together... But how was she supposed to react to the news that the man she loved, was the first man she ever loved and didn't see anything else than him in the world... That her fiancé just left her...
Well, how did she react?
She just stared at her family as the suitcase she held in her tiny hand fell to the floor. She didn't scream, she didn't speak. She just stared into the emptiness as the sparks in her eyes died down. And as the family watched the girl in front of them die inside just in a blink of an eye she was gone, she locked herself in her room and that was the last moment when they saw her.
They tried to get to her but they couldn't, asking her to speak or even eat but they were met with the same thing every time.
Silence
Jasper would say he couldn't feel any emotions from her just like she wasn't feeling anything and when Edward tried to read her mind he was once again met with silence. It was like she wasn't there anymore only her body.
Behind that door was a girl who sat on her bed staring at the wall in front of her. Not wanting to speak to anyone or eat. She wanted to feel the pain in her throat from not feeding so she could feel something. Anything. Even if that something just happened to be pain.
And that has gotten her to the point where life has beaten her so much and belittled her that she just wants to let it all out, and cry and feel good again. But she can't. There are so many feelings inside of her that she doesn't feel anything, and she wants to get them out but she can't get them out because they're stuck and she doesn't know how to let them out. How is it possible? To feel every emotion so strongly at once and at the same time being completely empty inside.
As she stays in this room with the silence filling the room it's slowly killing her, most silence would be healing but this silence is just killing her further down. Like she's drowning as the emotions are flooding her brain not giving her a chance to breathe. Even the plants that were in her room were slowly dying because of not being watered. Everything in the room was dying, slowly turning into nothing.
The sound of bats flying beside her balcony door makes the girl tear her broken gaze from the wall and at the full moon whose light is shining directly at her face.
The irony...
The irony of the fact that the last time she was dying the full moons shined on her the exact same way like it wanted to take away her pain but not succeeding. The only difference would be that the last time she was dying with physical pain going through her body while this time she was dying from emotions.
But one main thing was the same. She was again dying because of someone. Last time dying because of a woman's revenge on her father and now because of a boy she loved who crushed her heart.
She didn't even realize that her bare feet had carried her to the glass door. Keeping her eyes on the big moon the doors opened by her telekinetic powers. And as the doors to her balcony opened a gust of strong cold wind flew into the room sending her platinum hair back.
Taking more steps forward her cold feet were met with the cold marble floor as her dress cascaded behind her with the wind gently making it move. As she got to the railings she gently stood on them and gracefully jumped down landing quietly on the grass.
Looking up with her golden eyes she walked forward to the forest that was behind their house.
And without the rest of the family knowing the girl walked forward, not really knowing where she was going but that did not mean anything to her. She for once in her life didn't care and when she got to the middle of a meadow it was when she was able to finally let out all those emotions that were stuck inside of her.
She screamed her lungs out waking all the nearby animals and birds in the forest as she fell to the ground grabbing onto the grass beneath her and crawling into a fetal position. She could recognize this place even if it was pitch black... this was the place she would go with him... it was the place he first shared his memories with her and it was the place they said their first I love you.
She looked up at the shining moon with her gold eyes which had a red ring around them and clenched her jaw. She knew why she walked here, she came here to finally let it all out, to say the words that were kept deep inside of her for the past months.
"I've spent five years with you, with each day loving you so so much more... and as I'm lying here on the ground wishing I could hate you I can't... I can't imagine the day I would and that makes me hate myself so soo much... And I want to be in your arms again as you play with my hair mumbling silly things into my ear as I laugh... I want you to come back!... It's as simple and as complicated as that... Because you decided to leave me alone like I never meant anything to you... Did I? Did you ever love me? Or were those words you would tell me all just lies... Because if I remember correctly you said I was your other half... You said you wouldn't let anyone hurt me... While you were the one that hurt me the most!...." She stared down at the ground with her hair covering her broken face.
"I have been so lost, I've been losing my mind and you don't even see it. You don't even care. It's all so dark... It's so dark in here..." Pulling on the grass while standing up and looking up at the moon imagining she was talking to him instead even though her voice was ruff because of not speaking for such a long period of time. She could feel the weird feeling in her stomach as she said those things, it was like her insides were falling apart as she spoke these words.
"When my heart first broke... I just stared at it lying on the ground as my world got destroyed as I knew and loved. In my head, I begged for Edward to be wrong, for you to come back. I'd do anything for you not to go because losing you feels just like getting oxygen cut off. Sadness and despair consumed me and I started to see everything only through the eyes of what it would be like if you were right next to me...." Her blonde hair falls over her face as she looks down smiling sadly and a broken sob comes out of her rose-red lips.
"I see you in my memories, but it's never you. They come out of this hallowed area in my heart that makes it hard to breathe... It's the area your ghost takes up and I feel like it will never be satisfied unless your presence is there, but it won't be. I miss you so much and I feel so helpless and I can't take wanting you and not being able to have you, or even talk to you... I miss you so much..." As the five last words left her mouth it was like her life was taken away, because it was now that she really felt her heart being taken away. Because he is her whole heart and when he left he took every single broken piece with him... The emotionally drained girl started to fall to the ground only to be caught in two arms which held her against their chest. Natalia placed her head against their chest hugging them tightly.
"It hurts so much Kitty...I just want it all to stop... How do I make it stop?" As the broken girl choked out those words Rosalie let out a deep breath and pulled the girl closer, she hugged her so tightly that a little bit more strength and she would crush the smaller girl.
"This is what life feels like, fear, rage desire, love. To stop feeling emotions. To stop wanting to feel them. Is to feel death." Rosalie said gently.
Authors Note
A sad chapter unfortunately but I wanted to show you what Natalia went through exactly and what really got Natalia so close to Rosalie.
Also republished it because some people didn't get a notification for some reason