IT's been a month.
One whole month and the only person who had my new number was my girlfriend, Mya. We were still going as strong as before and our relationship was already built on distance so it wasn't hard, at least I convinced myself that it wasn't. I loved physical connection, physical affection, physical everything. I wanted someone who would be by my side day in, day out - is that too much to ask?
"Have you decided to message anyone as yet?" I was lying down staring at the high wooden ceiling with my phone propped up on a pillow beside me.
"Why should I? I mean, the purpose of this trip was to go AWOL." I watched her eyebrows crease as they focused on her homework, this was a regular for us to be on a video call while she did her work.
"Then why'd you give me your new number?"
"What kind of question is that?" I turned from my back to lie on my stomach with my elbows supporting my upper body.
"Okay..."
"What? What are you talking about?"
"Nothing, I just think you should at least message someone and let them know that you are alive." She shrugged her shoulder, acting as if she didn't care.
"My mother knows, isn't that enough?"
"When are you getting a job?" She changed the subject and I rolled my eyes; typical.
"As soon as my aunt can get one for me."
"Can't you go out and look?" I held in a frustrated sigh and turned my face away from the camera, I was starting to get annoyed.
"I can't. The stamp in my passport says that I shouldn't be working."
"Ohhhh. That's stupid. Immigration laws in the Caribbean are so exclusive and we are supposed to be a community. If this is how we behave as a community, I wouldn't want to know how we would behave as separate entities."
"Well, they all have separate identities."
"You know what I mean." She hissed her teeth. "It's just stupid." She added.
"I agree."
"Jamaicans do behave like we are better than everyone else though."
"Well, we have the biggest island and we are the farthest in Western Capitalism. Trinidad isn't much better you know." I pointed out.
"Trinidad can't compare to Jamaica."
"There it is, there is the chauvinism and patriotism." I laughed.
"It's true, though. Jamaica has dug her way up with blood and dirt under her nails from slavery and oppression to being free under western and Asian persuasion. We have dancehall and I think it's insulting to speak of dancehall and say the "Caribbean" dancehall is a Jamaican thing. Soca is a Caribbean thing and tropical climate, not dancehall."
"They should make you write a paper on this, you'd get top marks." I nodded.
"I would, wouldn't I?" She smirked.
"Give me a minute, my aunt wants me to open the door for she." I raised from my position on the bed.
"Excuse me? Dash that weh! For HER! Not for she..." Mya fussed.
"I'm sorry, for her." My loud laughter rang out as I rested the phone down and left the room. I loved the accent and wouldn't mind using it to fit in more.
I did pick up on the accent here, it was funny and it made sense that I was able to better communicate with them because they didn't understand my Jamaican accent as much as I didn't understand theirs. I got to the front door and peeped outside just to make sure it was my aunt.
"Way you?" My aunt rushed passed me with grocery bags in her hands but not before kissing my cheek.
"Huh?" I turned back to look at her.
"Where were you?" She laughed. She knew I was still trying to catch on but some of the words sounded more French than English to me.
"Ooh, I was in the room." I moved to help her unpack the groceries.
"Okay. Come, I asked my friend for a job at his store and he's willing to give you one to do inventory." She rested the grocery bags on the counter and started back for the door.
Realizing what was happening, I ran back to the room and grabbed my phone, sprayed deodorant under my arms and changed my shorts for pants.
"Babe, I think I'll be getting a job. I'll let you know what's happening."
"Okay, let me know how it goes. I love you."
"Love you too."
I heard her blow the customary kiss at the screen before I disconnected the video call and made my way outside to my aunt's Vitz. I got in the front and rolled the window down waiting for her to put her phone down and back out of the driveway.
"You can drive?" Aunt Claudia dropped her phone into the cup holder and started the car.
"Not really." I chuckled.
"Such a serious question is a yes or no question." She looked over at me.
"Well, no." I was a bit ashamed to admit it, my mom didn't drive and I never had any interest in learning.
"Tell me something, you gay?" She didn't look over at me this time.
"Uhh.. yeah." Looking through the window, I started picking at my fingers.
"Okay. Did wah ask but me just assume because you dress like a boy?"
I didn't answer.
"So why you dress so?" We were out of the community and driving down Trotters Road now.
"It's comfortable."
"So you don't like dress and so?"
"Nope."
"Okay then."
The rest of the journey to the store was quiet. I was left with my own imagination on what would happen from here on out and as I did many times before, I pushed the thoughts away because I knew nothing ever happened like they played out in my mind. My aunt sang along with the soca songs playing on the radio, I wasn't a huge fan of soca but I knew enough of them since Mya was.
We pulled into a hardware store with boring brown walls and BROWNIE'S HARDWARE written in yellow letters. My aunt parked the car and we both got out and started towards the entrance. I paid more attention to the flip and flop of my slippers than where I was going but I managed to get safely inside without running into anyone.
"Weh Brownie?" My aunt asked the woman sitting behind the cash register. She made it obvious that business was slow right now with her bored, uninterested face. She also looked at my aunt with familiarity as if she saw her one too many times.
"Office." She responded in a monotonous tone - she didn't lift her head as she continued scrolling through her phone.
Aunt Claudia dragged me off towards the back of the store. We came across a plain wooden door that she knocked on once before pushing it open and entering with me on her tail.
"Good Afternoon, Brown." Aunt Claudia greeted the tall bald-headed man that sat heavily in his tall office chair behind the wide desk that took up most of the space.
"Is this my dearest, Claudia?" He dropped his pen and looked up at her with gleaming eyes not noticing me standing beside her.
"Stop it. Here's my niece." She jerked me from my hiding spot behind her small frame.
"Hi, niece." He shot me an ear to ear smile showing off his one gold tooth.
"Hi." I wanted to shrink back to where I was hiding behind my aunt, new faces make me anxious.
"So you want a job?" The office chair creaked as Mr Brown leaned back with his arms crossed.
"Well, yeah." Obviously. The words ran through my head but I kept my smile and my eyes still wandered around the walls behind him.
"Okay, your aunt told me about your time so I can give you a job around by the back doing inventory. You can start on Monday at 8 AM, I don't like tardiness and we can discuss the stypen on Monday too."
"Thank you." I wondered if I should shake his hand but my feet stayed glued to the spot I was standing.
"If anyone asks, you've been here for three years already. Can't trust people, especially those from your own country. I don't know is wah but dey chats too fucking much. So, just watch out for yourself and keep your mouth shut. Alright?"
"Y-yes, alright." I stuttered.
"Good! Niece, I'll see you on Monday." He outstretched his hand and this time, I propelled forward without a thought and met it with my own for a handshake.
"Thank you, again." I still didn't make eye contact.
"Nuh thank me yet but you can thank your sexy Aunty." He gestured towards her.
As I turned on my heel to walk out of the suffocating office it became clearer to me that they were in a relationship of some sort. He had a ring on his finger which meant that he was married, so is my aunt a homewrecker or does she just not care about common principles enough to date a married man? Whichever it was, I decided it wasn't my business to know.
I took my time walking back to the front of the hardware with my phone raised to my lips - I was telling Mya what had happened.
Thinking back to what Mr Brown said, it wasn't very surprising. I should keep my mouth shut, all he did was remind me. Despite my being a loudmouth, I was very selective in what I shared.
With my attention elsewhere, I wasn't surprised that I managed to walk into someone. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry." I quickly took my nose out of my phone to look at who I blindly walked into.
"Yuh safe man." I could feel my heart racing in my chest, that voice - it was an instant turn on.
I stepped back enough to get a good look at the person because at first glance the male clothing was very distracting but then I looked up at the face and saw rather feminine features with high cheekbones.
"I... uh, um..." Get it together, Tash. "Okay..." All I could think of was making my escape and I stepped to move around her.
"You safe?" I didn't want to get too excited but I was really hoping she would've said something to stop me from walking away - I had to admit she was quite fucking beautiful.
"Well, yeah? I don't see any danger around." I stopped abruptly midstride and quickly looked around trying to see if anything suspicious was happening around the store.
A deep chuckle, albeit a panty-dropping one, broke the tense situation that I created. "You nuh from here, huh?"
"No," I narrowed my eyes as I stared at anything else but her face.
"Are you okay?" She said much slower.
"Yes. I am." I rolled my eyes, all of a sudden I was dumb? I needed to escape, pronto.
"Good. Well, I'll be going." She smiled at me. I was more focused on worrying if she was hearing how loudly my heart was thumping in my chest rather than returning the question.
"Yeah. Same." I took a deep breath and searched around for the exit.
"Watch where you're going next time."
Was she chastising me? My mind told me yes. I didn't answer, I quickly walked away from her trying to find my way back outside. She had a scar that ran from her left brow, nearly missing her eye, and ended at her left ear. It seemed like a deep gash because the scar was thick, I wondered how she got it but I also wondered about the rest of her facial features. The scar that stood out on her face added to her good looks and her dark skin was smooth. I wasn't attracted to her or anything, I just wanted to know her skincare routine, that's all.
I finally got outside and found a seat under a large tree. I took my earphones from my pockets and played Frank Ocean as I sat staring at the front of the basic, brown hardware store. I could only imagine what it would be like, I've never worked in a hardware store before but it would be good for my come-up story.
Coming into my line of vision was Aunt Claudia and the same woman that I bumped into engaged in conversation and I thought to myself is this country that small that everyone knew everyone like a village? I rolled my eyes and didn't make a move to get up, I watched as Claudia got into her car and started it up while the stud turned and walked back into the store.
Once she pulled out of the parking spot, and the stud was out of sight, I made my way over to her waiting car. I was greeted with her loud and aggressive cussing on the phone, I'd have to really concentrate to understand when she spoke that fast but since it wasn't my business I pressed play on my phone and allowed Noname to continue her lullaby rap while texting my girlfriend.
My decision made sense, I wouldn't give the people I left behind my number because I left them behind for a reason. Instead, from now on, everyone who got my number will be new contacts.
New number, who dis?