With my eyes fixated on the digital clock that decorated my desk, I willed the neon colored numbers to make haste striking 12:00. In the months that I had been working for Bachir I quickly worked my way up to being his right hand man. While I was happy for the promotion, the position came with excess work. I had been making moves all morning and I was beyond drained. I anticipated that as the day progressed it would only get worse. After my lunch break, I had at least two more meetings. Bachir was looking to open an art institute and put me in charge of meeting with contractors. I sank into my comfortable leather chair and massaged my temples when my buzzing cellphone suddenly disrupted my fickle peace of mind.
"Hey Lance."
"Wassup?"
"I apologize for the late notice, but I gotta work this evening and I can't find anyone to watch Londyn. Could you watch her? It'll only be until 10:00." I sighed heavily, I felt like I was being bogged down by an invisible weight. I had planned on spending the night at Mia's house.
"Umm..." I was debating what the hell I was going to do. I didn't want to bail on my daughter but I couldn't do the same to Mia.
"Look Lance, I know Londyn doesn't fit into your little family but you said you wanted to be in her life so you better figure something out." She snapped causing me to hold the phone away from my ear and look at like it was a foreign object.
"You better calm down, you got no right acting entitled. I'ma be by to get her when I clock out so have her ready." With that being said I slid the red button and ended the call. This situation was taking a toll on me and I needed some advice. Picking up phone again, I dialed the number of the best person for the job.
"What's good Phae? You busy right now?"
"Actually, I just stepped outside my office. I'm about to grab some lunch. What's up?"
"Mind if I join you? I'm in a jam right now and I wanna talk to you about it."
"No, not at all. Meet me at the Mexican restaurant on SW Avenue."
"Aight, see you in a few." We exchanged goodbyes before I secured my office and headed out the door. Pausing at stop sign, I checked my notifications. Swiping them away I was pleasantly greeted by my wallpaper which featured a smiling Mia. I prayed that she would forgive me for withholding information from her whenever I decided tell what has been going on.
It took me almost fifteen minutes to find a parking spot once I arrived at the restaurant. My patience started diminishing, and I was ready to call Phae and reschedule, when one vehicles reverse lights illuminated signaling that they were about to leave. I quickly pulled into the spot, narrowly beating another eager patron. Hopping out the car, I smiled widely at them, in response the angry woman's middle finger stood tall. I chuckled at her before entering the restaurant. It was hard for me to locate Phae at first since the restaurant was almost filled to maximum capacity. However, after much squiting I spotted the nubian hand beckoning me to join.
"So what trouble has my friend gotten himself into?" She questioned aftering hugging me then retaking her seat at the opposite end if the midsized table.
"Well, you remember I was sexually assaulted in jail right?" Her eyebrows knitted together as she offered her undivided attention.
"Mhmm." She nodded for me to continue.
"Turns out ole girl got pregnant and now I have a two month old daughter." Her eyes widened.
"Are you sure it's yours?"
"Positive. Minus the light brown eyes she looks just like me. The DNA test proved what was already obvious."
"Damn, so how does Mia feel about it?" I dragged my hand roughly down my face and sighed.
"You haven't told her."
"Phae, it's not like I don't wanna tell her, I'm gonna have to eventually but right now I ain't tryin stress her out you know? She got that eclampsia or somn like that and her blood pressure has been elevated. I can't risk her and the twins' health over this. I know she gon be pissed when she find out I been keeping secrets. Even worse when she find out I suffered at the hands of her ex husband's cousin." Listening to myself, this was all starting to sound like an insane soap opera.
"I understand your concerns but if she's going to be pissed regardless I think you should tell her. You're only gonna worsen the situation by delaying. How long do you think you're going to be able to hide a child?" Seriousness was etched across her face and dripped from her tone.
"I hear you, but I just can't right now. I really appreciate your input but I gotta do this my way, tell her on my time. I just hope this doesn't blow up in my face." I mumbled the latter statement more so to myself. Phae shook her head, no doubt she was disappointed in me. She opted not offer any further input. She was fully aware that my decision was resolute. Conversation had been nonexistent until it was time for us to leave. I walked her to her car and turned to head to mine when she stopped me.
"Lance I really hope you do the right thing. I'd really hate to have to guys in my office again hoping to rebuild your relationship all because you wouldn't tell her." I smiled uncomfortably, hung my head and continued to my car, providing no verbal response.
Driving along, Phaedra's words weighed heavy on my mind. I plugged in the aux cord and turned my music up to deafening levels hoping to silence her. I succeeded, though the success was short lived. Her voice was replaced by one that was even more haunting, Mia's. Her words while we in Aruba echoed loudly, they hover over me like a furious storm cloud, "No lies, no secrets, no more improper communication." Yet here I was, keeping secrets and lying again.
The rest of the work day went by and I had yet to resurface from my self-induced daze. I had to cancel my time with Mia or at least postpone it and I had yet to decide what my excuse would be. I had only been watching Londyn for a few weeks and my list of plausible excuses was depleted. However, I couldn't just not show up so I had to think fast.
"Hey babe, how was work today?" A part of me was hoping she didn't pick up as an excuse eluded me.
"It was real hectic, bout to head home and crash." Damn nigga, you really just lied to your woman again, my conscience chided.
"Aww, does that mean you not coming over?" Disappointment oozed from her voice.
"I'ma be over, just won't be until a lil after ten." I hoped Anika didn't have to go beyond her shift.
"Okay, I'll wait up for you."
"Aight love, I'll see you later." Nigga you ain't shit, my conscience persisted. I released an exaggerated sigh before I started my journey to Anika's apartment. Pulling into the visitor's parking lot, I got out and made the familiar trek up to the second floor, apartment number 214. I knocked gently a few times before resorted to banging like the feds when no one came to the door.
"Dang! Hold on, I'm coming." Anika peered through the peephole before unlocking the door. Once she swung the door open she had a half naked Londyn on her hip.
"Why she ain't ready?" I questioned as I walked inside and closed the door behind me.
"She was but then she spit up all over her clothes." Anika breathed heavily, there were slight bags under her eyes, evidence that she was tired. I averted my attention away from her to Londyn.
"Pookie, you being bad?" I blew on her belly causing her to flash a wide, gummy smile.
While Anika got her dressed I took her diaper bag and car seat to my vehicle to kill time. Once I made it back to the apartment she was set and ready to go. After ensuring that she was properly strapped into her seat, I hopped in the driver's seat and set the mirror so I could keep an eye on her as I drove along. Slowing at a stop sign I glanced back to check on her. Her soft, dark brown eyes peered at me as she sucked happily on her minnie mouse pacifier. A warm feeling settled in my chest. Despite the circumstances surrounding her birth there was no doubt that I loved this chubby chocolate dipped bundle of joy. On the way home I grabbed something to eat so I wouldn't have to cook.
Once we were at home, I got us situated in the livingroom. I laid her on her blanket while I ate my dinner. Scraping up the last forkful of rice, I gathered my trash and dumped it then made my way back to the livingroom to bond with my daughter. Picking her up, I showered her chubby cheeks with kisses.
"You gon give daddy a kiss?" I cooed. I brought her lips to my cheek which became coated in her saliva.
I chuckled,"Good enough."
"So, what we getting into tonight pookie? Want daddy to read you a story?" She cooed, offered a gummy smile and yanked my beard. I really needed to get it trimmed before she pulled it all from the root.
"I take that as a yes."
"The Poky Little Puppies or The Five Little Ducks." I retrieved the books and held them up for her to choose. She stared intently at both, before swatting the latter from my hands.
"Aight, Poky Little Puppies it is." I cradled her comfortably in my arms and began reading the story. For the most part she was well behaved and didn't try to tear the pages which was usually the case whenever we had reading time. I ceased reading once I realized she started getting cranky. We had been home for while so I figured she was getting hungry. I retreated to the kitchen to make her bottle.
"Shhh." I tried pacifying her as I laid her against my chest and rested her head on my shoulder as her whimpers morphed into full blown crying.
"It's okay pookie, your bottle gon be cool in a minute." I gently patted her back until she calmed down. Testing the temperature of her formula for the final time and deeming it fit to be consumed, I walked us back to the livingroom and settled on the couch. Resting her head at crook of my arm, I cradled her as her eager lips engulfed the bottle's nipple. She stared at me and held on to my index finger as she happily consumed the bottle's contents. Once she was done, I switched her postion back to my shoulder and patted her back until she burped and spit up on my shoulder. I cursed myself for forgetting to put a towel over it.
After giving her food some time to digest, I retreated to my room and made myself comfortable on the bed. Londyn laid on my chest while I watched reruns of Criminal Minds. Half way through my binge watching, I felt something warm on my stomach. I lifted Londyn to find that her onesie as well as my shirt were soiled with her poop.
"Dang, how you gon do your daddy like that?" She smiled widely at me as if it was funny. I held her up and got of the bed. I decided it was time that I gave her a shower so I migrated to the bathroom to fit her tub. While it was being filled, I stripped her out of her clothes and got her cleaned up. I spent fifteen minutes on her bath, ensuring that she was thoroughly clean and smelt baby fresh. Once I dried her off, I put on her diaper praying that she didn't feel a sudden urge to pee so that I'd have to change her again. When she didn't I powdered her up and put on a fresh onesie and a pair of socks. I laid her in her crib after she yawn repeatedly and her eyelids got heavy. I said a quick prayer over her and kissed her forehead before I settled into my own bed. Now that she was asleep, my thoughts ran rampantly once again. There was only one escape, unfortunately I wasn't ready to take it.
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Welp...👀👀
How we feel about Lance keeping things from our good sis Mia? Do you understand where he's coming from or nah??
Drop ya thoughts👇🏾👇🏾👇🏾
Bless up,
Z.A.