Holmes Chapel was a three and a half hour drive from London.
Aside from school trips, I'd never traveled much. I'd never even been to a friend's house for dinner, let alone for a weekend, and I couldn't help the bubbling uncertainty I felt. Harry and Gemma kept up a steady flow of conversation until just passed the half way mark, when he turned in his seat to focus his smouldering eyes on me.
"Whatcha doin?" He looked at my phone in my hand.
"Just putting down some thoughts." I closed the note on my phone.
"You alright?" He asked, saying more in a look than in his friendly tone. My stomach flip-flopped.
"Great," I said, though it felt like a lie, "the views are beautiful, aren't they?" I redirected my attention to the rolling landscape outside the car. It baffled me just how much color there was outside the cement jungle that was London.
"They really are. Have you ever traveled North before?"
"Not really." I admitted.
"It's not like the City." He said lightly, turning towards the front again. My eyes lingered on his sharp profile for a few seconds before I realized Gemma was looking at me in the rear view. I smiled at her briefly and looked away, doing my best to swallow my fears.
**
Our car pulled into the driveway of Harry's childhood home just before 7pm. I took a deep breathe and moved to open the door, eager to stretch my legs. Looking out the window, I made eye contact with the handsome man who was sending me a subtle wink on his way around the car.
Then the front door opened.
"Kids! My kids are home!" A woman rushed out in her slippers, embracing Gemma first and pulling Harry in when he got within arms reach. They hugged her back and let her soak up the moment.
I came around the car after them, nervous as hell and focused on being polite.
"Mum, this is Eve." Harry side-stepped to make room for me when the extended hug ended. "Eve, this is my mum, Anne."
"It's nice to meet you." I reached out to shake her hand.
"It's a pleasure to meet you too, darlin." Anne said easily. If she was concerned about my injuries, she didn't show it. "Let me give you a hand."
I smiled, telling myself I had no need to worry. Harry seemed confident his mum was going to love me- but I didn't know how that was going to be possible.
"Robin has been cooking up a storm today..." Anne began, leading the way inside. "He went to the market and came back with three chickens, who is going to eat three whole chickens? So I decided we better just make a pot pie..."
She rambled a little as we made our way into the two-story house. The main room was cozy, and very elegantly decorated. I felt like an outsider the second I stepped in the door. It was evident Harry's family was close by the photos on every wall, including ones of Harry and Gemma throughout their school years, ending in grad photos.
I found myself staring at them, remembering all the times I'd wished for such normalcy in my childhood.
Gemma interrupted my thoughts with a nudge.
"Everyone thinks Harry's such a stud now, but they didn't know him back then. Little arse." She teased.
"I was not. I was perfectly lovable." He interjected himself between us and looked at me, "still am." He winked.
"Oh you think so huh?" I said dryly, sharing a look with Gem.
"Wanna see the rooms?" She asked me, making her way to the stairs.
"Okay?" I answered, unsure. Harry gave me a reassuring look and I followed Gemma up. She stopped at the first door on the right.
"This is my room." She stated, and it was clear to see it hadn't changed much from when she lived here. The walls were covered in posters and random art. I swallowed a hard lump in my throat as I looked around. It was nice, very welcoming and girly.
"Hard to believe she hasn't done anything with it." Gemma smirked as she looked around, but didn't linger inside. She opened the door to the bathroom across the hall, pointing out the towels and facecloths, before moving down the hall.
"This-"
"Is my room." Harry cut her off with a clownish grin. "No girls allowed, thank you very much."
"Pretty sure you broke that rule in year eleven." She called him out.
"Did not..." he denied badly, opening the door. It was clean and tidy, with a double bed under the window, a desk and a guitar on the right and his bookshelf on the left. His bed, like Gemma's, had a thick duvet, this one was grey and white.
They were exactly what I expected teenager's rooms to look like. And it made me taste blood biting back the comments I couldn't turn off in my head...
Must've been nice...
All it needs is a little family of rats in the wall and I'd be right at home.
My mom had a duvet like that. Of course, it had to be thrown out because of all the blood, but...
"Hello... Earth to Eve..." Harry had moved into my line of sight, and was looking at me strangely.
"Sorry, what?" I blinked away my irrational judgement, doing my best to hide it from Harry.
"You just... seem pretty quiet. Are you okay?" He asked.
"I'm fine." I lied, giving him a hard look not to push it.
"Want to see the guest room? Mum set it all up for you." Gemma said sweetly. I could tell she knew she was in the dark about something... about everything really... but I didn't know how else to act.
She lead us to one more room, across the hall from Harry's. Opening the door, I saw a big, freshly made bed with an oversized grey and yellow duvet. The small desk had fresh flowers and there was a rug on the floor so soft I wanted to wiggle my toes on it, but resisted.
It made me so unexplainably sad.
This was what my mom wanted for us. She wanted beauty, and safety, and family. She wanted flowers and fresh sheets. She did the best she could with the little she had and she never got to experience any of it.
I looked at Harry. The sadness on my face couldn't be hidden, and he knew immediately.
"Hey Gem, can you give us a minute?" He asked her. She was confused, but she left, closing the door, and I covered my face.
"Hey, hey. What's going on?" The confusion in his voice only made my emotions harder to control. What kind of person was I to do this here, now?
"I'm just overwhelmed, I'm sorry. This house, your family, I just... it's so nice, but I don't belong here." I tried to explain it, but I knew he couldn't understand.
"What are you talking about?" He pulled me to the bed and we both sat, I still had my face buried in my sleeves. "Eve, you're very welcome here. My mom is going to love you, Gemma does. I know it's different but..."
"No Harry, you don't get it." I sniffed, "I look around here and all I can see are things that my mom wanted for us. Happy things... that make a home... things we only had for such a short time before everything went... bad." I dabbed my eyes gently, "and now, I'm with you and I'm trying to exist and I just feel like I'm lying." I breathed in deeply, wanting to be anywhere else.
There was a few moments where neither of us said anything. Harry had wrapped his arm around me and was rubbing my back, letting me hide from him.
"I get it." He finally said. "She never had normal, so why should you?"
I didn't respond to the statement, knowing it was irrational. Harry seemed to be reading my thoughts, as he was so prone to do.
"Your mom." He started but paused, choosing his words carefully. It made me wish I could take back the crying and oversharing... I was annoyed at it all, but he continued.
"Your mom would want you to have the best. And more." His fingers found there way around my waist as he leaned in. "If there's one thing I know, it's that she probably wanted those things because she loved you. You have many years of bad luck to make up for, you know." He tilted his face down to mine as he spoke softly, and I wrapped my protective curtain of hair back around my ear to be able see him.
"My mom would've loved you." I tried to smile but the thought made me too sad.
"What was her name?" He asked genuinely.
I smiled. "Jade."
"Jade Ashbury. I bet she was extraordinary."
"She was." I wiped my good eye. "She had so much left to see. She was too young."
"So were you." Harry said. "Too young to know how to cope with a dying Mother."
"She wasn't dying until he left." I said spitefully. "We loved him and he left."
"Your Father?"
"A real winner."
"He abandoned you guys?"
"Yup."
"How old were you?"
"Six."
"That's.. horrible."
"My mom had no money. She sold everything to pay the rent. And when it all ran out we moved into a shack in fucking Bexly." I hated memories of that shack. I hated that I could still smell the musty air that drafted through the walls of the house. I took a deep breath, thinking a little more rationally now. "I didn't mean to lose... my cool, or whatever. It's just hard living your life sometimes. Perfect family, perfect house..."
"Heaven forbid you lose your cool." He said sarcastically, "and nothing is perfect, I promise you that." Pulling his arm from around me, he folded his hands in his lap as he continued. "My Dad left when I was seven. Did I tell you that? My mom got remarried, four years ago to Robin."
"You didn't tell me that."
"I'm lucky I guess, because Robin is great. But it was hard for a long time." I intertwined my fingers with Harry's, letting him know I understood.
"How about we go downstairs, have a glass of wine, and just try and relax?"
"Okay. I'm sorry..." I faced him on the bed.
"You don't have to be." He stuck out his bottom lip, sharing in my passing sadness. He knew exactly how to pull me in so that I could forget whatever else was in my head, and as our eyes locked, I felt the tension dissipating. He was sweet numbness, dulling the nerves of my psyche and letting me focus only on what I could feel. When he kissed me softly, I was myself again.
Suddenly, it hit me with great awareness that we'd been hiding away in his guest room.
"Shall we get back to it?" I looked at myself in the mirror. My face was only a little red, and I blinked away the glassiness in my eyes. It was time to be brave, however that needed to happen.
Opening the door, I slowly lead the way downstairs, stopping only once to look back at Harry.
"How do I look?" I whispered, winking my good eye and making him laugh.
"Bad ass." He assured me, poking my side. "More reason than ever to get you into some self-defense classes huh?"
I agreed with a small smile as we re-entered the living room.
"Everything okay?" Anne asked, causing my head to turn and realize that we had the rooms attention.
"Yes. And, I wanted to say thank you, for having me on such short notice." I gave her a smile.
"Any friend of my kids is welcome here." Anne spoke softly, but I could see the flash of intrigue in her eyes, just as I noticed a man standing behind her who I hadn't met yet.
"Excuse me, hi. I'm Eve." I took the steps to shake his hand.
"Pleased to meet you, Eve. I'm Robin."
"You must be the man who bought the chickens." I joked, and they both laughed.
The atmosphere relaxed some as we all began getting ready to eat. Harry barely had to look at me to send butterflies through my stomach, and I hoped it wasn't as obvious as it felt that we were getting closer.
But it was just a few days of casual. Nothing we hadn't done before.
If only he would stop tugging at his hair, or smiling at all. Then it would be totally fine.
**
I woke up on Friday morning in pain, and no confusion about the cause. My painkillers had stopped working overnight, and the bottle of wine over dinner wasn't helping now either.
I pulled on a pair of plaid pyjamas and padded down the hall into the bathroom. In the mirror, my eye looked worse than yesterday, if that was possible. The swelling had gone down, but the bruising had taken on a yellow tinge and the makeup was gone from the day before... leaving me to do my best with my minimal supplies.
As was becoming the norm, my thoughts drifted. Harry had made a point of saying goodnight after everyone went to bed, but he didn't stay. He seemed to know that it wasn't the right time, but it had been both a struggle and a relief letting him sleep in the other room. A relief because I was still tentative about sharing a bed under his parents roof, a struggle because my body was in physical demand of him, constantly forcing me to hide the things he made me feel.
I took a deep breath in the mirror. It was a new day and I needed to focus on how I was going to get through it.
When I went downstairs, I read the clock and saw it was early. I grabbed my purse where the medication was and went to the kitchen to find some water.
Bright light poured into the room as Anne entered the kitchen from outside. Subconsciously, I pulled my sleeves down to be sure the bruises on my arms were well hidden.
"Good morning." Anne said, letting in the warmth. "Oh, dear, that really looks like it hurts."
"Yeah. Its got a pulse." I side-smiled before downing the two pills. Now I just had to wait.
"Would you like a coffee? It's beautiful outside, you can come sit if you like." Anne retrieved a cup from the cupboard and I couldn't resist.
I added a little cream and followed her to the table in the sun. We sat for a minute, soaking up the day before she asked.
"So... how long have you known Harry?" It was a simple question, but I had a strong feeling it wouldn't be the only one. My heart raced at the mention of his name.
"I think just over a month?" I answered honestly. It definitely felt like longer with everything we had been through already.
"Wow, and he mentioned you've been staying with him." She sipped her coffee, keeping her tone friendly.
"Yeah, I mean, he kind of helped me out of a situation. It was complicated."
"I hope you don't mind me prying, but I'm curious about everyone in Harry and Gemma's life."
At that moment, Gemma came outside too, a steaming mug in her hand.
"Good morning," She paused, "am I interrupting?"
"Good morning love, no of course not, I was just getting to know Eve a little." Gemma's eyes got big and she mouthed me an apology. I smiled back.
"Its okay, I understand." I sipped my coffee too, enjoying the hot caffeine as it seeped into my system.
As Gemma pulled up a chair facing us, Anne wasted no time beating around the bush.
"So, what exactly is your situation?" She asked her questions thoughtfully, not in a judgmental way, more like a protective mom way. I couldn't blame her, I guess.
"Mom..."
"What?"
"Its kind of a gruesome story..." I gave Gemma the 'its okay' look. Anne sat forward, nodding as if to say she was ready for it. Gemma stayed silent, curious too, and I took a deep breath.
"I was sold, by my legal guardian, last month when I turned eighteen." I wasn't quite ready to delve into the family side of my history, so I kept the Fawk out of it. "Harry and I met at a party the week before, and he offered me a job helping out his charity event. I think he could see I was in tough spot, because he gave me a cell phone."
"Oh my God." Anne had her brows knit in concern and Gemma was on the edge of her seat.
"I had no idea what was coming. I thought it was going to be like a job placement type thing." I laughed, remembering my own naivety. That day had been like icy water forcing me to wake up and see reality.
"Well, to make a long story short, the place I was sold to was an... adult club, in Maidstone." I altered the wording so they wouldn't think I was some prostitute. "They took the phone but I stole it back, a lot happened in those weeks... and then Harry helped me get out of there."
"Thank Goodness, he did!" Anne exclaimed.
"Yeah. You're telling me." I met her eyes and found comfort. "He saved me, and those people he saved me from, they lost a lot of money because of him. They found me, or, we think it was them... at a park close to his house on Tuesday afternoon." Gemma covered her mouth, horrified as the pieces came together.
"They got me in a van, I was tied up, told someone was coming to get me, I was right out of it, but by some miracle, I escaped." I peeked at my wrists, remembering the tight ropes that had been there, and how fortunate I was to be here right now.
"Oh Eve, I had no idea." Gemma got up and hugged me. It was strange to be given their sympathy, be given a reminder that I was allowed to feel traumatized, it was traumatizing.
"Thanks Gem." I hugged her back. "It doesn't quite feel real, saying it all out loud."
"You've been through so much, but I don't understand how this happened, who was your guardian, not your parents?" Anne brows were knitted together in concern.
Gemma whacked her mother gently, scolding her for being nosy, but I had seen that same look on my own mom's face, and it almost made me smile.
"An orphanage, actually." I mumbled. "Harry's got lawyers helping me, documenting everything and trying to build a case. The hardest part is having solid proof."
"I can't believe that... it's no wonder you're so secretive." Gemma said without thinking, the guilty look came after. "Sorry, I just mean... its Harry. It's hard not to wonder what's happening behind closed doors when he brings a stranger to live with him."
"I know. I wanted to tell you sooner-"
"So what happened to your parents, your mum?" Anne trailed off, probably realizing that she was taking her prying to another level, because Gemma chimed in.
"Mom! You can't just pry..." I appreciated her concern, and it gave me strength. For once, I didn't feel myself shut down at the thought of her.
"She passed away, when I was ten. I haven't seen my dad since I was young." I confessed, keeping my voice level and my emotions detached.
"I'm so sorry..." She had pain for me in her eyes, and I shook off the heaviness with a tight smile.
At that moment, Harry's curly head poked out the door. It must've been a sight to see, the three of us all deep in conversation, his mom and sister looking so concerned.
"Good morning? I hope?" He interrupted, and Anne, who had had her back to him, stood up.
"Good morning, my sweet son." She kissed his cheek, "you did a good thing, helping Eve through all this."
"She told you?" He was surprised, rightfully so, when just last night I'd been having a meltdown in their spare room.
"She told us how you met, and that you helped get her out of that place." Gemma said, turning to me. "And thank you, by the way. It can't be easy to talk about." She smiled at me.
"But leave it to you two to find a way." Harry joked, standing beside me. "Are we done with the great inquisition, now? I am dying for a hot cross bun!" He was so good at lightening the mood, it was amazing. And just like that, a weight lifted off of me. I'd never opened up to people like this before, first Harry, and now his mum and sister. Who was I?
As the day wore on, and Harry and his family showed me all their favorite spots in town, I felt like I was shedding a layer of myself. The skin I'd always worn so thick was scuffing off in small pieces, and it was terrifying to think that I might be more vulnerable without those walls.
The more I let myself feel it, the more it made me feel stronger too, in a different way.
I looked at Harry, standing in the window of a quilting store with his mom, and I wanted to show him how much it meant. For the first time, I felt ready for him. This time, it wasn't just want. It was the feeling that we were both exactly where we needed to be, and maybe, we could actually be good for each other.
**
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