"Remember, I'm only four doors down," My boyfriend Yuta began. "If you need help with anything, I don't care what it is I'll help you with it, okay?" He held my hand as he stared into my eyes, deeply.
"Okay, thank you Yuta." I nodded, his cheeks turned a soft pink color. "Remember that I'll be here for you, don't keep anything bottled up, for now I'll be your trash can," he said with a smile on his face. "if you need anything you need to get off your chest come to me and you can dump it all out,"
"Don't worry I will tell you if I have something on my mind," just recently I was diagnosed with Depression and lately everything has been rough. Most of the things I loved have come to the point where I could care less about them. But after all that I still had my loving boyfriend Yuta to help me through everything.
He's been with me since day one and he tries every single day to make me happy. He was the one who realized that I was a bit distant, he immediately took me to a doctor and later I was diagnosed with Depression.
"I'll see you soon babe, I love you." He kisses my lips and he gives me a hug. He begins to walk towards his apartment. I close my door with a smile on my face but as soon as I hear the click of the door my smile fades. I turned around to look at my empty apartment that used to have loads of decorations, until I fell out of decorating.
I walked towards my bedroom and flopped down on my plain bed. Turning over on my side, I grabbed my phone from off my nightstand and began to look through weird things in my phone.
"W⃘O⃘R⃘T⃘H⃘L⃘E⃘S⃘S⃘"
I exhale at the things I see on the app I'm on, the thoughts of Yuta flooding my mind as I swipe to the next picture.
While looking at a picture I can feel my heart clutch as I see another picture me and Yuta took earlier in the day. Yuta had posted it on his account.
yuta.nakamoto
난 그녀를사랑해! 영원히 나와 함께있어.
(translation)
I love her! Stay with me forever.
foreignswagger1: you guys are so cute!
amajohn: yo jaehyun why is your username still that?
foreignswagger1: what are we not doing the thing anymore?
I chuckle as I read the comments of my friend's weird antics. I wish them a good night and I begin to turn over on my side trying to go to sleep.
"T⃘H⃘E⃘Y⃘ D⃘O⃘N⃘'T⃘ C⃘A⃘R⃘E⃘"
I put my phone back down on my nightstand and I turn the other way on my side. I feel a rush of sadness come through. Eyes drooping, I could feel myself slowly falling asleep. The last things I thought of was Yuta and how I needed to go to him before my eyes fully closed.
As I slowly faded back in the darkness, my dream began.
I walked through your apartment, seeing Yuta on the couch with the back of his head facing me. He laughed as he stared at the TV. I smiled as I stared at him.
I could hear laughing and faint hate comments in my ears. Soon, they all got louder and I couldn't hear Yuta's angelic laugh anymore. Everything began to fade into darkness leaving me standing there in the middle of it all.
A body emerged from the darkness and I could feel fear well up in the pit of my stomach. Immediately I began to run the other, far away from the figure that emerged from the dark.
I could hear voices screaming in my head. All of them screaming the same things. I could hear all of my friend's voices, all of them saying hurtful things that made me want to shrivel up and die in a corner.
I could feel my lungs closing on me, almost like they were collapsing and falling down into my stomach. I look back only to see the dark figure lunge out towards me.
Abruptly I wake in a cold sweat and I look around my room, my breathing hard and repetitive. When I make sure that nothing was in my room and that I was alone, I climb out of my bed and make my way towards the kitchen to get a glass of water.
"Should I call Yuta?" I asked myself as I looked through the draws of my small kitchen. I look around letting my eyes linger on the empty wooden set that used to hold various knives that Yuta had taken away from me.
"I'm locking these away for a very long time until we get through all of this." You remembered him kissing your cheek right after he told you that.
He had bought me butter knives and plastic forks and spoons. 'So I wouldn't try anything' he had said.
He took all my razor blades and all my scissors for safety precautions. But I had hid one pair of scissors from him just in case I really needed it. I hid it on the top of my refrigerator.
I could see them right now, intimidating me to use them. I heard my phone ringing from my bedroom, probably Yuta checking up on m. Ignoring the phone I grab the scissors from the refrigerator and I stare at them as I twirl them around in my hands. They were pretty sharp for a pair of kitchen scissors, a deep and swift cut could come from them.
I stare down at my wrist to see a cut that I had made. There was exactly one cut. Yuta has stopped me before I could make more. I remember the love he held in his eyes as he held me in my arms that day. He whispered sweet things in my ears and made me feel like I was really loved.
Even though Yuta had gotten my mind off of it for a long time, I could still feel the excitement I had felt when I cut myself that day. I was excited to feel it again but something was holding me back. Yuta would be angry. He would definitely take away my scissors for good. I wouldn't be allowed by any sharp things for a long time. He cares too much about me, I don't know why he would.
He loves me too much.
My hand began to shake as I brought the pair of scissors closer to my wrist. I could hear my phone ringing for the fourth time. My hand shook more and more as I felt the cold blade make contact with my wrist. My phone stopped ringing and I could finally hear the voices in my head ringing and talking to me. They were all telling me to do it and that no one would care if I did.
I tried to tell myself that they weren't real and they would go away but they kept getting louder and louder and I could feel a headache forming. My knees were shaking and I could feel them about to give up on holding my body up.
I could hear a door open right before I fell onto the floor. "(Y/N)!" I heard Yuta call out as he catches and cradles my falling body. He sees the scissors in my hands and he throws them away and lets them slide far away from the two of us.
"What were you going to do? Where did you get those from? Did you hide them from me?" He began to ask me questions as I stared at him. I laid in his arms blankly but I could slowly feel my face scrunching up getting ready for the tears that were about to pour from my eyes.
I buried my face in his chest and wrapped my arms around him. I feel his arms wrapping around me tightly. "I'm so sorry, Yuta. I feel so useless," I choked out. "Never leave me please, I need you."
"(Y/N), it's okay, it's not your fault. Everything is going to be okay, I'm here," he said calmly as we both slowly sat on the floor together with me in his arms.
"I'm here now, everything will be okay," he kissed my temple tenderly and held me closer.
Wunsiwndjsndjskdkskdisns did you guys like ittttttttt?
-HL