“The beer’s here, and over there’s the liquor, but you already know that…”
I followed Danna around Jinx taking in everything she was telling me. I had completely forgotten to tell her we were actually off all week for Thanksgiving and I was in desperate need of escaping my house.
I was just glad to be away from Megan.
After I had lashed out on her Saturday morning we hadn’t spoken since and I was starting to think maybe I should just completely back off. She had obviously slept with Nikki by her response and the more I thought about it the more upset I would get. There was no use in getting upset and taking it out on her when it honestly was none of my business.
I just didn’t care anymore.
I wasn’t going to fight with her, I was going to try and avoid that at all costs now. Megan and I would obviously never be anything more than friends, and friends didn’t fight like we did. I needed to change my attitude for the better, and maybe she would finally see that I didn’t care anymore.
And maybe if I did that I would finally convince myself that I didn’t, because we all knew I obviously cared.
Danna spoke, “Mixed drinks are easy, usually the people will tell you what they want. Beer’s the most requested but you still need to know the basics.”
I sighed, “I know a lot more alcohol than you think.”
She looked at me, “You think so huh?”
I smirked, “I know so. Test me.”
She sighed, “Long Island iced Tea.”
I sighed, already knowing this, “Vodka, Tequila, Rum, Gin, Cola and Sour.”
“Lemon Drop?”
“Absolut, sugar, and a lemon.”
She thumbed her chin, pointing, “White Russian?”
I responded immediately, “Vodka, cream, and coffee liqueur.”
Danna threw her hands up, nodding, “You’ll be fine. Let me show you how to ring all this stuff up.”
She took me to the computer and started showing me how to put in the drinks and oddly enough it was easier than expected. I felt confident about this, mostly because I knew most drinks and it was only Monday and training was going great. She didn’t want to work me until Wednesday, which was their busiest night besides Friday and I was ready to go.
I began helping her restock the bar while she questioned, “So how’s school going?”
I shrugged, “Good as it can get I guess, I just want graduation to be here already.”
She patted my back, “Any plans after?”
I just looked down into the cooler, realizing I really didn’t have any plans for after high school. School just wasn’t my thing, and college was definitely not happening.
But Danna’s question had got me thinking.
I shook my head, “No, no plans but… I guess one step at a time.”
Danna smiled at me, “You know, I didn’t go to college and I’m doing just fine.”
I looked at her and smiled, realizing she was absolutely right, “How’d you manage all this?”
She continued shoveling beers into the cooler while explaining, “Well let’s see, I had plenty of friends who were lesbian and gay, who also knew other people who were from college and work and such. There was no LGBT bar around for miles, so I knew getting all these people together and having a type of fundraiser would do me justice. I got sponsors from certain LGBT support groups and people who were well off, and soon I was able to put a down payment on this building and get started. Been going strong for ten years now.”
I sighed, “Sounds like a lot of work.”
She nodded, “It was, but it was totally worth it.”
I handed her the last of the beer to put into the cooler, “Ever thinking about opening another one?”
She looked at me, “Plenty of times, but that’s later on down the road.”
I smiled, “How far down the road are we talking?”
She closed the cooler and stood, smiling, “A few years at least. I’ve been talking to one of my good friends who live more up north, about an hour away. It’s about fifteen minutes away from the state college which would be a good spot, considering college is flowing with LGBT people.”
I nodded, thinking that it would actually make sense, and I knew another Jinx would be genius.
She waved her hand, “But that’s still up in the air, too soon to tell you anything.”
I smiled, “Am I the only one you’ve told?”
She nodded, “Yes, so if it gets around the bar I’ll know who to find.”
I laughed, “Don’t worry, your secret plan is safe with me.”
She leaned back on the bar, looking at me, “You’re not still involved with… you know?”
I shook my head, “No more drugs, figured I wouldn’t need it working here.”
She smiled, “You never needed it, just don’t bring it in here if you ever do get the urge to go back.”
I had been here for a while now that I’ve glanced at the clock, I just didn’t want to go home to Megan and Shawn, who would most likely be packing up all of Megan’s shit.
The thought kind of depressed me.
Danna sighed, “Well, looks like I’ve covered everything I possibly could. Are you willing to come in at eight Wednesday?”
I nodded, already feeling ready, “Yea I’m excited.”
She smiled, “Well, you’re free to go. I’ll see you Wednesday. Be ready to work!”
I smiled, dismissing myself into the late November evening. I didn’t want to go home but I honestly couldn’t think of anywhere else to be, so I had to settle on it.
Then I felt my phone buzzing in my jacket pocket, and I pulled it out to see Emma’s name flashing on my screen. I felt guilt overcome me as I thought about the Friday that just passed, and how I had cheated on her. I hadn’t spoken to her since and I knew she was getting anxious with me.
I just didn’t know how to approach her, but I knew I would have to answer.
I answer, “Hey babe.”
“Don’t babe me, Sam. Why are you ignoring me?”
I sighed into my phone as I lit a cig in my mouth, sitting in my car as I spoke, “I haven’t, I’ve just been busy.”
“Busy, really? With what?”
I inhaled and exhaled, trying to muster up a better response, “I’ve been training with Danna all day…”
“Yea? What about Saturday and Sunday?”
I scratched the back of my head and tried changing the subject, “Want me to come over?”
She paused for a bit, as if she hadn’t expected me to say that. I knew I needed to face her and the music, and for some reason I was kind of horny. I knew I shouldn’t be doing what I was doing but I had no idea what else I should do.
She spoke, “Yea, sure.”
I answered, “See you in a few.”
I hung up, revving up my car and starting down the road, cigarette between my lips. I didn’t know what I was going to do once I got there, or what I was going to say, and I knew I was bad at improvising. Maybe I would see the light and have a eureka moment in hopes to settle the weirdness between us now.
All because I had cheated and now felt guilty.
I threw out my cigarette and pulled up into Emma’s driveway, seeing just her car sitting there, which meant we were alone.
Good cause I wasn’t sure what was going to happen.
I exited and knocked on her door, seeing her open it and reveal a very frustrated but sexy-as-always Emma. Her loose dirty blonde hair was down and damp from a shower, and her skimpy pajamas were obviously meant to turn me on.
And it worked.
I let myself in, looking down at her, “You look really sexy right now…” I tried to bury my face in her neck but she pushed me away.
I looked at her only to have her scold me, “No, don’t start with that, Sam. You know I’m upset.”
I tugged on her hips, attempting to distract her, “Well lemme make you feel better…”
She tried to resist me but soon she couldn’t, and she let herself fall into me. She put her hands on my chest as she shook her head, “Sam, what’s been wrong with you?”
I shrugged, pushing her lightly against the wall as I forced a smile, “Maybe I just haven’t had you in a while.”
I kissed her soft lips, not feeling really anything but lust as I let my hands grip her breasts. She didn’t have a bra on, and I was hoping she would let me do what I do best without trying to stop me.
She moaned into my mouth as she shook her head, “I’m mad…”
I kissed her jaw, moaning a response, “Then take it out on me.”
Her brown eyes turned dark with something in her I had never seen before, and before I could think we were in her bed in a very heated make-out session. Her body was on top of me and her hands were holding mine to her bed, and I swore that there was no feeling between the two of us except for lust.
No emotion, just sex, like we had originally planned out in the first place.
After an hour and a few orgasms later I was getting dressed, knowing I should be getting home even though we didn’t have school tomorrow. She just watched me from her bed as she continued to look as if she was still upset with me.
Never happy.
And I swore she had felt different, like she didn’t feel like the last time we had sex. I couldn’t put my finger on it but I felt as if there was something up that she wasn’t telling me.
But I wasn’t asking, at least not tonight.
She groaned, “You really came here to fuck and leave?”
I just looked at my phone, “My brother’s asking me to get home soon, I’m sorry.”
Lie.
“Alright Sam.”
I spoke, “See you.”
Then I walked out the door alone, knowing Emma and I weren’t on the best terms and probably going to call it quits soon. I didn’t know how to do that but I didn’t want to do it mean. I still loved Emma as a person but… not really as a girlfriend.
Then again I didn’t really like anyone as a girlfriend because I hated relationships.
They were just too complicated and not really worth all the drama and trouble that came with them.
I pulled up into my garage, seeing Shawn’s familiar car along with Megan’s in the parking lot nearby. I didn’t want to go in but what else could I do?
I walked up to the door, only to have Shawn walking out as he looked at me, “There’s my working girl. I’m going pick up some food, want anything?”
I nodded, “Yea sure, I’ll eat whatever.”
He nodded, “See you in a bit.”
Then he left me alone with Megan sitting at the counter typing away on her laptop. I glanced at her, seeing her look up at me and then away, as if I wasn’t even there. I felt the familiar annoyance rise up in my chest but I knew better now, I wasn’t even acknowledging her anymore.
Two could play that game.
I could feel her eyes on me as I grabbed a beer out of the icebox, but I continued to restrain myself form even looking at her. I knew my old strategy wasn’t working, so maybe putting the lashings to a minimum and just plan ignoring her would get under her skin like it got under mine.
But she seemed to be a pro at this.
I popped open the beer and sipped, leaning back on the counter and looking at her. I was going to make her talk to me first, even if it meant making her feel completely awkward.
She glanced at me and ignored me, then she did it again, and again, and again.
She had nearly finished off her glass of red wine before she broke down and spoke.
“Can I help you?”
I shrugged, “Depends, are you working on grades? Cause your favorite student could use a boost.”
It was actually the first time we had spoken since Saturday morning, and it was already kind of a fight.
She rolled her eyes, “You’ll be lucky to pass this semester with your fucked up grades.”
I nodded, “Gee thanks for the encouragement Miss Adams.”
She looked up at me then, “Why are you speaking to me again?”
I shrugged, “I don’t know, maybe because you initiated a conversation and that’s how conversations work.”
She shook her head, “Yea because you were giving me the death stare.”
I sighed, “If only that worked in real life you would’ve killed me a long time ago.”
She just gave me a look that kind of unsettled me, as if she was imagining beating the shit out of me in my head. She also looked slightly confused, which confused me because I didn’t understand why she had initiated a conversation in the first place after ignoring me for three days.
She closed her laptop, “You know, I never got to ask you but why the hell did you kiss me Friday?”
OH. MY. GOD.
Megan was actually bringing up Friday, which was the kiss that happened not long after Nikki kissed her. I hadn’t even planned out a response to any of what had happened because I had convinced myself nothing was going to get brought up.
“Why’d you kiss Nikki after you locked me in a closet?”
She shook her head, “You can’t answer a question with a question.”
I shrugged, “And when do I ever follow rules?”
Then she answered, “I didn’t kiss Nikki, she kissed me.”
“You kissed her back.”
“And?”
I felt the anger flare up but I kept it in check, careful not to say anything stupid to let her know I cared. She obviously had no sympathy for me and I wasn’t going to need any from her, so there was no need to even continue talking to her.
I turned, heading for my room when she spoke, “You didn’t answer my question.”
I rolled my eyes, taking another big sip of my beer. I didn’t know what to say, and nothing I did say would make any difference.
I sighed, “There’s no point in answering because nothing I say will do anything good. It was an impulse action, so… sorry.”
I continued heading into my room but she answered me, “Sam, that’s not a good enough answer.”
I felt myself growing sad at the thought of telling her the truth. There was no point in telling her the truth because all she did was ignore it and use it against me. She had slept with Nikki for Christ’s sake, and she knew there was something between us.
I turned around again, taking another sip, “You know, nothing I say about this will be good enough Megan. I kissed you because I wanted to, end of story. Why’d you kiss Nikki? Because you wanted to. Why’d you have drinks with her? Because you wanted to. Why’d you sleep with her? Because you wanted to. We do shit because we want to, but it’s okay, I don’t want to do it ever again.”
Her eyes were wide with shock at my serious rant, and I knew I had made a million points but still never really gave her the answer she wanted. She wanted me to be vulnerable, she wanted me to try and open up to her again, but that was never going to happen again.
She didn’t deserve it.
Then to my surprise she stood, looking as if she was about to strangle me, but instead I felt her hands cup my face, pulling me into her. My back fell against the wall as she pushed her body against mine, and I swore for the first time ever Megan was kissing me.
She tasted like cheap red wine but mixed with my beer it somehow worked for me. I felt my heart doing things I didn’t think it was capable of, and my hands were shaking from excitement. You know that feeling when your adrenaline gets to its all-time high?
Her lips felt like heaven, and I could feel her hands roaming down my cheeks and to my neck. My hands had been gripping her thin waist this entire time, too afraid and stunned to let them go any further down or up.
Everything in the world seemed to just stop, as if it was just her and I and nothing else.
She pulled away from me, shaking her head as I questioned, “Why’d you do that?”
She dropped her hands, as if our kiss had made her realize something. She looked at me and shrugged, “Because I wanted to.”
I just watched her silently, taking in her beautiful figure that I wish I could touch and undress. I wanted her more than anything right now, mostly because she was the only girl I felt something for whenever I kissed her. Hell, she was the only one that I felt anything with, not just when we kissed. When we spoke and touched, and whenever we fought…
She made me feel again.
I sighed, stepping closer to her again, “Well… do you want to again?”
Her blue eyes locked with mine as I could see her contemplating it in her head. There was no denying it anymore, we had something with each other that no one else made us feel. We were attracted to each other, and no matter how much we tried to deny it to ourselves, we just couldn’t.
She nodded, “Yes…”
I didn’t hesitate as I closed the little space that remained between us, pushing her against the counter. This time my hands took her face and pulled her closer as hers gripped my waist, sending shock waves through my body.
Kissing her was like getting high times ten, it felt amazing, and it made me hungry for more. Kissing her was like a dream, a dream you never wanted to wake up from. For me, kissing her was like figuring everything out and never having to worry again, like she was my personal safe haven.
Her breath was growing deeper, and I realized I hadn’t been breathing the entire time we had been kissing. I sucked in a mouthful of air as I kissed her lips again, not wanting to stay away from them for too long. I was holding her close to me, like if I would let her go she would float away from me.
Then her hands roamed up the sides of my shirt, pressing against my bare skin. I felt shivers of pleasure erupt from every pore in my body, and all she was doing was touching me. I had never felt this excited or turned on, and I was pretty sure it would never get any better than this.
Then the front door opened.
Megan and I flew apart, fixing ourselves for the few seconds we had before Shawn rounded the corner. I watched him come into view as he just looked at us with plastic bags of food in his hands.
He spoke, “What are you two doing?”
Megan smiled, “We were uh, just doing the dishes. Let’s eat I’m starving!”
Shawn just looked at us confused, as if he wanted to believe us but really didn’t because he was thinking something else.
But he didn’t need to know.
We sat at the table, Megan was across from me along with Shawn and for some reason her eyes kept glancing up at me. It actually made me nervous when she looked up at me, and as I sat across from her I couldn’t help but wonder what had come over us.
We had actually kissed a lot, and she didn’t seem to regret it at all, unless she was that good at hiding it.
It made me nervous, honestly, because every time we kissed she ignored me, but if she did that it just wouldn’t’ make sense this time. She had kissed me first, which was something I never would’ve thought she would do, but she did.
Shawn spoke, “So how did work go?”
I pulled my eyes off of Megan as I looked at Shawn, shrugging, “Really good, my first night’s Wednesday.”
He nodded, “I’m proud of you, Sam.”
Megan’s icy blue eyes looked into mine, almost giving me silent satisfaction in what I was doing. She was pretty much telling me she was proud of me to, just without the words.
Everything had done a complete 180 in the last twenty minutes.
I didn’t understand what had come over Megan and I but I knew I wanted it to continue, desperately. I wanted to keep kissing her, I wanted to touch her and feel her under me. I wanted to know what it was like to be with Megan Adams, and I wanted to know everything about her.
Then I felt a sharp kick under the table, courtesy of Megan as I heard Shawn’s deep voice calling my name.
“Sam?”
I looked at him, “Huh?”
He sighed, “I said¸ I’m leaving for a business meeting tomorrow and I won’t be back till Wednesday night.”
For some reason I grew excited as I nodded, “Cool,” immediately thinking about the month he had left Megan and I alone. It had been the most confusing and frustrating time of my life, but it had been the most interesting.
And I wanted just a little bit more alone time with her before she moved out for good.
We finished eating and Megan and I ended up actually doing the dishes, thankfully there weren’t many to do.
She handed me a plate as I dried, “Another business trip.”
I looked at her, smirking, “What? Scared to be alone with me again?”
She sighed, looking down at the dishes and smiling, “No, I just know you’re not gonna help me finish packing.”
I nodded, “Damn right I’m not.”
She looked at me, “I thought you wanted me out?”
Yea, out of those clothes…
I shook my head, “I’m kind of torn, honestly.”
She stayed quiet, knowing she didn’t need anything more on that matter. I had given her enough information to know I wanted her to stay, secretly, but it was best if she didn’t.
But I found myself drifting towards the Nikki subject, “So seriously, Friday night.”
“We had sex Sam, for the last time.”
I felt a little piece of my heart shake with pain, but praying to God she was telling the truth about the last time. I looked at her, knowing she could see something different in my eyes no matter how much I tried to hide it.
“What do you mean?”
She sighed, shrugging, “I call it closure, something I really needed.”
“Your idea of closure is sex?”
She smiled, leaning on the counter, “I don’t love her anymore, Sam. Having sex with her showed me that.”
For some reason, even though she did have sex with her, I was glad she was telling me this. It gave me a glimpse inside Megan’s fantastic mind, and knowing that she was over Nikki gave me a bit of closure I may have needed.
I finished up the dishes and looked at Megan, “Well, I’m glad you got that.”
She smiled, nodding, “I am too.”
I was thinking about the kiss, and I knew she was too, but neither one of us knew how to approach the subject. I wanted to talk about it, but then again I just wanted to kiss her again, but Shawn was home and it was too risky.
She sighed, “Goodnight?”
I nodded, “Goodnight Megan.”
And I walked into my room, leaving Megan alone and giving me the opportunity to think about everything that had happened today.
My life was really growing into a really big mess, and fast.