I wake up the next day at eight in the morning to an empty bed. Aiden left a note on my side of the bed for when I wake up, explaining that he had to disappear and do some stuff with the gang today.
I had an hour before my personal trainer would be here and in the meantime, I ate and got changed into some gym wear. I didn't see the point in showering since I'll just be sweaty and gross after.
When the doorbell rings, I go to answer it. Unlocking the door and swinging it open, I'm surprised to see a head of disheveled blonde hair.
"James? What are you doing here?"
"Aiden said he wanted me to be your personal trainer," he says. He didn't sound as bubbly as usual, and it even brought my mood down. "And I agreed."
"Okay," I nod, stepping to the side so he could come in. "Where are we doing it?"
"We're gonna do some laps around the back garden and warm up first," he says. "I assume you need to be eased into it before I start giving you weights and stuff."
I nod, closing the front door and following him out to the back garden. It brings back many memories, the most vivid one being the time that I fainted in front of Brad and Aiden.
We start off running slow, absorbed in silence as I try and keep my pulse steady and my breathing calm. It was underwhelming how quiet James was considering he's usually such a bubbly person. I can only imagine that it's because he knows about Aiden and I, and isn't happy about it.
After we've finished running, we do some stretches and some workouts such as squats and ski sits. One minute into a ski sit, I let out a small sigh. The uncomfortable silence was suffocating.
"So, how've you been?" I ask, looking over to James. He was unsurprisingly good at these, and he was leaning against the wall casually.
He glances over to me and shrugs. "I've been okay, I guess. You?"
"I've been better," I mutter and I don't think he quite catches it. "Haven't seen you in a while, though. I just wanted to make sure you're fine."
"I'm not the one you should be checking up on," he frowns at me slightly and I can't lie that his words pang at my chest.
"I know," I purse my lips for a moment. "I just want to let Brad cool down before I try and talk to him again."
"Not a bad move, but I think he's struggling more because you haven't reached out to him," James says. My eyebrows furrow. "If you were to have reached out to him, he would've known you cared, that you wanted to sort things out. But you haven't and he thinks you don't care for him."
He couldn't be further from the truth. "Of course I care for Brad, I always will. You weren't there James, you didn't see the hurt and the anger in his eyes when he spoke to me. He told me he never wanted to speak to me again, and I knew he needed time to cool off."
"He wouldn't mean that," James shakes his head. "Brad loves you, everyone knows that, including yourself. You getting engaged to Aiden all of a sudden broke him, Jamie. He said it in the heat of the moment."
"I guess," I sigh. "I just wanted to know he's calm and ready to talk to me before I tried anything, I didn't want to make it worse between us."
"I understand that," James nods. "What I don't understand is why you decided to get engaged to a guy you met only a few weeks before."
Right, James doesn't know Aiden and I were best friends until a few years ago. I decide not to correct him on that detail since it's not important.
"He approached me," I say to James. "He needed my help and he said that I had to marry him so no one would take over the gang. It's a long and complicated story but I was told that if I don't, there's a risk that Brad would've got hurt, maybe even killed. I couldn't turn down the chance to make sure Brad stays alive."
"Honestly, I think Brad would rather be dead than not have you."
His words twang at my heartstrings and I can't lie that I feel the same. The first few weeks were especially hard, and it's only started to get easier without Brad recently. It's still unbearable.
I push myself off of the wall as my legs begin to ache and James does the same. We both stretch as we continue to converse.
"I just don't see why you couldn't just tell Brad all of this before you made a decision," James says honestly. "He would've helped you decide what to do, he would've helped you get out of this situation."
"And that could've got him killed," I reason with James. "And I wanted to tell him before anyone else found out after I decided to take the deal, but it didn't happen how I wanted it to."
"That's because it's better being honest with Brad from the start, not when you feel it's the right time."
He's right, I should've told Brad from the start. I know I wouldn't be in this mess but there's also a chance that Brad would be in severe danger if he convinced me to decline the engagement.
"And now he's upset," James says. "He's upset, distraught, angry, hurt. You fucked up, Jamie. You lost him and you broke him. I've never seen him like this over anyone before."
"You don't think I'm upset and hurt? Angry at myself?" I ask in disbelief, stopping what I'm doing and standing up. James does the same. "James, I lost him, too. You didn't see me through the weeks of crying, you haven't felt what I've felt when I saw Brad, making out with girls at parties. James, I love him, I always have! And this hasn't been easy on both of us, and I miss him so fucking much and I've risked my happiness so that there's not a chance in hell that he'll get hurt!"
I take a deep breath, realising what I've just said. Everything I kept in, bubbling up inside of me, is now out in the open. I got everything off of my chest and I not only feel relieved, but overwhelmed.
James notices my eyes welling up and his face falls with sympathetic. I don't want his sympathy, I just wanted him to understand how I feel, too. That this is hard for both Brad and I.
James pulls me in for a long hug, rubbing my back as I cry into his chest. Aiden hasn't been someone I've cried in front of many times and it's nice to have the comfort of someone else this time. Aiden's awkward in these types of situations sometimes since he doesn't always know what to do.
"I'll talk to him," James promises me, pulling away. "I'll see how he's feeling and if he's ready to speak with you, alright? He knows I'm here today, he wasn't happy about it."
"You will?" I ask, my heart suddenly speeding at the thought of seeing Brad, talking to him.
"I'll try," he smiles. "You've got my number, right?"
"Yeah."
"I'll message you what happens," he assures me. "And I'm sorry that I just thought you were living the highlife, Jamie. I never really thought about how you felt, none of us have."
"It's okay," I smile, pushing some hair behind my ear. We decide to finish up our fitness session and that we can meet up in a couple of days for another try.
I show him to the door, talking to him about small things like how uni is going for him and how sixth form is going for me.
"Haven't been going," I answer when he asks me about it. "I mean, I started to at first and I saw Brad never came so I guess it was easier than I thought. But then after a party a few weeks ago, I saw Brad making out with Frankie and then they disappeared. Every time I've been in since, I've had it rubbed in my face by her that she's shagged Brad."
James face falls, traced with guilt. "Yeah, Brad told us about that when we were telling him to go out more. I won't spare you with the details but I think it's his way of getting over you. She probably thought he liked her or something, but I know he's certainly not over you."
I think I'm relieved to hear that Brad's not over me. It's such a selfish thought but I know that I love him still, and it hurts that I'm not talking to him.
"I'll see you later, James," I smile once we reach the front door. We hug briefly.
"I'll message you hopefully by tonight," James assures me and I nod slowly as we pull away from our hug. "Stay safe, name twin."
My lips pulls up into a smile at the nickname. "You too, James."
edited.