June 1, 2018
London, United Kingdom
The Beautiful & Damned Europe Tour
Being overseas with Kaitlyn, Grady, and Gerald has been amazing, and I'm sad that the tour is almost over, however, today, there was one incident that bothered me a lot more than I was expecting.
During his meet and greets, Gerald signs butts, boobs, and stomachs. I don't mind it because that's just what he does, but today, he was getting a little too friendly with a girl. He kept touching her waist and calling her beautiful.
"I can't believe you'd do that right in front of me!" I yelled as I put my hands on my hips. "Did you think that wasn't gonna upset me!?"
"Calm down, baby. She's just a fan, I'm not gonna do anything with her," he said as he walked towards me. "You know you're the only one that I want."
I backed away from him, pushing his chest when he got too close to me.
"Don't come near me right now," I yelled again. "I'm so disgusted with you."
He rolled his eyes as he threw his hands up in the air in defeat.
"You are so overreacting about this," he said as he walked over to the drink table to pour a glass of whiskey. "It was literally nothing."
I picked up my phone off the table and shoved it in my pocket.
"You wouldn't be saying that if I was grinding on somebody else," I said as I walked towards the door, putting my hand on the handle. "You'd yell at me, and probably beat up the guy."
"This isn't even like that!" He yelled as he ran a hand through his hair. "Rachel, stop being a fucking baby and come over here."
I raised my eyebrows and turned around, taking my hand off the doorknob.
"Don't tell me what to fucking do, first of all," I scoffed. "And second, I'm not someone you can just boss around."
"You're my girlfriend, and you'll do as I say," he said as he pointed to the chair. "Sit."
"Fuck you," I spat as I flung the door open, slamming it shut on my way out.
Xoxox
I walked back to Gerald's dressing room with Kaitlyn, not really saying much.
"Everything okay?" She asked as we got inside the empty room, flipping on the light. "You didn't really do much during the show."
"I got into a fight with Gerald," I groaned as I sat down on the couch. "He got a little too comfy with a girl at his meet and greet today and tried to tell me I was overreacting. He tried to boss me around, too."
Kaitlyn frowned as she sat down next to me.
"You do fight a lot," she said softly. "And then you usually make up for it with sex...that's not healthy, Rachel."
"What?" I said as I sat up. "That's not true."
Kaitlyn turned to face me, holding her water bottle in her lap.
"Think about it, Rachel," she said as she looked at me. "He took you to the zoo because you said you'd have sex with him. All you've done this tour is have sex. You haven't gone on any dates or anything not involving having sex."
I felt my face get hot. I didn't want to admit that it was getting worse, but I also didn't want to admit that Kaitlyn was right.
"Stay out my relationship," I said as I stood up. "You and Grady have been having a lot of sex too, you know."
She stayed where she was on the couch.
"He doesn't do it to shut me up, and we don't fight, or don't have anything to fight about yet," she said as she stood up. "It's not healthy, Rachel. It's starting to get toxic, and I'm worried about you."
"We can't all be perfect like you, Kaitlyn," I said with a laugh. "Gerald and I are just fine."
"You know," she said as she raised her voice. "As your best friend, I'm just looking out for you. I care about you a lot, and I don't want to see you get hurt again."
"He loves me," I said as we got closer to each other. "And he shows it."
She shook her head, setting the water bottle down.
"Does he love you? Or does he just love fucking you?" She asked as she put her hands on her hips.
"You don't fucking mean that, you bitch," I yelled as I shoved her.
Kaitlyn pushed me against the wall, standing back as the door opened - in came Gerald and Grady.
"I mean every word I said. If you're too blind to see it, then that's on you!" She yelled as Grady pulled her back.
"Hey, hey, what the hell is going on in here?!" Gerald asked as he stepped between us, looking at me.
I shook my head, blinking back tears because I didn't want to cry in front of them.
"Nothing. Kaitlyn's just being a bitch," I said as I walked off out of the room, going to the bus.
I was alone for a while until Gerald came on. He was drying his hair with a towel when he came to sit next to me in the lounge.
"You wanna tell me what happened back there, Rach?" He asked softly, putting his hand on my thigh.
I sighed, wiping the tears off of my cheeks before looking up at him.
"Kaitlyn said that all we do is fighting and have sex," I said softly. "And that we don't go on dates anymore, and I was thinking..."
"Fuck what that bitch thinks," Gerald said as he took his hand off of my thigh. "Our relationship is just fine."
I frowned, looking at him.
"She's not a bitch, Gerald, she's my best friend who's just looking out for me," I said as I tried to keep the tension calm. "And I just need to know...do you have sex with me to shut me up?"
"What? Rachel, that's fucking crazy," Gerald said as he stood up. "What is Kaitlyn putting in your head?"
"Answer me," I said with a shaky voice as I stood up, standing in front of him. "Is what she said true?"
He ran a hand through his hair, sighing as he looked up before looking down at me.
"Having sex with you is an easy way to wear you down so we don't have to do anything," he said as he turned around so he couldn't look at me. "We're on tour, and there's not a lot of time to do the things you wanna do..."
"I can't believe you, Gerald," I said as I started to storm off again.
"Wait, Rachel," Gerald said as he caught my waist, pulling me towards him. "Please don't leave me."
I yanked myself free from him, pushing him away as he yanked on my waist again.
"Get away from me!" I yelled, slapping his hands. "I need to get away from you!" I yelled in the same tone again as I finally got free of his hold, going to get off the bus.
I had to go find Kaitlyn, and let her know she was right.