"Stop cleaning, Cheryl and come here"
Her constant cleaning and tidying up has annoyed me since she got in. Today she has came home for lunch but she didn't eat any of the sandwiches i made her. She will be going back to the studio in 10 minutes and she is pottering around doing things that don't need to be done. I would not mind if there was mess that she was actually cleaning but there isn't, Joan seen to that. Cheryl has been walking in and out of the room busying herself with silly little things. Sure she has been picking up toys and running around after the dogs but now she is polishing the photo frames on the mantel place and ranting and raving about how i left my shoes by the door...where she normally leaves hers. Paisley is at school and Hailie only does half days at playgroup so as soon as she got home Joan put her and Laney down for their afternoon naps. Garry is nursing his hangover after his boys night out with my brother and his friends last night so i was hoping Cheryl and i could spend her lunch break together because it is rare that we get any peace and quiet but she has barely stopped for a second for that to happen and has been very quiet since she got home.
"Have you seen the state of this, man?" Cheryl ignores me and turns around to show me the photo frame that i can not see a spec of dust on but she starts to wipe it down with a cloth anyways. "I might start taking the curtains down to wash"
"No you don't"
"Kimberley!" She exclaims with annoyance because i lean over the arm of the sofa and pull her towards me by the belt loop of her jeans. After stumbling backwards the back of her legs hit the sofa and she falls down beside me.
"Are you going to tell me what is wrong?" I ask her and she looks at me, forcing a frown onto her face as if i am stupid. She was absolutely fine when she left this morning but now she is quiet and it is strange.
"Nothing is wrong, what do you mean?"
"Well since getting home you've been... weird. Something is wrong and i want you tell me what it is"
"weird?"
"Well yeah. You're cleaning... it doesn't get any weirder than that!" I say and she lets out a little laugh before pulling away from me. Her thick hair is tied into a high ponytail and she brushes the little hairs away that are falling in front of her eyes with her fingers.
"I just don't feel that well. i think its nearly me time of the month. I feel as sick as a dog"
Satisfied with her answer i kiss the side of her head and i hear the livingroom door creak. Alaina is awake already and goes straight over to Cheryl. When Cheryl picks her up she holds her to her chest like she never wants to let go and when she rests her forehead on our daughter's she closes her eyes. "I love you so much" She whispers to her and there is so much emotion in her voice, i am positive now that something really is wrong and even more so when i realise that she is crying.
Alaina has noticed her tears too so leans back and holds her tiny palm to Cheryl's cheek while saying. "Don't cry, don't cry" over and over again. Cheryl forces a smile onto her face and hugs our child to her again.
"Mammy isn't crying" She insists but she is. I move closer to her and put a hand on her knee.
"Tell me what is wrong" I beg her but she shakes her head, still insisting that she is fine but at this moment in time as she cries into Laney's hair i know that she is anything but. "Cheryl, tell me now. I mean it because i'm jumping to all the worst case scenarios here. I know you and i know when something is wrong"
"You'll think i'm being daft"
I cock my head to the side and look at her properly. Reaching for her hand she lets me hold it and i say "No i won't. Tell me, please. Is it something to do with Alaina?" I guess. I think it must be because as soon as she saw her little face she burst into tears. I know Cheryl can be hormonal at times but this is not normal. She is struggling for the words so she just nods her head and another fat teardrop rolls down her cheek and drops off her chin. I move even closer to her and put my arm around back. Alaina is trying to get the tears off Cheryl's foundation free face and when she realises that they are not going to stop she leans forward and kisses her cheek. "I'll take her to Joan, then you can tell me" i take Laney from Cheryl's arms and go upstairs to ask Joan to keep her entertained while Cheryl and i have a chat downstairs. I am starting to worry now i don't know what it could be.
I come back down the stairs once Alaina is in Joan's capable hands. Cheryl has got her phone out and is scrolling through what looks like pages and pages on the internet. She is still visibly upset and i am ready to find out why. With Cheryl's eyes firmly fixed on her phone i put a hand on her shoulder and she turns around. I have not seen her look like this in months and i am starting to really worry that something terrible has happened.
Praying that it is nothing too bad i sit back down beside her on the sofa and she puts her phone in my hand. "Look at it" she tells me. "go on, look"
I look at the news pages she has clicked on and all of them are headlines about Cheryl and our youngest daughter. There is loads of them.
Cheryl- "i cant bond with Kimberley's daughter"
Cheryl feels trapped
Raising Kimberley's lovechild is destroying Cheryl.. are just a few of the headlines.
"This is what has upset you?" I ask giving her phone back to her and she wipes under her eyes. "They're just stupid articles to get people to go on their shit websites-"
"It's not just online though, Kim. It's everywhere. The same lies are being told in The sun and on the front of stupid fucking magazines. They even have a photo, look" Cheryl taps at the screen with her thumb then shows her the picture that is going around the internet. It is a picture of Cheryl holding Alaina in the Chinese restaurant we went to with Joan the other day. Someone must have sneakily took it and sold it with a made up story of how Cheryl could not be bothered with our youngest daughter. The picture shows Cheryl looking sombre as she holds Alaina but i know exactly when this picture was snapped. We had just finished reminiscing about Cheryl's dead friend and she was feeling a bit down, as any person would. A second after this picture was taken i'm sure Cheryl was kissing Alaina before handing her to Joan.
"Its okay" I whisper and scoot closer to her so i can hold her. "Don't let it upset you, it is just a few stupid headlines that nobody is going to believe"
"You know as well as i do that people will believe it. People are fuckin' stupid, man" She says starting to get heated. "They believe whatever they read and when Alaina is older she is going to hear about it and maybe she'll believe it too. That would break me heart, Kimberley. You don't understand"
"She would never believe that Cheryl, how could she? You're her mam. You always have been and always will be" My heart sinks for Cheryl the more i look at the news pages so i take her phone from her hands and close safari. "Stop looking and forget about it, babe. It's just stupid gossip that means nothing"
"They called her your 'love child'" Cheryl's face twists with disgust. "One even said that i could never... that i could never love her-"
"Shh" I rub her arm and try and calm her down. I think that she is over reacting but if i tell her that she will flip. It does not matter what anyone believes when it comes to these stories because we all know the truth and that is all that matters. Alaina will never grow up questioning Cheryl's love for her because of what a some strangers wrote online. "Just forget about it, babe. Don't let them ruin your day"
"It is easy for you to say. They're not horrible articles about you"
"I know but everyone will forget about it in time and once they hear your song and see the video-"
"Then their minds will change, yeah?" She scoffs and i don't know what else i can say because everything i am saying to try and make her feel better she is taking the wrong way. "I'm going to go up and see her before i go"
Cheryl gets up and i get up with her. "Listen to me Cheryl. I know that reading things like that hurts but they are just words. You know in there-" i tap her chest "You know in there what you feel for that little girl upstairs and she knows it too. She always will, i promise you that"
I am given a small smile and she lets me wipe the mascara off her face. "I suppose you have a point but it still hurts us."
"i know it does" I smile at her and tuck her hair behind her ears. "Try and forget about it, okay?" I say softly and she nods her head. "Give me a cuddle before you go"
*
In the kitchen i sit with Cheryl at the table and kiss her shoulder but she shrugs me off her coldly. After our talk earlier today she has insisted that she is over her upset about the articles being posted online and printed in the papers but she is still in a funny way with herself but now it is because of work. She has had a bit of bad news about the release of her new song which is supposed to come out in just two days. I am not 100% sure what has happened. Cheryl has told me in her flustered state but i don't really understand the ins and outs of the music industry and what she has to do to get her song out there. Something has fallen through with spotify because someone she works with did not give them the right information so now she is drowning in papers and forms that she has to fill out and get information for before midnight if she wants to release mama's hand on Friday.
"I can't be arsed with this. Honestly that fucking Pete is a wanker. I should have never even for a minute thought that i could rely on him"
"Cheryl, shh" I hush her. Our family are through in the living room and they have already picked up on her awful mood.
"What's a wanker?" Paisley asks which mortifies me. Cheryl ignores her and continues filling out forms and flicking through a big file she brought home with her. I force a smile onto my face and look at Paisley.
"Banker, Paisley. Mammy said banker-"
"Was she playing monopoly?" She asks and i nod my head. "So that is why she is in a bad mood? Nana Joan says that game always ends in tears" Paisley skips out of the kitchen and i cant help but laugh. Cheryl's face does not change though. I'm not sure she was even listening to what was being said.
Leaving Cheryl to it i go back to the oven. I have always hated cooking and i have never been very good at it but i am getting better, i am sure of it. I can't go wrong with a roast dinner. It is simple enough to make and everyone loves it, including the three fussy children i have in the living room. As i check the chicken in the oven i can hear Cheryl huffing and puffing to herself as she searches through the pile of papers she has on the table in front of her. My stomach is growling, it is practically eating itself as i have not ate all day to save myself for this dinner. I just hope that it is as nice as i bragged to everyone it will be.
"Mummy!" Paisley says in a loud voice as she enters the kitchen once again. She can never just leave me to cook and it really gets under my skin. "My belly is rumbling, is the dinner nearly done"
"Yeah. I thought i'd just stand here by the oven for the fun of it"
"Why? That's not very fun"
"I was joking" I tell her and she goes over to Cheryl. I think that Paisley is in a windy up mood and is pushing buttons purposely to get a reaction. She has asked if the dinner is done at least 10 times in the past 5 minutes and if she asks one more time i think i will scream. Cheryl is stressing so much she looks like she is about to tear her hair out so when Paisley climbs onto the table where she is working i immediately tell her to get down because if she intervenes Cheryl is not going to be happy at all, she is already having a hard time working whatever it is she needs to out.
"Kimberley, can you get her off the table for us? I have all of this shit to do before 12 o'clock because some people cant do their bloody jobs properly and i can't find the right paperwork for the life of us" Cheryl stresses and pulls the paper out of Paisley's hand as soon as she picks it up. "Paisley can you listen to us for once and get down? i'm not going to tell you again"
"You didn't tell me the first time. You told Mummy to tell me-"
"Paisley" Cheryl looks at her sternly and Paisley scowls back at her. Sighing to myself i go over to the table and pull her off it which does not please her at all. With her lips pouted Paisley folds her arms over her chest.
"You're so mean to me, Mammy! Miss Miller is never mean" Paisley whines. "I wish i could go and live at her house"
I know that hurts Cheryl. All Paisley has talked about lately is the wonderful miss Miller and Cheryl is sick to her back teeth of hearing her name. It is always 'Miss Miller this'..'Miss Miller that' it is driving Cheryl up the wall. Her name is like a red rag to a bull so she turns her body towards Paisley and tells her to get out of the kitchen and to go into the living room. "I've had it up to here with you today, Paisley. I'm not going to tell you to go into that living room again. Behave yourself and listen to us, please!"
"Fine!" Paisley huffs and when she marches out of the kitchen Cheryl downs her glass of wine in one. I decide it is best not to say anything because with the mood she is in if i do she will bite my head off so i go and sit with Joan and Garry who are playing with the girls in the living room. My mum should be here soon and Adam is coming with her.
*
"Girls, your nana is here!" I shout when my mum finally shows up. Today has been a long day at work for her and it shows. "Girls!" I shout again and hear no movement from the front room until i mention Adam's name. In seconds they are all running into the hallway with smiles plastered on their faces. It is Adam they are excited to see, Paisley barely even acknowledges at my mum until i force her into giving her a cuddle.
I have not saw my mum properly in a while. I dropped the girls off there the other day so they could spend some time with her while i went to see Amy but i only stayed for 2 minutes before i was out the door again. We used to be close when i was younger and she and Paisley had a wonderful relationship but as we see less and less of her their relationship suffers. As i was planning on doing a roast for everyone including Adam tonight i thought i may as well invite my mum over with him. I was expecting her to come up with an excuse as to why she would not be able to make it but to my surprise she jumped at the chance of coming over for dinner for the first time in years.
"How is your new school, do you like it?" My mum asks Paisley and Paisley nods her head, not giving much away.
"Why don't you go and get your bookbag? Nana will help you with your reading book"
"No. I want Nana Joan to"
"Go on through, mum. I'll get you a drink" I motion her towards the living room, ignoring how Paisley has just unknowingly offended her. "Cheryl is in the kitchen, she is up to her eyeballs in work. I'll get her to come through in a minute" I smile and my mum wanders through with Hailie and Laney. I am praying that my mum behaves herself tonight because the last time she was in the same room as Joan they ended up having a heated argument over something ridiculous. They used to get on like a house on fire but since Alaina was born they have bickered nonstop.
*
My mum and brother have been here 20 minutes and the dinner is still not done. Everything seems to be cooking slower than usual today and i have no idea why. Cheryl is still in a foul mood and everyone has picked up on it so i am trying to be extra chirpy to make up for her snappiness. Everyone is in the front room having a good time together but Cheryl has only showed her face for a few seconds. She is looking for her mobile phone behind the cushions on the sofa because Hailie took it upon herself to take it from the table and try and get some games on it. Now she does not know where it is and Cheryl is starting to get frustrated.
"I heard that you saw those terrible articles online?" My mum says and i glare at her from the doorway, silently pleading with her to stop talking because even though Cheryl said she is going to forget about them, it is still a touchy subject. "They shouldn't be allowed to print false stories like that, should they Joan?"
"No they bloody well shouldn't" Joan nods in agreement and Cheryl straightens up from the sofa with her found phone in her hand. To my surprise she smiles back at our mums and answers with the politeness she did not have 5 minutes ago when i asked if she needed any help.
"I know, it's really terrible. I feel bad that I've hardly seen yous all night but i'm nearly done in there, i promise"
"That's alright, love. You go back in there and finish what you're doing" My mum tells her and with a smile that vanishes as soon as she is out of sight Cheryl does so.
Garry loves rough housing with the kids and Adam does too so with both of them here the girls are having a ball. Adam is lifting Hailie up and he is swinging her around the room like she is a ragdoll but she is loving all of the fun.
"My turn, Uncle Adam! My turn!" Paisley shouts and jumps up and down until she is flying around the room too. Alaina is jumping on Garry and he is sprawled out on the rug pretending to be hurt.
"She is going to bring up all of those sweets you've just gave her" Joan laughs but Adam takes no notice and continues to dangle Paisley upside down while she screams.
"Save me, Nana Joan!"
Joan gets up and takes Paisley from Adam and cradles her in her arms. "Me poor bairn nearly had a heartattack" She tries to say seriously but she fails. With a kiss planted on her forehead Paisley giggles adorably. My mum looks left out now and i feel bad for her but i have tried so hard to get the girls to include her or to show her their toys but they would rather do that with Joan and it was obvious.
"I don't know how you cope, Kimberley. I think Peppa Pig has the most annoying voice i have ever heard and it has been on since i got here. It just goes straight through me" My mum complains and she does have a point. I think i have became so immune to it now because i hear the stupid thing from the minute i wake up until i go to bed. Alaina even has a Peppa toy that talks when she presses it's tummy.
I reach over for the remote control and hand it to my mum. Peppa has been on for hours and the girls are having too much fun tormenting their uncles to watch the TV. "Dinner wont be long but put whatever you want on, i think hollyoaks is starting soon. You like that don't you?
Paisley jumps up and down trying to get the remote control out of her hand. "No! I don't want to watch Hollywood, leave this on!"
"You don't even like peppa pig" I tell her and she shrugs her shoulders. She grew out of this show years ago and just wants to wind her Nana up. "Let Nana watch the telly. You've been watching it all afternoon"
"Nana Joan said i could!" Paisley throws herself onto Joan's lap and Joan strokes her hair. "Nana Joan is my favourite"
My mum laughs. "I'll remember that" she tries to joke but it is awkward now and nobody laughs with her. Joan feels awkward too so Garry grabs Paisley and throws her into the air and i ask if anyone would like another drink.
"I'll have another can, sis" Adam says cheekily and my mum purses her lips. She is looking at him like he is a teenager trying to convince her to give him a shandy on the sly. "What?"
"Don't you think you've had enough? We have came here for dinner, not to get drunk. Have a cuppa or something"
"He has only had two and i am having another" Garry adds. "I know he's not a geordie or owt but i think he'll manage to keep up with us "
"Yeah! i'm not a bloody child, mum"
"Don't say that word around the girls!" Our mum scolds him and i try not to laugh. The girls have heard far worse words than "bloody" in their short lives. If my mum had heard Paisley repeat the word "wanker" in the kitchen before i think she would have keeled over with shock. Ignoring my mum embarrassing my brother i clap my hands together.
"Well mum, can i get you a cup of tea?"
"No thank you, i would rather have another gin and tonic"
Joan and i look at eachother and burst out laughing. My mum looks annoyed but then again she always does nowadays.
"I'll get you a can, Adam" I tell my brother once i have managed to pull myself together. "Garry i'll get you one too. Joan do you want another gin as well?"
"Aye and you better make it a large one, i think i'll bloody need it"